All comics by JohnnyZero27

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by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
Run, human scum, before my sexy robot ways incapacitate your weak organic sexy glands. Hey!
Dammit, I knew the Robo-Steve was beyond the scope of my abilities... Mmmm... I wonder if it's Taco Day at Chotchke's...
20 Minutes Later...
I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but I must learn your advanced ways...
Fear my wicked mojo, oh leotarded one. Midget... Power... Activate!
Nine rather sloppy lessons later...
I AM REBORN!
Jesus, and I was gonna share my vast taco bounty with you. Friggin Benedict Arnold-Bot!

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
Hi, I'm Robo-Steve, rather I'm called that instead of my full model name... Sirius Cybernetics Systems Corporation Model XLR958724-00-214.
Only problem is... I have to stay in this containment cell while Nate's at work. Damn nuclear paranoid. Just because my internal battery has a five-megaton yield...
And every now and again, the dual-boot drive Flake installed kicks in and I reconfigure myself into Mega-Robo-Steve. But that's just our little secret.
STEEEEEEEVE! WHY IS THE GEIGER COUNTER SHUDDERING?

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
Hey, the name's Flake. Resident supergenius up in this hizzy.
Wait a sec, *I'm* Flake!
Hold on. Did you just come out of that machine?
Well... Yes. I was, er, fixing... it... I think...
TO BE CONTINUED
Well hello, Lindsay Lohan!
Man, if you were bright red with yellow eyes, I'd bang you stupid.

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
So... The cloner does work.
Funny, I don't feel like a clone. Is there a specific feeling to being a clone?
Well, only the incessant chattering of the damned...
GET THEM OUT OF MY TEETH! OUT, I SAY! WHY WON'T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE!?!
TO BE CONTINUED... AGAIN
Maybe I shouldn't have drank six bottles of Robitussin while configuring the central processor.
Well, it does have it's upsides. Hence I am constantly possessed of a mentholated, cherry aroma.

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
So... You, uh, like working for Disney?
Let's just say Michael Eisner should be in court right next to Wacko Jacko...
Oh, my cogs and circuits... That bad?
You kiddin' me? He literally rapes kids harder than he rapes consumers figuratively. Though in his defense, the opium-laced chocolate syrup was a good idea.
Ah, hell... You know the drill, kids... My narratin' ass is going to Tijuana...
Your candor concerns me. Why doesn't the media know any of this?
Disney's got NDA agreements more confusing than Stephen Hawking freestyling. It's just easier to walk away.

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
And now for something... Ah, fuck it. You know the rest.
What the fuck? Who the hell are you?
Nevermind that... Alright, you're created. Now, what to do with you...
Whoa-fuckin'-oh. I am NOT taking my cues from some hugeass pencil from nowhere.
Now, now, Skippy McBitchy. Don't make me use this.
It's a sad goddamn day when I have to pay fealty to fucking office supplies.
NOW DANCE, LITTLE ONE! DANCE I SAY!

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
HI! I'm Lindsay Lohan, star of... stuff... Like, um, what was I saying?
Alright, sister. Two things. First, kneel. Then, and this is key now, clamp yer yap!
Uhm, but you're a male of some sort. Don't you worship my very image?
Now, I want you to listen good. When you're an bitmap, you can't speak. Thus, I maintain hard-ons long enough to make screen wipes worth 12.95 a box!
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, DAMMIT!
I'M SO AWKWARD!
Improper use of Family Guy quotes. That's a fifteen-yard penalty. Now "the Reaper" here is gonna help me show you why I'm called Vicious.

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
I am Robo-Steve! COWER!!!
I'm the Vicious. Kiss my fuzzy ass.
Hmm. You do not fear my shiny, aluminum power?
No. No, I don't.
READ THE FUCKING COMICS! Including next week's, you asses.
Well, then... Let's go get pizza!
Alright, but no pineapple, or swear to Kojima, I will format you with a baseball bat.

