Smiling Fuzzy Kitten Faces Are ALWAYS Your Doom by Scyess 10-13-07

What're you doing? Making a font? Yep. It's called "hate." What do you think? It looks very hateful. Except why do the O's look like smiling fuzzy kitten faces? Maybe because everyone hates smiliing fuzzy kitten faces, moron. Maybe your font just sucks, you hairy goiter. Ha! You are helpless against hateful power of my font. Smiling fuzzy kitten faces will be your doom!

King of the World by Scyess 7-23-07

Don't worry, Grandpa. You're going to make it! No, Hal. *cough cough* I'm at the end of my life. In dying I have only one regret. *sob* What's that, Grandpa? That I'll never see the last Harry Potter movie. *choke cough hack... die* I suppose it was nice of him, in the end, to make us glad he was dead. The old bastard couldn't read a fucking book?

Historic Places by Scyess 8-16-07

And here we have the tallest building this side of the Mississippi! Um, aren't you kind of stretching it to get to a superlative? No. This is an historic tour full of significant and interesting facts. And I'll thank you not to ask obviuosly stupid questions like that! ...and here we have the longest bridge over a river whose name starts with "K" to ever have been walked over backwards by a left-handed dentist.

End of a Conversation by Scyess 8-16-07

See ya later, Reddy. Give your girlfriend a kiss for me. Nah. C'mon! She loves the way I kiss! Er... what? Um... I mean... she loves the way you kiss. When you, er, pretend to be me. Just leave already.

Introductions by Scyess 10-12-07

Nice to meet you, Jon. I'm Gay Gobbler. Wow. At least you're not in the closet. I'm not. In fact, I'm not even gay. It's short for "Gaylord Gobefriedel." Er, do you find a lot of confusion when you introduce yourself as "Gay Gobbler"? It's better than when I was growing up. Then I went by my first name, "Pleaseshitonmyface." I'm guessing you weren't a planned pregnancy.

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"Old" is the old new.

Misunderstanding by Hari_Nezumi 6-08-09

Phew! Carrying this crucifix is hard under this hot sun. I'll just rest it here for now. Although these boards are pretty flammable, I hope the heat doesn't... Oh no! It caught fire! Good thing I have my special flame-resistant hood and suit with me! Oh is this your yard?

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

The Friendly Skies by choadwarrior 10-04-09

I had the worst flight. I tried to sleep, but couldn't. I always fall asleep as soon as the engines turn on. I think it's because its the sound and vibration you hear in the womb. Yeah, but you weren't crammed in between a Japanese businessman and a one-legged soldier. You don't know my mom.

Deck the Challs by choadwarrior 12-20-07

Why won't you let us put up holday decorations? Because this is an office, not a religious shrine. Is there anything we can put up to remind us of the Christmas season? You could festoon the cubicals with sequins dollar signs. I said Christmas, not Hanukkah.

Joining the Gym (58) by choadwarrior 7-25-07

You getting the hang of that spin bike? Yeah. Then it's time to add some tension. Okay... I think I love you.

 

Sensitive Topics by Scyess 9-20-02

I'm so glad I'm not a woman. It must absolutely suck to randomly bleed all the time. HIYA!!! Yep, it sucks. See ya next month!

Acoustic Guitars Instigate Bad Stuff by Scyess 1-10-06

Yo, dude. Wanna buy my CD? What kind of music is it? It's a bunch of songs about my political views featuring -- ... just you and your acoustic guitar? Dude! How did you know? Lucky guess.

Comic Contest 22: One-Note Characters by Scyess 4-12-01

We want to walk quickly in the other direction now, Dr. Pedantic! Yes, Captian Obvious. Let us perambulate briskly in the opposite direction in an unassuming and inconspicuous manner. Get away from me, Obsequious Oscar, or I'll lock you in a room with that guy! That's a pretty clever threat, Antagonist Andy, but if it's okay with you I'd kind of like to follow the good doctor and the captian. Much to his chagrin, none of the other one-note characters ever really warmed up to Mr. Sticks-His-Dick-in-Your-Ass-While-You're-Looking-the-Other-Direction. **sigh**

Vbigrund by Scyess 1-30-02

It's you! How the bloody hell did you find out where I live? Get the hell out of here! Sorry I'm early. I'll just wait here until you're ready. I've got all week. Um, sure... just let me feed my vbigrund. You're what? Is that your pet? Yum Can you believe one time a girl tried to sick her schnauser on me? She was crazy, I tell you.

Random Comic! Morbid Fascination with Death by Scyess 7-19-02

Oooo... Neat. Cut it out.

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"Old" is the old new.

