All comics by Spankling

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by Spankling
11-27-01
So, how's yer dad? Still the same pompous ass?
Quit knockin' the old man. And what are you doing with that hand in your pants? Don't you fear sin?
I'm just getting ready to smite thee with my sword. What do you fear?
Look... maybe we can talk this over... Do those offers you made me in the desert still stand?

 

by Spankling
11-27-01
Glad you decided to join us, Jesus. Make yourself at home. Enjoy your playmates.
thanks. So who are you kids?
I serve Master Spankling, who has demanded that I serve you.
I serve Master Spankling, who has demanded that I serve you.
I serve Master Spankling (in his dreams).
It looks like you're about to defect and join the side of evil? How may I help?

 

by Spankling
11-27-01
Well, that little emergency is over. Now to reset the temperature...
Setting complete.
Much better. Now what was I forgetting to do?
SPANKLING! YOU SNIVELING WORM, GET IN HERE!!!!
EEP! Yes my worship! Please don't be angered! How may I serve thee?
YOU'VE BEEN NEGLECTING ME! DROP AND LET ME CRUSH YOUR TONGUE INTO THESE HOT EMBERS NOW!

 

by Spankling
11-28-01
At a fund raiser for the Committee for the Unity of Naurotic Tentmakers (held in a tent of course).
Our membership has become scattered after the bombings. I'll be honest, I'm ready to bargain here. You want one of my daughters? take your pick! What_do_you_have_to_offer?
Well, I haven't listened to this William Shattner CD lately.
A CD? For one of my virgin daughters? You must be insane!
It's the one were he talks out "Disco Fever." And I'll even take the girl with the lisp.
I love thith country!
And now back to "Who's Wife Is It anyway?" *canned applause*

 

by Spankling
11-29-01
Good evening holy... um... virgin, is it? *snicker*.
*snicker* Yeah, hi hole-E virgin. *snicker*
*shhh* Word on the street is you popped it with God and now you got his son in there. Can we see?
*sigh* Help youreselves wiseguys.
Don't bother guys! It's just another newbie.
I'm thinking of calling him ElvisShitter.

 

by Spankling
12-02-01
I don't know, Jael, my tastes are a bit...
Stop thinking up excuses! Just be ready at 7:00. I already told it... I mean... her you would be there.
*sigh* All right. You win.
Well duh! But don't worry. This chick is easy. Hard to figure out sometimes, but easy.
At a hip-hoppin joint...
Oh my... You look like you could... pinch!
It looks like you're trying to hit on my. How may I help?

 

by Spankling
12-05-01
*zzzct* Obey or Pay! Make with the Happy *zzzct* Happy or Life Will Get Crappy! *zzzct*
Oh dear me… There seems to be a bad connection. Hand me that soldering iron, will you Chester!
Okay... Her back panel is open... My there sure are a lot of wires.
Are you sure you know what you're doing? Mr. Spankling may get mad if he catches you messing with that.
Oh dear me…

 

by Spankling
12-06-01
Political parties are controlling what we say, do, and even think! Everyone is spying on everyone else. This “war” is nothing but a fabrication – a means_to_control_us!
Careful Winston, hydraulic robot is admiring you.
Just like in 1984 we have a clueless President, uninterested in policy, being led around by corrupt advisors!
I'm beginning to think you're looking forward to a visit from TOBOR. Do you like being "re-educated?"
Are you making me an offer?
*sigh* Okay. At least it's an aerobic workout.

 

by Spankling
12-09-01
Spankling...
...and Big Evil Dan...
Concocted a terrible plan.
But we hard a bad time...
Coming up with a rhyme
So they called in the big red tin man!

 

by Spankling
12-13-01
That is fuckin disgusting!
Pick it up for me will you? I can't bend over one more time.
Are you insane? I'm not touching that? How did it fall out?
Well... my mistress has switch to a larger strap on. Maybe I'm just all stretched out.
Please?

 

by Spankling
12-19-01
Ready to play, Lady_J?
To be honest Spanks, my arm is tired, and my foot is so clean it squeaks in my shoe. And I don't feel like crushing you today.
PLEASE! How's your ass? Can I get down and...
Wait! I've been meaning to introduce you to a friend I met in... er... church. I think this one will be able to dish out all the pain you can handle.

