All comics by Screwball

Profile

 

by Screwball
9-07-06
I have a nickname at that bathhouse over there?
Really?
Yeah...I got it from a couple of guys there.
Well, what is it? The Master? Afternoon Delight?
Six Seconds Magic. Let's not ask, huh?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

by Screwball
9-07-06
Hey, Josh, that guy over there...he's cute.
No! Don't go after him.
Why, what did you do?
I went home with him a couple weeks back...I cuddled with him.
And you didn't fuck? You have no balls.
Hey, I was drunk!

 

by Screwball
9-21-06
If Sean calls, I'm not here
Right.
10 minutes later.
Any messages?
Yea, Sean called.
I told you to tell him I wasn't here!
Who said he was calling for you?

 

by Screwball
9-21-06
I absolutely adore penis.
Might I ask what you're talking about?
Yeah, I lost a bet with Brian Zepp and have to say a random Tom Barnard drop for 24 hours.
Uh-huh.
Some people do more dignified things when they lose bets, like give away money or ball Jimmy Kimmel.
Me dick's little!

 

by Screwball
9-21-06
...So she sees a little old man who says "I am the viper...I've come to vash and vipe the vindows...
That's why you're still single.

 

by Screwball
10-10-06
Hey, you see what happened?
No, what?
My name turned up in Carson Kressley's black book.
Really?
I was desperate, stop that.
That isn't desperate, that's pathetic.

 

by Screwball
10-10-06
Snake, how was your party?
Oh, it was good. Jane was hot, especially that blowjob she gave me.
Um, about her tattoo...
Yeah?
Why does she have a penis tattooed on her penis??
Funny guy, ain't you?

 

by Screwball
10-10-06
The Evolution of Justin's night.
The Evolution of Justin's night.
The Evolution of Justin's night.
I fucking hate you, Twan.

 

by Screwball
10-10-06
Your aim is off.
You're supposed to swallow!

 

by Screwball
1-01-08
So anyway, Mr.Gingrich
Cahl ma Senata
But you're not a U.S.Senator anymore.
Cahl ma Senata Gingrich, ah ya won't get ya fughin tax brek...
Senator Gingrich?
Dat's betta. Bitch.

 

by Screwball
2-13-08
The kind of discussions I hate having
You know what I call my dick? The rocket launcher.
The kind of discussions I hate having
You know what I call your dick? The cornut.
Because they turn into this...
...You've never seen my dick.
You sure about that?

 

by Screwball
2-13-08
You know what I think?
Gee, Twan, that's a hell of a lot to think about.
Leave me alone, I have an erection.

 

by Screwball
2-13-08
This is how it starts.
There's still hope...
If I time it just right...
I can see the 30 seconds where Fred Thompson was taken seriously.

 

by Screwball
2-13-08
Allen, what the hell is this?
I'm going to California. I need to chat with you know who.
On "American Clown" Airlines?
No, I found a cheaper way to get there.
I'll be shot out of a cannon in Iowa. I should get to L.A. within 4 hours.
Of course your eye will, what about the rest of you?

 

by Screwball
2-13-08
Allen, this is ridiculous.
Oh, how so?
You're actually going to be shot out of a powerful cannon over something like 10 states and hope to hit your target?
Sure, what's the worst that could happen?
You land on top of Paris Hilton.
Yep, that's the worst that could happen.

 

by Screwball
2-13-08
So, this is how our night begins.
Josh, can you not get drunk tonight?
Oh, stop being such an old lady, Antwan
Yeah, but you know how you get when you drink.
Relax, this time it'll be different.
three hours later
Well, it was different, all right. This time you threw punches with both hands.
Is it my fawt da guy was breathin hwil he was lookin at meh? *burp*

 

by Screwball
2-13-08
Well, how did things go?
He broke up with me.
Fuck, I'm sorry. What do you want to do?
You know...
five hours later.
Not this again!
look, it ain't mah fawt da guy kissed ohn me...*burp*

 

by Screwball
2-13-08
Well, it's Friday night.
Yeah,I guess it is.
I would say "Don't drink," but I already know better.
Well, I won't drink hard stuff, how about that?
one hour later
Hey, Officer Markovitch,how's it going?
I DON'T LIKE YOU. SHUT UP.

