All comics by luminous_luciano

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by luminous_luciano
11-22-05
I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright
Frankie... DUDE... you can't spell right man! GET ON IT - NOW!!!
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake............ ~ Bob Hope
I'm an oldie all right... and one with a death wish apparently! No wonder those candles cost a fortune... they were dynamite!
All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. - Edmund Burke
Sorry I didn't pull you out of harm's way back there, man... I was on my 15-minute Super Hero Syndicate break...

 

The love that lasts longest is the love that is never returned. ~ W. Somerset Maugham
Aye... verily... returning to sender is a perversity... it corrupts love... takes too long to get there anyway...
In a few centuries, postal service will improve though...
by luminous_luciano, 11-22-05

 

by luminous_luciano
11-22-05
1963: President John F. Kennedy assassinated in Dallas by Lee Harvey Oswald who, according to Warren Commission, is able to shoot prez in back of head & front of throat with one single shot.
That is amazing marksmanship for someone who is basically... an amateur...
That's our story... and we're sticking to it... It was an "intelligent bullet" - which has last been seen headed for Cuba...
Also in 1963: In wake of JFK assassination, hardly anyone notices when Aldous Huxley kills himself with overdose of LSD.
It's not like I was somebody or anything...
You were like the good thief... who died on the cross on the same day Christ died on the Cross... I envy thee!
2004: Half-eaten grilled-cheese sandwich with image of Virgin Mary burned into bread auctioned off on eBay for US$28,000.
Gee... the cost of bread and cheese these days... how are we supposed to overeat anymore?!?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-23-05
1654: 31-year-old Blaise Pascal, inarguably one of the very greatest mathematicians in history, experiences religious epiphany and simply abandons study of science altogether... !
Alrighty then... I'll take over from here - from both you and Paracelsus - my OTHER favorite classic man of science!
1970: Pope Paul VI issues a decree prohibiting Cardinals over the age of 80 from voting for a new pope. His Holiness doesn't say anything though about taking away their driver's licenses...
Wow -
yeah - that was some pile up... those old coots in frocks should sign up for stock car races!
1970: Earthquake in Naples kills some 4,500 Italians.
Mamma Mia... what a shake!
At least those reckless drivers from the Vatican are not to blame for it... this time... I think! 4500 of us won't have to worry about crossing our unsafe streets anymore...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-23-05
November 7, 1872: Brigantine Mary Celeste departs NY for Europe. Ship will be found in the Açores, with no sign of crew. Mystery never solved.
Shades of the Czarina Catherine - or should I say... of the Demeter! I so enjoyed my cruise onboard the Demeter...!
Nov. 23, 1955: In Morecambe, Lancashire, England, a television transmission is received from station KLEE-TV in Houston, Texas. But here's the thing:
... KLEE stopped broadcasting three years earlier.
2004 Presidential Election: Dubya gets re-elected...
Uh... no comment at this time... hmm... Bill? Is that you?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-24-05
The summer of 1916 saw a series of shark attacks along New Jersey's shore; four met death in the jaws of the New Jersey man-eater before the attacks mysteriously stopped...
My great grandpa did that... in those days, the waters weren't so murky-yucky up there...
The first documented American sea serpent sighted at Cape Ann, Massachusetts in 1639 remains completely unexplained... of course...
Well, of course, they didn't have cameras to photograph me back in 1639...! HA HA HA... We are such an elusive camera-shy lot, us sea giants, anyway - are we not, TRexy?
Aye - INDEED! Some tea...?
November 24th, 1992: A UFO actually crashes on Long Island...
You incompetent reckless saucer flyer you!!! We're supposed NOT to attract any attention!!!
Yeah... right... like all those abductions we perpetrate actually go "unnoticed"... phah!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-24-05
The summer of 1916 saw a series of shark attacks along New Jersey's shore; four met death in the jaws of the New Jersey man-eater before the attacks mysteriously stopped...
My great grandpa did that... in those days, the waters weren't so murky-yucky up there...
Yeah... let's head south this year...
The first documented American sea serpent sighted at Cape Ann, Massachusetts in 1639 remains completely unexplained... of course!
Well, of course, they didn't have cameras to photograph me back in 1639...! HA HA HA... We are such an elusive camera-shy lot, us sea giants, anyway - are we not, TRexy?
Aye - INDEED! Will you have some tea, dear old chap...?
November 24th, 1992: A UFO actually crashes on Long Island...
You incompetent reckless saucer flyer you!!! We're supposed NOT to attract any attention!!!
Yeah... right... like all these abductions we perpetrate actually go "unnoticed"... phah!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-24-05
1946: Serial killer Ted Bundy born Theodore Robert Cowell in his unwed mothers' home in Burlington, Vermont.
It's a boy, Mrs. Bundy - it's a boy!
He shall serve me well... I shall name him... Tommy! No... wait... Teddy!
1947: Clarksdale Victory smashes into Hippa Island, snapping in two and killing 49.
Teddy was one year-old... awwwwwwwww... Boy, am I glad we never met!
The Clarksdale Victory was like all naval ships - not-so secretly jealous of islands!
1963: Jack Ruby shoots & kills Lee Harvey Oswald in the basement of the Dallas Police Department...
Just goes to show that any bullet will do - magic bullets, intelligent bullets... or... ah, ordinary bullets! Right, Bill?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-25-05
Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food. ~~~ George Bernard Shaw
The tiger in me is sincerely captivated by you... little tweetie!
?!?
Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. ~~~ Confucius
That's us all right!
You are NOT the wisest... it was me who used to wear the "I'm With Stupid" T-shirts... remember? I didn't sag so much back then... *sigh*
Love prefers twilight to daylight. ~~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes
Kill the lights - baby!
NO - I wanna see what kind of "stuff" it is exactly that you have... me, I like to call a spade a spade - as I SEE it!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-25-05
That is so ironic... Christina Aguilera announces her marriage to her Juan... and it's splitsville for Jessica Simpson and her Casanova! Don't you find that ironic too, CyberKnight3000?
Hmm... yeah, Xena2525... beau brummell types value their freedom... unless they are geeky and strong silent types like me... which then cancels out the brummel part... ohhhhh... n v m!
From instant messaging to the streets...
I am so sad... Britney split up with her beau... tell me we will not be like them...
That wasn't Britney this time - it was Jessica... and no... you are not THAT ditzy... no one is...
... and into our venerable reconstituted families...
You heard the news - the Lackey and the Cartoony Chick have called it quits...
Yeah... and when are YOU thinking of signing that first palimony check... uh?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-26-05
1865: Hurray - Luminous Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland is published...
The only children's classic known to have been written under the influence of opium...
And lots of it! Quite simply my all-time favorite read! Yaaaaay!
1969: Cream performs for the last time, at Royal Albert Hall.
Yeah - we chose to make our exit on the 7th anniversary of the first recording of that ludicrous Liverpudlian quartet...
... The Beatles?!? This stinks of... professional jealousy!
1975: Lynette 'Squeaky' Fromme is found guilty of attempting to assassinate President Gerald R. Ford.
Good Ol' Gerry... my fellow member of the X-Presidents!
Squeaky did not have access to "intelligent bullet technology" - that is why she failed...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-26-05
Today, U2 is performing in Montreal...
Nothing like an Irish band with a politico lead-singer named Bono who bashes the Canadian Premier to warm up French Frogs and the like, who live buried in the snow...
Benvenuto... Coram populo... de novo... Bono! De integro!
Bueno... I mean... Bono!
Desiiiiiiiiire... Desiiiiiiiiiire! Alright! Night And Day... Night And Day... Niiiiight Annnnnnnd Daaaaay...! Oops - I'm feeling NUMB all of a sudden...
Stanley Cup Finals rematch tickets - Flames vs Lightning in Tampa...
Hey - Kid... I've got tickets for you, your momma and your daddio! 5,000$ - come on! It's a STEAL!
You got that right... sorry - I never saw a game of hockey in my life! Last time they played a final, I wasn't even born! Flames & Lightning sounds like a Disaster 70s Movie to me!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-27-05
Today is the feast day of St. James Intercisus, patron of torture victims, martyred in A.D. 421 by being cut into 28 separate pieces... dying only after decapitation...
By the way... 'Intercisus' means 'cut to pieces.'
They will get theirs too, don't you worry about that...
1885: Killer Edward Hunter, 71, earns dubious distinction of becoming the oldest person ever to be executed in Australia.
It's over for you - gramps... I mean... mate! Checkmate! Yeah...!
At least I am making history - going out while making my mark, etched forevermore in the record books... who wants to live to be 99... eh? Mate?
1934: FBI guns down Baby Face Nelson.
You thought you were being clever, eh? The FBI always gets their men!
?!?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-27-05
1969: Charles Manson defense attorney Ronald Hughes disappears. His body will not be found for months...
HA - Ronald had it coming, that glory-hound...
This one is a DIFFERENT RONALD... you clown!
1975: Ross McWhirter, Guinness Book of World Records co-editor, is murdered...
Still a record, I do believe... usually, scribes want to murder the head of the editorial staff - not an underling!
I don't need to listen to this...
1978: San Francisco Mayor George Moscone & city supervisor Harvey Milk shot dead by ex-supervisor Dan White...
Milkmen & Mailmen should unite! And fight back - cause we're NOT being treated right!
Don't tell me - You've had one too many Twinkies yourself - eh?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-27-05
Wanna play fetch? You don't do anything else all day - you're totally useless on a farm except for being eye-candy... sort of... so... I thought...
Quit beating around the bush, puppy love - I know what's on your mind... and NO - you're NOT humping my leg! Quit barking up the wrong tree... capisce?
Oh Yeah? Why you... @%$ two-legged b!tch! You're making me angry - you won't pet me when I'm angry!
Cool it, snoopy dogg doggy dawg - or I'll have you fixed!
Oh. Okay. Hmm... hey! Where you going? You're leaving?
Yeah - I'm outta here... season's over... and, besides, I don't need to make any money - I'm rich, remember? Sayonara - sucka!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-27-05
That city slicker bimbo from the lowest parts of Tinseltown still around? Or is she gone yet?
*Waaaaauuughh* Yeah - I believe she is... why you ask, Mr. Bully?
Why... cause I'm horny, maybe? Why'd you think?!? Her rear end has an appointment with my pointy horns...
I'm going... I can't watch sure gore... such carnage... Reality TV sometimes goes TOO FAR...!
Aww... worried about me, are ya, Mr. Ducky? That is so sweet... almost as sweet as you will be on my plate in my caterer's specialty - "Canard À L'Orange"

