All comics by The_young_scot

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He was sure he wasn't followed, they were finally alone. His parrot need never find out about his secret love
by The_young_scot, 4-02-07

 

by The_young_scot
4-04-07
So, now that your running for the president, why should the people vote for you?
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE INJUSTICE, HE WILL CORNHOLE TAXES AND HE TAKES STRONG ACTION AGAINST "NON PATRIOTS"
Wait, why did you laugh when I said "make love not war"?
TOBOR LIKES TO MULTI-TASK
Tobor, what would you say if I told you that I thought your policies were nothing but hollow gestures and thinly veiled threats of sexual violence?
TOBOR IS PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

 

by The_young_scot
4-07-07
I'm telling you, I could pull any girl in here
Yeah right
I'm serious, my cock is like a bus, girls jump on it all the time
Does that mean old people get to ride it for free?

 

by The_young_scot
4-13-07
I can't understand the new work
I can't understand yourFACE
My computer won't print
Your FACE won't print
Jamie, you're fired
You FACE is fired, heh zing!

 

by The_young_scot
5-01-07
So, why are we on the run again?
You know when you plant an apple seed, an apple tree grows?
Same thing happens with dead hookers
Don't judge me

 

With the powers of nonchalance!
Ah-ha! Dude-guy! You're too late to stop me robbing the bank!
Fair enough
by The_young_scot, 5-06-07

 

by The_young_scot
6-24-07
Late at night, a mother enters
Oh good, you're still up. My cousins sister-in-law's sons going away party was so much fun! You should have came! Not that you knew anyone there of course.
My uncle Joe was there! I haven't seen him in years! Have you met him before? No I don't think you have. He was telling me all about his daughter Claire, she's a vet now!
I just spent 45 minutes downloading shemale porn, and your blabber has pretty much killed my erection

 

by The_young_scot
7-28-07
Aries: You will experience a low point in your love life this week when that farmer finally erects an electric fence around the horses
Taurus: Today you feel strong, you feel opinionated. If they don't want to listen to you, you will MAKE them listen! Just remember to dispose of the bodies afterwards
Gemini: They know, they know

 

by The_young_scot
7-28-07
Cancer: This week you will discover you have a terminal illness. But it's actually AIDS! You might not think that's funny now, but in years to come you'll laugh and laugh! Oh wait....
Leo: I hope you're not afraid of Werewolf's, cause they sure aren't afraid of you
Virgo: Today, the world of politics will be stunned and outraged when North Korea declares war on your hair. So you might want to invest in a few hats

 

by The_young_scot
7-28-07
Libra: The stars are aligning to try and send you a message, unfortunately that message is "FUCK YOU"
Scorpio: Run, RUUUUUUNNNN!!!
Sagittarius: Through a series of wacky events, you will be named King of the Gnomes. That's going to look amazing on your C.V.

 

by The_young_scot
7-28-07
Capricorn: Today you will read your horoscope, and it will come true!
Aquarius: Your keys are on the table on your left, your other left!
Pisces: Today you're going to stop being indecisive, or maybe you wont.

 

by The_young_scot
8-03-07
Woah, you ok buddy?
You just ran over my wife and kids
They ran out in front of me
You just drove into our living room
Well, the damage in minimal, lets not involve the insurance companies ehh?
Get out of the car

 

by The_young_scot
8-22-07
Doctor, you've got to help me! My son's a cock-magnet!
I'm sorry but there's nothing modern medicine can do about homosexuality
No, you don't understand! He literally attracts cocks to him!
Hrm, perhaps you should bring him in and let me have a look at him
So what does "KY Jelly" do Doc?
Son I'm going to have to ask you to bend over. For science