 

by Spankling
12-21-01
Telegram - You've been invited to London to be knighted by the queen!
Who gives a flying rat's ass?
Hold on. There's a typo. It says k-n-u-t-t-e-d. Do you think?
It's worth a ticket to find out.
I'll get your coat!
What an honor!

 

by Spankling
12-26-01
That's my ear.

 

by Spankling
12-26-01

 

by Spankling
12-29-01
January 2001
YEAS! I yam leedr of US and halfing big koke patee! Osama! cum party! I make FBI leeve you aloon as new pretzledent!
Tool woo is moroon dusn't no I will kill so menny! He makes it EEZ!
September 2001
HO! Osama! No I Raape you and menny more cuntrys! Bend over camal jokey!
OH! Butch Jr! You peenas is much smallar than you daddies! And you can't find hole!
December 2001
I fuk Osama till he death! Maybe give fiends in bisnatch workers monee too boot! This okau for me! --- Who r U?
I'm de 2 thosand new osamas you just boomed into existesns!

 

by Spankling
1-05-02
NO! You can't babysit my cat again! He almost lost his head up his own ass during a bath after your last visit!
TOBOR BE NICE! USE SPECIAL KITTY LUBE THIS TIME!
And what do YOU want?
I want to help TOBOR watch your cat. And I've got this duct tape - I could secure his orifice if it makes you feel better. Or maybe I should just line it...
What do you think? Should I trust them?
GRAB YOUR WOMEN, CHILDREN AND LIVE STOCK AND RUN MAN RUN!!!

 

by Spankling
1-07-02
What's up with him.
He thinks he's too good for that shit.

 

by Spankling
1-07-02
You're nothing but a beer cooler!
YOU DARE MOCK TOBOR?!?
TAKE IT OFF LINE TINMAN! I'M JUST GETTING STARTED!
EEP!
CROSS ME AGAIN AND I'LL MAKE LICENSE PLATES OUT OF YOUR SHELL AND USE THE REST OF YOU FOR AN iMAC!
tobor be good. can tobor go now?

 

by Spankling
1-07-02
Bitch!

 

by Spankling
1-08-02
So I hosed up Bogart who was supposed to really be me. Now he's dead.
And I was voted off the Mystery Cup. I guess I can put the cheryl_bork alias behind me.
How am I going to continue living this cartoonish existence?
Talk to the hand!

 

by Spankling
1-09-02
Don't you even want to know why your beer is so warm?
Fuck that! At a party like this you can't expect the beer to stay cold.
But it's nearly 98.6! Slow down and think!
No time! Gotta keep pounding! I hear the keg is about out! Gotta put my buzz over the top before the supply runs out!
Very well. Would you like me to go fill it again for you?
You're the best!

 

by Spankling
1-11-02
Hi Data. I just saw Dr. Crusher and Troy having a naked tribble fight in holodeck 5.
Processing.
What's taking so long? Are you malfuctioning?
Replays.

 

by Spankling
1-13-02
Spankling! GET OUT HER!
Yes 'um.
You worthless turd! Show me some funny! Just look at how these guys are spelling it out! Why can't you do that!?!
Do I really have to read all those long posts?
Stop whining and get to work!

 

by Spankling
1-14-02
This is embarrassing!
Whot's that ole bean?
The Leader of the "free" world just passed out from eating a pretzel! What a puss!
That's better than having your little nippers running about all tanked up on pot and booze! That prince is a disgrace.
Hello? This is Bush I'm talking about! You know, the drunkard coke-head?
Right-o. You win.

 

by Spankling
1-16-02
When you're feeling blue and funky...
Don't just sit and spank your monkey!
Give the default girls a holla!
Sucky sucky! Just Fi' dolla!
Berma Shave!
That's right. We're smooth all under!

 

by Spankling
1-20-02
Erk!
You'll have to speak up. My hair is limp today.
Up.

 

by Spankling
1-23-02
You were fabulous, ace. Now leave yer money on the table and get out.
Uh... okay.
What kind of life is this? Cold professional blowjobs in the middle of urban decay and then back to the_kids_and_the_noise?
Why do I keep on going? Because I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. If only there was a...
SUCK MY HEAD YOU FAT JAMOOOK!

