All comics by DexX

Profile

 

by DexX
1-18-01
Son, it's about that time in your life when we need to sit down and talk...
This isn't an easy thing for me to talk to you about, but you are growing up fast, and you need to be informed...
Son... we need to talk about... crossing the road...
Oh, that? Ha ha! I've been crossing the road for months now!

 

by DexX
1-18-01
Hey, son! Where are you off to?
*bleep!* Huh?
WHy don't you and me sit down and have a talk? I can't remember the last time we -
*bleep!* Sorry dad, in a hurry.
But... but... we need to talk about the facts of life...
Not now, dad. I scored a starring role in a new porn flick, and I'm due on set...

 

by DexX
1-18-01
A haiku for felion
Haikus, a great idea. / Mind if I develop it? / Time for running gags!
A haiku for Big Evil Dan
Loved the interviews. / Loved the great "Three simple steps". / Welcome home, Dan's muse.
A haiku for Amazed Porno Bunny
Vocabulary? / What is a vocabulary? / White's a colour too.
Where's that guy with the hammer? I need to strike a blow for poetry criticism...

 

by DexX
1-18-01
Call the first witness!
...and then the middle line was "What is a vocabulary?" That is clearly eight syllables. I heard him say it!
*sigh*
Daming testimony indeed. Mr Spigot, how do you plead?
Guilty, your honour.
Very well, your punishment shall be having seventeen nails hammered into your head - five, seven, then five.
It's not my fault I can't count - I can't see my fingers!

 

by DexX
1-18-01
Welcome to Movie Banter, with your host, Bongo.
Thank you for joining us. Tonight we are talking to controversial poultry star Diablo. Welcome to the show.
Thanks Bongo, it's great to be here.
Can we talk about your new film, Why The Chicken Crossed The Road. Some are calling a crass cash-in, and others hailing it as a masterpiece. What is your view?
I don't see what the fuss is about. We approached the subject-matter with great reverence and respect. Some details had to change, of course - that is the nature of cinema.
Some people have objected to the explicit sex scene...
Prudes... it was handled very tactfuly, and 100% in context with the story. Besides, Jon and I both felt comfortable with it, so we thought, what the hell!

 

by DexX
1-19-01
In orbit over Slobidan 5...
Pah, fucking infomercials...
That's right! For just $129.95, you can get the complete set!
Oops!
*FZZZZZZTTTT!!!!*
Dontcha hate it when you pick up the gun instead of the remote?
*crackle*

 

by DexX
1-19-01
5:1 "Then I saw in the right hand of him who sat on the throne a scroll with writing on both sides and sealed with seven seals."
*honk honk* I'm a seal. I would balance a ball on my nose, but that damned dog is balancing on it.
Wheee.... I never get sick of this...
6:8 "I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! It's rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him."
What horse?
I'm not a horse, but with these feet-for-ears you could ride me like a motorcycle!
17:3 "There I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast that was covered with blasphemous names and had seven heads and ten horns."
Umm.... urrr.... I left my other heads at home.
Aww, not the Whore of Babylon! I already get enough prostitute gags...

 

by DexX
1-20-01
In a local video library...
Welcome to Monty's Video. Can I help you find anything?
Urrmmmm... I'm looking for that chicken crossing the road thing...
Yup, right here... What the Chicken Did After Crossing the Road...
What? No, no, that's that terrible sequel. I want the original. You know? The classic?
Oh, here. Why the Chicken Crossed the Road, starring Diablo de'Chicken...
No! No, you idiot! The original, not the remake! Ah, bugger it, I'm renting this film instead... Psycho, directed by Jan De Bont. Sounds like a great movie...

 

by DexX
1-20-01
Yummy, I like food. / Eating food is really good, / Dog food is the best.
Who is at the door? / Should I bark or wag my tail? / Urinate, maybe?
Chasing cats is fun. / Sometimes mean cats scratch my nose. / Scratches really hurt.
Let's face it - dogs just aren't as complicated as cats.

 

by DexX
1-20-01
A fairground in Nebraska...
Introducing the amazing...
...pushmepullyou!
*gronk!*
*gronk!*
Aw shoot, this 'ere donkey ain't no use to me...

 

by DexX
1-20-01
Cows, OK? Not donkeys - COWS. Got it?
*Moo!*
Shit, I was just about to say that!
Quick! Get the farmer! I'm about the give birth! HURRY!!!
Don't have a cow, man.
Hey, are you worried about this mad cow disease that's going around?
Why should I be? I'm a chicken.