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
Well, A-Rock, I suppose this is the time to start introducing characters right?
I suppose we kinda have to. One question, why'd you make me wear the Pac-Man shirt?
Just to make you a bit more recognizable to the webcomic populace at large.
You have the worst fucking ideas ever, I swear to Christ.
Next week, blah, blah, blah...
You know, I should light you on fire as you sleep.
I wish your skull would explode into a kaleidoscope of silvery confetti.

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
So, Nick, old boy... What's the d-izz-eal from the western front?
He just doesn't stop. Always stroking. ALWAYS!
You're friggin' kiddin' me!
MY EYES! I CAN'T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE! MAKE IT STOP!
Okay, so maybe next strip will be a little less histrionic... Probably not.
Hey! No hemhorraging on the carpet!
Must drain the evil with sharp and pointy things!!!

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
Lindsay Lohan?! What in the fuck are you doin' here?
I'm just trying to pimp my image, so that I can be a merchandised-out old whore.
What the fuck could you possibly do that would make me not want to liquify your face with a Weed Whacker?
I can suck the marrow out of a bone without taking it out of the limb.
To possibly be continued...
Hmm... We could make this into something very lucrative. Can you live in a closet?
A closet?! Holy shit, I used to live in a clothes hamper on set of the Parent Trap! Why do you think they hired me? I wouldn't leave!

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
You know, some people aren't happy with the quality of the comics as of late...
Well, for all of you naysayers...
If you're good, maybe we'll continue this shit...

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
So, I was like, "I can do this forever, baby!" And she was all like, "Wow baby! You're so awesome!"
I died for *your* sins!? Oh, dammit...
MY MIND'S EYE IS BLEEDING!!!
So, I bent her over my desk and stuck my tongue in all the way to her duodenum!
Do you really want us to continue this shit?
I swear to Christ, if you don't stop speaking, I am going to choke you with your own liver...
I'M THE OVERLORD OF SEX WITH GIRLS!!! BLARRRRGGH!!!

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
So, anyway, Chris was babbling on about being some sorta sex god or somethin...
Uh huh...
I was gonna listen but I found this cheese sandwich in the fridge.
So what'd you do?
Catch you on the flipside, motherfuckers!
I got my damn lunch on!
True, the power of cheese is mighty indeed...

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
So, anyway, I was sitting in advisement when I realized how hard it would be to bury a body on campus.
Uh huh...
I mean, really. You'd think something like digging a big hole on an isolated campus would simple as pie, y'know?
Pie?
Same Crappy Time, same Crappy Strip!
I mean, think of how many problems a few shallow graves could solve for us!
Mmm... Pie...

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
So, I reassembled the sensory deprivation tank.
Wait. You mean the one you locked me in when you tried to brainwash me into an unbeatable assassin for your personal armada?
The very same! What was your buzzword? It was something with an "On" in the front. Onset? On... On...
Onslaught?
I don't even know any more...
That's it! The Onslaught!
I shall do thy bidding, master!

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-29-05
So, dark lord and destroyer of all that lives and breathes... What's shakin'?
3h... n0t mvCh...
What the flaming shit? Why the 1337?
We11, 1t'5 ju5t s0m3th1n n3w 1'v3 d3c1d3d t0 tr3i.
Whut tha fack?
Look, I know that you're the high priest of a race of star-beings that desire the end of all civilization, but 1337-5p33k is going to kill us all...
Bu+! Bu+! c0m3 b@ck!

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-31-05
So... Rumsfeld really is an evil government experiment fueled by Jolt Cola and Pop Rocks... I wonder if...
**FLUSH** . . . **FLUSH** . . . **FLUSH** . . .
Austin? Did you shat and break the toilet again?
Y-Yes...
We need professional help...
Aw, dammit...
***FLUSH*** . . . That got it!

 

by JohnnyZero27
3-31-05
Alright, class, settle down! POP QUIZ!
Now, class... What do we hate?
Uhh, bitches?
I was so jazzed on caffeine when I did this...
Damn straight...
I'm a sad panda...