 

by The_young_scot
8-24-07
Wow! A magical land of candy and chocolate! *MUNCH*
AHH! You just ate my brother! To jail with you!
Later
Hey again
You?!? How did you escape our jail?!?
Everything in this place is edible! I ate my way to delicious freedom!
Well, shit

 
by The_young_scot, 8-25-07

 

by The_young_scot
8-28-07
Black holes have stronger gravity than the stars that formed them
Prove it
Fine, let me just turn around and I'll go get my physics book and-AAHHH!!
RAAR!! ACCORDING TO ISAAC NEWTON'S LAWS OF GRAVITATION THE GRAVITY OF A BLACK HOLE IS WEAKER THAN THE STAR THAT FORMED IT!!!
MY SWEET VIOLATED ANUS!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RAPE ME TO TELL ME THAT?
TOBOR DIDN'T HAVE TO

 

by The_young_scot
8-28-07
SO YOU THINK THAT IT'S PERFECTLY FINE TO RANDOMLY APPEAR AND RAPE PEOPLE AS YOU CORRECT THEM WHEN THEY LOOK THE OPPOSITE WAY?
YES?

 

by The_young_scot
9-16-07
So, uhh, what do you to pass the time round here?
Masturbate furiously using a flagpole
A flagpole? I don't even see how thats possible!
Oh you'll see soon enough.... On a totally unrelated subject, put on this scuba suit

 

by The_young_scot
9-17-07
Step 1: Go to an orphanage and buy them a puppy
Oh boy! Finally someone in this cruel and uncaring world who will love us! I'll call you spot!
Woof!
Step 2: Set the puppy on fire and use its flaming remains to burn down the orphanage
THE ONLY PLACE I EVER CALLED HOME IS BEING BURNED DOWN BY THE ONLY THING WHO EVER LOVED ME!!
Step 3: Wait outside and beat up any survivors, dressed like Santa
GOD HATES YOU ALL!!!

 

by The_young_scot
10-03-07
Here we see four times world champion rapist Phil, preparing to defend his title
Now that cage has a 2000 volt charge, but he must rape that bird. Lets watch...
And he did it! What a move! What a rape!
Something has gone horrible afoul in the land of children's T.V.

 

by The_young_scot
10-06-07
You join us live in the 18th hour of this unprecedented event. Phil seems tense, it could be any moment now..
*POP* He did it! He actually raped that small child into existence!
I can't take my eyes off this show!
Honey, are you masturbating to childrensTV?!?

 

by The_young_scot
10-09-07
Where is my mummy? Where is my daddy?
You don't have parents, you are the result of a man raping existence into creating you.
Who's going to look after me?
We've got a foster dad lined up for you to go live with
Are you my daddy?
YOU WILL BE CALLING TOBOR THAT SOON ANYWAY

 

by The_young_scot
10-13-07
Boorite? Is that you? It's me, Crabby. Nice zombie costume, although it's kind of in bad taste considering the circumstances
RAARR!
Umm, very funny. Look, seeing as we might die here, how about we bury the hatchet? What do you say?
RAARR!
ARG! YOU'RE MAULING MY INNARDS! WHY BOORITE!?! WHY!?!
RAARR! lewl RAARR!

 

by The_young_scot
10-16-07
Hello, Xbox support? Your badly.... "designed" console has broken. Fix it.
I'm sorry sir, we are unable to place a repair order for you for some reason, we'll get back to you once it's sorted
Out of the blue...
Buh! Who are you? Why do you disturb me at this unholy hour?
I'm from UPS, I'm here to pick up your xbox, and it's 1pm sir.
A week later..
Hello, Xbox support. UPS don't have a clue where my xbox is, any ideas?
NA-NA-NA-NA-NA NOT LISTENING!

 

by The_young_scot
10-23-07
A typical day
Jamie! Close your door! Your music is too loud!
Alright, fine
Not long later
Jamie! I've been shouting on you for ages! Open your door!
Funny that, someone just told me to close my door.
Not long later still
Now, on the off chance I should shout on you, I expect you to keep your door open and your music very quiet. Cause God forbid I walk up the stairs and chap on your door!
I'm sorry, you're going to have to speak up, my porn is needlessly loud. I don't even speak German!

