All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
3-08-14
Lets see....I had nachos? No. Burritos....?
Stop!
Chimichangas...? Something with tamales, I think...?
STOP! I can't erase fast enough!
I ate something very spicey.... Taco Bell....?
DEAR GAWD!!!!!! THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!! THE PAAAAIN!!!!

 

by brycekain
3-08-14
Whats the status, Nurse Proctor?
My plunger shows that it's reading a temperature of 231 degrees.
Perfect. Now we wait.
For what?
For our Creator to come up with the next part of this plot.
Do I have to keep standing by this giant robot anus?

 

by brycekain
3-09-14
This here golf course needs to go. This land has been in my Pappy's generation for ages and I wont stand for any 2 bit company turning it into a dang nab country club!
You've hired the right team, sir. Now I just need to get some information from you. First: How do you want it done?
I don't know! Blow it up! Cover it with horse turds! Spread disease or put man eating paranhas in the lake! I don't care how you do it, just destroy it!
Ok, so you want Package B. If you upgrade, we can throw in an AIDS infestation absolutely free.
How does that work?
That's top secret. Lets just say it'll involve super glue, 300 donkeys, a midget with big titties, and every country club member being greased up with Astroglide. It's really quite classy.

 

by brycekain
3-09-14
Not much further.
Where are we going?
We're transversing the Lair of Awesomesauce, trying to get to the Creator so we can beg for his mercy and ask him to put things right again.
Dude, is this about your ex? I can hack into her home security system and you can watch her shower any time you want.
Sorry. I just jizzed a little.
MY EYE!! IT'S IN MY EYE!!!

 

by brycekain
3-10-14
I'm tired of bailing you out, dude.
What? I told you the cop didn't buy the Vegas story. Now I can't practice medicine OR go to the Luxor!
I told you to play dumb no matter what.
But they had DNA evidence.
STOP SQUIRTING ON THE CORPSES!

 

by brycekain
3-10-14
Oh god... OH GOD... FUCK ME! OH YES FUCK ME! OH YES! YES!!!!!
What was THAT?!
I don't know, but I now have sand in my vag and a gift certificate to KFC.

 

by brycekain
3-10-14
So I guess it's my time...
Well, yes and no. Yes, you're going to pass into the afterlife... unless...
Do I want to know?
Depends. How do you feel about salad tossing on a pelvis bone?
Fuck it.

 

by brycekain
3-10-14
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is therrrre....
*BAM!*
On Planet WTF, State Farm is an actual farm.
Ow.

 

by brycekain
3-10-14
I'm locked out of my house, officer. Is there any way you can help?
Right-e-o, guv'na! First you'll need a 'ammer and some nails to drive into your noggin.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. This doesn't seem right to me.
Right. Now go sit in a trash can and sing the Flintstones theme song.
Flintstones! Meet the Flintstones! They're the modern stone age family...
Sit there, you little 'ore! You like that sexy trash can, do ya? Now lick my bollacks!

 

by brycekain
3-11-14
So I drove a nail into my frontal lobes. I sat in a trash can and sang the Flintstones theme song. And I licked the Officer's funbag while gargling peroxide...
Then I punched a mime performing in a park, squirted a bottle of liquified pig farts into his eyes, and rubbed his nose in my freshly unwiped sphincter...
Now I'm starting a fire in the local senior citizen home. If it didn't give me a massive chubby I'd start to wonder if Bizarro Tandynuts was fucking with me.

 

by brycekain
3-11-14
Jesse, I brought you to Planet WTF because what we want to do isn't illegal here.
ummmm... shouldn't we be in a lab or something?
Don't fight it, Jesse. You've been resisting for a long time, but I know this is what you want. I've always known.
Mr. White, I think you got the wrong idea.
Later...
*sob* Why?!? WHY!!!!
Like I said, you have the wrong idea. I don't bottom out for no one, motherfucker. Now you're my... BITCH.