 

by luminous_luciano
11-27-05
MEEEHHH Oh noooo!
MOO - Death has come to the farm!
What are ya dweebs talking about? This is no "special visit" - Death stops by here every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday! We just have to kick its a$$, that's all!
Death's timing couldn't have been better, actually - the points of my horns are razor-sharp! Wait 'til it gets closer...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-29-05
Be careful what you wish for...
In 1996, WCW fans got their dream match-up of Road Warriors vs Steiner Brothers... and it sucked. Both tag-teams were but a pale refelction of their old selves...
In 2005, Animal reformed a Road Warriors team - with weirdo Heidenreich. It sucked even worse... Hawk has passed on... he no longer sucks - he's a legend now
Be careful what you ask for...
On November 28th, 1859, Legend of Sleepy Hollow author Washington Irving asked, 'When will this end?'
And he promptly died on the spot!
And be careful what you say... period!
And in 1994, cannibalistic serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was clubbed to death in prison by another inmate...
Legend has it, he had expressed the need for a snack just before the clubbing commenced...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-29-05
There ain't no perfect world anyway... right, REFLECTION of mine...?
RIGHT! Phew... no typos on "reflection" this time...
If this world is "perfect"...
... sheesh... then what the hell would IMPERFECTION be like - huh?!? *Tee-Hee*
Makes you wonder if there isn't another world... another dimension... just like ours, but much closer to perfection!
I am it, sistah - and believe me, it sucks just as bad on THIS side of the mirror! *Phah!*

 

by luminous_luciano
11-29-05
Today is the feast day of St. Saturninus, a healer whose presence in Toulouse short-circuits the regular news bulletins local pagan priests were receiving from supposed "gods"... in A.D. 257...
One of my favorites, he is... yes... yes... When locals tried to force him to make sacrifice to pagan idols, the idols actually crumbled! Aleluia!
I don't know, your holiness... the enraged mob then immediately dragged him across the streets behind a bull, until he died... they were not won over at all!
1919: The U.S. deports anti-war activist and author Emma Goldman...
At least the U.S. does not drag people around until they die... but they drag them through the mud - and deport them! Is that any better treatment than poor Anne Frank got some 20 years later?
Hey... quit staring at me like that! I didn't do it personally... and anyway, I am sure they coaxed my ancestor into doing their dirty work for them... okay?!?
1965: Dale Cummings does record 14,118 consecutive sit-ups.
Oh, Jolly! Oh, Joy! I love that one... I saw it many times... the best all-male DVD like... EVERRRRRR! He has such muscular legs... and those hairless thighs! He is n Apollo... an Adonis! An...
... An a$$, while you're at it! And you are one too, dah-ling... you're confusing Mr. Cummings with the up-and-coming (...) star of "Dale Does Dallas" - aren't you, you shameless drag queen b!tch?

