All comics by Zaster

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by Zaster
9-06-05
Maynard G. Krebbs here again! I just want to say that TV Hell isn't so bad.
"Genie" is down here in her little harem get-up. She's quite a slut.
Of course, she isn't impressed with anything I have to offer since she started hanging out with "Mr. Ed".
Can we borrow that hat tonight? We like to role-play!

 

by Zaster
9-06-05
Greetings! I am a warrior poet. I would dazzle you with my word-craft!
Let's hear it!
"I plant an axe right in your skull. I keep my axes sharp, not dull!"
"My hammer smashes up your face. And then I stab you, just in case!"
Hmm. Perhaps this whole "warrior poet" concept needs rethinking.

 

by Zaster
9-17-05
Have you seen the packaging on this new chemical we've been working with?
No -- what about it?
It's been found to cause cancer in the state of California!
Oh my! Good thing we live in New Jersey, then.
Apparently it also nukes brain cells faster than a Steven Seagal movie marathon.
I love seagulls!

 

by Zaster
9-19-05
Dad... Dad, come here. It's a ghost!
Dad, I just saw a ghost in my room!
Oh don't let that bother you, son. Psychosis runs in the family! You'll be having terrifying hallucinations your entire life. Now go back to sleep!
You're going to have to kill him, you know...
Can it wait 'til morning? The saucer men are going to help me perform brain surgery on the dog tonight!

 

by Zaster
9-28-05
Son, have you seen the dog anywhere?
I had to kill him, Pop. He was giving off alpha waves that were turning me into a woman!
Oh. Well, that's OK, son. You probably did the right thing. Anyway, it gives us the opportunity to try out our new wood chipper.
A wood chipper, Pop?
Yes, son. You see, there comes a time in every young man's life when he needs to learn to dispose of a body!
Oh boy --we're heading up to our summer cabin, aren't we! I'll go bring the truck around.

 

by Zaster
8-12-06
Welcome to Chuck R. Cheesesteaks. Can I take your order?
I'll have the wabbit stew. Hahahahaha!
There's no rabbit stew on the menu.
Are you sure about that? Twy looking down the bawwel of this wifle!
It's not rabbit season, jackass. It's clown season!
Enough of your tweachewous twicks!

 

by Zaster
10-09-06
Hi there. I couldn't help noticing you're here by yourself.
You know, "Power Word Kill" has no saving throw and doesn't allow for spell resistance...
And neither does my lovin'!
Gah! That weird convention is in town, isn't it?

 

by Zaster
11-16-06
Lucy, da manager of da club is comin' over tonight. If you wanna be in da show you gonna have to suck his cock good!
Waaah! Ricky, I don't wanna!
It don' matter what you want or don' want. Dat guy's got a ten inch cock and I promised him you could gargle it all da way up to da balls!
Waaah... wait, did you just say ten inches?
Dat's right! But don' get your hopes up. All you get to do is choke on it!
Waaah!

 

by Zaster
4-28-07
I finally defeated the "Spirk Brothers" boss! His drones tried to stop me but I still scored massive damage using the giant pipe wrench.
"Spirk Brothers"? I've never heard of that game.
No -- that's where I worked up until today.

 

by Zaster
4-28-07
Check this out. This chick told me she only goes out with "bad boys".
So I cut off her dog's head and held its bloody entrails aloft as an offering to dark and terrible gods.
And I still didn't get any play. Bitch must be a lesbian.

 

by Zaster
5-01-07
At last, I have sight of my prey! Stealthily, I unsheathe my sword and approach.
I can plainly see and hear you, Dave.
You're dressed in a white dust suit you took from the lab and holding a "Pirates of the Caribbean" happy meal toy.
uh... NINJA VANISH!!
This is pretty much why you lost out on the promotion to begin with.

 

by Zaster
6-12-08
They say a man should always dress for the job he wants; So why am I in a pirate costume looking like a cunt?
It's because I'm a huge asshole as you can plainly see; Now I'm in here every evening giving blowjobs out for free.
Just go to free- blowjobs- galore.com. Everybody loves it, especially your mom.
You'll see me in a pirate costume stupid as can be; Noone in his right mind would steal my identity.

 

by Zaster
6-22-08
So for something different, we tried a set of fuzzy handcuffs last night. You know, like you get in a novelty store...
That's nuthin'. I like to put my lady friends in an industrial shrink-wrap machine.
Then I leave them suspended by bungee cords for two days while an automated tennis ball lanuncher pummels them incessantly.
That's wild. So how is the actual sex?
The what now?

