All comics by Spankling

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by Spankling
7-13-01
Man! Does my head hurt!
Mine too! Both of them! Ha ha. Say, uh... whatever your name is... have you seen my keys? I got someplace to be.
Ha ha ha ha! Is that them under my strap-on? Sorry if I got them all gooy.
Yeah that's them... strap-on? I don't remember no...
Oh! Well... you passed out and I was still up from some...
NO! Don't tell me! I'm going home and I'm going to believe that my throbbing ass is all about roids!

 

by Spankling
7-13-01
Maura! I caught you with that damn donkey last night! I'm here to put an end to it!
NO! PLEASE! I can explain!!!
NO! No excuses! This ends now!
Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah, you're really teaching me a lesson!
Don't laugh bitch! You're next!
Whatever, no rush. When you're done killing youself, look me up in the stable.

 

by Spankling
7-13-01
You don't scare me! I have mental powers far beyond your puny robot strength! I wont even need to flash my panties to defeat you!
RRRRAAAAAAR!
Your probe is getting smaller.... smaller... smaller...
RRrraaa... rrraaar? *ulp*
Nothing to it, really. If it's gotta a probe just treat it like a man.
YYYYAAAAAAA!!!! *stomp* *stomp* *stomp* *stomp* *stomp* *stomp* *stomp* *stomp*

 

by Spankling
7-17-01
We're back up? Nobody told me we were down! Was there another party?
Are you kidding? I can hardly walk I'm so tender!
Damn it! I got stuck in a corner with Crabby and all he talked about was washing crap.
And yelling the whole time, no doubt. That sucks.
So who did you meet this time.
That purple bird. You would not believe the things he can do with his neck!

 

by Spankling
7-17-01
I been playing drop shark down under. I bungie into the water and slice swimmers like a blender. It's insta-chum city! What a rush!
That rocks! You should call a razor company for an endorsement next time! Get paid to play!
Good idea! I could use the buck for a new blade, man. Those Ausies have thick skulls.
Hey, you seen Satan lately? I hear he's into Xtreme air stunts now.
WHAAAAA HOOOO! Sky surf with my people! YEAH!

 

by Spankling
7-17-01
So, like, what-er-you? Some kind of refugee?
I'm from Minneapolis. My dad got transfered to San Diago. I'm Wendy. What's your name?
Cha! Right! Like I'm gonna consort with a brown ragdoll. Sniff my feet and move on!
Those Calvin briefs you're wearing are from last year. And may I recommend that you scrub with vinegar tonight? Your crotch-rot would frighten a goat.
Jeez, you're mean. Can I be your friend?
Set me up with a couple of your best boys and I'll think about it, whore.

 

by Spankling
7-19-01
North Side
Downtown
South Side

 

by Spankling
7-19-01
Feelin' GOOD! Gonna get me some TONIGHT!
o/` Don't bogart that joint, my friend... o/`
Say there big, green and smokey! I'm tired of my Left Hand Solution. What say we find a quiet spot and you can take my blue veiner up your shorts? Check it out! You like?
huh?
Yoinks! That red bud is startin' to catch up with me. I better go home, down some Ding Dongs, watch some stooges and get some sleep before the sun shows up.
Get back here, sweet cheeks! Don't let my meat frighten you! I'll go slow (at first)!

 

by Spankling
7-20-01
Garsh Queen! It's swell to meet cha! Hey, sorry 'bout that whole revolutionatin and all.
* sigh * Well, dear boy, it has been a while. That's all water under the bridge.
But didn't 'merica turn out great?! I mean, I'm stinkin' rich!!!
How nice.... for you. OH! Look at the time. I really must be going.
No! Wait! Kin ya tell me about the good ol' days, like when you got to chop heads off-a protesters an' all??
Well... it's wasn't much different from being an American corporation, really.