 

by The_young_scot
10-23-07
Buh! Why do you keep bothering me!
I'm from UPS, I've got your Xbox 360 sir. I can see your penis sir.
Now don't get your hopes up Jamie, Microsoft hates you. This won't work.
The Young Scot is connected to Xbox Live!
Xbox support! I demand to know what you're playing at! It would seem that you've actually fixed my problem. WHATS REALLY GOING ON?!?
I'm sorry sir, it's a bad line, and uh.. the call centre is going through a tunnel, and uh... please don't eat my children Scottish Demon!

 

by The_young_scot
11-04-07
Jamie I need you to go out and cut the hedge using the new ladders I bought
No way, those ladders are a deathtrap, they are too small for a start and have no balance. We need to get new ones
Nonsense, what possible harm can come from standing on your tip toes on top of a flimsy ladder, whist on uneven ground?
Don't forget the fact you're also holding a hedgetrimmer, that's gotta be safe. If you hurt yourself I will laugh so hard at you.
Later on, proof that there is a God
I'm just back from the Hospital, I fell off the ladders and broke my wrist.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHA-IT HURTS TO LAUGH THIS HARD BUT IT'S WORTH IT!

 

by The_young_scot
11-07-07
Lost as a child, he was raised by a nomadic group of rapists. He learned their rape ways, he learned their rape language.
After being brought back to civilised society, he used his raping ways to gain fame and fortune
Look at that! He brought that child back to life, then raped it to death! Rapetastic!
But when an evil corporation threatens to wipe out his adopted family, Phil must rape his way to justice.
UGGH! I can't believe you're raping me! AHH! Can I get an autograph? UGGH!

 

by The_young_scot
11-07-07
We can only apologise for sending you to the wrong foster family. I'm sure your anus will shrink in time
I poo blood now.
Still, I can't believe Phil the Wonder Rapist made you. It was amazing! His hands... his thrusts.... his... HOLY FUCK I NEED TO FINGER MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!!!
We can only apologise again, your old councillor has been fired. From now on, I'll be looking after you
Why is your penis out?

 

by The_young_scot
11-17-07
Stop right there Kronius! We've got you surrouneded. We know you robbed that bank
Be that as it may cockgobbler, but I shall escape....INTO THE FUTURE!
I'm still right here
HOW ARE YOU KEEPING UP WITH ME?!?

 

by The_young_scot
11-22-07
I don't know Doc, sometimes I just want to give it all up
What makes you feel that way?
Well, no matter how how evil, diabolical, breathtaking or sheer astounding my plans are.... HE just doesn't care!
I think you need to confront him
*sob* ACKNOWLEDGE MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS! *sob*
If you want

 

by The_young_scot
12-02-07
I'LL GET YOU HE-MAN, IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!!
SHIELDS ARE DOWN! FIRE!
FOR THE HORDE!!!

 

by The_young_scot
12-11-07
You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!
Great shot kid! That was one in a million!
I AM YOUR FATHER!!

 

by The_young_scot
12-11-07
O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!!!
The lady doth protest too much!!!
Hath not a Jew eyes?!?
A horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse!

 

by The_young_scot
12-26-07
I had a really good time tonight, you've got my number, right?
Yeah, I'll give you a text tomorrow to keep you sane during "Family time"
Haha, I'd like that. I'm glad we met tonight. You'd better get back to the taxi now, merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
*Car door thud*
So, you pumpin' her?
Not yet

 

by The_young_scot
2-02-08
I'd swear alot
Oh my God! It's a huge monster!
HOLY BUTT-FUCKING JIZZ STAINED CUNT-BUSTING GENITAL DEVOURING SHIT EATING COCK! COCK I SAY! COOOOOOCCCCK!!!
I'd avoid horror movie Cliché's
I just heard a strange noise. Lets stand perfectly still in complete darkness so that whatever it is can catch up to us
WRONG. If we get out of this alive, I'm going to hate-rape you.
Infact I'd probably just run away at the start
You know, I can understand why he won't come with us, but does he have to flip us off as he runs?
What did he mean by "Mongoloid arse flap?"

