ok, I'm stumping this one again.

Ocularity by FinnNYC 8-26-05

Wow, I never noticed what beautiful blue eyes you have. Oh, you like 'em? I think they're from a dog. A dog? Must've been a husky. I think they have blue eyes. I suspect they may have swapped more than just my eyes though. What makes you think that? ...The overwhelming urge to sniff your ass.

---
-=- You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world. -=-

Dyslexic zombie

Sorry, I don't know any guys named Brian.

by DexX, 10-15-05

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Bird Flu by TheGovernor 10-17-05

A -A -A -ACHOOO!! agghh! Gets them everytime!

These are my top rated ones so far, but i think the ratings should be a little better

paperclip dick

Hey barbara! my penis is sticking to the side of my face again!

by shank, 4-27-05

santa's adventures by shank 4-24-05

ho ho ho, merry christmas little girl it's not christmas for another 8 months, santa don't fuck with me

SHOW ME YOUR TITS by shank 2-09-05

so i was like to her, i was like "HEY BITCH, SHOW ME YOUR FUCKING TITS" did she show them? no, she was like "fuck you asshole, dont fucking talk to me that way!", so i said "FUCK BITCH, DONT BE A BITCH, BITCH OR I'LL SLAP YOUR TITS RIGHT OFF" oh yeah, Im sure that worked, i bet after that you sure didnt get a whole hell of alot of tittage. obviously not, it was over the phone...some chick for my mom. I just ended up telling her to call me up later when she was ready to show me her tits. you are possibly the worst person i have ever met while waiting for the bus.

Randomized P by shank 4-23-05

hey lisa! look at that plane... can you see it? preferably the banner its dragging behind it... looks like it says "lisa, i love you! will you let me touch your boobie?"

14 year olds are sexy by shank 6-22-05

i had 14 year old girls alllllll over me last night. i couldnt find the damn lid for my blender

starts with an R and ends with an OOFIES by shank 10-14-05

hey, welcome to the party...can i mix you a drink? oh sure, hehe oh fuck yeah! you make my cock feel so good right now ow, oh, what's happening?!?!?!? what's that? you want me to mix you another drink? OMG WTF!!!!!!!

I think this might be a gem:

My Life by attitudechicka 10-10-05

We can't move to Texas. There aren't any automotive jobs in Texas. They still ride on horseback. Okay, but what did I go to school for? It wasn't horse breeding. I went for diesel mechanics. There's plenty of need for that in Texas. You're going to put diesel fuel in a horse? I think on the side it says "Unleaded carrots only"

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

Emotional Robot Rollercoaster by biped 10-19-05

BABIES ARE DUMB!!! I HATE BABIES!!! YOU SHOULD PLAY FOOTBALL WITH BABIES, ROBOTS!!! NO, YOU BAD NURSE!!! BABIES ARE GOOD!!! ROBOTS NOT PLAY FOOTBALL WITH -- SHUT UP!!! YOU ROBOTS GO OUT AND PLAY FOOTBALL WITH BABIES, NOW!!! DAMN IT!!! NO!!! NO!!! ROBOTS ARE GOOD, NOT ANTI-BABIES!!! YOU ARE TELLING US WRONG, NURSE!!! SURPRISE!!! YOU ARE GOOD ROBOTS!!! I WAS ONLY TESTING YOU TODAY!!! TEE-HEE!!! YAY!!! WE PASSED THE SURPRISE "ANTI-BABY ROBOT TEST"!!! NOW WE CAN BE NANNIES!!!

Nurse Bigguns by biped 10-18-05

Holy SHIT! He's the WORST doctor in town! Just LOOK at me! Then why the HELL do you keep GOING to him? Oh, sir -- I forgot to administer your big, wet, incredibly-thorough anal exam. GULP!!! I'll be right there, Nurse Bigguns. Well, cue the "Benny Hill" music.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Please don't shoot me, HC! by DexX 10-18-05

Och, lad. I'm Euan McTavish, and His Majesty, King Liam Campbell, has sent me looking for his long lost son, abducted from the palace over twenty years ago. The lost prince, now a grown man and heir to the Scottish throne, is rumoured to be working in this remote forest, hunting deer for a living. You are the spitting image of the king, lad. Could it really be you? Are you... Hunter Campbell, Royal? Eat shit and die.

- by HCRoyall 10-18-05

Being a physician is all about professionalism and the desire to save lives. It requires a lot of skill, time, and finesse. Dr. Worthington! Paging Dr. Worthington! You are needed immediately in surgery! Whoa! Hold on, I'll be right back! I just can't figure out why they keep dying on me... So, what were we talking about again?

