Saving this for Posterity

An actual quote from my wife on 5/27/05. A woman shouldn't ever open her mouth except to ask her husband what he wants for dinner and to suck his cock. She needs to get stoned more often.

by niteowl, 5-28-05

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Angster's Paradise by CowTipper 6-05-05

My name is Kyle N, but I’m really a G /I got a nice house and a family that loves me, /I pretend that school’s below me, but hell, that shit is above me! /I’m white boy but I got poor black en-v I roll with my crew, and they roll with me, /When we get bored we launder money /It make us feel cool, it makes us feel pretty, /Even though if I had a job, I’d get plenty I used to be nice, but that’s just not cool, /‘cause I’ve got a motto, and it’s my rule /It’s the mantra for every gansta wannabe /What would a gansta do? /WWGD.

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I think, therefore I make comments on a forum.

STEAL THIS COMIC! by biped 6-12-05

"This just in...the revolution WILL be televised after all." Mommy! Come look! WHAT THE FUCK?!? It's the revolution, Mommy! SHIT! Well, dinnertime, sweetie! Oh, boy! I want a dog shit sandwich, Mommy!

Admit it -- it's your new favorite comic.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Puppy Farts by biped 6-17-05

*sniff* *sniff* Hey, I smell puppy farts! Oh boy, PUPPY FARTS! They're CUTE! *FRR-RRR-RRT* Oh, YUCK! It's just regular old DOG FARTS! NO...NOOOOOO!!! WE WERE SMELLING REGULAR DOG FARTS!!! REGULAR YUCKY OLD DOG FARTS!!! WE'VE GOTTA GET THOSE AWFUL DOG FARTS OUT OF OUR LUNGS!!! HURRY, SIS!!! LET'S GO VOMIT!!!

Dead Melvin by biped 6-17-05

Okay Melvin, just try to act like you are alive -- people will not know that you are really dead. Hey hey! Melvin's the life of the party! He's "party dude"! He can drink more than anyone else and not get drunk! I just fucked him -- I think I can feel a fetus developing. I just stuck my entire arm up his ass!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Do Not Mock the King of Pajama Police! by Spankling 6-15-05

La la la... a quick finger bath and I'm off to sleepyland. ACK! Who the crap are you? I am the King of Pajama Police! You are under arrest! How about if I just slip on a t-shirt. (you big fag)

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

But, it's in the Bible!

The Bible says that any woman who works in a higher position than a man need be stoned. And I agree.

by cpausti, 6-19-05

Painfully Honest Abe by cpausti 6-20-05

Hey mister! Why are you wearing an airsuit? The same reason you are behind bars, young one. Because you like to fuck dogs?

Hannity and colmes by cpausti 6-21-05

I'm Sean Hannity, wel- And I'm Alan Colmes. Who the fuck unchained you?

Bar Swimming by cpausti 6-21-05

Check out the tail on that broad! Woah!

Very Fast Food by cpausti 6-21-05

Hi, welcome to KFC. May I take your order? Screw the middle-man, I s'pose.

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all the wrong things for all the right reasons

That talk... by HCRoyall 6-16-05

Mommy, where do babies come from? Well, honey... It starts with an egg from the mommy and sperm from the daddy... while the egg is inside mommy's tummy the sperm feritlizes the egg and the egg grows into a baby. But how does the sperm get inside the mommy's tummy? Does the mommy swallow it? If the mommy wants a new cocktail dress, she does.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Meanwhile, out in suburbia ... by kaufman 6-23-05

Honey, I see you bought 15 issues of People magazine today. You mind telling me why? Don't tell me you forgot about the big dinner party we're hosting on Saturday night? What about it? I decided to cook soylent green. Whew. For a moment I was afraid you'd gotten hung up on that Tom and Katie thing.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Hammerin' Hank by niteowl 6-24-05

With all the steroid talk going around, I wonder how many homers Hank Aaron would hit in a season if he played today. I'd say 10, maybe 15. That's all? Well, he is 71 years old now.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

"NON-JOHNNY CASH COMICS" not starring: Johnny Cash by biped 6-26-05

HOLA! I am doing -- eh -- THE MONSTER MASH! But you're supposed to be DEAD, Gramps! DEAD!!! MOMMY!!! Gramps is DANCING AROUND in the GRAVEYARD!!! Oh, what a vivid imagination you have, dear. Yes... we'd all love to see Gramps again. SURPRISE!!! YAAAAAAAA!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Bill's Place (2) by HCRoyall 6-25-05

So who's that guy? That's my new Gimp. I'm sure he'll be better behaved once I break him. You mean break him in. No... I mean he'll learn not to wander around after I break his spine. ... That and cripples can't fight back as hard.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Candid Crucifiction by OmniMarconi67 6-25-05

It is accomplished! "Hey, it's God. About that...yeah, I was just kidding about the whole 'savior' bit. Didn't think you'd actually go out and do it. Sorry." ...Well this is awkward...

