All comics by NastyPope

Profile

 

by NastyPope
5-24-05
My girlfriend just got runover and killed.
Fortunately, before they took her away, I was able to get her little black book with all her girlfriends phone numbers.

 

by NastyPope
5-24-05
O.K. Honey, what will it be? A hand job, blowjob, doggie style? Anal costs extra.
I want you to shit on my face.
But I have diarrhea.
That's o.k. I'll go get the plastic wrap.

 

by NastyPope
5-24-05

 

by NastyPope
5-25-05
Hey Mister, I'm bored watching T.V.. Could we go out and play catch or something?
Can't a man shoot some H in peace? If you're bored try sniffin that glue I gave ya.

 

by NastyPope
5-25-05
Limey cocksucker,
Wants to attend hogwart's but,
his wand is too old.

 

Help me! I just can't orgasm. Won't someone help me?
Have no fear. The Uterine Manipulator is here!
by NastyPope, 5-25-05

 

by NastyPope
5-25-05
Hey Joey, I think you need to put down that game controller, get the garden weasle, and murder your family.
Just... concentrate.... on the game.
Don't ignore me Joey, it'll only make things harder in the long run.
Piss off! You're not real!
You hurt my feelings. I'll just have to sing the Flipper theme song until you ....
ALLRIGHT, YOU BASTARD, I'll DO IT!!!

 

by NastyPope
5-25-05
Howdy Hey there kid!
Who are you?
I'm Mr. Stinkybutt, I'm a promotional gimic created by Big Tobacco to get young people to start smoking and get hooked for life.
Dude, you want to get me hooked? I'm only 13!
Come on kid, don't you want to be cool and look older?
And waste all my money on that crap? No way! Besides, I already spend all my allowance on weed.

 

by NastyPope
5-26-05
[GLRBRK], [YVRDNQLLLYM]
Hey, far out. Peace and goodwill to you too little gray hipster. I bet you're here to liberate humanity from its own social shackles aren't you?
bummer
This planet shall be conquered easily.

 

by NastyPope
5-26-05
My ex-girlfriend liked anal sex when she was relaxed. Say after a few drinks
I must admit I was allright with it for the most part.
Other than the fact that she was being sodomized by the guy she was cheating on me with.

 

Fucking financial aid. If coeds were poorer it would be a helluva lot easier to coerce them into sex for cash.
by NastyPope, 5-27-05

 

by NastyPope
5-27-05
I wonder who that could be?
Dear Sir, my special baby has_Muscular_Dystrophy and I can't take care of him. I hope you will give him a good home and provide him with all the love he needs.
Fuck that.
*goo*

 

by NastyPope
5-27-05
Are you an ancestral spirit come back to give wisdom to your decendents?
Boooo...
You're family name is Bu?
...Berrrrrrry

 

by NastyPope
5-28-05
Ahhhh Butch, not again.
Can't a guy bring flowers to the woman he loves?
Butch, honey, we're from two completely different worlds. It's never going to work.
But, you bring color into my life!
Color? Now that's an understatement. Look. I'm a black woman, you know nothing of my culture. You gave me a Barry Manilow CD for my birthday. If that doesn't prove it nothing will.
So what if you're black, I'm black & white, doesn't that count for somethin?

 

by NastyPope
5-28-05
Little grey squirrel.
Would you like to eat the nuts?
Within my colon?

 

by NastyPope
5-28-05
Somewhere in New Guinea
You won't believe what I heard from Mapauu.
What's that?
That Amatapua converted to Catholicism.
{GASP} You don't say?
It's true.
And he seemed like such a Fine Young Cannibal.

 

by NastyPope
5-28-05
This is so sad, she had a really hard life. How'd she die anyways?
She was hooking on 4th street when this midget in a ferrari drives up and wants to pay her $1000 to party. Only problem is, she was on her way home and was out of condoms. It was a dilemma, ya know?
Oh, I know allright. Did she do em anyways?
She did, see, he looks pretty clean but she is worried about pregnency. So she uses his yarmulke like a diaphram and they get it on. Three days later she died of Toxic Shock Syndrome.
Oy Vey, where did she get a stuipd idea like that?
Off the top of his head, apparently.

