All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
6-16-10
Your tone does not please me. Guards! Take her away!
Wait! I'm sorry! Is there... ANYTHING ... I can do to make up for it?
Mmmmmyessss... Now that you mention it... I may have a ... POSITION... you can fill.......
'bout damn time! This anus ain't gunna champagne and vaporub itself!
???

 

by brycekain
6-17-10
Ninja ... so graceful. So stealthy.
Ninja ... no one can hear you coming.
Unless you ate chili for lunch.
You just queefed from your manhole!!

 

by brycekain
6-20-10
All clear! Man, I thought all these prescious works of art were going to go up in flames!
Reminds me of the time we had to dowse all those poor single mothers at the abortion clinic.
WTF??
Sorry, I just spooged a little.

 

by brycekain
6-29-10
...but to quote Carl Jung, "Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness...
...It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity."
WOOOOO!!!!! LEMME SEE YOUR TITS!!!!
Oh go juggle my shit.

 

by brycekain
7-05-10
Why is my friend in jail?
F.U.C.K.
F.U.C.K...? You mean For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge? But that's the best Van Halen album ever!!!
Fuck.

 

by brycekain
7-22-10
Fuck-sake man, you're amateur. You're un-fucking-believable. I'M GOING TO FUCKING KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP FOR A SECOND!
You're a nice guy. You're a nice guy, but that don't fucking cut it when you're bullshitting and fucking around like this on set. Seriously man, you and me, we're fucking done professionally.
That's it. Your man-card has been revoked. You can hand in your penis to the bouncer on your way out.
Well played, Mr. Gibson. And how's that restraining order treating you?
Fuck you, sugar tits.

 

by brycekain
5-22-12
Bryce, where the hell have you BEEN? It's been forever since you've done a comic!
Really? We're going to set this thing up with a mediocre line like that? Ok, whatever. So I've been off recording songs for movies, buying a second place to live...
and fucking my trophy wife. Not to mention doing creative art for a t-shirt business, hob knobbing with the local celebrities, and being an all around rock god. Any other questions?
Yeah, how much acid did you take to dream up THAT bullshit?
A lot, man. Right now I can't even feel my asshole.

 

by brycekain
5-23-12
The only reason I married you was because Joseph threw me out!
Why don't you make miracles for me anymore?
hmmmmm.....
Are you finger painting with my blood again?
...virgin, my ass...

 

by brycekain
5-23-12
This is another random comic layout joke.
I usually do these when I want to make comics, but can't think of an original thing to say.
You get what you pay for, folks.
Butt herpes.

 

by brycekain
5-23-12
So then the patient says, "If that's your thermometer, where is my pencil?"
Why are you not laughing?
Never inject botox-flavored coffee into your crotch.

 

by brycekain
5-23-12
Up next: "Vampire Diaries" followed by "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" at 7 and then exclusive sneak previews of "Chernobyl Diaries."
Then at 9 it's "Bridgette Jones Diary" followed by "Diary of the Dead" and "Diary of a Mad Black Woman."
I think they've run out of movies to put the word "diary" in.
Coming up tomorrow: "Chronicles of Riddick" followed by "The Spiderwick Chronicles", "The Chronicles of Narnia", then a special sneak preview of the movie "Chronicle!"
Where's my gun?

 

by brycekain
5-23-12
It's been a long time, dad. It's great to see you again.
Listen, Jess, I gotta talk to you about your new husband. Sumthin' ain't right.
Is it that he records heavy metal songs with lyrics that are pro-homosexual marriage and sodomy?
No, no. I'm fine with that.
It's because he doesn't drink or smoke grass, isn't it?
That shit's UNAMERICAN, I TELL YOU!

 

by brycekain
5-31-12
Poverty is still a growing concern in this country...
"We must all do something about it!"
I must rally my fellow Facebookers so that we can seize this day and create change like never before!
*Like* Ok, bedtime.

 

by brycekain
6-20-12
I hate when chicks nag me. Chicks always nag me. I say the dumb asses can open their own doors and pay for their own dinners, dammit.
Oh you sweet, sweet man. I can change you. I know I can...
And you know what I hate? Chick flicks and chick TV. Like Sex and the City. And Hope Floats. And Lipstick Jungle. That shit SUUUUUUUCKS!
It will take some time and hard work. But I know, deep inside, I can turn this beautiful sweet man into my beloved Prince Charming...
Oh, and I hate Twilight.
GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY HOUSE!

 

by brycekain
6-21-12
OH MY GOD! JESUS CHRIST! I'M DYING! MAKE IT STOP, MOMMY! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!
What the heck is going on over there?!?
My 12 year old has a sunburn and my wife is applying sunscreen on the skin.
Oh no, your daughter sounds bad. Should you take her to the doctor??
My 12 year old is a boy and the sunburn is mild. *sigh* There go my dreams of retiring as a rich NFL dad.