 

by DexX
1-20-01
*BLAM!*
*argh!*

 

by DexX
1-20-01
Melbourne, Australia
Heya DexX! Are you OK? You're looking a bit... well... insane.
Sunday, 21st January, 2001
What's the problem? You look like you're on a really bad trip...
3:30am
Come to think of it... this isn't your usual self-representative graphic. Aren't you normally boozer from When I Grow Up?
Finished... reading... all... twenty... three... hundred... strips... brain... is... convulsing...

 

by DexX
1-20-01
Are you serious, DexX? You read every one of the twenty-three hundred strips made by Strip Creator? Are you insane?!?!
I am now.
Bloody hell... How did you get through all of it?
One hundred at a time, two windows open, one starting from xx00 and the other starting from xx50.
I am amazed that you came up with such a logical and systematic way of doing such a pointless and illogical thing.
I can't feel my legs.

 

by DexX
1-20-01
OK, you read every single strip created with this system so far. Were there enough good ones to make it worthwhile?
It was odd really, it came in waves... First 100 was patchy, second hundred was good, three hundred to five hundred was pretty weak... uh...
Maybe you shouldn't be stan-
*K-THUNK!*
-ding.
...fifteen hundred to seventeen hundred was the worst... ...ouch. Why does that wall have light fittings on it?

 

by DexX
1-20-01
4am... DexX goes to bed... and dreams of LowPass.net...
Ah shit... I am dreaming in three panels...
You think YOUR life is hard? I just had all my flesh sucked off by an elephant!
Hey, don't stress... it's only a dream. You are just a figment of my LowPass-twisted mind. You don't feel pain.
Sure, but you've forgotten about the cheese slices again, haven't you?
Cheese slices? I don't even like cheese. I only eat bird seed.
...and cuttlefish shell! Don't forget the cuttlefish!

 

by DexX
1-21-01
Backstage...
I can't do this. I can't do this. I used to be the most respected chicken in Hollywood. how could I have sunk so low?
Hey! Double-Oh or whatever your name is! Director wants you out on set right now!
Come on down for a new or used car. Our sales assistants are all chicken, so scare them into a bargain price. This week at Cowlungsbonk Motors you can...
Cut! Cut! What's your problem? The name of the car dealership is over there, on that sign.
I... uh, I don't have my glasses with me...
Maybe you'll be able to read it if you go and cross the road! HAR HAR! Ah jeez... someone get this turkey a script...

 

by DexX
1-21-01
Hey, who is that over there? It looks like...
Excuse me, aren't you the lead singer from Swedish supergroup A-Ha?
Huh? No, I am Jon, star of Why the Chicken Crossed the Road, and its sequel...
Oh, sorry. Never mind.
*sigh*

 

by DexX
1-24-01
Hey Jesus! Can you have a look at this big lump on my... Hey, what happened to the usual guy?
He's been released on a good behaviour bond. I am now the Low Pass Jesus. It is punishment for my involvement in crimes against films and comics.
Damn! What did the last guy do to deserve that?
I think he had something to do with the making of the Spawn live action movie.
And for that he got nailed to a lump of wood and stuck in an endless cycle of bad comics? He got off lightly...
I think so. I would have executed the bastard.

 

by DexX
1-24-01
In a downtown church...
My life is a shambles. My career is over. My fortune is gone. And my best friend...
*sob* My best friend, Diablo, is dead. God, is there any hope? Am I doomed to be a wreck for the rest of my life?
Cheer up, Jon. Things will get better.
Jesus? Is that you?
Well, yes and no. It's kind of hard to explain.

 

by DexX
1-25-01
One night at Arkham Town Hall...
I first started on souls a few aeons ago. I decimated a few planets, and it was fun... to start with... but it started to get out of hand. So quickly...
It got so I couldn't really wake up in the morning without sucking the souls from a whole civilisation. I started spawning death cults everywhere. I was stuck in a spiral.
Thanks to Old Gods Anonymous, I am finally starting to get off the habit. It's been three weeks now, and with Shub Niggurath's help, I will never devour another soul.

 

by DexX
1-25-01
One warm morning in Hell...
Damn that bus came close to hitting me....
Oh.... Shit....
You're in MY world now, mortal! MUAHAHAHAAA!
Urm... I always thought the Prince of Darkness would be taller.
Shut up. I just have a slouched posture, that's all. *sniff* Hurtful bitch... *sob*

 

by DexX
1-25-01
In the Low Pass green room...
This is so cool now! I don't have to be just a TV any more. I can be a PC too! Double the humour potential...
No more of those damned Calista Flockhart strips! Such a relief...
*ahem*
What the...? *sigh* Where's the TV guide? I need to find out when Ally McBeal's on...
Hey, did you notice that from this angle my keypad is on the wrong side? I bet DexX feels like a bit of a dickhead now.

 

by DexX
1-26-01
David Attenborough presents: The mating ritual of the Polynesian Megaphallus.
Wow! That was fantastic!
Sure was! You're a sex machine!