 

Forget about the insurgents, where are the insurtladies?
by NastyPope, 5-28-05

 

Condominimum: The practice of taking only a few prophylactics on a date so as not to give a negative impression.
Jeez, man, got enough rubbers?
I better, this is your sister we're talking about.
by NastyPope, 5-28-05

 

Flatuelation: Taking far too much enjoyment from farting.
Pull my finger.
oh gross!
by NastyPope, 5-28-05

 

Badmitten: Handware that leads to deviant behavoir.
I don't think my mom would want me doing this.
Christ kid, I killed two people to rob the bank that paid for those fuckin toys. Just pretend its a piece of candy.
by NastyPope, 5-28-05

 

Uranate: A rating 8 of attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10.
Use uranate in a sentence.
Uranate, but if your tits were bigger you'd be a ten.
by NastyPope, 5-28-05

 

Smugma: A vivacious foul smelling cheese like substance excreted by self-righteous pricks like the French and tele-evangelists.
Filthy American swine. You think you are Jerry Lewis but you are not.
Who?
by NastyPope, 5-28-05

 

by NastyPope
5-29-05
I honestly believe that song about money not being able to buy love.
You may not be able to buy love but you can sure as hell buy a hot trophy wife who will tell you she loves you as often as you want so you'll continue to support her cocaine habit.
Just don't be suprised if one day she comes home with another man's penis on her breath.

 

by NastyPope
5-29-05
Excuse
I can't believe I married you. You're always here at this seedy bar getting drunk.
Look, I work hard and I need time to relax before I come home. Besides, I'm not always here, I have to come home so you can make me breakfast.
Excuse
And when you want to have sex you never satisfy my needs. A little foreplay would be nice. Do you even know what the word means?
Foreplay? I don't need to do it. That's why I bought you the vibrator for Christmas.
Reason
Oh, and to top it off you smell like rotting flesh.
That's only cause I just shit myself.

 

Coightus: The result of a game of sexual chase. Most often used on the East Coast of the U.S.
Wow, he doesn't know what to do with us now that he's Coightus.
He sure doesn't. Let's makeout and maybe he'll get the idea.
by NastyPope, 5-30-05

 

Jismnasium: Locales where copious amounts of bodily fluids are expelled after sweaty exertions.
Good morning Mr. President. This is our new intern Monica.
I think I'm going to need more cigars.
by NastyPope, 5-30-05

 

by NastyPope
5-30-05
Alone in the dark.
I seek to release the pain.
From my tortured nads

 

Fistuluv: A classification of russian porn movies featuring reaaaallly loose women.
Who can satisfy my gaping womanhood?
The Uterine Manipulator knows it's my fistuluv
by NastyPope, 5-30-05

 

by NastyPope
5-30-05
Should you really be drinking on the job?
Sure, why not? It's all automated anyways.
But you work in a donut shop.
Oh....

 

Cuntsumption: The act of going to the store to get your woman tampons. Also see asssumption.
Would you care for paper or plastic?
Whatever will hide it the best. *I hate bleedin labia-rals*
by NastyPope, 5-30-05

 

by NastyPope
5-31-05
Heya hot stuff, wanna get it on?
You're kidding, right?
I've got the experience to do things a shieks harem couldn't imagine.
Wellllllllllll.....
I'll take my dentures out.
Hrmm, since you put it that way.... your place or mine Grandma?

 

by NastyPope
5-31-05
Green sea cucumber.
Never reaching for your dreams.
Don't you have the guts?

 

Hey Buddy! Can ya spare a dime for a disabled vietnam vet? I got ta help feed my missus who's sittin on a new clutch of eggs. Fresh goats ain't cheap ya know.
Uhhhhh... sure.
by NastyPope, 6-01-05

 

by NastyPope
6-01-05
12:03pm
Whoa, look at that gorgeous woman.
2:29pm
Hey, there she is again. I should work up the nerve to ask her out.
5:52pm
Heya beautiful, this is like the third time I've seen you today. Some might call this fate.
And I would call it stalking.

 

by NastyPope
6-01-05
In the I.T. dungeon....
Can I help you?
Yes you can. My computer refuses to turn on and I've tried everything. Could you come upstairs and take a look?
So what kind of symptoms did the computer exhibit before it stopped working?
It was working fine until accounting decided to move our desks around to enhance the Feng Shui.
Aha, here's the problem, the power cord wasn't plugged in.
Ohhh, so when I call for help on my Dell at home, THAT's why those Indian people always ask me that question first!

