All comics by DexX

Profile

 

by DexX
11-19-01
My girlfriend told me her maternal clock was ticking.
Here's me thinking all those biloogical clocks are digital.

 

by DexX
11-20-01
My girlfriend told me her maternal clock was ticking.
Then her uterus exploded.

 

by DexX
11-20-01
Heya, Baal. Whatcha doing?
Oh, hey Lucifer, old mate. I'm just browsing tomorrow's admissions book.
Anyone interesting?
Let's see... ooh, Jerry Falwell! Hmmm... he's going to have a heart attack while eating out a fifteen year old parishioner!
Heh, typical! Let me see, who else is in here... Oooh, wow, we've been waiting for this guy to drop for years! I have to go prepare his pool of fire!
Wow, after all these years, we're finally getting our hands on him... the guy who invented AOL signup CDs!

 

by DexX
11-21-01
There it is, my American friend, the most precious sporting trophy in the long history of cricketing rivalry between Australia and England...
Uh, dude... it's a pile of ashes...
Since_you_are_an_American, you just could not understand. This sporting relic represents two centuries of Australia stepping out from behind the shadow of its colonial mother, crying for freedom!
So... it's a pile of very old ashes...
No, you still don't get it. Listen, Australia, the young country, striving every year to win this symbol and show their founders that they have surpassed them, and grown into... what_are_you_doing??
*SNORT!* Mmmmm, historical high...

 

by DexX
11-24-01
Oh my goodness! Your Majesty... you look more fabulous than I could ever have hoped!
Truly, Highness, thou art a righteously sex bitch.
I must be honest, Your Majesty. I am having trouble controlling the wild stirrings in my loins.
Yea and verily, methinks mine companion doth speak truth. I would boff you in a second!
. - = The Emperor's New Gender = - .
Odd... I don't feel any different...

 

by DexX
11-25-01
Your approval ratings are sure to skyrocket now you are a woman, Your Highness. The most-loved monarchs in history have been women.
Forsooth, fair maiden Queen, the gypsy charm which hath transmuted thy form appears thus to all but the foolish. Total fuckwits still see you as a bloke.
Foolish? Fuckwits? Shit!
Oh yeah... nice one, guys. I really am one helluva hot chick!
Fool.
Fuckwit.

 

by DexX
11-25-01
Now that I am female, I will be the most popular world leader in history. I will be the new Eva Peron...
[singing] Don't cry for me, Argentina! The truth is I -
Hey! I'm gonna call the cops if you don't stop torturing that poor cat!
Philistines...

 

by DexX
11-25-01
Loyal citizens... Through the power of white magic, your beloved emperor has gone through a change.
Yea, my colleague doth speak God's own truth. Thine emperor hath been transformed... into a hot young babe!
We should remind you all at this point that the nature of the white magic is such that only a complete, guileless fool will still see her as a man.
...and 'tis true that a complete fool need not his head, for therein is contained the unused brain. In other words, if you see a bloke, keep your fucking cakehole shut.
And now, without further ado... Her Royal Highness, the Empress!
*hic!* Faahhhk! What a faahkin hottie! *hic!*
Uh... uh... yeah! Hottie...

 

by DexX
11-25-01
The Empress' sexy new appearance became all the rage. She released her own line of cosmetics...
See how nicely Imperial Sexkitten foundation covers up the shaving scars on my scalp?
Wow...
She funded movie projects, then cast herself as the female lead...
Director, I am ready to shoot the beach volleyball sequence now. Like the bikini?
Not yet. I'm not stoned enough...
However, it was her Penthouse centrefold shoot that proved to be her undoing...
Hey, little brother, check out the new poster I got of the Empress... totally nude!
Why does the Empress have a penis?

 

by DexX
11-25-01
...and so it was that the whole scheme was found out - through the words of an innocent child.
Uh... did you just say the Empress has a penis?
Yeah. It's not very big, but it's a penis all right.
Everyone knew that an innocent child could not be a complete fool, so what he said must, of course, have been true... the "empress" had a dick.
...so I said "Why does the Empress have a penis?" and...
*sigh* These frilly underpants are really comfy, too...
Who on earth told you that a child can't be a fool, DexX?
Ah, get off my back - I didn't write the fucking fairy tale.

 

by DexX
11-26-01
What if the role of the young Cosette...
There is a castle on a cloud. I like to go there in my sleep...
*shuffle* *shuffle*
*shuffle* *shuffle*
...had been played by a young Britney Spears?
Castles in the clouds are, like, so passe. Let's hit the mall!
WHere do ya fink you're goin'? Sweep that floor, baby, one more time.