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Hot off the presses:

What's Opera, Doc? by kaufman 10-19-05

Doctor, I've got pimples on my face, lumps on my legs, limited feeling in my hands, and I haven't been able to hold down any food for a week. o/` DON'T HAVE A CONNIPTION, HERE'S A PRESCRIPTION, THESE SUGAR PILLS, I'M SURE, WILL BE A QUICK CURE! o/` You're looking better. How do you feel? All cured in just two days. That doctor I saw was great. Not only that, but he sings everything he says in the most magnificent voice. Really, I may have to start going to him too. What was his name? Placebo Domingo

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

quote:

---

I think this might be a gem:

My Life by attitudechicka 10-10-05

We can't move to Texas. There aren't any automotive jobs in Texas. They still ride on horseback. Okay, but what did I go to school for? It wasn't horse breeding. I went for diesel mechanics. There's plenty of need for that in Texas. You're going to put diesel fuel in a horse? I think on the side it says "Unleaded carrots only"

---

one for the science fiction fans

King Asimov by Hans_Gruber 11-24-03

It's the fair lady, Ursula Leguinn... She doth approach... Gosh... Are you a real king? I am King Isaac Asimov... the world of science fiction is my fiefdom. Do you not recognize your king, Ursula? Ten minutes later, King Asimov is ten dollars lighter... And a shade of regal purple... See you around, kingy! Now that's what I call "The Left Hand of Darkness"...

---
"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

a little sci-fi from King Kaufman

CC 128: The Cavities of Steel by kaufman 7-02-02

What if Tobor met Asimov? RAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU! I think not. A robot shall not harm a human being, nor through inaction cause a human to come to harm. HMMMMMM... RAAAR! TOBOR'S I/R SENSORS DETECT DANGEROUS E. COLI LINING YOUR ILIUM. TOBOR GIVE YOU THOROUGH CLEANING! Gee, Thanks, Mr. Robot.

---
"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

let's not forget evil_d

I always thought he was the son of Abraham by evil_d 6-15-01

Hey, Clango. Why the long face? I just finished reading "I, Robot". It always saddens me to think that such a brilliant author as Isaac Asimov is no longer with us. Isaac Asimov, huh? Wasn't he the guy who discovered gravity? No, you're thinking of Isaac Newton. I thought he was the guy that invented those cookies. Oh, wait -- it's not a cookie, it's fruit and cake! I think I'm about to break the First Law of Robotics.

---
"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Rectal Thermometer by niteowl 10-18-05

The doctor will see you in a bit. In the meantime, I'll be taking your blood pressure, pulse, and-- Marry me.

Operation by niteowl 10-19-05

Well, that was the weirdest operation I've ever performed. Doctor, you're a mess! I know. Who the hell did you operate on? Michael Moore. I opened him up and chocolate just started spewing out of him.

---
Think classy, you'll be classy.

ok, i have a big list here that i think at least deserve votes

CLICK HERE by shank 10-17-05

lol BOOM, did you see that? your mom totally exploded into like....a million pieces.

Think before you speak by shank 10-14-05

Hey, what's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word sex? WATERMELON i hope i just didnt say that out loud you did GET OUT OF MY SKULL!111W1

Randomized R by shank 5-20-05

hey satan, your wife wrote you a note... what does it say? go to hell, you bastard she'll be back....when i tell god about her porn site

Title 4 by shank 7-21-05

death

i accidently just purpously killed your dog....sorry jesus. i will kill you to death, you bastard!

by shank, 7-28-05

[Click to view comic: 'shank hooks up bigfrank']

[Click to view comic: 'SICK, DISGUSTING, DISTURBING. Enjoy!']

[Click to view comic: 'RAAAAARRRRARARRARRRRRPENISTITS!!!!!!!(EDIT)']

[Click to view comic: 'nawt(fixed)']

[Click to view comic: 'nutcum']

[Click to view comic: 'choadpubes']

[Click to view comic: 'pussyass']

TEE EN TEE by shank 10-17-05

Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi 'Cause I'm T.N.T., I'm dynamite......lol that's all i know in the song

Burnt Toast by shank 10-18-05

so i was all like, diiiiiiiiiiie bitch diiiiiiiiie I WILL KILL YOU wow, i've never heard of someone get so mad at burnt toast before

Plane Crash by shank 10-18-05

well, since we are going to die anyways, i figured i'd give you this present i wanted to give you. oh my god! what is it? Tickets to the stanley cup wewt!

Doctor Doctor by shank 10-18-05

here, we got your cat out of the tree. good, the little bastard jumped out the window when i tried poking this needle into his ass. what for i dont know, i was bored

BTC43: Racist Hunting by shank 10-18-05

This is because i'm black, isn't it.

[Click to view comic: 'shank']

[Click to view comic: 'First Meet']

[Click to view comic: 'Shut Up']

[Click to view comic: 'Impersonations']

[Click to view comic: 'BAH! WEWT']

Cum Bubble by shank 10-18-05

so apparently i have a disease...it's called "TellingPeopleWhatToDoAllTheTime" Syndrome dont ignore me you piece of shit

Anal-Intruder by shank 10-18-05

you know, i appreciate everything you are doing for me and all, but i'd rather use my anal-intruder 4000