 

by brycekain
3-11-14
Hey, aren't you The Kain, Creator of Planet WTF?
This is the form I find most pleasing. If I were to show you my true form, your eyes and brain wouldn't be able to comprehend it and your skull would collapse into a pile of goo.
Oh. So you're just ugly then.
Watch it, fucker, or I'll turn you into a buttplug.
That's ok. At least then I'd get laid.

 

by brycekain
3-11-14
Greg, you have to stop. Let me get you some help. I know this great support group called S.K.A. They can help you.
I don't like Ska music.
No, it's Serial Killers Anonymous.
NO!! SKA!! MUSIC!!!

 

by brycekain
3-11-14
Some of our readers have been wondering if Planet WTF is a real, tangible place or just a state of mind.
Well, I'm here to set the record straight once and for all.
Yes.

 

by brycekain
3-11-14
Girl Scout cookies?
Cut the shit, midget. I know who you are.
Fine, Frau Phreaky. You and your AJS Company will not stop me from bringing about meine evil plans. Not even your laser bosoms can hinder me from unleashing my vengeance on that krapfen shop!
You mean to tell me that you plan on seeking vengeance against a donut store?
They forgot my creme filling.
Those FUCKERS! Lets go!

 

by brycekain
3-12-14
It was a struggle, but I finally got his DNA.
Right-e-o. Now you should take it back to Evil Corp. and clone him, then genetically alter him to be a baddie!
But this is The Kain's DNA! What if he turns into a big hulking monster with a shark head and bear claws?
Then you should give your mother ecstacy and put them into a room together while you masturbate with a cheese grater. Ed Gein had a mother fetish. A fine upstanding man he was!
I'll make a condom out of her weenus!

 

by brycekain
3-13-14
I don't know where The Kain has been for the past couple of days, but the people are getting nervous. We need him to help us continue our daily lives.
He's not feeling well, but I'll talk to him.
The people say to suck it up and get your fuckin'ass in gear.
Are you shitting blood on me?
I'm a giver.

 

by brycekain
3-15-14
I can't cook with this! What is it?
Mr. Heisenburg, this is The Kain's DNA. Evil Corp wants you to clone this and genetically alter it to be evil.
Are you out of your MIND? Do you know what kind of havoc that would cause?
We are willing to compensate you in any way that you desire.
Why did you just put "Hungry Eyes"on the CD player?

 

by brycekain
3-15-14
Sir, you have to get better fast. Our informants are telling us that Evil Corp is trying to clone your DNA into an abominable monster.
They will fail.
How so?
I am the alpha and the omega. The beginning and the end. Both good and evil.
Ya sound like an egotistical jerkoff to me, sir.
Exactly. Charlie Sheen would be proud.

 

by brycekain
3-17-14
This is my Jesus. There are many like him, but this one is mine. My Jesus is my best friend, my life. I must master him as I must master my life.
Without me, my Jesus is useless. Without my Jesus, I am useless. My Jesus is human because he is my life. I will keep my Jesus clean and ready. We will become part of each other.
We are the saviors of my life.............. this is the worst Penthouse Forum letter I have ever read.
Wait til you get to the part where I describe my foot washing fetish.

 

by brycekain
3-17-14
Ok, Mr. Homeless Person, sir. You have read the forms and agree to be a part of this experiment, correct?
You poke me with needle. I get booze, yessum.
Yes yes, all the moonshine you can pour into your gullet. Now hold still and it should only pinch for a second.
AAAAHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There. That didn't hurt, now did it?
I can't feel my scrotum, my asshole just butt burped all over my delicates, and I have that tea-bagging taste in my mouth. Yup, everything's normal.

 

by brycekain
3-17-14
The Kain experiment is complete! You can come out now, my creation.
What is this place? Why does it make me sad?
Got any cloves?
I'm in deep shit.

 

by brycekain
3-18-14
WHAT THE HELL?You were told to make the clone EVIL! NOT EMO!
Some of my calculations must have been off. I'll keep doing it until I get it right!
You better. We have a lot riding on this project. The fate of the world rest in YOUR hands!
Fate of the world? I thought you were trying to turn our planet into a dictatorial hellhole?
Yes, and if you don't succeed I will serve your balls on a silver platter to an army of homosexual gophers.
Promise?