 

by luminous_luciano
12-01-05
1955: Rosa Parks refuses to relinquish her bus seat to a white MAN (no gent) in Montgomery, AL. - Her arrest sets off a year-long bus boycott by African-Americans...
... AND it set the stage for the modern civil rights movement! And in her memory, today - I am boycotting your products now... sorry!
Too bad, sister - today was the last day of our special two for one deal on piercings and crack...
1988: Benazir Bhutto becomes PM of Pakistan - the first woman to ever lead a Muslim nation...
And this comes about exactly four months after the plane-crash death of Lt. Gen. Muhammad Zia ul-Haq... we are the "bhutt" of the jokes in all Arab nations now!
We have to do something radical... this cannot continue... I know - let's blow up something! In memory of Lieutenant General Zia ul-Haq! Praise Allah!
1999: Self-proclaimed 2,000-year-old vampire Joshua Rudiger (who by conventional calculations is 22) is found guilty of murdering a homeless woman in San Francisco.
I am The Vampyre, I tell you! That peasant vagrant woman simply HAD to give me sustenance... I needed the blood...
You ain't no Dracula and you ain't Blackula either, kid - you look more like Count Chocula t'me! And now you're gonna do some choking hard time...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-02-05
1814: The Marquis de Sade, grand-daddy of BDSM, dies in a French insane asylum.
The Marquis - there was a role-model for us all!
Join him, why don't you...
1859: In Virginia, abolitionist John Brown is hanged for attempting to incite a slave rebellion.
My peeps still got it going... dude!
Mr. Brown's descendent, I presume? Come along quietly now... hanging is out of style now...
1959: Flooding caused by the collapse of the Malpasset Dam in Fróes, France, kills 412.
Pas juste! Je proteste! Vous avez enlevez plus de vies en France en ce jour malheureux entre tous! Vive la France!
Hey - I may be the Grim Reaper - but I am just like everybody else, deep down... yeah... really! I HATE THE FRENCH TOO!

 

1981: Spain requests membership in NATO.
Mah... why can't we be more like Woody Allen... we talk too much - just like him! So, why can't we feel not inclined to join a club that would have us - just like he does?
Mah... because we are Spaniards... we are spains-in-the-butt... we have to butt in, everywhere... and we have no shame! We are matadors in our minds... and mortiferous in our deeds - indeed!
by luminous_luciano, 12-02-05

 