 

by Screwball
2-13-08
Hey, I want to know something.
Yeah?
I went to Chicago and didn't see you.
Yeah, there's a reason for that.
And that is?
I was fathering Jennifer Lopez's twins. You didn't see the horns on them?

 

by Screwball
2-13-08
You know, Twan told me not to go out to the bar with you.
Yeah, I bet. But you can't listen to him, he's insane.
I heard you were fun to hang out with. Maybe you'll be able to help me out of my funk.
We'll have more fun then you might guess.
two hours later.
This is YOUR idea of fun?
*burp* is it my fault the guy wanted my underwear and I gave it to him?

 

by Screwball
2-13-08
Tom Cruise says he's not gay.
The following is a parody. if you sue me you are an asshole.
Keep on smokin' that crack, bitch!

 

by Screwball
3-07-08
George Takei came out of the closet a little while back.
Of course, it's easy to know when he was gay.
When he was 10,he wanted an enema for Christmas.
THAT was supposed to be funny?

 

by Screwball
3-07-08
I hate to drink.
There's nothing like drinking at a bar.
Ever walked home with your dick hanging out and not known it?
Here's a question: When you're drunk, do you ever just shut the hell up and not know it?

 

by Screwball
3-07-08
It's time to go out.
I guess it is.
No sense in going out there unprepared.
No, I guess not.
You got the bail money?
We used the last of it Tuesday when you slapped the bouncer.

 

by Screwball
3-07-08
You know, I always thought you were hot.
Really?
I never had a chance, did I?
About as much as Mike Huckabee.

 

by Screwball
3-07-08
Here's something I don't understand.
Yeah?
Why did Donna stop hanging out with us?
You sent her nude photos of yourself.
That didn't answer my question.
She choked to death from laughter.

 

by Screwball
3-07-08
So anyway, I was telling Jai that...
Whoa, who the hell is this?
Just keep walking. Josh.
I can't, he's so...so...
I believe the word you're looking for is "ridiculous"
Ah, yes. Another non-taxpayer who dares breathe the air I pay for...

 

by Screwball
3-07-08
So I see you've decided to make your presence felt again, Republican Man. But what was the idea with Huckabee?
Actually, it's simple.
Really?
Yes. You remember a few years ago when you decided that a racist, sexist, homophobic guttersnipe like Sharpton deserved to run for POTUS?
This is how they decide who should run!
Yeah, but no one thought he had a chance!
We did. That's why we put our own racist, sexist, homophobic guttersnipe out there. And as an added bonus, he supports rape!

 

by Screwball
3-07-08
RM, answer me something.
Anything, within reason.
Tearoom Larry Craig...is he gay?
Come on, who do you think desigined this suit, Bob Barker?

 

by Screwball
5-08-08
This is what life will be like...
Under a Democratic administration...
Hey, Doc, my stomach's been bothering me, I think I need some help
Okay, let's run some tests, figure out what's the matter so we can send you home to your wife and kids.
Under a Republican adminstration...
Hey, Doc, my stomach's been bothering me, I think I need some help
You're gonna die. Please pay the cashier on the way out!

 

by Screwball
5-31-08
There are people these days that believe that Soulja Boy is one of the greatest songs ever.
Keep in mind that most of these people also answer ads on Craigslist.

 

by Screwball
5-31-08
A few months ago, the KQ morning show had a story about a prostitute who cleverly advertised her services for "100 roses"
Then I saw her.
Bitch would be lucky to get crab grass.

 

by Screwball
5-31-08
Hey, Snake, my girlfriend..
Wait, you have a girlfriend? YOU?
Of course I do.
Ha, I knew it! Even a desperate like you could eventually date a woman without a penis!
Who said she doesn't have a penis?
How do I keep falling for this?

 

by Screwball
5-31-08
So, am I bisexual? I say no.
Why?
Bisexuals love men and women. I like men and transsexuals.
That sounds like you don't consider trannies women
I do...but I like blowing them.
You're straight. Straight gaylord, that is.