 

by Spankling
7-22-01
Well, hellllo cowboy! Ith that beff jerky in your pantth, or are you jutht happy to thee me? *wink*
Pardon?
I thead, o/` Thlip me thome beef, jerky! Thlip me thome beef o/` *wink* * wink*
Is that some Merle Hagert song? Cuz I don't know much-a his stuff...
Honey, anyone who can wear groinleth, buttleth pantth doethn't have to know anything! *wink*
There called chaps, fella. An' I think I'll just be goin' now. MOMMY!

 

by Spankling
7-23-01
*Bongo beats and snapping fingers*
Hindu goddess making butter; groinal bosom, bulging udder; Farmer Brown is indiscreet and plans to make you sticks of meat.
---- What the hell did you just say?
Is this just another way; for men to dominate today? To make phallic jerky beef; salty morsel, gnashing teeth?
You suck!
So chew your cud, burp it up; digest again on what you've supped; your spreading rump will be beef jerky. Now pardon me while I pluck this turkey.
---- You'll have to catch me first, veggie-boy!

 

by Spankling
7-23-01
uh.... Rog... What the living FUCK are you doing!?
*uh* *mmm* I-I-I-I I'm m-m-making beef jer-jer-jer-jerky. *uh* *umph*
Beef Jerky? You half-wit, stuttering pud-spanker! Jerking your beef is not the same as beef jerky! Now knock it off!
*uh* That's what y-you say m-miss Z-z-zoe. But I got a stick of hard m-meat right here that's s-salty, j-juicy, and will last a l-l-long time in your m-m-m-m-mouth!
Great. Now you got me all hungery. All right, hand it over.
Sh-sh-sure, M-miss Z-z-z-zoe. J-j-just d-d-don't get all s-s-sloppy this time. Remember to sw-sw-sw-sw-swa-swa-sw-swa

 

by Spankling
7-23-01
Okay bud, I'm here. I'm queer. Deal with it. What part do I play?
I can't believe they nagged me for so long... for this!
HEY crotch-face! I'm talking to you!
What? OH... wait here and I'll get a script.
clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp *SLAM*
hello?

 

by Spankling
7-23-01
*sigh*
C'mon bitch! Just one more crotch shot! That's all I ask!
Have it your way, punk!
Too much for ya?
Bless you...

 

by Spankling
7-23-01
Me love you long time!
Drop the act sister! I'm gonna stop you from making a mockery of womanhood!
Sucky sucky! Five dolla!
Okay you win. Can I have the rest of my leg now?

 

by Spankling
7-23-01
*knock knock*
Yes? ACK! What the hell are you!
Your wake up call, bitch. The boss says if you don't start puttin' out that I'll be movin' is as fem fatale. Got it!
*snerk* You really think you can take my place?
Honey, I got moves that would give Tobor cramps. Now step off, I got a life to live.

 

by Spankling
7-23-01
Nice package.
Back atcha!

 

by Spankling
7-24-01
KNOCK KNOCK
Who's there?
CORNHOLE
What kept ya?
Traffic... And wirthling went extra innings.

 

by Spankling
7-24-01
My Captain Lowpass, that is one long juicy hunk of Beef Jerky you're sporting!
Thanks for noticing, little missy.
I've got a friend that would like nothing more than to help you chew that down...
He he... Well if she's anything like you, bring her on!
Oh yeah! Thith ith gonna be thweet! I'm gonna bite you off at the root Captian.
Would ya look at the time! Gotta run!

 

by Spankling
7-24-01
Do me a favor will you? Smell my hair. Does it smell funny to you?
*sniff* YOINKS! What have you been rolling in?!?
The Avon lady said it would add shine and luster.
*cough* Well you've been had. And for the love of GOD get that shit out of my face!!!
It's perfect. I'll take a case.
I'll have it for you next week. By the way, it not only offends roommates, but makes a good rat poison.

 

by Spankling
7-24-01
Ding Dong
Special Delivery! It's the Time Life Evil Dog Demon Songs - just $39.95 plus postage and packaging!
Cooool! I've been waiting for this!
Sign here.
Ding Dong
Hey! Come back out here and get your packing!