 

by Zaster
3-20-09
One more copy of the Watchtower to distribute. Hey, this looks like a friendly home.
What the... what ARE you?
I'm Huggy McSnuggles, the friendly bear. Snuggle me!
I don't think...
Come in, please! Your soul smells delicious.

 

by Zaster
3-20-09
So, I think I saw a ship this morning. And a plane.
Eat juicy meat bones.
Yeah... um. I'm sure we'll be rescued any day now.
Head gristle skull bacon.
Until then, I'll just climb that tree and wave my arms frantically.
FACEBURGER!?

 

by Zaster
3-20-09
Greetings! May I use your phone?
Sure. Come right in! The phone is in the kitchen.
Aha! You have invited me across your threshold. Now I can drink your blood!
How do you get that out of "you can use my phone"?
Also, I can bogart your XBox 360 and crash on your couch all weekend!
Somebody lied to you!

 

by Zaster
3-20-09
This injection will make you even faster and deadlier!
A true ninja needs no performance enhancers! My honor is at stake.
But all the other ninjas are using it. You have to stay competitive!
Bah! I need only the agility of a housecat, the speed of a gazelle, and the courage of a warhorse!
This is made from the testicles of a rhino!
Well OK then.

 

by Zaster
3-20-09
This looks like a good place to hide from that crazy, giant pencil!
I hope that giant pencil won't find me in here!
FUCKING PENCIL!

 

by Zaster
3-20-09
What a rotten place for my car to break down!
Maybe the folks in that nice Victorian mansion can help me.
I just hope there's nothing too scary out here.
Welcome to another edition of Glenn Beck!

 

by Zaster
4-07-09
Forsooth, maiden! Tis I, the Easter Viking.
Thank Ostara! I can't wait to dig in to my basket of Easter plunder.
Find ye things to your liking, little one?
Sweet! Gold rings, jewels... wait, what's this dumb egg doing in here?
Oh, that. A cockatrice made its nest in our hold on the way back!
Cool!

 

by Zaster
4-08-09
Greetings little one. It is I, the Easter Ninja!
Wow! A ninja? That's way cooler than a stupid bunny.
Enjoy your Easter basket. Ninja vanish!
Wow!
This is the most awesome Easter ever, Mom!
Be careful with those caltrops, Jason! They're only to be used against persuing enemies.

 

by Zaster
1-03-10
I'm sorry, but it's not appropriate to wear that costume in an office environment, Stan.
But this is no costume!
It's a flying mollusk that murdered my host body and is slowly feeding off its life fluid.
Thank God! I thought maybe you were a furry or something.

 

by Zaster
1-22-10
You know, those zombies will be inside any minute!
It's terrifying... but, kind of exciting.
Are you as turned on as I am right now?
Braiiiiins....

 

by Zaster
1-22-10
Hey baby. You wanna ride with me? Plenty of head room. Heh heh.
Aw c'mon now. I know you know your way around a stick shift. Heh heh.
You can watch my crankshaft translate recipricating linear piston motion into rotation!
Fuck me now!

 

by Zaster
1-22-10
I am the ghost of a dead alcoholic.
I'm here to terrify you into a life of sobriety.
I'm drinking Amstel Light.
Urk! Oh god.
BooOOOooo!

 

by Zaster
1-22-10
Greetings, friend! Have you heard the good news about Jesus?
No.
He cashed in all those souls he's been saving. Turns out it amounts to a nice chunk of change!
What?
He bought a nice house in the Poconos and moved in with a cute bar honey he's been dating.

 

by Zaster
1-22-10
I love to hang out in the arcade.
So many adolescent boys...
What? I'm Canadian.

 

by Zaster
1-22-10
Hi. Yer pretty!
I like you. hurrr!
This is my dungeon of Luuuv!
I'm in one of Zaster's creepy comics again, aren't I?

 

by Zaster
1-22-10
Hey Neo!
So this is it... the matrix?
Yep.
Do you always look at it this way? In code?
You have to. Otherwise you might see that "Day the Earth Stood Still" remake on someone's cable TV.
Oh, derr hurr hurr!

 

by Zaster
1-22-10
Damn! I can never beat that first boss.
That's because you stink. You stink out loud!
What? Who are you?
I'm from the city. You suck at games! You're stinking up the whole arcade.
I'm not really that bad, am I? I just need more practice.
Until then, you have to wear this dead cat around your neck! To improve the smell.

 

by Zaster
2-25-10
Remember folks, the journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step!
And end in death!

Showing page 4.

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