I thought about hiring a real judge for this contest, but then I realized I would probably wind up hiring Judge Judy, and nobody deserves that kind of abuse.
But then I didn't get any bribes.
You rotten *******s are gonna try to come into my court and put up some bull**** reason why you're here? Let's hurry this up, bring in the defendants.
Ewwwww is charged with one count of drug trafficking, one count of armed robbery, and one count of homosexuality. And don't even try to tell me those were just characters in your hilarious comics, people have bullshat me with that excuse seven times today. Your fine is three hundred dollars. Titknocker.
UnknownEric is here because he caused a domestic disturbance. His comic caused many netizens to laugh loudly and for a long time, and several neighborhoods got no sleep as a result. You must pay every person in America five dollars. Stickalick.
smamurai went around town stealing candy from kids. His sentence is to repay the kids, and while someone on his behalf has returned all the candy, this headless stranger did not return the comics found in bazooka gum. You will repay each person with a comic of equal or greater value, and I see you've already brought some comics of a MUCH greater value, so this should be easy. Lardmaster.
niteowl has been caught killing every single child in one school. While I should give him the death penalty, if I did that he wouldn't be able to make any more of those comics that are oh-so-humorous. Case dismissed. Poopdiner.
Inflatable_Man used a beatnik in his comic. Sure it was funny, but he used a damn beatnik. He will be given the death penalty. Assbait.
Nobody really knows why crabby's here, so I'm just gonna say he owes the plaintiff seven dollars and cross my fingers. His entry made me laugh though. Lubemunch.
BigFrank105 is charged with making the funniest comic in the contest. His sentence is something much more worse than jail and the death penalty combined: He will run Comic Competition 219. No buts, young man. You made the comic, not me. Briefstain.
Here's the evidence of this man's crime:
[Click to view comic: 'CC 218: Even more scarier than Clippit...']
Finally, boinky33 went against my nazi ways and used an archived strip. Everyone is allowed to kick him in the nuts once.
And there you have it. Next time I run this I want several million, or I'll get John Rocker.