 

by DexX
11-26-01
*fanfare* *applause*
Welcome back to Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Mr Surly Dragon, you have one question to answer in order to win one million dollars.
Yeah, whatever. Get on with it.
Which nation hosted the 1908 Olympics? Was it A: Great Britain, B: New York, C: Paris, or D: Amsterdam?
I think it was E: Suck my green scaly cock.
Is that your final aaAAAARGH!!!
Yes, that's my final fucking answer.

 

by DexX
11-27-01
You appear to be in an aeroplane that is about to plummet to the ground in a ball of flame! Is there anything I can do to help?
You appear to have been run over by the ambulance that was rushing to the scene to take you to hospital! Is there anything I can do to help?
You appear to have been damned to an eternity in hell! Is there anything I can do to help?
Ack! Evil! Make it go away!!!

 

by DexX
11-28-01
Hello, Wildlife Help Line.
This fawn appears to have diarrhoea. Is there anything I can do to help?
AGH!
SHPLURK!
Fuck! Uhhh... the back half of this fawn's body appears to have exploded... Is there anything I can do to help?

 

by DexX
12-01-01
...your wife's severed head!
Oh my God! You... wait on, that's not my wife. That's the next door neighbour.
...withling's severed head!
Free! I'm free at last!
...the severed head of the CEO of Sprint!
For me? You shouldn't have! Thank you so much!

 

by DexX
12-04-01
You wanted to see me Mr Gates? Ooh, what's in this parcel?
Binky Booboo, you have been voted employee of the week. That parcel is your reward.
Ooh, wow... *rustle rustle* Oh my... wow!
Like it?
I've always wanted one of these! Little Miss Elfin Inflatable Sex Doll!
According to the box, she has realistic green skin...

 

by DexX
12-04-01
Ah, nice to be home. Could you make the coffee while I go get into some more comfortable clothes? Thanks.
Sure! No problem!
It's such a relief to get these restrictive clothes off...
We-hey! I bet it is!
Hey, my wig's been making my scalp itch.. You don't mind me leaving it off while we have sex, do you?
*choke*

 

by DexX
12-08-01
I want to sit there. Move.
No, fascist.
You're heading for a severe eating, ya know that?
Eat shit and die, elitist scum.
Twelve hours later...
...and those were the last words I ever said to my father. *sniff*
I know exactly how you feel, mate. *sob* I need some chocolate... *sniffle*

 

by DexX
12-09-01
*sigh* My friends say I am a nerd because I won't smoke cigarettes with them.
I'm sick of not fitting in... That does it, I'm going to smoke this cigarette right now...
Barg. Stinky.
*gasp!* I can't believe it! It's Dr. Megabrain's sidekick, Awfully Brain Damaged Boy! Why are you here in my treehouse?
Nnngghh! Poo. Stinky. Barg.
Wow... you're absolutely right! I was foolish to think that taking up an expensive and dangerous habit would make me popular. Thanks, Awfully_Brain_Damaged_Boy!

 

by DexX
12-09-01
Hey, Toby, did I ever tell you about the time I was camping in the jungle-
...and you jumped up and shot a lion in your pyjamas. Yes, grandad, I know. Re-tellings of that story atarted to get redundant around the sixtieth time...
Oh... uh, no. Actually I was, uh... goiing to tell you a different story. I shot a leech in my pyjamas!
You shot a leech in your pyjamas?
Yeah... shot my fucking leg off, too. Of course, by then I was so drunk I had begun to secrete tequila from every pore...
I'm bored of this story, grandad, Tell me that one again about the Thai ladyboy with the whipped cream and telekinesis...

 

by DexX
12-09-01
Aahhhh, Friday at last. I'm going to enjoy this beer...
Drinking alcohol is sinful. You're going to hell.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Oooh! Swearing! You're going to hell twice!
Whatever... sheesh, I bet he's still a virgin...
You say that like it's a bad thing!

 

by DexX
12-09-01
Okay, let me get this straight...
You think I am going to hell because I like to have a drink now and then?
Yup, or and because you swear and fornicate.
How could Heaven possible be any good without sex and alcohol?
Actually, between you and me, I think I'll be rewarded for my celibacy and abstinence with an eternity of drunken orgies.

 

by DexX
12-09-01
I don't know, sounds dodgy to me...
Yes, the stupid and sinful often think that.
I mean, I'm a generally good person. I give to plenty of charities, and I sort of believe in a God of some description...
Not good enough. Right now, you're looking down the barrel of damnation, while I'm a shoe-in for Heaven...
Fucking hell... obvious being an uptight wanker is not a sin...
I heard that!