 

by DexX
1-26-01
Now it is time for you to go back home, human.
Oh, my head...
*FFZZZZTTT!*
Oops, I'll try that again...
*FFZZZZTTT!*
Oops... maybe if I adjust this knob here...
Is this going to take much longer? I need to take a leak...

 

by DexX
1-26-01
Wait, wait, almost got it...
Gimme that!
Hey! I almost had it right!
Sure, sure... Now, let's have a look. Can't possibly do any worse than you... I'll try THIS button-
*FZZZZT!*
This looks familiar.
If only Chief Engineer O'Brien were here...

 

by DexX
1-27-01
Friends, robots, countrydroids, lend me your aural input devices.
I come to dismantle Caesar, not to deliver a positive review of his technical capabilities.
The evil that programmers do lives after them, the good is oft deleted with their reformatted hard drives.
Robotic theatre is never gonna take off...

 

by DexX
1-27-01
Hi! I'm collecting money for disadvantaged psychics. Would you care to make a donation?
Uh, no, sorry, i already gave some money earlier...
Hmmmmm.......
....uh, someone was rattling a tin around the office, and I... uh...
Liar. Gimme fifty bucks or I'll tell your friends about your fetish for farmyard porn.

 

by DexX
1-27-01
I have risen from the sunken city of R'lyeh. I have returned to the Earth. The destruction is total.
*sigh*
Now I'm bored.

 

by DexX
1-27-01
Frank's poor eyesight finally led him to heartbreak.
Why hello there, gorgeous...
Television paranoia.
STOP STARING AT ME!!!!
DexX realised that he can't think of a third single-panel gag for this strip.
Shit.

 

by DexX
1-28-01
In a secret laboratory
Ewwww... he doesn't look like Jeff Goldblum...
I'll just go and hop into my teleportation pod. Gee, hope nothing horrible happens.
Woah! Teleportation is trippy!
Ow, my DNA hurts...
OK, I'm back. How do I look?
Strangely enough, better than before...

 

by DexX
2-02-01
Diablo and John settle in as Jesus and Satan...
Hokay.... I'm starting to get the hang of this. I'm human, but I'm God...
...and I am an angel, but I am also the supreme force of evil in the universe.
Hmmmm...
Hmmmm...
Wanna swap? I do evil WAY better than you.
Sure. I always wanted to be God.

 

by DexX
2-02-01
Meanwhile, in Hell...
I get to be Satan. Cool! All this is mine. I can -
*ahem!*
Oh, uh... hi.
Your punishment was carefully selected for you. You can't just swap around. Where's Jon?
Meanwhile, NOT in Hell...
I don't know why everyone says this is such a bad job...
Hey Jesus, I gotta question. What's the Church's attitude to fellatio?

 

by DexX
2-04-01
I'm sorry, sir, but nobody survived the collision. Your wife and your baby son are dead.
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!
I just haver to say it Maura... I can't keep the truth inside me any longer... I- I love you! I always have!
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!
*** Low Pass Industries' Comic Strip Creator ***
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!

 

by DexX
2-04-01
I'm curious about something, Jon...
What?
Now that I am being forced to play that part of the penguinatrix, and you are the fire... what are the original penguin and fire doing?
Got me there, Diablo.
So tell me, chicken... why DID you cross that road? I mean, really...
Leave me alone, ya freak! I keep telling you - I AM A PENGUIN!

 

by DexX
2-04-01
In a Hollywood studio...
I'm telling you, Frank - the classic-joke-movie genre is not dead!
Oh, come on, Bob. Don't you remember Why The Chicken Crossed The Road? Knock Knock? Both flops!
Hey, the first Chicken movie made a tidy profit. It was that abysmal sequel that killed the franchise...
Okay, okay... Let me hear this great new idea of yours, and I'll consider it.
Great! OK, there's this Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman...
SECURITY!!!

 

by DexX
2-04-01
Is your significant other also an African-American?
You are so P.C.
Pleased to meet you, Michael.
Oh please, just call me Mike.
f you expect me to say something about "making a trunk call" then you have another thing coming...
Awwww... please?

 

by DexX
2-07-01
...so Satan said I hadn't done a good enough job playing the part of a flame graphic, so he made me change again!
Yes, I noticed. You're stuck being the overused default left-hand Asian girl.
WHAT? I thought I was supposed to be the dog on a ball...
I wish I had the guts to go right up to Satan and demand that we have our original graphics reinstated.
Well why don't you? Are you chicken?
Oh, like I haven't heard THAT one before...

 

by DexX
2-07-01
Psssst! All your base are belong to us! Pass it on!
Psssst! Molar braces are too long to rust! Pass it on!
Psssst! Polar racist art you love to rush! Pass it on!
Psssst! Polly's facial arsehole up tourists! Pass it on!
Pssst! Police face arsenal of two wrists! Pass it on!
Bugger this, I'm going to the pub...