 

by brycekain
7-21-12
The upstairs neighbors are driving me NUTS. Their kids are up at all hours of the night, running around, and the parents won't do shit about it. What to do, what to do...?
You could knock them all out with chlorophorm, grind them up into hamburgers, serve them at a local PTA meeting, and dissolve the rest in a bathtub filled with acid and maggots...
um... or I could file a formal complaint to the landlord...?
Well, yeah. That could work, too, I guess.
Are you on your fucking period?

 

by brycekain
7-24-12
How I think I would be...
YOU SUCK!
:(
How others think I'd be...
YOU SUCK!
I get paid to suck. Unlike your mother who swallows junkie semen behind the 7-11 for food stamps.
What would probably happen...
You mother FUCKER!
Security!

 

by brycekain
7-28-12
Man, why do these muscle bound jerks always do the kids movies where the rugrats scare the crap out of them?
Arnold! You're over 6 feet fucking tall! If I were in your position I'd smack one of those little fuckers! Show the little shits who the REAL BOSS is!
20 years later
Honey, I don't CARE if I'm over 40 and paying for my own house. Those little fuckers are awake and tearing up the living room out there. You drew the short straw. YOU fucking go!

 

by brycekain
8-01-12
AIDS.

 

by brycekain
8-04-12
Ya know what's weird? I just found out that you could fire me in this state if you thought I was gay. Isn't that weird?
ARE you gay?
Do you want me to be?

 

by brycekain
8-04-12
I'm here with the man who has done the unthinkable. Tell me something, sir...
You climbed into your sister's vagina, tore out her inbred fetus, cooked it with mayonnaise, and flung it across the English Channel in under 46 seconds.
How do you feel about winning the gold in this Olympic event?
I thought I was on Fear Factor.

 

Holy crapballs! I left for 6 years and...
Ya ya, you were the "oh so funny" AtheistDiary, but now you're back under your real name and... blah blah blah. I'd say we give a shit, but we're fresh out of turds, vagina lips.
by brycekain, 8-05-12

 

by brycekain
8-05-12
I hate all of you and I am gay for jesus and drink the blood of unholy goats!!!!!!! ------------------------ Um... hey, BryceKain? Why do you make me say such ugly things?
Cause I'm bored and I want to make a comic, but I have no creativity left.
Plus your penis is practically nonexistent.
That's it, I'm turning you into a Jew-hating Republican.
SON OF A BITCH!

 

by brycekain
8-07-12
Look Hal, I really can't thank you enoigh for helping out.
Hey! Hey! You know it's my pleasure!
Now I want to make a Strip Creator comic where I misspell the word "enough."
Get Rabid_Weasle to create an unintelligible contest out of that premise. It's sure to inspire awe and homosexual orgies.
Did I just shit in my pants?
The mystery is solved! You just gave birth to brycekain!

 

by brycekain
8-07-12
I am here to blow up this hospital and all the military infidels inside!
Please no! There are women and children in this facility! Not to mention --
Random Fun Fact: The female platypus does not have nipples, but instead secretes milk from two round patches of skin midway along her belly.

 

by brycekain
8-07-12
Wow, Chuck Norris. You have not aged well at all.
My name is not Chuck Norris. It's Bob. I'm the new guy.
Whatever, Chuck Norris. Why don't you show me some of your kung fu jujitsu moves?
Done.
What the fuck just happened?
I'm also the manager of this joint. I just JEW-jitsu'd your ass out of a job.

 

by brycekain
8-08-12
I'm not paying you to stand around. Get back to work!
You don't pay me at all. I collect the souls of the soon to be departed.
Sorry, bub. I sold my soul to Trump five years ago.
Wait, aren't you that guy who taught Darth Vader how to bang wookies with an imaginary penis?
Since you're such a mouthy son of a bitch, close your eyes and pretend you're a german prostitute.
A german what...? GAWWWK!!!

 

by brycekain
8-08-12
mmmmm
Um....hello?
oh yes! YES!
Could I at least get a handjob or something...?
zzzzzzz
This is what I get for looking like Peter Steele.

 

by brycekain
8-08-12
I'm not saying I'm shallow or anything, but you're hot so I'm going to stay with you until you get ugly.
Even if I fart?
Your butthole queefed! Get out, loser.

 

by brycekain
8-08-12
Some of those that work forces are the same that burn crosses. (repeat)
Those who died are justified for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites. You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites. (repeat)
Write some more lyrics, hippie!
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

 

by brycekain
8-09-12
I'm bored. Let's change some stuff around.
Well, our customers have been asking for a better inbox service, more transparent privacy policies, and for you to stop banning them from making new friends....
No....no... what else you got?
We could keep on annoying the shit out of them by randomly updating features no one cares about while blatantly disregarding what they ask for...?
Right! Let's do that! And then nap time!
As you wish, Mr. Zuckerberg.

 

by brycekain
8-10-12
Sir, can I help you?
I'm looking for a book that can help me improve my self esteem. I'm feeling very depressed these days and I really could use some support.
I don't understand why I can't get a date. And my boss just demoted me down to the storeroom basement. I feel so all alone in this world. Why doesn't anybody love me...?
Oh honey, it's because you're uglier than fuck, that's all.
Got any books on mass murder?