Durabrand: The DVD player that is accidentally a DVD burnerâ by FactoryRejects 9-01-09

I had heard about a DVD player recall; a DVD player which I knew a friend of mine owned. I called to warn him. Hey, that DVD player can apparently explode. I will continue to use it anyway. Why didn't he take me seriously? Doesn't he understand that I'm concerned for his safety? .....What a fucking asshole. The casual dismissal made me so angry, I set his house on fire. I WARNED YOU YOU'D BURN, YOU BASTARD

hair like if Wolverine was one of the Bee Gees by FactoryRejects 10-24-09

I wish I had a magnificent mane of hair like that singing guy on the christian channel. ...Why not wish you could sing like him? At least that's a talent. When you've got hair like that, you don't need talent. ♫♫ My Loooord ♫♫ He's right.

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Battlefield Mirth

Dress for Suck-cess by Scyess 11-10-08

"Attention, employees. Wednesday and Thursday will be 'jeans' days for annual cubicle clean-up week." "However, Friday will be white tie and tails, to make up for the resulting formality deficit." Corporate dress codes are so bizarre. Dude... don't you know it's an even-dated Monday?

FTC 129: Perspective by Scyess 2-25-08

I had the craziest weekend, bro. We snuck into Mexico for a weekend of debauchery. I woke up with a condom in my ass, and I think I'm missing a kidney. Cool. I snuck into Canada. ...and...? And that's about it. I think I won the weekend. Your excratory system and I disagree.

This Actually Happened XX|V by Scyess 3-20-08

Hey. Do you like hugs? Well, shit, bitch! I'd have to be one cold-ass motherfucking bastard not to like goddamned hugs! Get your ass over here! ...but her mom punched me in the face before I got my hug. You got this girl's number? I've got a "hug" she'll enjoy.

RCD 15: Beeware by Scyess 2-17-08

I think I heard the noise down in the basement. Do you think it's safe? Of course not, you moron. Why do you think I asked you to come over here? I just don't want to be turned into a giant insect or something. Don't be an idiot. Just go check it out. First tell me why you won't let me turn around.

CC 418: RAPE gang by Scyess 3-04-09

Welcome to this month's meeting of the Raging Anthropomorphized Pseudopodal Extremeties. Issue #1 on tonight's agenda is improving our image in society -- especially as it relates to Japanese school girls. A closely related Issue #2 is finding a better acronym for our club. How about the Association of Neighborly but Angry Limbs?

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"Old" is the old new.

CC424 - Experiments in the bathroom by lukket 4-21-09

Debbie's been in the bathroom for some time now. I guess you have to check that she's not playing with herself. DEBBIE, I... SHIT! Don't you love how that waveform collapsed. PLAYING SCHRÖDINGER'S CAT WITH YOUR OLDER SISTER ROCKS!

Clever Pun Relief (Thanks go to René) by lukket 10-20-09

Having a girlfriend with a heart condition is exciting. You may experience that she has a cardiac arrest during sex. So you might say CPR really gives new life to a relationship. So, how did it go. Did they like you? I don't know. What does it mean when you leave a school in handcuffs?

CC 380 - 4 by lukket 2-11-08

What is two plus two? It's not my turn. OK. THEN I'LL ANSWER THAT EFFIN DOOR.

 

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troelsea at gmail dot com

Oggy And IceDaKlown See A Play by Ogyaf 6-29-09

I don't say he's a great man. Willie Loman never made a lot of money. His name was never in the paper. He's not the finest character that ever lived. But he's a human being, and a terrible thing is happening to him. So attention must be paid. He's not to be allowed to fall in his grave like an old dog. Tonight: Death of a Salesman I had no idea Billy Mays' real name was Willie Loman. Man, this was the weirdest funeral I've ever been to. Seventh weirdest, for me.

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[i]You're born alone -- You die alone -- But still we live on.[br] Yesterday is a memory -- Tomorrow is a vision -- But today... It's a bitch[/i] Zug Izland - "Life"

Klu Klux Klown by HCRoyall 6-28-07

How many illegal immigrants does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know, how many? Apparently more than one, since I told you to change it over an hour ago, you slant-eyed bastard.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Attack of the Server Penguin 3 by HCRoyall 8-23-06

Okay, seriously. This time if you pay me I'll really set everything back the way it was. Promise? Promise. You swear? Only on occasion.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (3) by Beeko180 4-09-10

Welcome to the Garden of Eden. This is your home. I made you. I am god: Your lord and creator. I don't understand, how did you make me? From Adam's Spare Rib. So I was like a last minute addition? You men are so sexist, I can't believe I ate one of those apples. Get the hell out.

FTC 141: Zorg's New Question, I mean Job... by Beeko180 4-23-09

Welcome aboard the Ministry of Defence mister, er, Zorg. Turn up at the security desk monday and we'll get you your uniform... Any questions? Yes, when do I get a nightstick?