 

by JohnnyZero27
4-01-05
We here at SC.com; well, at least Vicious and I; have a very saddening announcement to make.
On March 31st, we lost not just a comedian, but someone who felt more like an old friend.
Yes, friends. We have lost a truly funny human being. Mitch Hedberg passed away from alleged heart failure in a Livingston, NJ hotel room.
Well, Mitch, we can only hope that this is some practical joke and that you really haven't headed off to that unbreakable escalator in the sky.
Please observe a moment of silence.
From Vicious and I, Mitch, see you at the crossroads.
RIP Mitch Hedberg, ***1968-2005*** You will be missed.

 

by JohnnyZero27
4-12-05
Hey, Ford. Cool dog.
AH LOVE MAH BISCUIT! SHE'S SO PRETTAH!
What the hell is she doing to the curtains?
SHE LOVES TA DO THA LEAKY DANCE ON THA WALL HANGINS!
Ford's a funny sumbitch, ain't he? See ya, cowboy...
Are you going to clean that up?!
AH CAIN'T MAKE DOODY ON COMMAND! WHY FOR SHOULD AH MAKE HUR DO IT!? SHIGA SHIGA WAH!

 

by JohnnyZero27
4-12-05
Have you moved in the past thirty-six hours?
Must find Emerald Dreamcatcher...
You're a damned idiot.
I owe my allegiance to Malfurion Stormrage, he will ruin you with his anger...
To be continued... (For 14.95 a month)
Did you say Malfurion? That's World of Warcraft jibba-jabba! Move the hell over, n00b!
I warn you, Mr. Chan, I am not a man to be tested...

 

by JohnnyZero27
4-16-05
I'm so back... Whatcha gonna do now?
You are some kinda fuckin' lucky I just got off the clock, or I'd turn your face into a Jackson Pollock painting...
Vicious! Why are you always so mean to me?! I have ginormous jubblies!
So do pregnant rottweilers, doesn't mean I pick *them* up off the side of the road.
Meanwhile...
DEAD MEN TELLS NO TALES, SIRAH! SHIGA SHIGA DOOWOP!
What the hell are you on?!

 

by JohnnyZero27
4-18-05
*LOGON:* *www.glcorps.org*
FRRTT! BLORT! GUGGUGUUGG! PLOP! PPFF-FF-FFFT!
So... John Stewart wasn't a Marine in the comics...
BLATTT!!! POP! FRT! BURBLE! BWAAAPPF-F-F-FFFTT!*FLUSH!*
Join us... Next time, with the "To be"... Possibly some continuation... of some sort. Maybe.
Y'know, it's days like this that I'm really glad I had my olfactory gland attached to a rotary switch.
I've death with livestock less feisty than that...

 

by JohnnyZero27
4-18-05
H-Hello? **KNOCK-KNOCK** Is anyone there?
Hello, Human-Jon.
Robo-Steve? What the hell are you doing here?
Ter be continey'd next time, Pilgrim...
Nate got convicted, so I need a new place to stay.
Come on in... Just don't step on the dog. The wife'll pop a blood vessel.

 

by JohnnyZero27
4-18-05
Honey... Why are there hundreds of cans of hydraulic jack oil being loaded into our garage?
Now, Jess... Robo-Steve needs a new place to stay while Nate's away, and all Nate's patent money goes to Steve. We're doubling our monthly income...
Oh... Well, that's not so bad.
But there is one more thing...
Jon... Honey... WHY ARE MOVERS BRINGING NUCLEAR SHIELDING INTO OUR GARAGE!?

 

by JohnnyZero27
4-18-05
So, Steve, how's the garage treating you?
Oh, splendidly, Human-Jon.
You know, you can just call me Jon. Or Zero, if you want.
Zero. Ah, makes me yearn for the simpler days of ones and zeroes.
I need more meds, I think
HEY! NOT ON MY SHOES!!!
I feel happy...