 

by brycekain
8-11-12
Wow... I want to ride that horse SOOO BAD!
I'm a cow.
Oh.
Do you have a PhD? Cause I'm, like, kinda horny...

 

by brycekain
8-14-12
WHEN DID STRIP CREATOR GET A SNOW BACKGROUND?
They've had it for a while now. Where have you been?
CAN I HONK YOUR--
No.

 

by brycekain
8-14-12
WW 79: Some great entires here! But we're on the final lap... so who's going to take the gold? Judging will commence tomorrow!
Ooh, can't wait to see who ZMannZilla picks to win this thing!
2 days later.
3 days later.
Oh just fucking kill me now.

 

by brycekain
8-17-12
Man, that gas the dentist gave me is amazing.
YOU ARE NOT HALLUCINATING! YOU ARE HERE TO GOBBLE UP THE HILLBILLIES!
Wow...maybe I should slow down on this stuff....
YOU HAVE A HUGE PENIS!!!!
Crank up the gas, doc! Let's go for broke!

 

by brycekain
8-18-12
So this is heaven.
Yup, pretty much.
But I'm an atheist. I don't believe in you and yet I see that you're real.
You're in an astronaut suit, too.
So what am I suppose to do now?
GET OFF THE DRUGS.

 

by brycekain
8-20-12
So we make comic to break rules?
Make comic. Break rules.
Then what? Then why?
OH NO!

 

by brycekain
8-21-12
Does the double pregnant pause count?
Shut up, cunt.

 

by brycekain
8-21-12
My dear reader, you are currently reading another comic contest entry.
This is a comic contest? FUCK!
STOP READING THIS, DICK BREATH! WE HAVEN'T PHOTOSHOPPED IT YET!
Stay in school, kids!
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow
TOBOR CORNHOLE EVERYONE!

 

by brycekain
8-22-12
Alas, sweet love of my life....
Though your situation may be grave, I must take solace in the wisdom of the great Todd Akin...
At least the bitch won't get knocked up.

 

by brycekain
8-24-12
And tragic news today as at least four people were shot outside the Empire State Building.
That's right, Tom. At this point, the motive and weapon are unknown, NYPD officials said, but the suspected gunman is dead.
The FDNY told NBC News they responded to a call about the shooting at Fifth Avenue and 34th Street at 9:07 a.m. and arrived at 9:13 a.m.
If you'll recall, in 1997 a man named Ali Abu Kamal opened fire on the observation deck of the iconic landmark, killing one person and wounding six before shooting himself.
Our hearts go out to the victims and their loved ones. What a tragedy.
Must not ... make... Kamal jockey ... joke ...

 

by brycekain
8-24-12
Aha! It is I, Jesus!
Oh, you mean rotor turbines? They can generate gravitons.
CORNHOLE! CORNHOLE! CORNHOLE! CORNHOLE! CORNHOLE! CORNHOLE! CORNHOLE! CORNHOLE!
Groovy.
The first rule of --
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID BLOODY CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT

 

by brycekain
8-24-12
One! One wonderful life snuffed out!
ah ah ah...
So who's going to fist me now?

 

by brycekain
8-24-12
Contest deadline is coming up. Just 5 more days to go and I will start judging the WW 80.
Wait a second.
What?
If you're the judge for WW80, why are you making a comic to tell everyone the deadline is coming up? Why don't you just type it in the forum like everyone else?
Bitch, do I come to YOUR job and smack the dick out of YOUR mouth...??
mmm... that's it. Talk to me like I'm a dirty whore...

 

by brycekain
8-25-12
I'm straight, but I support gay marriage.
I didn't ask if you're straight or gay.
But it's very important for people to know.
Why is that?
I don't want people to think I'm queer or something.
You're still part of the problem.

 

by brycekain
8-26-12
Science is a lie! They lie to you so you won't believe in Jesus! Nothing in science can be proven!
***type type type*** You DO REALIZE that you are on a computer right now, right? Computers and the internet were invented by atheists, who were scientists and mathematicians.
So you are saying that everything that is a modern convenience in your life... the things you see, feel, touch, smell, and use... are lies. Where is Jesus? Have you seen, touched, or spoken to him...?
Moments later
So did you hear about Jenny McMillis?
*sigh* Yeah... lost another one to all that "critical thinking" bullshit.

 

by brycekain
8-28-12
Today is the last day to submit entries for the WW80 contest in 'More Comic Competitions.' Judging will begin tomorrow............ Um, this is stupid.
You're right.
*ch ch ch*
I AM JOREL! RULER OF BUTT HERPES!

 

by brycekain
8-29-12
How is she, doc? Will my wife live??
It was touch and go for a long time, and I'm very sorry to be the one who has to tell you, but...
You'll have to resort to necrophilia from now on.

 

by brycekain
8-31-12
Next, I'm going to...
WAIT! You won the CC Shift Key competition. You don't have to make these immature blank-back comics anymore!
Well where's the fuckin' fun in that?
Please put me back in a suit and tie. I'm missing the Republican convention.

Showing page 3.

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