 

Pastronomy: The intense need for a deli sandwich after getting drunk and having sex with your girlfriend while she points out constellations.
Where are you going minute man? I only counted seven.
I left my viagra in the mini-cooper.
by NastyPope, 6-02-05

 

What, you were expecting Sarah Jessica Parker?
Oh my precious road apple, I'm home!
Get in here on the double. I'm ovulating and dinner isn't going to float all day.
by NastyPope, 6-02-05

 

by NastyPope
6-03-05
One species flings poo.
The other flings bombs and worse.
Which is more evolved?

 

Electile Dysfunction: The current state of the U.S. Electorial College that allows political shenanigans to circumvent the democratic process.
Excuse me, but, I didn't vote for you. My ballot was illegally coerced.
Well sir, Ah have a box uh chads that sez diffruntly.
by NastyPope, 6-09-05

 

by NastyPope
6-09-05
So, what's the problem with my computer?
It looks like the results of an I-D-10-T error.
I-D-10-T error? Is it serious?
Yup, I'm afraid it is.
Can you fix it?
Not without being charged with manslaughter.

 

by NastyPope
6-09-05
That has got to be the worst client I've ever worked for.
You just got back from fixing Hellman's computer?
Yeah. And the whole time all he could do was complain about needing a faster computer. All he does is email and word processing!
You know what the difference is between a puppy and a client?
What's that?
You can teach a puppy to stop whining.

 

by NastyPope
6-09-05
Joeseph, tis I, the God of Abraham.
Oh Lord of Heaven and Earth, great adolations shall I give up to thee.
Now Joeseph, you may dispense with the formalities, we are after all, family.
Family, oh Lord?
Indeed, speaking of which, how is your wife and my kid?
Christ, I hope this isn't another booty call. I can't keep supporting this deadbeat's kids.

 

Formaltitties: A requirement of etiquette concerning copping a feel.
let's see, you took me to prom, gave_me_a_corsage, rented a limo, danced well, looked great in a tux. You may now feel my breasts.
Great. If I finish filling out this paperwork you gave me will you at least rub my hardon through my pants?
by NastyPope, 6-09-05

 

by NastyPope
6-09-05
I heard you had a one on one tech visit with that 400lbs chick they call the MuuMuu.
Yup, and I got out of it with all my fingers and toes.
What happened?
Oh, she had just deleted all her icons off the desktop and didn't know how to use the start bar.
How on earth did you explain her mistake to her and not get dismembered?
Simple, I just told her it was a chair to keyboard interface error and she just nodded and waddled off.

 

by NastyPope
6-15-05
Hey Mauka, whatcha listening to on your computer there?
A cool middle eastern techo group called Mohammed. My girlfriend and I like to listen to it when we have sex.
That's cool. I prefer Barry White myself. Say, what does Mauka mean anyways?
Oh, that's Hawaiian for Mountain
I guess that means the Mountain finally came to Mohammad.
And then some.

 

by NastyPope
6-18-05
A college student is in Florida for spring break when he opens a corked bottle and a magic fairy emerges.
Thank_you_for_freeing me, in gratitude I shall grant you three wishes. However, anything you wish for will be granted ten times over to the person you hate most.
Ugh, that means my step-dad. Allright then. For my first wish I want to be a billionaire.
Done. Now for your second wish.
To always be handsome and irresistable to any women I desire.
And what would you like for your last wish?
A mild heart attack.

 

So what do you do for a living?
I'm studying to be a lawyer, but don't tell anyone, my mom thinks I build sets for scat movies.
by NastyPope, 6-19-05

 

Womance: The ardent emotional and sexual attachment between two cartoon characters.
What's Up Doc, is that a rifle in your hands or are you just happy to see me.
Wahahahahah._I_was just hoping you would we-insewt this wifle into my wectum again. Weversed this time.
by NastyPope, 6-19-05

 

by NastyPope
6-29-05
Hey, Big John, why do they call you that?
Probably because I'm very well endowed.
Really? How well endowed? Like a porn star?
Yes, I once auditioned for an adult movie.
What happened?
I didn't get it. They told me I was over-qualified.

Showing page 4.

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