 

by JohnnyZero27
4-20-05
Uh, who the hell are you?
I'm Lindsay Lohan, star of... stuff.
Might I kindly ask why the hell you look and dress just like me?
What do you mean? I... I... DOES NOT COMPUTE!
Be here next time! Or I'll find where you live and give you such a pinch!
Wow, I guess stupid really is combustible.
Ouch...

 

by JohnnyZero27
6-12-05
Suspense... Action... And many other things that would probably never show up in the strip...
Rather lucky getting marooned on Bill Gate's private pleasure island, huh?
Have you never read "The Most Dangerous Game"? Well, Gates, en gaddamn garde...
(Probably not) COMING WINTER 2005...
I'm having your baby!
But I'm a fuckin' cowboy!!!
Zero and Vicious: Despotism Kicks Ass!
Ah... Shit.
THA DAY IS YURN! HIGGY WIGGA POW!

 

by JohnnyZero27
6-12-05
Anno te domine, sodome pedia...
HALT! MORTAL! NONE SHALL PASS!
But... I, uh... Don't understand.
I AM UNSURE OF THAT WHICH YOU SPEAK!
Proof positive that you shouldn't make strips without an idea first.
Why are you talking like that?
WAY TOO MUCH RED BULL, SIRRAH!

 

by JohnnyZero27
6-12-05
I AM... A FUCKING... COWBOY-OY-OY-OY-OY!
Okay, dude, this is the last time I'm going to tell you... Quit with the damned echo!
Jee-zus! That new guy from across the street won't stop with the damned echo thing...
*Sigh* I warned 'im... Please hold.
This has been a paid advertisement from the Gurt Corporation. "If it ain't Gurt, it ain't durt!"
I... AM... Hey, how are ya? What're ya doin' with... AAAAAAAAAGH!!!
Wow, Vicious finally got a chance to use his new Gurt Scythe-A-Lot 220i. Nice...

 

by JohnnyZero27
7-01-05
'Allo! Ahm Mistah Cockney! Ahm 'eer to make ah poke at stereotypical British folk!
Uhm... I really don't know what the hell to say to this...
Ah would like a wohm beeah, ah would!
I'm not a violent man, but I feel the need to uproot your head from the rest of your body.
Can anyone stop Senor Dickhip, I mean Mr. Cockney?!
Ah, that feels good. I don't think we'll have to worry about Monsieur Dickhip anymore...
Oy! 'Ats Cock-Ney! Git it roight!

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-22-05
Holy shit on a hoagie... This is probably the funniest run of strips we've had in awhile.
Yep...
So... You been drinking shoe polish again?
Yep...
Well, better make the most of it. What color are the skinned puppies now?
Five... No, wait. Octagonal, definitely.

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-22-05
Hi, welcome to Suncoast Motion Pictures, can I help you?
No, I go to School of the Arts, thus I have all knowledge regarding all movies stored in my patchouli ridden stink hive goatee.
I see... So... You're an elitist shitbag with an Oedipal complex.
No, I'm from Roanoke, actually.
I'm going to have to hurt you now, you do realize this, right?
Of course...

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-22-05
I shit you not, dude, I sold over 3 dozen copies of Napoleon Dynashit today...
I thought you worked for Elektra Records...
Conglomerate corporations, man...
Ah.
Suddenly, in Utah!
I'm the richest Mormon EVER!!! GOSH!!!

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-25-05
What's been up, Austin, old beanbag?
Fuck you.
I noticed that you don't look like Gabe from Penny Arcade anymore.
Yep, I started playing basketball...
I see... Like, ninja basketball, or...
Fine, it's just laundry day...

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-25-05
So, I read that Early End poem on your Myspace...
Yes? And?
It's about beating off isn't it?
But... I... No! It's...
It is, isn't it?
I fucking hate you.