 

by Spankling
7-24-01
*polite applause*
And for my next magic trick, I will force my unit to explode from my pants!
*POP*
Unnnggh! Errrrrrrgh! HUARRRRRRGH *pant pant*
Ha ha ha ha ha *wild applause*
Uhhh... Is there a doctor in the house? I think I ruptured something. Please help me.

 

by Spankling
7-24-01
Soooo... You gonna take care of me while these men watch? And I don't have to pay nothin?
Just sit back and enjoy the ride, Mr. Ewing. And If there's anything special you want, please let me know. Mr. Kaplan has taken care of it.
Man, I've come a long way in my life. To think I'm getting blown by a gorgious white woman while a handfull of white men pay to watch.
mmmm.... blrbbllshlp.... shhlllpsshhh.. mmmm...
What the fuck did you just say?
I said "Please speak into my ass. We're recording."

 

by Spankling
7-24-01
You've been around here a while. What's it like, animal to animal?
The usual... sodomy, rape, semi-witty banter and a healthy dose of typos.
Sweet!
I should introduce you to wirthling. I bet you two hit it off.
Excellent choice of words. Speaking of hitting it off, why don't you show me your stuff.
At least now I can run away!

 

by Spankling
7-24-01
Excuse me sir, could you tell me if my stocking are on straight?
Oh me.... Just let me get a good look... Oh yessss.... JUMPIN JIZBALLS! YOU GOTTA TAIL!
Thanks for noticing porky. How 'bout you and me rent a room with a video camera?
WHAT?!?! BUT YOU'RE A FREAKIN'.... A... a freak... Sure. Why not?
I thought as much. Follow me baldy.
Say... you got anything in that bra besides hairballs?

 

by Spankling
7-24-01
So what do you think already?
It looks better on Mommy.

 

by Spankling
7-25-01
Hello. I came to see the Swedish mistress who will call me her bitch and make me eat money.
That's me bitch, Mistress Gonorrhea. Now drop to your knees and fork over $600.
$600? That seems like a lot...
Well, you'll be eating half of it, which you can keep by the way.
If you want the dog collar and walkies, it's extra.
Ex-fucking-cuse me! But I'm the fucking whore around here!

 

by Spankling
7-25-01
Well, hello little girl! Would you like to be my friend?
Your breath smells like sperm. Have you been hanging out with my big sister? She's a gutter-trash whore too.
Actually I just sodomized, stomped and devoured your smutty sibling moments ago. Perhaps you're smelling bits of her residue on my teeth.
Really? Cool! Hey, you still hungry and horny?
Always. Why?
Mr. Gabe is hoggin' the computer surfing porn back at my house and wont let me on to play Barbie Dress-Up. Follow me.

 

by Spankling
7-25-01
I feel silly having epoxied my hand to my hair. When will this goop you smeared on it get me unstuck?
Any second now...
Oops... a bit too much kerosene.
Is it hot in here or is it just me?
Oh it is YOU baby!

 

by Spankling
7-25-01
We at the Society for Moral Conduct, are alarmed at the slut-fest we see. It was bad enough using these poor girls for you evil jests.
Me love you long time!
But then you bring in southern whores and dominant bestiality! I mean really!
It's a living.
And now the exposure of intimate bits! Like Barbara Eden before her, I'm afraid we're going to have to censor Jael's belly button.
Really? Is it that hot?

 

by Spankling
7-26-01
I am WAAAAAY better in the sack than she is.
* whimper *

 

by Spankling
7-26-01
Come come little squirrel... Don't be shy...
chut chut.... chut....
That's right.... just a little close....
chut?
YES! My new Squirrel Zapper(tm) will make millions!
CHEEEP!