by luminous_luciano
12-03-05
"Annual income twenty pounds, and annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income 20 pounds, annual expenditure 20 pound ought and six, result misery." - Charles Dickens (1812-1870).
What are you saying then, dear old chap...?!? Hmmmm?
That you're an aristocrat... and as such, you are hopeless!
"Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half." - Gore Vidal (Not Al Gore...)
If it had been Al Gore saying that, he would have wanted the illiterates to vote for him... even they can remember a name as simplistic as "Al"...!
You're funny... who's Al?
"How can 59,054,078 people be so DUMB?" -- Headline (subtitled 'U.S. Election Disaster') of the November 3, 2004, London Daily Mirror.
There's the half of the American people that never read the papers "expressing" themselves right there... not just illiterate, but profoundly dumb as well...
Some things never change... some people though know better... and can't even be hypnotized... such as you, for instance...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-03-05
1980: The Reagan administration claims that the previous day's rapes, murders and hasty burials of three American nuns...
... serving your country well... eh? Who are you training NEXT? GOD is keeping score...
... and of a missionary by U.S.-trained Salvadorian troops, were "provoked" by the victims...
Tell me, honestly - am I too "provoking" for a nun...?!?
Honestly... I think you are super-hot... but that is me... I have issues...
Even the FBI & the CIA disagree with this "official assessment of events"...
It's a load of hogwash... even if political reasons were at play here... we'd be doofuses if we endorsed this "official story"...
Agreed... the public scandal will make it impossible for Ronald to return... silly to elect an actor in the first place... then again...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-03-05
1948: Chinese passenger ship Kiangya, carrying civil-war refugees, strikes a mine, explodes and sinks, killing 3000+...
You had to do it to that ship - why not Captain Highliner's?
1979: Eleven fans killed and dozens injured in a stampede at The Who's concert in Cincinnati.
Rock on, dude... not
1990: In Maryland, 20-year-old U.S. Army Reserve parachutist Martin S. Eskew dies asphyxiated after a miscalculated jump lands him in a cesspool of...
... MY liquified manure... I demand an explanation...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-04-05
2001: George W. Bush recalls watching the first tragic 9/11 plane crash on television - despite the fact that footage of the first crash wasn't shown on TV until September 12th...
And I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower - the television was obviously on, and I use to fly myself, and I said, 'There's one terrible pilot.' And
... that's when you said "It must have been a horrible accident?" - right?
1969: Chicago police murder four Black Panthers while they sleep, bringing the total of Panthers killed by cops to 20 in the past 18 months.
I killed 2 so far - what about you, Joe?
Way ahead of you - 4! But Brock's leading the pool - he whacked 6 so far...
2004: In Dover, NH, Steven Coleman, 34, lobs two Molotov cocktails at ex-girlfriend's apartment...
... and then, get this, he attempts to evade police by making his getaway on the LAWNMOWER! Lawnmower Man - yeah! The VERY low-speed chase landed the poor idiot in the clink in no time at all!
And the saddest part of it all is... that was the only time that Sullen Steven there actually made things lively in her apartment! He bored her to tears...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-04-05
At least it is not the return of the Magnificent Seven... or Secaucus Seven... or Four Horsemen... or Three Amigos... or Three Stooges...
Nope... just me... lonesome me...
How green is my valley...
C'Mon Gus - snap out of it, man! Who's gonna ride those wild horses... eh?

 

by luminous_luciano
12-04-05
Today is the feast day of St. Barbara, who was imprisoned and tortured by her own father for her faith. He finally beheads her, and is immediately struck dead by lightning.
It wasn't me...!
St. Barbara - not Barbara Bush!
Not Barbara Walters either now!
1872: The brigantine Mary Celeste is discovered off the Açores, all of her stock intact but with her crew missing, as if everyone aboard has suddenly vanished into thin air...
Again - wasn't me!
We know, Zeus - wasn't Poseidon either; you're both fakes!

 

by luminous_luciano
12-05-05
1612: Today is the feast day of St. John Almond, an Irish priest whose skillful proselytization resulted in his being hanged, drawn, and quartered on this day...
St. John Almond was a great, great orator... yes...
And as much of a big mouth as St. John The Baptist... with even more painful results!
1484: Pope Innocent VIII issues the Witch Bull, an order to begin a long-term witch hunt, with torture and death guaranteed to await those who were proven to be witches...
No bull...
Not witches like us either, though - those in league with the devil!
1988: Televangelist Jim Bakker is charged with mail fraud and conspiracy to defraud after skimming the top off sales of thousands of 'lifetime memberships' to his Heritage USA theme park...
A rather long stay in purgatory... pardon, prison will follow... and a divorce from his mascara-addicted wife, Tammy Faye!
See - it wasn't ALL bad! And it got better - now he is blissfully back in anonymous limbo... and with no bimbo!

 

by luminous_luciano
12-06-05
1969: Problems plague the Rolling Stones Altamont Raceway, for which the Stones hired the Hell's Angels -no less- as security guards... (!)
An 18-year-old black man was beaten to death by "security" there... he must have wanted a beer...
Two people in sleeping bags are run over by vehicles and killed... and another stoned Stones fan drowned...
1988: I was all right for a while / I could smile for a while... no longer, as Roy Orbison died on this day...
The author of this strip is a huge Roy Orbison fan.
The author of this strip was also a student at the exact same University where -and at the exact same time when- next panel's 1989 tragedy occured... read on...
1989: 25-year-old Canadian mysoginist Marc Lépine avenges rejection by a Montreal engineering college...
He goes to the University in question and begins shooting every woman he sees - killing 15 and wounding 14 more... and then he killed himself.
He had to heart his father's belief that women were slaves who didn't merit higher education...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-06-05
I WILL WORK FOR FOOD... or, at least for beer! Say... three meals a day... and all the beer you can drink! Do we have a deal?
Ahh - that is nice to hear, my good man... shades of the angelic aides from Hell that the Rolling Stones hired in 1969 as SECURITY AIDES... they too worked for peanuts!
I thought I was clear... food... DECENT FOOD... and/or beer! No substitutes! I don't buy that crap that "peanut butter is a meat substitute" - uh-huh, not for me!
Ha ha ha - my good man... we have some miscommunication here... I did not mean you would work for peanuts LITERALLY... the other guys were PAID in BEER themselves...
What we have here is a lack of RESPECT for the work force! I ain't working for scales - you... you... SUIT! Ah'm gonna rough youse up now... man!
Labor disputes... Always the same thing... Why is it that the employers and the employees never speak the same language... hmm?

