Well, you should all know how to do these contests by now, so we'll keep it simple. The theme for this contest is Worst Thing To Say When Buying Or Selling A House

Chicka and I will judge in a week using a method so evil that I can't even begin to describe it.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Worst Thing To Say When Buying Or Selling A House by Rabid_Weasle 3-11-04

And in this room you'll notice the lovely red carpet, which is wondeful because blood will blend right in with it.

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Poop.

Worlds Worst 9: What Brad Really Does With Donations... by Ewwwww 3-11-04

These walls are jizz proof like the ones in them porno booths, right?

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

Worst thing to say while selling a house by dcomposed 3-11-04

This is the room where Hammer recorded all of his albums.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

I won't be here to make a new contest when (not if) I win, but I made an entry anyways.

Truthy McTruth isn't very good at selling houses.... by EvilZak 3-11-04

Do you like celebrities? Because this house was once owned by Micheal Jackson! I put springs on the outside walls in case it falls over. It has two bedrooms, and I'd prefer not to say the number of bathrooms. You will never notice a leak, so long as you remain on the first floor. The plumbing in this house is very secure. We know how important good plumbing is, we found out when a bathroom pipe exploded and the house was covered in poo. We can't legally sell you this house until we refill the airbags attached to the ceiling.

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AFROMANS MOVE

World's Worst 9: The Buyer Be There by Halcyon 3-12-04

Uh, to begin...Let me just "break it down" for you... This ain't no nigger shack. Actually, we're looking for a 'high-assurance' purchaser, and looking at you only assures me of your affinity for pudding snacks. That was fellati-awesome, but I'm still not donating the house.

(I humbly submit that it's mere jest, should I truly offend, seeing as it is my first time posting.)

Let the sellar beware... by CowTipper 3-12-04

One of the great things about this house is the many storage rooms and closets, so it's especially good if you have a lot of stuff. Excellent......

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I think, therefore I make comments on a forum.

Worst Thing to say When Selling a House by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 3-12-04

Two Words - "Hanson" and "MMM-Bop". It happened right here my man.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

I'm in the process of buying a home at the moment, which was part of the inspiration for this contest. I'm going to share some of this experience with you throughout this contest. I also have pics available for email if you don't believe the following strips (email me for them):

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Worse Things To Say While Buying Or Sellling A House by ANNOYINGxANGELS 3-12-04

Now if you see any condoms lieing around they haven't been used by man.Or woman...I think. Oh...Don't worry about it. They may be re-useable.

Worst Thing To Say When Selling A House by boinky33 3-13-04

1 Here is the broom closet. Or as the previous owner called it: "The Dead Hooker Closet". 2 The cable is broken so it only gets UPN. 3 Electricity?

Worst Thing To Say When Selling A House 2 by boinky33 3-13-04

1 If you're going to buy this house, could I crash here next week? 2 You'll also be living right next door to a friendly fellow named Tobor. 3 Yes, this is a very famous house. This is where those 20 people were stabbed to dea....I mean, this is where Britney Spears used to live.

This is pretty much what ahppened when I bought my flat:

Worst things to say when selling a house: True Stories by jes_lawson 3-13-04

So, as you can see, there's a lot of potential with this flat. You mean like, electrical potential? I'm sure my hair wasn't sticking up like this before I came in... This is the front room. Did I mention how motivated the seller is? Yeah, these summons and debt collection agencies letters would make anyone "motivated". Do you think you could make a decision before Friday? The seller's quite desperate and...what was that noise? That was the sound of a couple of thousand pounds dropping from my offer.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

A House in Your Price Range by Zaster 3-14-04

As you can see, this house has alot of old worm charm. You mean "old world" charm, don't you? Yes. Everything here is completely termite infested... er, I mean UL tested! Please don't lean against that wall!

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

A House in Your Price Range 2 by Zaster 3-15-04

Try the walk-in closets! They're fully lighted. With high pressure sodium lamps, no less! Interesting smell in here... reminds me of my youth. Hey, someone left some big flower pots in here! The seller is VERY motivated! I watch "Cops".

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

A House in Your Price Range 3 by Zaster 3-15-04

The floor sure creaks alot in this room, doesn't it? Please don't stomp like that! What the..!? YEEAARRGGHH!!! As you can see, the basement is partially furnished.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

A House in Your Price Range 4 by Zaster 3-15-04

What's up with the huge cracks in that door frame? Those are what give the house its unique character! They were caused during the civil war! This house wasn't built until 1957. Oops! I meant to say "civil unrest". Riots are quite common around here!

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

worlds worst thing to say while selling a house by xxausrottenxx 3-15-04

wait, what was i doing again?

world's worst thing to say while selling a house-2 by xxausrottenxx 3-15-04

the air conditioner isn't that reliable

world's worst thing to say while selling a house-3 by xxausrottenxx 3-15-04

um...i mean...cereal...ya theres some killer cereal that lives here

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xx( o Y o. )xx

Worst thing to say when selling a house? 2 words... by HollywoodStew 3-16-04

As you can see, the upstairs is in great condition and the roof has been reshingled. The basement doesn't leak and the plumbing is perfectly fine. Good clean neighborhood and plenty of great schools! Then...who is be selling the house mister man? Goddamn i hate my job... ....R Kelly....

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jolly_roger2

Don't haste! Get your entries in today! Just because there is a comic cup afoot doesn't mean you should ignore the other contests.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I was too busy sticking pins in my Rabid and umfum voodoo dolls.

Worst Thing To Say When Selling A House by niteowl 3-18-04

Did you know they filmed The Amityville Horror in this very house?

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

maybe participation gives me the winning edge

worlds worst thing to say while selling a house-4 by xxausrottenxx 3-18-04

i see you are indian american, im actually part cherokee myself

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xx( o Y o. )xx

Worst house to say while selling a thing by dcomposed 3-18-04

"brad sings a song by a campfire (rerun)" BEEEEEEEEEER MAKES TIME DIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! ROCKKK!!!AAQ! These are the neighbours.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Multiple judges can make things a bit more confusing. Especially when the language barrier between our two countries forces us to do this:

The Honorable Mention goes to Ewwwww for:

Worlds Worst 9: What Brad Really Does With Donations... by Ewwwww 3-11-04

These walls are jizz proof like the ones in them porno booths, right?

The Honourable Mention goes to Halcyon for:

World's Worst 9: The Buyer Be There by Halcyon 3-12-04

Uh, to begin...Let me just "break it down" for you... This ain't no nigger shack. Actually, we're looking for a 'high-assurance' purchaser, and looking at you only assures me of your affinity for pudding snacks. That was fellati-awesome, but I'm still not donating the house.

But Chicka and I both agree that the winner is clearly EvilZak for this gem:

Truthy McTruth isn't very good at selling houses.... by EvilZak 3-11-04

Do you like celebrities? Because this house was once owned by Micheal Jackson! I put springs on the outside walls in case it falls over. It has two bedrooms, and I'd prefer not to say the number of bathrooms. You will never notice a leak, so long as you remain on the first floor. The plumbing in this house is very secure. We know how important good plumbing is, we found out when a bathroom pipe exploded and the house was covered in poo. We can't legally sell you this house until we refill the airbags attached to the ceiling.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III