CC268: If you can read this..... by CHUBBY 12-08-04

Illiterate? Yep. Call 1-800-READ-NOW. That's 1-800-READ-NOW. DOH!

CC268: Si puede leer esto..... by CHUBBY 12-08-04

No conoce Ingles? Si. Llame 1-866-ENGLISH. Ay, chihuahua. Tiene una hermana se llama Sue? Si.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

CC268: "Smokey" the Bear by seattlesque 12-08-04

Prophecy ordains that every century, the Shaman will find the One. Destiny calls, Muffy. You and YOU ALONE can prevent forest fires! The commercial said not to feed the bears... I mentioned all this to the California wildfire crew, so they're taking the next hundred years off. "...but Peyote isn't FOOD," he argued.

CC268: Reality TV by CHUBBY 12-08-04

After 9/11, Congress passed the Patriot Act, which took away many of the rights guaranteed to Americans in the Constitution. If you're concerned about the erosion of our freedoms, call this number. Hmmmm..... Should I call? Should I not call? Well, Dick Herzberger of 118 West End Boulevard, Utica, NY-- are you gonna call or not? We now join "Big Brother", already in progress. DOH!

CC268: Drano for the Brain-o by CHUBBY 12-08-04

Got writer's block?   *   That's all it says on the teleprompter. Cut.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Yeah, I'm lazy.

CC 268: SC Public Service Announcement. by SpideyChris 12-08-04

Children, don't do drugs. Do me.

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Use your weapons, they are designed to inflict damage!

Or... Hey. Whaddya know? Maybe I'm not.

CC 268: That other SC PSA. by SpideyChris 12-08-04

Underaged drinking is a problem that affects more and more irresponsible bastards every day. It was my first New Year's... The only memory I have of that night is my daddy stumbling in with a White Russian, slurring about how he shouldn't have to feed the brat. In time, I was trading all my toys away for anything that'd get me closer to a buzz. I gave Suzy from the sandbox my best teddy for a case of her father's Pabst. I was crowd-surfing at an Alien Ant Farm concert, naked save for my Pikachu diaper, when I realized... I needed to poopie. And that I'd hit rock bottom. Remember, kids. You don't know trashed, not yet. So leave alchohol for responsible adults and promiscuous college girls. Or we'll punch you. You tell 'em, Daddy.

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Use your weapons, they are designed to inflict damage!

...And the other half are the female students, who've been told that that distance is seven inches.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 268: Let's Get PSAcal by kaufman 12-08-04

Hello, I'm Jack Valenti, former head of the Motion Picture Association of America. Piracy and copyright infringement are serious problems facing us today. Please take that into consideration when making comics here. Use your own material, and otherwise give credit where it is due. Ain't that right, cowboy? What the fuck are you talking about?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 268: SAP by kaufman 12-08-04

Won't you please give, so dyslexia can be cured in our lifetimes?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 268: 'Service' announcement by NeoVid 12-08-04

In this day and age, you may think abstinence is the right way. Well, you're 100% wrong. If you abstain for too long, you'll be laughed at for the rest of your life. So by the time you're twenty, do it with anything that moves! Virginity ruined my life. Don't let it happen to you.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

...And the other half are the female students, who've been told that that distance is seven inches.

Scandanavia sometimes measures fives inches when measured from north to south, and seven inches when measured in the other direction.

I don't know about the rest of Europe.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

I know this doesn't technically follow the rules, but I was inspired by the topic in a different direction and thought you all would enjoy it nevertheless.

I hate The More You Know.

CC268: Informing the Younger Generation by kattheworld 12-08-04

Hello kids. I'm the admissions director of Harvard University. And I'm Bill Gates. We just wanted to let you know that there's been a change in the "you can do anything" attitude fed to the youth of the early nineties. Yeah. I'm not letting you anywhere near my precious buggy programs, and Mr. Harvard here isn't letting you anywhere near Cambridge. (that lame four notes of music in the background) We hope this has been informative. Enjoy your lives, you futureless suckers. ...The More You Know...

this is as good as its gonna get from me

CC 268: the fight against eating disorders by TheBigJE 12-08-04

Anorexia is bad! EAT UP FATASS (LMAOLMAO)

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We built this siggy.... on rock and rooooooll

Pubic Service Announcement by choadwarrior 12-09-04

Hi, I'm Jerry Springer. Before I appealed to the lowest common denominator on television, I was mayor of Cincinatti Of course, that was before my sex scandal. If there's one thing I learned as mayor of a conservative community... The whore you know... It's not to pay for hookers with checks. Never leave a paper trail.