 

by Spankling
7-27-01
Yes?
Hi Maura. I was wondering if you would care to go out tonight.
* Maura transforms *
Sorry but tonight I'll be busy bung holing your eternal soul!
Oops. Mood swing. Just let me get a jacket... and a purse... loaded with sexually deviant tools...

 

by Spankling
7-27-01
Say grandma. Do you think we can come in now and watch TV?
NO! Bring me more men!!!
No good. Try yours.
Okay.
We were wondering if we could come in for a break?
What do you think this is, whore-child? A luxury resort?!? Bring me more men!!!

 

by Spankling
7-27-01
I have seen the dark universe yawning; Where the black planets roll without aim; Where they roll in their horror unheeded; Without knowledge or lustre or name.
Does that line work on some chicks? Let me tell you what I've seen.
But...
I've seen boys like you on their knees for hours just hoping I'll put out. But do I? NO! I just make them keep on working until they crawl away with exploding scrotums.
May I go now?
DROP SNAKE LIPS! Time to get busy.

 

by Spankling
7-30-01
FEAR MY WRATH! I, the Amazon Maura, will fight my way to the evil Diablo and CRUSH him once and for all!
Hey that's great, really. But aren't you supposed to slice off one of those hooters first? I mean you ARE an Amazon, right? Don't want a mellon throwin' off your spear chuckin' arm...
I've got a +15 sword of sharpness right here if you're up for it, tough girl.
Is it too late to switch? Can I be a necromancer or something?
And play with your food?

 

by Spankling
7-30-01
I got some votes?
I got some votes!
I GOT SOME VOTES! WHAAAAAHOOOOO!!! I GOT SOME VOTES!
St down, Spanks. You lost again.

 

by Spankling
7-31-01
whaaaa?

 

by Spankling
7-31-01
Captain Sicko! My sensors indicate horny life on this planet and they are rich in fuel and other valuable resources.
Excellent! Beam down and make contact. Take Ensign Peguin with you.
Engage! * triiiiiiriiiiiiiiiii *
To be Continued...
Earth male, my readings indicate that you are high in testosterone. I will give you access to my bio-matter if you will tell me where I can acquire fuel.
No shit? There's a 76 Station on the corner. Let's hit the bathroom there and you can butt snorkle on me!

 

by Spankling
7-31-01
Report.
The males here are egar to comply. This planet will be ours.
The young male specimen kept me busy for quite a while and I still need to pay for the fuel. Did you collect funds?
Affirmative. The elderly males here are quite grateful for the attention.
Earlier...
Yow!!! Honey! Easy with the whip! Oh baby!
I have your money. I want your other valuables! Comply!

 

by Spankling
7-31-01
Hi mom.
My goodness son. This room is such a mess. How do you ever expect to impress girls living like this.
You used to change my diapers. You know I'm hung like a moose, mom. Bitches like that shit.
uh...
You want me up yer arse now, don't you mom.
If it wouldn't be too much trouble! OHHHH! Your so GOOOOD to your mother! Come all you want, son. I'll clean up the mess!

 

by Spankling
7-31-01
Dave? What in blazes happened to you!
Well, my wife said she wanted something long tubular and active for our honeymoon.
And so?
And so I got her a 12 foot long boa constrictor.
And that would be it's tale sticking out of your...
Yep. She shoved it up so hard she crammed my own body up there with it. Could you give it a tug for me?

 

by Spankling
8-02-01
She sprawled on my thread-bear rug like a worn out pink donkey. Only this donkey was done braying. The hole in her belly as big as LadyJ's rack told me_she_wouldn't_be_going_to_see_wirthling_no_more.
You're in the coal mine with no canary now, Spanks. If the Penguin thinks you did this it'll be draperies for you. And if the cops get windy you wont be a private pecker no more! Of course...
And me with a shooter in my shorts with her lipstick and fingerprints all over it. Things didn't look good, and only got uglier when Gabe walked in.
Of course what? Cough it up Gabe! Do you know who did this?
No, but I have a tinkling of an idea. But you'll need the proof, and he caries it with him - never lets it out of his pants.
Him? Him who? Make sense man! What does he carry?!?
For crying out the window! Don't eat my panties for brunch!