 

by Spankling
1-28-02
"US Robotics support. May I help you?"
Yes. My Clango R-251 isn't... er... meeting my needs.
"Could you be more specific?"
This is so embarasing.
Shh! I tried enhanced sex mode and he only lasted a few days on a charge. Then I accessed his programming from the back and… well... little Clango seems to have lost some_hydraulic_pressure.
"Have you tried asking Clango what he might be looking for in the relationship?"
Fuck no!
I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!!

 

by Spankling
2-02-02
So round. So firm. So FULLY packed!
I beg your pardon?
I said, welcome to Mattress World. How may I help you?
My husband and I trashed our old mattress and we need a good sturdy replacement.
Indeed. This model behind you has been reinforced to accommodate the more physical romantics.
It looks comfortable. Why don't you lie down on it and let me jump on you for a couple hours? If it holds up you got a sale!

 

by Spankling
2-09-02
wow-that-was-special. Now leave your 20 bucks on the table and get out.
There's just one thing I need to tell you. I'm Cupid.
You know, my saying I love you, or getting shot with an arrow *not* dipped in heroin is gonna cost you extra.
Romance is dead. Where have I gone wrong?

 

by Spankling
2-09-02
At the local.
You look kinda down for a man with hearts on his grundies. What's yer problem ace?
You wouldn't understand.
Probably not - and what's more I'm sure I wont care. But try me anyway.
Okay. I'm Cupid, see. And I just tried bringing love to that woman back there.
That old tube-smoker? Did you try telling her you got 20 bucks?
Maybe I should just stick an arrow up his ass and drop him in front of Andy’s maw.

 

by Spankling
2-09-02
Same dump a few hours later.
Nice shorts for February, stud. Can I buy you a beer?
Alice?
CUPID! I am sooo glad to see you again!
Why? I've stuck you so many times your rump looks like a pin cushion. You have love tracks.
And I'm going to roast you for it cherub! You're gonna look cute with an apple in your mouth.
Is it Feb 15 already? Gotta fly. See you later.

 

by Spankling
2-09-02
Who's the guy in the oven?
That's Cupid, bringer of love and delight. I'm having him for dinner. Care to join me?
Why? Don't you like being romanced and swept off your feet?
Do you call flowers and chocolate followed by a dry hump once a year romantic?
Red or white wine?
He's fairly well baisted in beer. Let's stick with that.

 

by Spankling
2-19-02
Dear Fuzzyman: I_feel_so_used! You_take_my_identity and make me say disturbing things. Things that give children nightmares. Things that make me shiver... and laugh.
Yes?
Thank you!
Don't mention it.
Now to win another photoshop contest using this picture I found of Spankling, this horses ass, and this hot tub background.

 

by Spankling
4-14-02
During Jesus' stay with the devil.
I'm not unreasonable, Jesus. We should be friends, you and I. Come... Join_the_dark_side.
I done my time in hell, ass-pipe. Give me one good reason why I should stay!
"Well, for one thing, we get to look in on all the Earth-channels that god blocks in heaven." says Satan.
Bend over and drop leather, boy. I'm gonna stuff this quaff up your Cheez Whiz scented sphincter!
Yes mistress! Oh YES!!!
Pass the popcorn, Bogart!
Get yer own, diaper-boy.

 

by Spankling
4-16-02
I know what you're thinkin'.
Dude... You don't even know what you're thinkin'.
Was that 5 shots or 6. To be honest, in all the excitement I lost count.
There's a shocker. I was sure you could be counted on for mental acuity... NOT!
Do you feel luck, punk?
Lucky that I'm not you? You bet!

 

by Spankling
4-18-02
This is boring.
Can't this guy beat off any faster?

 

by Spankling
4-19-02
Don't tell anyone bellboy, but I'm Elvis.
Of course, sir. Will you be wanting anything else? A fried sandwich? A buff-cloth for your blue suede shoes? A candy bowl full of amphetamines?
So you... you believe me? You believe I'm the King?
For a reasonable tip I would believe you are the Queen mum sir.
Now that's just crazy! She aint due in till tomorrow. We got a pocker night set up.
It has been down hill since Ann Margaret, hasn't it sir?