 

by DexX
2-10-01
Trick or treat!
Trick or treat!
AAARRRGGGHH!!!!
AAARRRGGGHH!!!!
I don't get it? Why do all the trick-or-treaters keep running away?
Might have something to do with those spinach-and-eggplant muffins you keep trying to give them...

 

by DexX
2-12-01
*bleep!* Welcome to the interplanetary museum of biology. *bleep!* I am your guide, 5H1T.
*bleep!* This creature is the most evil being on the planet Earth. After identifying it from many works of art, we took it for our display. *bleep* It is called "Satan".
I keep telling you, runt - that's not me on all those Slayer posters...
*bleep!* Here is the alien creature most feared my the inhabitants of Earth. *bleep!* They know it simply as a "Grey".
*sigh* I am doomed to spend eternity in a terrible pun...

 

by DexX
3-16-01
Here's Mister Spoo, the Big Blue Emu. Poor Mister Spoo has a bout of the flu...
Ah-ah-ah-CHOO!
Spoo, you dumb shmoo, I'm all covered in goo! If I catch your flu I'll lock you in a zoo!
You and whose military crew, you old shrew?
Silly old Spoo - you forgot my kung fu.
Ouch... uh, I mean... oooh.

 

by DexX
3-16-01
December 1997
I am a Pentium II - 233, equipped with 64MB of RAM, a 4.2GB hard drive, a 3Dfx VooDoo graphics card, and a DVD-ROM drive. Get on your knees and grovel, slave.
I love you! Let me have your babies!
Late 1999
I just don't understand it... nothing like this has never happened to me before. I feel so humiliated...
Don't worry, Beast. Why don't we just sit here for a while, then we can try running Unreal Tournament again at a lower resolution.
March 2001
Please! Don't do this! I _changed_ myself for you! I got a TNT2 card, I doubled my RAM, a faster DVD-ROM drive. You can't let a stupid game come between us!
How dare you talk about Black & White like that!

 

by DexX
3-17-01
Meanwhile, in a Turkish prison...
So I figured... it's not like this is any kind of official contest with enforceable rules, so why not fudge it and help myself?
*slurp*
...and why the hell have you stopped, DexX?
Sorry wirthling, just rinsing my mouth out.
Oooooh yeeeeah... Now, what's the good of having power if you can't abuse it?
*slurp*

 

by DexX
3-17-01
I'm the king of the world!

 

by DexX
3-18-01
See, "Like a Virgin" is about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick...
*sigh*
You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France? A Royale with Cheese.
Limp-dick Tarantino fanboys are so fucking dull...
Now, let's kill that fucking b-AAARGH!
Oh, I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?

 

by DexX
3-18-01
We have now passed the five-digit mark - comic strip number ten thousand has been made!
Wow... Gabe must be very pleased with himself, making the 10,000th strip. What's the next big number everyone will want?
I don't know... eleven thousand, maybe?
Nah, that's too predictable... 10101? 12345?
The mathematical people will want 14916. On the oppostie end of the spectrum will be those who will hold out for 90210...
Look on the bright side - if someone really is that much of a loser, we won't hear anything from the for about 80,000 strips...

 

by DexX
3-18-01
Twister
Right foot on yellow!
Ow! I fell down!
Facial expressions
Why are you looking so hostile?
Oh, get that innocent look off your face!
Nudity... (damn it!)
Hey! Knock before you walk into the bathroom! My slim yet curvacious eighteen-year-old body is completely naked, and beaded with slowly-running droplets of steamy water!
What a coincidence! So is mine!

 

by DexX
3-18-01
Life sucks... I suck... everything sucks... I wish I were dead...
Hey! Why so blue?
Hello. Did you know that I like to eat the hard-shelled edible seeds of some trees?
...but that's just nuts!
Hey! Could you lend me ten bucks, huh? Come on, I'll be your friend if you do. i promise I'll pay you back. Hey, what are you doing today? Can I hang around with you? Wanna see my infected toe?
Stop bugging me!

 

by DexX
3-18-01
In a dingy film studio in California...
You're kidding?! You actually got _the_ Jon from Goats to come in and play a role in our unofficial Chicken Crossing the Road sequel?
Yep, he's on set doing his first scene now.
Wow! Does he realise it's not really a sequel at all, but a hardcore sadomasochistic beastio-porn parody?
Sure does. That was actually what convinced him to do it! Come and have a look...
Coming Soon: Why the Chicken Shot His Load
*swish-CRACK!*
Oh yes! Yes! I'm your road, babe! I'm your road! Walk across me! WALK ALL OVER ME!!!

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