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-25-05
Man, I can't believe how much some people bash our work.
Yeah... They're entitled to an opinion, I guess...
Yeah...
So, about these murder charges...
Yeah... We're not too sure on how to explain what you did to their genitalia being self-defense.

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-25-05
You know, Kyle, I often worry about the future of webcomics.
Yeah, I'm totally not listening...
I mean really, Austin, if we can get away with this substandard dreck, who's to say what mentally fucked 14-year-olds in Utah could do?
Little busy right now...
I'll listen to you, Zero... I'm the Complacent Pink Donkey!
Case in point...

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-26-05
I'm here to help you, Zero. I'll be your friend.
Wait a damn minute, aren't you that Non-Sequitur Donkey?
Uh. Sure!
Improbable! What you're saying makes sense AND is pertinent to current conversation.
Uhm, the sky isn't really blue. It's just refracted light coming through our atmosphere at a specific wavelength.
Fucking continuity bullshit...

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-26-05
I HAVE SEX... WITH THINGS!!! BLARRRRGH!
Don't you ever shut the fuck up, Chris?!
NO! BECAUSE I LIKE TO EXERCISE MY TONGUE RING FOR ORAL SEX!
You know what they say about guys with pierced tongues...
10 BUCKS! I MEAN, WHAT?!
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-26-05
CAN I FEEL YOU FROM THE INSIDE?
Go... Away... Fuckmouth...
I AM TEH S3XGOD! OMFG! LOLZ!!!
You're lucky I'm sleepy...
ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!! ROFL ROFL!!!
I NEED AN ADULT!!!

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-31-05
DUDE! I got a copy of Episode III and the definitive Star Wars drinking game!
Uh huh... Drinking, eh? Hell, let's get stinko!
Later, in the Webcave's private theater...
Alright, let's do this. Cups, check. Excessively powerful booze, check. 0.09% saline IV, check...
Holy shit, that's a long list...
Much later...
Man, that was incredible, that 15 hours just flew by!
Yeah...It did... Hey, where the fuck are we?

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-22-07
So... What's with this chick? Did you fuck or something?
Uhm, no...
Man, you'll totally pull an American Psycho and chase any chick who wants to fuck you down the hall with a chainsaw...
Isn't that what everyone does?
Wow, it suddenly makes sense.

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-22-07
So, what's with you and K-Spec?
What do you mean?
Well, it just seems like you're the first girl to remain in either of our companies without running, short of my wife.
Oh.... Well, it's like this...
Suddenly...
There is a great disturbance in the Force...

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-22-07
Some time later...
So, that's essentially it...
Well, what the shit, you just told me the whole plot of Ishtar if it starred the Wiggles!
I know, I thought it would thoroughly confuse and annoy you! Score one for me, huh?
I... I, uh... Wow...
Dude, that Stacy chick... Where in the hell did you find her?
Long story... Hey, apparently they're making another Punisher movie.

 

rEPLizzY
BWAAAHAHHAHHAHAHA HHAHAHHAHHAAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHHAHA HHAHAHHAHHAAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAH...
by JohnnyZero27, 10-28-07

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-28-07
Suddenly, at the Hall of Just-This
Alright, I'm only going to explain this one more time... An 'angry dragon' is performed by...
1 minute, 19 seconds pass...
Suddenly, at the Hall of Just-This
And that's how it works...
My God, I'd never dreamt such a way to demean another person even existed... I have SO got to try that...

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-28-07
So, I watched Mad Max, Lethal Weapon 2, Signs, today, and...
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Why the hell were you watching those three? You lose a bet?
I was getting to that, ya fuckin' bastard...
This oughta be good.
Well, I was just going to say how hilarious it is to watch the progressive deterioration of another human being.
It's like a cinematic Darwin chart, now that you mention it.

 

by JohnnyZero27
10-28-07
*whistles absently*
Doot-doot-do... Huh?
I practice the art of Ninja...
JESUS CHRIST! I think my asshole just swallowed the chair!

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