 

by luminous_luciano
12-08-05
1587: Mary, Queen of Scots, is executed.
Is that where they took the expression "the Queen is dead - Long Live the Queen" from?
You're such a peasant, Clifford! NO - it's not it! They would have had to say "Long Live the OTHER Queen"
1792: Henry Laurens becomes the first person cremated in the U.S.
Is that what inspired the Ramones' song - "I wanna be cremated"?
No, you silly loon - that's "I wanna be sedated"!
1980: John Lennon was silenced by a madman's bullet today.
Not everyone is a fan, you know... Yoko naked, ok... but him too? UGH!
"Imagine nothing to kill or die for" - we'd be out of work!

 

by luminous_luciano
12-08-05
Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise. - Samuel Johnson
So... which one are you? Wise fool - or foolish wise one?
Hell, there are no rules here; we're trying to accomplish something... -- - Thomas A. Edison
Ah, yes - spoken like a true rebellious rule-breaker...!
Autumn wins you best by this; its mute appeal to sympathy for its decay. -- - - Robert Browning
The death of winter approaches...
Rejoice then!

 

by luminous_luciano
12-10-05
Chemist Alfred Nobel, died today in 1896.
And so, in his memory, Sweden hands out the Nobel Peace Prize on this date... usually... the day that HE DIED! To do so on his birthday would have been too... obvious I guess!
That's gotta be a morbid one to win - on par with the People's Choice Awards and the Razzies...
1967: Two days after recording 'Dock of the Bay,' Otis Redding dies in a plane crash
He should have listened to his own advice... or his own song rather... and traveled by boat!
He would've sunk and drowned - the Grim Reaper always gets his man... or woman... or child... There's just no escaping MOI...!
1978: Edward D. Wood Jr., easily the worst filmmaker who ever lived, dies.
Say... isn't this the actual set of "Plan 9 From Outer Space"?
Never mind that... what has gotten to our benevolent strip creator here - that he is always talking about DEATH in his strips lately? Not that I'm complaining... I finally get to be USED... often!

 

by luminous_luciano
12-10-05
Oops... someone else died on a December 10th...
Comedian Richard Pryor just passed away, early on today, December 10, 2005
He was 65... heart attack... when inspiration is dead... I guess we can pay homage to the good ones who pass on with this stripcreator thing... yup...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-11-05
1932: Snow falls on San Francisco, where the temperature drops all the way down to... 27°F.
Old goat...!
I always wanted to prolong my stopovers in San Fran - now's the perfect excuse to do just that! "If you're going - to San Fran-cisco!" Ho Ho Ho!
1964: Singer Sam Cooke is murdered by an L.A. motel owner...
Hmm... the profiler would have never pinned it on THIS guy here...! He defies any form of profiling... or filing for that matter...
Hey - quit trying to make me feel guilty with "the look" you're giving me there... you creep! You never had to put up with his singing... AND besides, he never paid for his room!
1994: Russia invades Chechnya, beginning protracted conflict that goes from bad to worse to horrible...
At least we started out not so bad...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-13-05
1928: Clip-on tie invented
Great... we can all look like clones of each other that much more easier in the 9-to-5 humdrum routine - forevermore!
1944: Japanese kamikaze dives into U.S. cruiser Nashville, kills 138.
But... me ninja descent! Me doing my duty - me died with honor...!
Sorry, but that doesn't cut it here, Fu Manchu Junior... you will have to join the queue... you don't believe anyway - you won't miss not going in...
1964: Three white men try to blow up black church in Montgomery, AL; they'll spend just 10 days in jail.
Sure was a good thing that the judge was a member in good standing of the KLAN...
Yeah...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-13-05
1973: Future San Francisco mayor Art Agnos is shot by the serial Zebra Killer (not Zodiac).
Ha Ha Ha - but that didn't stop me from going on to being elected and ruling the municipal scene in Frisco...!
I told them that they should have sent a Terminator instead of a Z-Killer...
1977: DC-3 crashes on takeoff at Evansville, IN - killing 29, including entire University of Evansville basketball team.
They're shooting hoops HERE now!
Who needs Air Jordan?
1988: After 29 hours, 3 men succeed in quest to stop at all 466 stations on NYC subway system.
Yay... we made it... uh... is that all there is?!?
I'm just glad we didn't run into those gangs from "The Warriors"...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-13-05
Santa Lucia is the patron saint of Sicily...
And Norway... And Sweden... And a bunch of other countries celebrate "St Lucia Day" too...! She mustn't have been a superstitious saint at all - with the 13th being it... thank God it's NOT a Friday!
Since 1947, Norway sends a Christmas Tree to Britain as a gift each and every year to express gratitude for the help offered by the British people in World War II.
The Feast di Santa Lucia is also celebrated on December 13th in Sicily. St. Lucy, the patron saint of Sicily, gave her sight to God.
She, like... took out her own eyes! Yikes! Gross! And waaaaaay cool!
I'm taking out my braids this year... not quite ready for more yet...
Each year, she rides her incredibly intelligent donkey through the world leaving tiny gifts and sweets for good children.
St. Lucia's Day is Norway's Lussinatten - the longest night during which farm animals TALK...!
(...) amongst themselves though... St. Lucia's stealing Santa's beef - the old coot won't be happy about THAT!