 

by Screwball
6-08-08
You really should have told me about the party.
There was alcohol there. You know how you are when you drink. Anyway, I saw Angel.
That reminds me, she told me about your sexual experiences.
Did she said it was good? Did she say I was the best she'd ever had?
She said if you ever learn to stop using your teeth, you'd be adequete.
You're a fine one to talk, Jaws.

 

by Screwball
6-08-08
I heard you tried out for American Idol.
I did. They told me I wasn't going to Hollywood.
If it's any consolation, you looked really gay, as usual.
Fuck you....Anyway, how was my singing?
I didn't really try out, but doesn't the mental image sound hilarious?
Like Lawrence Welk playing "Soulja Boy" on his accordion.
Yeah!....Wait, that sounds horrible.

 

by Screwball
6-08-08
That's my bed over there.
Even my bed makes fun of me not getting laid
Yesterday I swore I heard it laughing at me when I came home alone. Again.
Why couldn't I have been Paris Hilton's bed instead of this loser's? Captain Dickless here gets less ass than Karl Rove.

 

by Screwball
6-08-08
Hey. Officer Markovitch, question.
Make it quick, I have more important things to do, like peel wings off flies.
You hit on all my buddies but not me. Why's that?
Besides the fact that you're unattractive, loud, nosy and have the personality of a sidewalk crack?
Besides, he's a top anyway.
Yeah, besides that.
You're not my type.

 

by Screwball
6-08-08
Lesbians.
Barbara and I are having our bridal shower, and we'd be honored to have you as one of our guests.
Geri, I'd love to come over.
Gays and bisexuals.
So I thought I'd call Danny again, see if he wanted to hook up.
After I got finished pounding his insides out, he said you were a pity fuck. Suck on that, bitch.

 

by Screwball
6-08-08
There was this one guy who I asked to have sex with me.
He said he would rather be serenaded by William Hung singing Rolling Stones songs.
He does a mean "Get Off My Cloud."
Did you really think I would put these people through that train wreck?

 

by Screwball
6-08-08
In the previous strip, I made a mistake.
The character, Snake, was supposed to say "Do you really think I would let you put these people through that train wreck."
To summarize, it wasn't funny.
You never are.

 

by Screwball
6-08-08
Josh, I know you said you wouldn't drink tonight.
I promised you..
Good, now repeat after me: I will not drink tonight.
I will not drink tonight.
What happened to "I will not drink tonight"?
Shu' da fucc up, bich *burp"

 

by Screwball
6-24-08
Where were you?
I was hanging out with Barbie Woods.
Yeah?
Yeah.
All my friends hate me.
So, how many times did you blow her?
Get over it, Twan. Not all your friends are sexless nerds like you.

 

by Screwball
6-24-08
It's Monday.
So it is.
And I'm not drunk.
Yes you are.
Ohkeh, so I lied a lil' *burp*
I swear to god I hate your ass.

 

by Screwball
6-24-08
This is how you can tell times have changed: The other day I helped a little old lady cross the street.
The old bitch stole my wallet.

 

by Screwball
6-24-08
Ya'll remember JB.
Ya'll remember JB.
Ya'll remember JB.
You need a life. Really. Get one. Now.

 

by Screwball
6-24-08
So, your date?
Yeah, it was fun. We went back to her place, and...
And?
With makeup, she looks like Scarlett Johanson
That sounds hot.
The downside is, without makeup she looks like Heihachi Mishima.

 

by Screwball
6-24-08
Ya know, kid, sometimes I get bored with our life.
Bored? Bored how?
Well, you know, it's like it all has no meaning. It's like it's being recorded for posterity. Haven't you ever had that feeling?
As the discussion becomes boring
I think you have the wrong comic strip. For Better or For Worse is that way.>>>

 

by Screwball
6-24-08
You can't be serious.
Yes I am
Jesse said it himself, and I don't think he was joking. Example: What do you call a guy who gets fucked by anything and anyone, and is basically a whore?
What?
Note: Jesse is Puerto Rican and actually did tell me this horrible joke once
A Mexican Cock Dancer.
Thanks, you just got us canceled.

 

by Screwball
6-24-08
Wait a second! Aren't you Funk??
Right. I was just leaving.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, NOOB-IAN? HOW DARE YOU ADDRESS ME IN MY KINGDOM??

Showing page 8.

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