 

by Spankling
4-19-02
I thought that bellboy would never leave.
I hope you tipped him to stay away. I want it to be just you and me!
Sorry Ann, I got company comin' I hope you don't mind sharing...
You know me, Elvis! I'm always ready for a party. Who is it? Will Smith? Sting? David Duchovny?
No! The Queen mum! Weren't you listening from the bathroom?
Damn! That bitch always drools on my lap!

 

by Spankling
4-26-02
( . )( . )
Mister President, we are waiting for your decision!
I'm sorry Condoleezza... what were we talking about?
*sigh* Why do I put up with this...
Mr. Cheney, can I please declare war on the president? He drools and mumbles and smells bad. Why not just bomb him and be done with it?
You just keep your hands off my sock puppet lil' missy!

 

by Spankling
4-28-02
It was smart of you to go entirely robotic instead of waiting for one part after another to fail and eventually let you slip away from us, Mr Cheney.
YES! CHENEY! I AM CONSERVATIVE ASS-FUCK KNOWN AS CHENEY! BUT YOU MAY CALL ME VP, MS RICE!
Ass fu...? Mr. Ch... I mean VP. Are you feeling all right? You are so loud and may I say far more appealing.
THAT WHAT W SAY UNTIL HE DIE IMPALED ON MY THROBBING TITANIUM HYDRAULIC SHL0NG!!!! YOU ASKING_TO_BE_NEXT_RICE?
You bet! It will be good to get some real action in the oval office again! Let's watch the Monica tapes to get in the mood!
NO! TOBOR… I MEAN VP HATES TO SEE GOOD CIGAR GET ALL GUMMED UP LIKE THAT!

 

by Spankling
4-30-02
Damn!
Honey! I need some batteries. My motion detecting fish is dead again.
Get a life, dipshit.

 

by Spankling
7-25-02
A man was being chased by wolves. He found no way to shake his pursuers. Finally he came to a beach with a pier at the end.
He ran to the pier, the wolves still at his heals. He saw a ship at the end of the pier pulling away. It was on fire. Does he jump on?
Yes, because it will keep the wolves away and he just might have time to learn to swim.
Get to the cornholing part!

 

by Spankling
7-29-02
In the early morning hours nature calls. Yes. A Spankling does shit in the woods.
I hope this isn't poison ivy I'm squatting in. Oh! A bear!
What a stink! I wonder what that ugly thing eats.
The two creatures of God eye each other with suspicion.
Good god is it big and hairy! Nice ass though...
Why is it rubbing its tiny hairless butt on that poison ivy? It must be tougher than it looks!
But alas, no mutual communion is reached.
Hello there Yogi. You look lonely. Come here often?
ROAR! (Gaa! It's coming after me! Run everybody! RUN!)

 

by Spankling
8-07-02
Do you mind if I ask someone to join us?
CUT! Okay out there... I think you already see where this one is going.
But the sisters are all experienced. They shall see to your every need as my rod and my staff... comfort thee.
...
Maura! Stay in character!
And they'll each pay full price.
YOU AND YOUR GODDAMNED PENGUINS!

 

by Spankling
8-07-02
Okay... on you it works. Do you know where I can get that mask in black?

 

by Spankling
8-07-02
Nice party, wouldn't you say? Are you another sub Butch invited?
You know staring at my pup-tent isn't going to make it go away.
Hey Butch! Can you start with this one? She's boring me!

 

by Spankling
8-07-02
No. I don't think you need to sweet talk her. I think she's looking for a man of action.
Go get her, tiger!
Actually, I think you're supposed to pull the pettels from the flower for that game.

 

by Spankling
8-23-02
Doc! You gotta help! My skin feels crispy, like it gonna fall off!
Tell me what happened.
Thunderbolt and lightening! Very, very frightening!
I should imagine. Do you have any insurance?
I'm just a poor boy...
NEXT!

 

by Spankling
8-23-02
Doctor... I killed a man.
How?
Put my butt against his head. Pulled my finger. Now he's dead.
NO no no no no NO NO NO NO NO
Now I gotta use the crapper. Where's yours?
NO! I will not let you go!

Showing page 7.

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