 

by luminous_luciano
12-14-05
1503: French soothsayer Nostradamus, who will scare the living daylights out of self-appointed interpreters for at least five centuries henceforth, was born today...
Who would have predicted THAT... I mean... the French never scared anybody...!!!
Also born today - musical genius (to some) Spike Jones; in 1911!
1944: In Hollywood, 'Mexican Spitfire' Lupe Velez arranges herself neatly on her bed while awaiting to O.D. on the sleeping pills she took...
... alas, she was fated to die by drowning...
... in the toilet.
1963: In Detroit, smooth-as-silk vocalist Dinah Washington O.D.'s on downers... and she checks out at age 39...
I guess one could say that it was... er... curtains for her... eh?
The show's over folks!

 

by luminous_luciano
12-15-05
1890: Chief Sitting Bull attempts to give himself up to white men and is promptly slaughtered by same...
Those damn pale faces, eh?
You can say that again!
1966: Walt Disney dies. Or does he?
No comment.
1999: Jehovah's Witnesses Paul Wilson & Janet Pooley, both 41, kill themselves in suicide pact after being expelled from church for 'forming an improper relationship'...
Had they been Raëlians, they would be alive... and weird.

 

by luminous_luciano
12-15-05
December 15th, 2004 - George W. Bush delivers another mind-blowing revelation...
Well... you know... as they say in Texas... I think... You'll ask Dick to confirm this... They say... And I think it too... that... uh..."Justice ought to be fair."
Whatever ya say, Dubya...
1923: President Coolidge finally remembers to release 31 conscientious objectors from prison - five years after the end of World War I.
Gee... I'll miss this place now...!
See you back here in '41 - okay?
1973: American Psychiatric Association finally removes homosexuality from list of mental disorders.
Yeah - the Prez pulled the strings on that one... he secretly swung both ways, so...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-16-05
1631: Mount Vesuvius erupts, killing 4,000...
Well... the gods have shown their unjustified wrath one too many times for my taste!
Yeah - we didn't do anything to deserve this! Let's change religions! I want to be LOVED - not punished to death!
1773: Overtaxed American colonists board British cargo ship and dump all the tea loaded onboard into Boston Harbor...
Winters are harsh enough here as it is - with British tyranny making it worse! Understood?
Surely my dear Bostonian lad you jest - that was a lot of good, priceless tea that you wasted there... truly regrettable... but this means war!
1811: Earthquake of a magnitude of 8.6 on the Richter scale at New Madrid, MO actually changes the course of the Mississippi River...!
I'm really lost now... which way is up...? Upstream I mean... Gene!