 

by The_young_scot
2-19-08
Hello............ Mr. Reeves. Are you here to...... sign on for the sequels........ Mr. Reeves?
Weaving....... I'm not sure. What if I can't? What if I fail?
You've already made the choice..... Mr. Reeves. You must simply understand why
You already know what I'll say? What about free will?
Why Mr. Reeves!! Why! why! why do you persist in asking so many questions?
Because I choose to

 

by The_young_scot
2-20-08
SPARTANS!! WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!?!
AWWOOUUUGH!
AWWOOUUUGH!
AWWOOUUUGH!
PERSIAN SPY!

 

by The_young_scot
2-24-08
You know Tom, I always wonder why people bitch so much about their jobs
I mean, they'd bitch alot more if they were unemployed with no money, don't you think so Tom?
Tom?
A STICK FIGURE HAS COME TO LIFE!! SECURITY!!!

 

by The_young_scot
2-27-08
Well, everything here looks to be in order, anything else we should know about you?
Well, I'm half Jedi, on my fathers side
Jedi? Time to feed the rancor!
Haha!
Haha, whew! But seriously though, get out

 

by The_young_scot
3-06-08
Only you Ted can save the universe with your hobo ways!
Gee-us a fiver mate?
I-what? No. This isn't what we had in mind Ted. You're supposed to teach the universe to shed all material goods!
I'll suck your dick for a smoke mate
We don't have dicks Ted
What, you gay or summit?

 

by The_young_scot
3-15-08
Dad, are you sure this is safe? Shouldn't we take the top off the wardrobe before we take the sides off?
No, it's fine
Ok, now when we take the top off, the rest of it will fall apart
No they won't they're attached to the top
*INEVITABLE THUD*
OH GOD IT'S COLLAPSING!

 

by The_young_scot
3-17-08
I'm sorry, but we're listening to dance music now
I'll "Dance music" you!
That doesn't make sense, now make sense or I'll poke you with my finger
I'll "finger" you!

 

by The_young_scot
3-19-08
Hey man, Do you know how to get to Bath Street?
Just a simple matter of finding your way through Emyn Muil. An impossible labyrinth of razor-sharp rocks. And after that it gets even better! A festering, stinking marshland as far as the eye can see!
No, that's how to get to Mordor
Sorry, I stayed up all night watching the movies, I'm kinda freaking out right now
Well, gimme a call later on if you're feeling better, you've got my number
and you've got MY AXE!

 

by The_young_scot
4-11-08
There are none who can stand against the power of Darth Sauron, it would be wise, Picard the Grey, to join him.
Tell me, Number one. When did Riker the Wise abandon reason for madness?
The One Ring will have to be dropped deep within the Borg Death Star Cube into this small vent shaft, which is only a few meters wide.
That's nothing, I used to bullseye Tribbles with photon torpedo's back home
I'm glad that you're here Sam, at the end of all things
Shut up Wesley!

 

by The_young_scot
4-26-08
Tom, we're thinking of doing a podcast, to illustrate how our company helps out in the Jewish community
Ok
We'd like you to come up with a name
The Jewcast?
Hrm, no. We need a name that brings to mind the history of Jewish people
The Holocast?

 

by The_young_scot
7-10-08
Daddy! Can I have the new "Kung-Fu Katie" dolly?
No sweety
But Daddy! I've already saved up the money and-
I said NO! FUCK!!!!!!! That's it! I'M DIVORCING YOUR MOTHER!
20 years later
...and that's why I never let you get close to me...
My God, Kung-Fu Katie was a cunt! I'M DUMPING YOU FOREVER!

 

by The_young_scot
9-08-08
Hey man, what a fucking day I've had
Why didn't the Tampon smile?
...what?
Because he'd had one hell of a bloody week!

 

I wish I could quit being so serious
by The_young_scot, 9-11-08

 

by The_young_scot
6-05-09
I had the strangest dream last night
Oh I can beat it, I assure you
I dreamt that I was the fourth judge on X-factor
I dreamt that I was being trained as a ninja to fight off an invasion of French royalty impersonating Alien Zombies
Where are you going? DON'T START WHAT YOU CAN'T FINISH, BITCH

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