 

by Spankling
8-03-01
I'm getting rich turning you in for the reward money then setting you free by shooting the rope in two. Too bad we're dying of thirst.
Let's rest by that wagon, Blondie! Maybe they have water - or knowledge of a treasure.
Aren't you going to torture me like you did Tuco? ________________ Probably not.
Would you talk if I did? ________________ I didn't think so. Here's a nice meal. Where's the money?
Wow! You shot Angel Eyes! Hey! There's no bullets in my gun!
Stand on that tomb stone with a rope around your neck while I ride off. I'll take a shot at the rope from horseback from a crazy distance away.

 

by Spankling
8-06-01
Misogyny brand douche presents, A Family Affair
My honey, the trees no longer wilt as you approach. Have you been using my Misogyny brand douche?
Yes mom! It taste great and men can't get enough of me! By the way, does dad actually know about the clitoris?
I'm afraid not honey, but let me give you another bit of advice. Ted, our mail man, has a tongue like an anaconda and knows how to use it.
Don't I know it! Well, I gotta go. I'm meeting someone special.
Thanks again mom!
RAAAARRR! TOBOR WILL SPLIT YOU IN TWO!

 

by Spankling
8-06-01
Next on Opra
Joining us today is Maura, a woman who has discovered the one fool-proof way to keep your man. Maura, what is your secret girlfriend?
Restraints Opra. Leather, chains, iron... whatever it takes.
And does it really work?
Absolutely. I not only have my own husband locked to the floor of my bedroom, but I have several other men I fancy secured all over my home!
Don't they complain?
They used to, but regular beatings made them realize I only wanted to hear them sing my praise. Now when I get home I am worshipped, not ignored.

 

by Spankling
8-06-01
OFFICE GIRL REMEMBER CREAM IN TOBOR'S COFFEE NEXT TIME?
Yes *whimper* yes sir. *sob* May I go stop the bleeding now?
BEFORE YOU DO, GO FILE JOHNSON REPORT!
Yes sir. *moan* Thank you sir.
Wow, boss. Don't you think you were a bit hard on the summer intern? She's just a kid! Did you need to cornhole her in front of everyone?
SHE MADE MISTAKE! YOU THINK SHE MAKE MISTAKE AGAIN?!? I DO THIS FOR HER!

 

by Spankling
8-06-01
But Dick, I'm already takin' flack fer not signin k-o-toe. How kin I tell 'merica I wanna drill Alaska?
First of all, fuck America. America didn't get you elected, oil money got you elected. Second, these people are morons. Just read the script.
I figured out how to drill in Alaska and not upset the natural beauty. We're shippin the beauty to all you taxpayers. It's your beauty._You_deserve_it!
It's a box of pollar bear meat. What did you get.
7 acres of frozen tundra. Do we have extra freezer space?

 

by Spankling
8-07-01
The old man is dead and there isn't anyone here. And nothing much on TV. Guess I'll wonder the city for the first time in my life.
o/` Basketball Jones.... o/`
I like to watch.
Sweet! I like to masterbate! Watch this!
Hmm... a water lily needs tending. I'll just walk on water over to it because I'm too stupid (and pure) to realize I should fall in.

 

by Spankling
8-07-01
Despite public outcry I intend to continue my genetic experiments until I have created the ultimate human-donkey hybrid! So bug off!
God, help me...
Thanks for going through all this trouble for me, doc. Once my donkey is at least part human maybe gabe will stop tormenting me.
No trouble wirthling. As a fellow animal molester I feel your pain. Now step in to the muto-chamber.
ow ow ow
Yes you're in pain, but think how happy your rump and wirthling are now that they are one! So, lets see how good you are at using wirthling's tongue.

Showing page 4.

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