 

by brycekain
3-19-14
No.
No.
Project Clone-a-Kain was not exactly going as planned.
God damn it!

 

by brycekain
3-19-14
No.
Grrrr
Boobily boobily boobily!
Fuck it. Close enough.

 

by brycekain
3-19-14
Sir, we have a serious problem. Evil Corp got ahold of your DNA and has successfully cloned an evil version of you... sort of...
What do you mean, sort of?
Well....
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!?
I AM THE WALRUS!

 

by brycekain
3-19-14
What in the holy unlovable fuck did you create?? First you made an emo. Then you made a blubbering fish-handed mongaloid, and now... this?? I don't even know what the hell it is!
It's genius, is what it is.
He'll charm his way into the castle walls of the Kain's Lair of Awesomesauce with his cute puppet face, then BAM!!! Finger in the butt!
You really need to come out of the closet, dude. Seriously. Everyone already knows.
Did my Liberace collection give it away?

 

by brycekain
3-19-14
I have a job for you.
I'm listening.
I know you have heard about Evil Corp's plans to take out The Kain with their clone. That must not happen.
What do I get in return?
Richard Gere's home address.
I'm a squirrel, not a hampster, fuckface.

 

by brycekain
3-20-14
Anti-Kain! Your mission is to infiltrate the Kain's Lair of Awesomesauce and use your super powers to end his life! Any questions, dipshit?
Fuckin'asshole.
Gibbily Hummalgy Bleewoka.

 

by brycekain
3-20-14
Why are you sad, sir?
Only one person has entered my World's Worst 89 competition in the More Comic Competitions section.
Sorry to hear that.
What if I promised the winner a handjob from Scarlett Johansson and a bag of Duritos...?
Wow, sir. You're not desperate at all.
What about a new Playstation 4 and a chance to punch Justin Beiber in the nuts with a crowbar?

 

by brycekain
3-21-14
I'm looking for the Anti-Kain. Have you seen him?
Who?
Nope.
I'm trying to remember if that was what my doctor prescribed me for my anal leakage.

 

by brycekain
3-21-14
Where the hell is this guy?
Welcome to Hooters. May I take your order?
Everywhere I go I feel like he's one step ahead of me.

 

by brycekain
3-23-14
aHA! So YOU are the Anti-Kain! At last we meet. Now that we are face to face, I will introduce myself, then blow you away! My name is A.J. Squ...
Your dickishness seems very familiar.

 

by brycekain
3-23-14

 

by brycekain
3-23-14
You are PISSING ME OFF!!

 

by brycekain
3-23-14
Ok, obviously we are an equal match for eachother.
Blippity bloppity POOP!
I think we should call in my chief negotiator to solve this dispute between us.
BLUBBA BLUBBA BLUBBA! BLUBBA! BLUBBA! BLUBBA! BLUBBA! BLUBBA! *gurrrrrgle*

 

by brycekain
3-23-14
Now... how can we make this little problem of ours go away, sweety?
*GURRRRRGLE* *COUGH COUGH* *WHEEEEZE*
Are you shitting me?
*bloop*
Um... He's dead?! What the fuck?!?

 

by brycekain
3-24-14
The Anti-Kain has been "handled."
How did it go down?
Lets just say that one of my operatives got... "Phreaky" with him.
"Got 'Phreaky' with him?"
Is that the best you could come up with?
YOU try writing a story line while on the crapper and see how creative YOU get.

 

by brycekain
3-24-14
Daddy? DAD! DAD! DADDY?? DAD? DAD?? DAD! DAD! Can I have a bubble bath?!?
In the morning. Right now it's time for bed.
But! But... BUT... BUT! BUT BUT BUT! It helps me to know what I'm going to saaaay!!!
So apparently if you don't give your 8 year old a bubble bath in the morning they turn into circus mimes and won't talk for the rest of the day.
Don't get any ideas, sir. They eventually start to stink.

