Wow.  I haven't won a comic contest since #182.  There are two main reasons for this:

1. I'm not funny.

2. I haven't been visiting this site much in the intervening years.

Let's focus on the second one.

The theme of this competition is long absences.   Vacations, sabbaticals, studying abroad, prison sentences, enrollment in the witness protection program, etc., etc.  There's a lot of potential here.  So start exploiting it!  Enter early and often.

The absences may be long, but you have a mere four days to write your comics about them.  Expect judging to commence sometime Friday afternoon or evening; that is, 100 hours or so from the timestamp on this post.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

The Return of Stubborn Dan, The Anti-Arms Man 1 by biped 10-13-08

Why, it's Stubborn Dan, the Anti-Arms Man! I thought you were dead! Nah, I've just been studying no-arms use with a Shaolin monk for six years. Oh, that's--DIOS MIO!!! FALLING KNIVES!!! Quick, shield your head with your arms! Not gonna happen, Miguel. Whew! Dan! Dan! Are you all right? Sure. The knives barely pierced my skull.

The Return of Stubborn Dan, The Anti-Arms Man 2 by biped 10-13-08

Stubborn Dan, the Anti-Arms Man! Why, I haven't seen you for-- Six years. Yeah, I'm getting kinda tired of hearing that. My, if this isn't a pleasant surprise. Put 'er there, pal! Okay. Wow, that's a pretty firm footshake you've got there, Dan! Well, my dad always said it was a sign of character.

The Return of Stubborn Dan, The Anti-Arms Man 3 by biped 10-13-08

DAN! Wrap those arms around me and give me a BIG HUG! To do so would be an utter betrayal of everything I stand for, Debbie. But...I haven't seen you in six years... Well, how about a blow job? You said "blow job" to my sister. Prepare to defend yourself. No, YOU prepare to get bitch-slapped by my kung-fu buttocks.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

cc403: Hence the name by mandingo 10-13-08

where do you go when you take your long breaks? from stripcreator? i just like to take a break for a year or so, get new ideas, come back and write another 1000 comics, then fuck off again no, i mean when you "brb" me  oh  that peanut brittle's going right through me

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what if nigger meant kite

NOT my best work...

CC403 by UnknownEric 10-14-08

Lots of celebrities have faked their own deaths. Elvis, Andy Kaufman, Jim Morrison, Tupac, Oscar Wilde... Oscar Wilde? How do you know he faked his death? Because he's right over there. Hi, darling.

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I has a flavor!

RCL no. 1907 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 10-14-08

I'm sorry, Emily... It looks like your mom's going to be taking an extended leave of ABSENCE. Are you saying she's DEAD? Uh, no, Emily... She's on, uh, a LEARNING VACATION- a SABATICAL, if you will. Yeah, that's it. She told me to tell you not to worry... So, she's DEAD! OKAY! OKAY! I FUCKED UP THE HYSTERECTOMY AND THAT BITCH YOU CALL MOM IS DEAD!! YOU HAPPY NOW, YOU LITTLE CUNT?! Actually, I am, because now I have daddy's penis all to myself!

Mr. Carnivore the lawyer (1) by Beeko180 10-15-08

Don't worry. I'm your lawyer, and I will swear through my past bloody and gory rampages that I Mr. Carnivore will defend you no matter what it takes. Even if It takes murder. I swear on my dead vict- Ok. Can we just skip this and go to the trial already. Now. Who framed roger rabbit? That guy! He's the one! It was him!

 

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Sentence to ??-where-?? by Beeko180 10-15-08

Blue. Yes your honor. I here by sentence you to life in kindergarten That was a joke, right? No.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

CC 403: Where y'at by NeoVid 10-15-08

I'm free! I'm finally free!! Haahaaahaaaa!! Where'd Evil get to? I haven't seen him since he said he saw daylight and ran off. Yeah, and remember he was hallucinating about floating red robot heads before that. I hate this goddamn cave.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Mr. Carnivore the lawyer (2) by Beeko180 10-15-08

Don't worry, I am your lawyer. My name is Mr. Carnivore and I am here to tell the judge that I will make sure you don't go to jail. I swear on my past bloody and gory rampages that I, Mr. Carnivore... At the trial Now, who is responsable. It was him! He's the culprate! Arrest him! He did it! Not me! Him! That guy! Lousy laws. Aren't they supposed to protect us? I hereby sentence you to life without parol for buying an apple at the supermarket.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Absence Minded by choadwarrior 10-17-08

Your 6th grade PE teacher called mom. They're looking to do some sort of reunion for your old school. The small talk alone would be excruciating. Don't you want to see anyone from back then? The fact that it was a Christian school makes me even more suspect. I think you should go. I'm better off knowing nobody's praying for me right now.

CC403: Return of an old friend by mmyers 10-17-08

Who the fuck are you? I'm your youthful charm and youthful good looks and youthful enthusiasm. Where the fuck have you been the last 8 years? Well shucks, I got blunted by long work days, no vacations, psychotic girlfriends, and reality TV. But I'm back now and I'm ready to take up where we left off. Get back to our youth! I'm drunk, aren't I? Absolutely shit faced. Now let's try to fuck a stripper and go get into a fist fight.

Sad but true.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

When I saw biped's entry go up, mere hours after I posted the rules, I thought, "That's pretty good.  I wonder how anybody else will be able to top it?"

Now I know the answer: they won't.  Mmyers made a valiant last-minute effort, and is hereby declared the runner-up, but biped's concept still tickles me, even after several readings.  I especially liked part 1, panel 2 and part 3, panel 1. 

Well done, biped.  Now get cracking on CC404!  Everyone else, thanks for entering.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Thanks very much for the kind comments and for the chance to make up for the epic failure of my last CC.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.