CC 298 by HCRoyall 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! According to this anatomy book, you don't have the right equipment to jerk a yerkin anyway. But I can still get a city-wide gangbang going, right?

CC 298 by HCRoyall 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! This young bluefin tuna, however, is not immune to my jerkin' wrath.

CC 298 by HCRoyall 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Good, because according to this letter from the company doctor, any more jerkin' will cause you to drop dead from testosterone poisoning. Well that works out well. But this letter from your general practitioner says if you don't jerk something fierce for a while, you'll die of prostate cancer in a month. Fuck.

CC 298 by HCRoyall 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Squawk! That's your answer for everything!

CC 298 by HCRoyall 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Which one?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

CC 298 by mandingo 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! we're going off to war and that's what you're thinking about?? oh, you naive little man this whole war's about yerkin jerkin'

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what if nigger meant kite

Not the characters I was hoping for, but ...

CC 298: Cumbersome by kaufman 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Or at least until this place opens up, someone finds me, and they scrape the dried spooge off, so I can go home.

CC 298: Small and Soft by kaufman 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! You hear me? Really, I'm sorry, Mr. Gates. Just put things back the way they was.

CC 298: Smashing Pumpkins by kaufman 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! That must be what I'm being punished for. Why else would I have my insides taken out, and a burning candle placed inside me? Not to mention having my eyes and mouth gouged out with a sharp ivory object. Tusk, tusk, tusk.

CC 298: The Plane Truth by kaufman 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! This was so embarrassing. You're embarrassed? Who, after all, yanked hard on it, put it over his nose and mouth, and continued to breathe normally?

CC 298: Yerk City by kaufman 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Ha! I'll do you one better. 41! Oh yeah? 42! You hear me? 42. That won't take you very far. I'm going 43. Later ... You may think you've won, but you haven't. I'll go 65 googolplex and two days without jerkin' my yerkin! Fine. You have fun doing that. I'm heading off for some good jerkin' now.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 298: Ode to Equality by kaufman 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! And I'm going to go a whole month without eating live babies. From now on, I'm never going to roll in my own shit, while singing "Tiny Bubbles" on a Tuesday. No more trussing Johnny up beneath the elephant's tail. So ... What do you think? Do we get the job? If you decide so, give us a call. We're the Anti-Aristocrats.

CC 298: Arena (unabridged) by kaufman 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! You think that will make you strong enough? You're still no match for the Gorn, human! Oh no, It isn't that, It's just that I shouldn't have used the transporter device to pleasure myself ... Scotty, is it fixed yet? Oh no, Cap'n. Spock is using it for his pon farr, but he says he should be done in an hour. I kinna say no to the first officer, after all. Oh crap, guess I'm going to have to go invent gunpowder or something.

CC 298: Mrs. Perkins by kaufman 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Aw, what the firkin, no more shirkin'. It's sirkenly time to get to workin'. Think I'll go cirkin' a little turkin. Birken, birken, birken. On sirken thought, I think I'll have that lurkin' smirkin' chirken instead!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 298: Too late for that by lukket 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! splat ... um ... it seems I should have listened to what mommy said ... ... it really did fall off after excessive jerkin'

(And that one is supposed to be my 400th comic... ^ )

CC 298: Based on a Tour story by lukket 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Not so fast dog-with-only-one-ball ... um ... what was my motivation for this scene again? You've discovered in a Southern prison that only having one ball does not defer you from doing great deeds, and now you will single-handledly win the Civil War! I don't get it - why don't we just make a story about a Texan with only one ball whose victories abroad inspire and impress? This is that story - though we had to make a few changes because Lance wanted too much money for the royalties.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

CC298:No name by Tterb 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Love, Mom

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horray for life. boo.

CC 298: Alphas, Numbers, Punctuation, Length, Uncrackable! by kaufman 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! What did you say? Forget it, bud. If you missed it the first time, I sure as hell ain't giving you my password.

CC 298: What'd He Say? by kaufman 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Whoosh, fooom, zlodp, wave, bang! And to celebrate, I think I'm going to make me a half dozen waffles. What do you think about that? Flip, rub, clap, snorgl, snap, clonggg. Oh, thank goodness he shut up for a moment. Why'd I ever take on this job as a sign language interpreter anyway?

CC 298: One Day in Andy Warhol's Studio by kaufman 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Do you think it will help? I hope so. Got any better ideas? No, I guess not. But I can't imagine he'd forget us. He's not that kind of guy. He'll come back and take care of us. That's not the problem. Look at the background. When he does paint us, it's likely to be chartreuse. You're wrong about the chartreuse. I've got $5 that says it'll be magenta.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Good one! Forgot the "not in the Unix word list" though ;)

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troelsea at gmail dot com

There's that darned title length limit :-)

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 298: Newlyweds by biped 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Would you jerk MY yerkin instead? Well...I'm not really sure I'd feel comfortable jerkin' a chicken yerkin. Chicken yerkins are FUN to jerk! It's like a "first-person shooter" video game! It is? Sure! I'll sit in your lap and you can try to splooge Nick and Jessica!

CC 298: All Swell That End Swell by biped 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Now, don't be too hasty, Jim -- that swelling WILL go down eventually. But it's so TENDER (sob)...it hurts just to TOUCH it... I'll use the mink glove. See? Doesn't that feel good? Y-yeah... (sniff) Do you have any good, you know, DVDs? Sure...you take over, and I'll go put in "The Thing."

CC 298: Happy Happy Robot Joe by biped 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! And I'M going 40 days without...er... without singing "La-la-la!!!" What? What the hell's so hard about not singing "La-la-la"? Oh, my! I'm just so gosh-darn HAPPY that I can barely RESTRAIN myself, ha-ha! PHOOEY! NOT JERKIN' OFF for 40 days is a whole lot harder than -- LA-LA-LA!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 298: An Alternative by niteowl 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! I see you're still gonna mess with your butthole though, eh?

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

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Dinosaurs had eggs bro, the chicken came way later.

CC 298: Springer in Hell by niteowl 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! They're chanting your name again, Jerry.

CC 298: You'll Shoot Your Eye Out by niteowl 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! You're still not getting a Red Ryder for Christmas, Ralphie.

CC 298: Hold the Special Sauce by niteowl 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Look here asshole, are you gonna take my fucking order or not?

CC 298: Be Safe by niteowl 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! Instead, I'm gonna get a piece of ass every night, regardless of the increased risk of catching a disease. Don't turn around, I know you like it like that. You won't have to worry about jerkin' it after you get what I got. It'll probably just fall off.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

I don't envy Red. If I were him, I'd say the first guy who posted was the winner.
I have an idea, just tell them the war is on hold until you've read all these things. That'll work.
By the way, this was my favorite contest to read ever. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. And enjoy the wonderful smoke of joyful funness squared.
Okay, bye.

i was thinking the same thing but in lowercase and without punctuation

CC 298 by mandingo 9-26-05

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!! as long as you believe, anything is possible. and hope. hope and belief are all we have and kids in wells let's mix them all together and make chili