 

by luminous_luciano
12-16-05
1985: NYC mafia dons Paul Castellano & Thomas Bilotti get whacked just outside the Sparks Steak House...
They were such good fellas those two... *Sigh*
Momentarily, hitman John Gotti becomes the head of the Gambino mob...
No steaks for me... I like "ma spaghetti"! We'll go eat some after your first communion sweetie...
Yes... godfather!
2000: Former U.S. Justice Department war-crimes prosecutor John Loftus publicizes WWII business dealings of one Prescott Bush with NAZIS...
George W. Bush's grandfather...
Mr. Prescott Bush and the President were never close...

 

by luminous_luciano
12-16-05
December 16th 2002: Authorities in Royal Oak, MI. bulldoze a house way beyond salvaging...
You and your pets...
Hey - but we're on a farm now, dad...!
The owner of the house had allowed 440 guinea pigs to roam free...
Maybe I stand to inherit the house...? Guinea pigs are like... brothers to me!
Don't keep your hopes too high on that...
... and run wild inside the house for the past 15 years, infesting it beyond belief...
Hey - it was no pig sty! Not even a piggery! Not even a pigpen! If it wasn't for some guinea piggies' nasty habit of nibbling at anything...
... and everything... like cables... door edges... wiring... pipes... DARN! If we had that house back - we'd know NOT to nibble!

 

by luminous_luciano
12-18-05
1878: France's S.S. Byzantine sinks...
It was no Titanic though - only 210 Frenchies bit the big one there! Alas, Belphégor, Gaston Lagaffe, Spirou, Benoît Brisefer and Inspector Clouseau were not among those...
Yes - the French always suck in comparison to the British... and... No - Xica & Chica have no professional jealousy thing going on here in relation to those twits named by Xica... capisce?
1912: Piltdown Man, fake missing link, 'discovered' in England.
Well... we gave it a good shot... but we were caught red-handed in a LIE...
Does that mean tourism will not get a boost out my wearing this crap?
1970: Nuclear testing in southern Nevada throws a radioactive cloud of dust into the skies over... Wyoming!
Forecast: highly cloudy...
... but no rain. Be VERY thankful for that... fool!

 

by luminous_luciano
12-18-05
1964: Plans for NYC's World Trade Center were announced.
It seemed like a good idea at the time... correct?
no comment
1967: Convicted Boston Strangler, Albert DeSalvo, sentenced to life in prison.
Thing is... he WASN'T the Boston Strangler... nope... cause I AM!
Is this like the Spartacus bit? "I am Spartacus"... "No, I am Spartacus!"... huh?
1996: Wisely, Lisa Marie Presley files for divorce from Michael Jackson.
Wisely? She's second-hand goods now! I wouldn't hook up with her - not even for my career!
You ain't got a career, Jamie... and neither does poor Chris Farley anymore - he O.D.ed exactly a year later - on cocaine & heroin.

 

by luminous_luciano
12-19-05
1961: Former Green Bay Packers tackle leader Reggie White was born...
I was rooting for him to win his one and only WCW wrestling match... like, EVER... against Steve "Mongo" McMichaels... even though I'm a Horsemen fan! Or groupie, if you will...
Mr. White is an ordained evangelical minister... a man of faith... a true leader who once played a football game with a broken arm... but he wasn't on "Reservoir Dogs", no...
401: Anastasius I, Bishop of Rome (399-401), dies
Anastasius? Is he like Anastasia? Like... he died, but there are all sorts of claims that he lived on and so on...? Like... Elvis too? Or is he the first anaesthetist? Puts you to sleep every sermon!
Ha Ha Ha... very funny little Xica... now where is your mother, dear little one? I need to chastize her for doing a lousy job bringing YOU up...!
1824: Hercules Robinson, Ire was born (South Africa Commissioner in 1880-89 and again in 1895-97.)
WOW - the first ever Amalgam Character! Robinson Crusoe meets Hercules - on a whole new continent too! Way cool! Hee Hee!
Chica... get your sister... time for your hourly spankings, sweetie!

 

by luminous_luciano
12-20-05
Dubya... on December 20, 2001 - just 3 months after the 9/11 attacks... making us all wonder what a bad year would be for him... (be careful what you wish for, Dubya...!!!)
... all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me.
?!?
George W. Bush to CNN, the very day that the U.S. Supreme Court hands him the presidency on a silver platter, "in the year 2000" (...)
If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a whole heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator.
?!?!?
Dubya... about Osama... and Hanukkah... December 10th, 2001...
I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.
Oh - ENOUGH!!!!

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