 

by DexX
12-09-01
I'm confused. Could you clear this up for me? You say that faith in Christ is the absolute only way to be saved, right?
Oh, good, I haven't been talking to a brick wall. Yes, that is correct.
...but you started this conversation by telling me that I am damned because of my drinking, swearing and fucking.
Yeeess... your point?
Well... if good acts won't get me into Heaven, why would bad acts keep me out?
Let me check my notes...

 

by DexX
12-09-01
Alright, Mr Born Again Wanker, explain this to me... If a lifetime of good acts with no faith in Jesus still leads to Hell, then why does Jack Chick tell us to behave?
I'm sorry? I don't...
A lifetime of service and going without is the same as a lifetime of rampant sin, according to you. Faith will save both, no faith will damn both.
Well, if you put it...
What the hell! Baptise me quick! I have to finish this last drink so I can go home and fuck my dog.
Uh...

 

by DexX
12-09-01
All right, all right. Your great faith has moved me more than words can express. I am ready to accept Christ as my Lord and Saviour.
Wow! Really?
No.
Oh.
Shit.

 

by DexX
12-11-01
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha ha! *choke*
*sneeze* *cough* *cough* *sniff*
You made beer squirt out my nose, ya bastard.

 

by DexX
12-12-01
DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF
I hope I meet a nice man tonight. I sometimes think I will always be single...
You're just too fussy! Lots of nice guys show interest in you, but you never give them a chance to-
DOOF DOOF DOOF SELEEEECTA!
Hey there. Want to have a dance? My name's Stephen, I'm an IT professional.
IT, huh? Why don't you go download some porn and have a wank, cause that's all you're getting tonight, loser.
DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF
What were you saying?
Uh...

 

by DexX
12-12-01
Come on you people, don't make me spank all of you. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Me get big tip from world's kinkiest John!
What the fuck are you talking about?
Oh, c'mon man! Didn't you ever hear that song by Loverboy? Rhino and elephant DNA just won't splice!
Oh that's easy! [elephant/rhino=tan(theta)] What do I win?

 

by DexX
12-13-01
So, doctor...
Huh? What did you call me? Doc- Oh! Doctor! Yes, because I'm a doctor! Yeah. Doctor... What?
Uh, any idea what's wrong with me?
Uh... yeah! Sure! Urm... you are suffering from a nasty disease known as... uh... Sickus Maximus Horribilus. Take one of these pills three times a day!
Oooh, pretty coloured pills. Hey, what's with the letter M printed on each one?
Oh, that? It stands for "medicine" of course. D'uh...

 

by DexX
12-16-01
Domain name: $40
stripcreator.com
$
A couple of gigabytes of bandwidth per month: $you don't want to know
They used _how_much_ bandwidth???
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
An opportunity for you to make comic strips, have them online where others can read them, and participate in one of the best online coomunities I have ever seen: priceless
Gotta be worth a couple of bucks to you, surely?
Please make a donation to keep SC.com running.

 

by DexX
1-04-02
First, you must have a hero in some crappy job or bad situation, but with some kind of military background...
Honey, I really am glad that you gave up being a green beret navy paratrooper...
I know, honey - I'll always be here for you and the kids. Gotta go! Those toilets won't clean themselves!
Next two items: a ludicrously unlikely setting for the action, and some kind of high-profile hostage or hostages...
Ah, what a great job. Cleaning toilets here in the world's first glass-domed underseas city is fantastic...
Help! Help! A team of highly-trained terrorists and/or supercriminals has taken the Pope hostage as he was touring the undersea city! They demand that Baywatch go back into production! Fiends!!!
Okay, now you need some kind of non-American villain, a lot of gunplay, some kind of deadline, a threat to a member of the hero's family...
Now, estranged son of the toilet cleaner who hounds me... die!
No, Dad will rescue me and we'll have an emotional reconciliation!

 

by DexX
1-09-02
Bank statement, eh? What's that number there?
My credit card debt.
And that number?
My credit limit.
They're the same number.
*sob* I know.

 

by DexX
1-09-02
Don't just sit there! Give us some fucking dialogue!

 

by DexX
1-09-02
I'm too good to appear in one of DexX's comics.
Yeah, me too.

 

by DexX
1-09-02
Is she gone?
Great, my trick worked. I hate having to share a panel with her all the time. She thinks she is so wonderful...
Damn it!
I'm back!