 

by brycekain
3-24-14
Jimmy, take a letter.
Dear Mr. Hitler. Thank you for patronage. The many years we have come to serve you have been a pleasure. We hope to serve you many more years to come.
Sir? May I ask why we are thanking the most hated man in the known world?
Um... HELLO??? We ARE the GAS COMPANY!

 

by brycekain
4-09-14
No one has seen you in 16 days! Where the hell have you been? The people demand answers!
Um.... the people are gay.
Sir, I would advise you stop watching South Park reruns and come out of your man-cave once in a while.
WELL......... DUECE'S MOM'S A BITCH, SHE'S A BIG FAT BITCH, SHE'S THE BIGGEST BITCH IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD...

 

by brycekain
4-14-14
As your lawyer, I must advise that you leave your man-cave and make more appearances to the people. It's total madness out there!
Why should I? Jesus hasn't appeared on earth in over 2,000 years and I don't see HIM reappearing any time soon.
Good point...
As your lawyer, I must advise...
Can it, fuckface! I gave that shit up for lent!

 

by brycekain
4-17-14
At the flight deck door...
Sir, you have to sit down during take off.
My name is Officer Biz Tandynuts and I'm the Federal Marshal. There's been an emergency! Please give the pilot our new landing coordinates.
Whew! I'm glad we landed safely! Where are we anyway?
Richard Gere's butt.

 

by brycekain
4-28-14
It has begun...
OH MY GOD!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!! AAAAAAHHH!!!!
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?
Newbies have flooded the Stripcreator donor list.

 

by brycekain
4-29-14
Really??
Absolutely! Everyone will love them!
Oh wow! You're right! This website is FULL of funny people! Do you think I could be funny, too??
How hard could it be? Just be sure to donate a dollar so everyone can see your work!
Why won't this load?? Maybe if I hit SAVE COMIC a bunch of times!?
Excellent....

 

by brycekain
4-30-14
I've been informed that Stripcreator has been overrun by so many newbies that the donor section is flooded.
It's worse than that, sir.
Worse? What are they writing about? Bad days at the office?
I GOT A "D" ON MY REPORT CARD SO I WANT TO DIE!!!! HAR HAR HAR!!!! SAVE COMIC!!!!!!!! SAVE COMIC!!!!!!!! SAVE COMIC!!!!!!!! SAVE COMIC!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M A POTATO!!!!!

 

by brycekain
4-30-14
i dont see why i got a bad grade on my report card R U GAY??
i think your work is bad and you are dumb cause im a stupid teacher and what i say goes now get out of my classroom now before i get so wicked mad!!!!!
i hate you you are so mean im goin to tell and get you in trouble i hate yo you i hate you!!!!
Crap. The newbie flood is leaking into other comic strips.
Fuck that! I was forced to be in one of Kbrickell1's 30,000 comic reposts! Now I know what a massive gangbang feels like.

 

by brycekain
5-01-14
Planet WTF presents our very first public service announcement...
Dear newbies: *****ahem***** STOP PRESSING THE "SAVE COMIC" BUTTON 50 TIMES IN A ROW!!! LEARN WHERE THE "EDIT COMIC" LINK IS! AND, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MOST OF YOU ARE NOT FUCKING FUNNY!!!!!
This has been a public service anouncement. Thank you.

 

by brycekain
5-05-14
Excuse me, sir. We got a complaint about the noise. Mind explaining what's going on?
I was inside... um... worshipping Satan?
With both those fingers simultaneously in your penis hole and rectum, respectively?
What?! I have NEVER been respectful to my penis!!

 

by brycekain
5-13-14
That was the best sex I've ever had! Wow! Just WOW! What did I do to deserve THAT!?
You knocked up your ex-girlfriend and then left her at the alter.
Wait, what does THAT have to do with anything??
I'm the Karma-saur.
AND?!?!?
I just gave you herpes.

Showing page 7.

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