CC 268: "Straight Talk For Kids" With Captain Chip by biped 12-09-04

HI, kids! CAPTAIN CHIP here with a message about... about... oh... oh, yeah... *FWAP-FWAP-FWAP* OHHH YEAHHH... UNNNGGGHHHH...!!! HOLY SHIT!!! CAPTAIN CHIP'S WANKIN' OFF IN FRONT OF THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!!! You twisted BASTARD. All the little kids saw your horrible, naked...er..."MAN DINGUS." But -- what's so horrible about the naked male appendage, officer? I don't understand! So remember, kids -- DON'T jerk off in PUBLIC! For some reason, it's FROWNED UPON! Uhh...oh, yeah... UNNNNGGHHHH!!! There! That's better! This was SUPPOSED to be a PSA about SMOKING! DON'T SMOKE, KIDS!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC268: On Parenting and other things.. by PhreakyChinchilla 12-09-04

And now a word from Kelly Ripa's husband... Daddy? ....Daddddddyyy! Trust me when I say, "Pull out." ... Pull out in so many ways, my friends. Yo, Dad. I need to borrow the car.. Daddy, I stuck a spatula in my rear! Ha ha ha! Regis is SUCH a riot..so funny. Honey, put down little Juan and come in here..

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dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.

Plain Talk by AccentuateNegative 12-09-04

Hi kids, AccentuateNegative here with some straight talk... Ask me about my grandchildren, you meet the friendliest people in RV parks, I think I'll skip going to the gym today, Everybody Loves Raymond keeps getting funnier... The only place better than Applebees is Bennigans, I only have two pairs of shoes, you should put on some weight, those new Chrysler minivans sure are sharp. I'm starting to believe homosexuality really is a choice.

CC 268: Fetus In St. Louis by biped 12-11-04

Well, here comes the old coat hanger. Hey, kids --ever hear of rubbers? Huh?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 268: A PSA from the Asian Girls by fpd 12-11-04

Hi, I'm Asian Girl #1. And I'm Asian Girl #2. We're here to talk to you about stereotyping. Did you know that not all Asian girls are cheap Vietnamese whores. That's right. For all you know, we are straight-A geniuses who are prodigious Jazz pianists like Keiko Matsui or Hiromi Uehara. Or we might even be sexy schoolgirls who have superpowers and do it with giant squids. So do what's ripe. Don't stereotype.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

If you got any last minute stuff in your head, post it now. I'll judge after i finish entering this benefits info.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Just leave me alone... by Kwaksplurge 12-13-04

Hey there! I'm going to jump over forty three burning trucks on a rocket-powered bucking bronco while holding a cup of deadly sulphuric acid!! Okay. But make sure you have a drink first to calm your nerves. ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM!!! This has been a message from the Society That Foils Unsafeness (STFU)

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Heggo.

I think we really helped some people out there, and really, what more can you ask for?

Now to the awards:
3) goes to Biped for an excellent set of comics and in particular

CC 268: The Children Need Heroes by biped 12-06-04

Playing near demolition sites sure is fun -- HEY! A blasting cap! I think I'll pick it up! HONK-HONK!!! DOG-ON-BALL SAY "NO WAY" TO BLASTING CAPS, BOBBY!!! GRRRR!!! DOG-ON-BALL? I thought you were DEAD! NO, ME ALIVE!!! BUT YOU BE DEAD IF YOU PICK UP BLASTING CAP, STUPID!!! MEOW!!! SHUT UP!!! But gee, Dog-On-Ball... (*sniff*)...I kinda WANT to be dead. HEE-HAW!!! ME GET CHAINSAW AND KILL YOU WITH IT THEN, BUTTFACE!!! BLAH-BLAH-BLAH!!!

2) goes to not_sycess for

CC268: Sponsors by not_Scyess 12-06-04

The following public service announcement is brought to you by the Rotary Club. Hi, parents. It's already December. Do you have enough nuts stored up for the winter? My mistake. Apparently, we are now being sponsored by the Rodentia Club.

and lastly
1) the contest goes to PhreakyChinchilla for both her comics but the one that pushed me over was

CC268: On Parenting and other things.. by PhreakyChinchilla 12-09-04

And now a word from Kelly Ripa's husband... Daddy? ....Daddddddyyy! Trust me when I say, "Pull out." ... Pull out in so many ways, my friends. Yo, Dad. I need to borrow the car.. Daddy, I stuck a spatula in my rear! Ha ha ha! Regis is SUCH a riot..so funny. Honey, put down little Juan and come in here..

. Congrats and make a new contest, will ya?

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

So close and yet... so far.

(Who the hell is Kelly Ripa?)

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

One of these days taking cheap shots at Dan is going to win me a contest.

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Poop.

Wow! I think that's the first favorable comment I ever got for a Dog-On-Ball comic.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Wow. Thanks, mmyers!

I will post the new contest either later today or tomorrow(I have to think one up).

Thanks again. :)

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dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.