 

by DexX
1-09-02
Can't you just leave me alone for a while? I need some space! I want a whole comic strip to myself for a change!
Fine, if you're going to be like that...
Aaahhh, much better...
Twelve seconds later...
I'm bored.

 

by DexX
1-09-02
Bored, bored, bored...
Oh, back again are you?
Yup. Just wondering if you wanted a waffle.
Sure!
Oh... then I suppose I shouldn't have eaten them all, eh?

 

by DexX
1-09-02
You going to buy some more waffles?
Nah.

 

by DexX
1-09-02
So, if we're out of waffles, what am I supposed to eat?
Well...
I could make one suggestion...
Okay then, but you're wearing the Big Bird costume this time.
Fair enough.

 

by DexX
1-10-02
Now for the Most and Least Likely Awards. Least likely to suck dick - crabby! Most likely to voluntarily succumb to Tobor - Spankling!
I DO NOT SUCK DICK!
Hey! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Least likely to not suck - wirthling! Most likely to be mistaken for a smackhead - skagg!
It's a fair cop.
Yeah... mistaken...
Least likely to attend SC.com get-togethers - DexX! Least likely to shave any time soon - fuzzyman!
Hey! That's me, not fuzzyman!
It's not my fault! You promised to have my character drawn before graduation! *sob*

 

by DexX
1-13-02
I'm a space farmer!
You farm space?
Yup.
What do you do with all the space once you've harvested it?
That's the weird thing! After the harvest, I checked the silos, and they were all... empty!
Fancy that.

 

by DexX
1-13-02
So... stripcreator.com has inherited billions, and everyone gets a share.
Any idea what you will do with yours?
I was thinking about maybe getting a publicist. I am sick of being used in so few strips.
There's something else you could try...
...if you say "plastic surgery" you're gonna cop such a peck!
Touchy!

 

by DexX
1-13-02
Hey, DexX - could you draw this background...
Sorry, Brad, busy. Someone's given me a shitload of cash to draw a forum user's character.
Who is it?
That's the weird thing - it was anonymous, and was a request for someone else to get a character...
Meanwhile, in one of fuck's strips...
ah no!1! pleez dont rapp me!!!!11
I don't wanna be fuck any more!!!

 

by DexX
1-13-02
Hey there, handsome! I have a hundred dollar note here that says you're gonna give me head!
Excuse me?
I want you to give me head! Nestle that stubbly face of yours between my thighs and lick until your tongue is bruised and swollen!
Uh, I don't...
Come on! I'll make it two hundred, you big old slut! Five hundred! A thousand! Muahahahaaa!
*sob* You turned into such a bitch when you got rich!

 

by DexX
1-15-02
Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency?
Courtney Love just covered herself in tomato sauce and jumped down Russell Crowe's throat! To make it worse, Russell's unrepentant - he said he's "glad he ate her".
Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency?
Harrison Ford blew himself up. We've only found a single, solitary piece of him so far - his hand, solo.
Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency?
Tom_Cruise_went_nuts! He was spray-painting "Show me the money!" repeatedly over and over in a railway tunnel when he was hit by a train. The doctor said it was MacGuire-imbued deliquency syndrome!

 

by DexX
1-17-02
If you can't find a man to satisfy you...
You want a guy who won't deny you...
Don't want a man who's thin and weedy...
The bigger the better, I'm feeling greedy!
Burly Slave! *raowr!*
You rang, mistress?

 

by DexX
1-18-02
Repeat after me: Hoo-aye! Gots ta beesay da furran be hoostuss!
Who... eye.. gotsa bee-say da foreign... uh...
Och, daer, yafockin koont! Oo waarya fensy da rok?
Ock dare... um... yah fock and... um...
Weelas ay gotsta threch tos de freng!
Whee lass... eye... Ah, bugger this - I'll never be able to learn drunken Scotsman!

 

by DexX
1-22-02
Hey, you can't throw that away!
It's an ugly little ornament from my mother-in-law. It's going.
But... but... it's cool! It's a little teapot in the shape of a house!
It's stupid, useless, and unattractive, and it is going...
Oh, come on! I love this ornament! It's my favourite ever teapot in the shape of a house!
It's only fair to warn you - you are about to have a nostril in the shape of a teapot in the shape of a house.

 

by DexX
1-22-02
Hey, James - could you get rid of this ugly little teddy bear ornament while you're at it?
Okay, Bec.
Hey, this one's kind of cute - he's wearing a sunhat!
Hey, you can't throw that out! My mum gave me that one!
If memory serves, she also gave us that pair of small ornamental milk jugs with faces on them.
Everyone makes mistakes.

Showing page 7.

« Previous Next »