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If you do just one thing in life, then you need to get out more and expand your horizons. Honestly, that one thing can't possibly take-up all your time.

Futuristic Dan by possums 6-27-05

What is that white seat with water you have in your private quarters, Sir Chamberlain? That's a toilet, Futuristic Dan. We urinate and excrete into it. Oh. We don't have any water-chairs in the future. But Futuristic Dan! You've been here almost three weeks! What've you been doing in the meantime?! FUTURISTIC DAAAAAN!!!

Butch on Pets by HCRoyall 6-22-05

I used to have a dog as a kid.His name was Dingo. Man, I loved that dog. Why did you call him Dingo? You know, I don't really remember...

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

The Restaurant Scene by biped 7-05-05

How's the Italian food in this place? Good. Try the veal -- it's the best in the city. I'll have it. I'm...gonna talk to Michael in Italian now. Talk to who? Mi -- oh, shit. Backtrack!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Bobby's New Vocation by biped 7-07-05

Hey, mom! I wanna be an ABORTIONIST! GOOD HEAVENS, Bobby! What on earth brought THAT on? I just seen a documentary about it over at Whitey's house! It was fekkin' COOL! Well...you'll have to go to medical school...I suppose your father and I can manage to afford it... somehow... "Medical school" -- PHOOEY! I'm makin' a buttload of cash RIGHT NOW! Can I go to the prom now?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

A tribute to Rab by mad_matt 7-08-05

I bet you have really hairy nipples. I do not. Prove it. It was worth a try

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I love Family Guy more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who enjoys his taffy.

The Sambo Girls by biped 7-08-05

WE ARE THE SAMBO GIRLS! WE LOVE LITTLE BLACK SAMBO! LITTLE BLACK SAMBO! LITTLE BLACK SAMBO! YIPPEE! HOORAY! YAY! HA-HA! SAMBO! SAMBO! LITTLE BLACK SAMBO! Well, we did that for twelve hours. Now what? Let's go read "Little Black Sambo" again!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The Squirrel With The Big Dick by biped 7-27-05

I have a big dick. Would you like to see it. Yes. I would like to see the big dick. Gosh. This dick is so big. Have sex with me. With your big dick. Squirrel. Okay. Mom. I just had sex. With a squirrel. Omigod. Did it. At least. Have a big dick.

The "What If" Robot by biped 7-27-05

What if Christopher Columbus had sent ROBOTS in search of a shorter route to China instead of going himself? The so-called "New World" would've been discovered by ROBOTS! Skkrrttzzz... ...and what if ROBOTS had been the first to land on the moon instead of those two clowns named Neil and Buzz? You'd be looking up at a ROBOT moon every night! ...the history assignment wasn't a "what if" exercise, Skkrrttzzz... And what if HUMAN teachers were all replaced with ROBOT teachers! You'd be SHUCKING OYSTERS for some FAT CAJUN BASTARD IN THE MIDDLE OF A SWAMP, YOU -- THAT'S IT, SKKRRTTZZZ! I'M DEACTIVATING YOU UNTIL YOUR MOTHER COMES TO PICK YOU UP THIS AFTERNOON!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

crime wave by mandingo 7-28-05

just don't hurt me play it cool and i won't have to

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what if nigger meant kite

My 400th comic:

The Biggest Gangsta On The Planet by areallystupidguy 9-04-05

sup, g! what's going down, homie? just whipped out my nine and busted a few caps on some nigga's ass! aw yeah, gimme some SKIN, brotha! want a piggyback ride?

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It's grime time.

The Living Dog Bowl by biped 9-18-05

THE LIVING DOG BOWL IS COMING!!! NO!!! NO!!! NOT THE LIVING DOG BOWL!!! RUN!!! RUN!!! I'LL DRIVE MY COMPUTER AWAY FROM HERE!!! BEEP-BEEP!!! EVERYBODY OUT OF THE WAY!!! OUTTA THE WAY, YOU FUCKIN' ASSHOLE!!! OH, FATE HELP ME!!! "Fuckin' asshole"? Hey, fuck YOU -- ASSHOLE!!!

Danny, The Big Fat Asshole by biped 9-18-05

FUCK!!! MY COMPUTER DESK JUST SPLIT IN HALF!!! *skkrrttt!* (HELP ME, DANNY!) "HELP"? GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING CHEAP-ASS COMPUTER!!! I HATE -- SHIT, FUCK, PISS!!! -- GRRRRR!!! *skkrrttt!* (OH, DANNY...SOB!!!) MOM!!! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE TO BUY ME SUCH A STOOPID COMPUTER!!! YOU FUCKIN' ASSHOLE!!! WHY YOU LITTLE FUCKHEAD!!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE BATHROOM -- MOMMY HAS TO TAKE A BIG-ASS SHIT!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Immobiliser by DexX 9-18-05

...so I thought I could build myself a girlfriend with all these spare parts, but I found out the CPU and motherboard aren't compatible, but after I did a quick firmware update_on_the_BIOS_I_found- *click* *BLIP BLIP* Ahhhh...