Speaking of tripod...

Real Life: Family Bonds by four_legged_tripod 7-13-09

Daddy? Can I have a sucker-- Punch? Daddy! You hit me! What was that about? I know! It's weird! We're so connected that we're finishing each other's sentences.

Real Life: Pearls of Wisdom by four_legged_tripod 2-08-10

I just read online that clams DO make pearls, so my theory about there being pearls in tampons because they call vaginas clams does make sense. If you think that bit of information is going to make me more likely to buy your pearl ingested tampons, then you're stupider than I thought.

Real Life: Hocus Pocus by four_legged_tripod 3-23-10

I can make a potion to cure your husband's cancer. I just need you to bring me the blood of a virgin. Great news honey! Sarah started her period today and I got her first used tampon! This scrapbooking shit has gone too far.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Here's a random sampling of some favs:

FrixFrax

Mr. Pervert by FrixFrax 3-23-09

Hi, my names Ron Pervert. I'm here to give a sperm sample today Oh all right Mr. Pervert, if you just take this cup; there are some magazines in there for you including XXX, Cum Sluts Xmas Edition and Asian Girls Smeared in Pie Oh no, I wont be needing those. I brought some naked pictures of my wife Oh... well whatever does it for you I suppose, personally I prefer those pie smeared Asian girls, those cranberries and apples just get everywhere. Anyway I digress; you may enter the room now Hey Dr. Ringworm, you'll never guess what, some poor sap has just brought naked pictures of his wife! Hahahahhaha... Idiots. Sexy wife here I... oh no these aren’t my wife naked, these are pictures of Margaret Thatcher during her British reign... but I can't masturbate to these! Or can I...? ...Nope, definitely no

Loose Bangers by FrixFrax 2-14-08

Hey son, let me tell you something about sagging, when you get to my age , not everything is quite as it should be, you know? In-fact I was in the shower the other day, and felt this dull ache, I thought I was having a stroke right? Turns out, I was just standing on my balls... Lets whistle. Whistling makes us better people!

Pork Chops Featuring: Melvin, Coyle by FrixFrax 8-27-07

So I'm standing at the line in the bank when everyone starts lining up to the window with the hot chick... but... I know it's the longest line, but I still go and I realise... I'm a sheep! I'm a fucking sheep! And I think to myself, what if I don't want to be a sheep...? What if I want to be a kangaroo, or a tiger... or something y'know? Yeah, I usually get that midway through the tampon section at the supermarket, but I just think... if you like the taste of tampons so much what's the harm in eating them? What does that have to do with anything? I'm just saying if a guy should choose to eat tampons then he has the right to, jeez, why do you have to be so judgemental?

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Cant get more random with samplings than Biped

Sally in "Attacked" (part one) by biped 5-02-09

"People get attacked. They get attacked and attacked and attacked." "And then one day they get attacked and they decide they just aren't going to take it anymore. So the next time they get attacked, they call the police." That was Barry "Attacked" Manilow, discussing his new album, "Attacked and Attacked and Attacked."

Sally in "Attacked" (part two) by biped 5-02-09

Mommy, is it okay to attack-- Sshhhh--I'm timing these muffins. I have never, ever gotten muffins this golden brown before. Mom, Sally just attacked me. Well, attack her back, sweetie.

Sally in "Attacked" (part three) by biped 5-02-09

Edna, the kids are attacking each other and they said that you said it was okay. Pffft! I did no such thing! People all over town are being attacked by your children. They are being attacked and attacked and attacked and attacked and attacked. I...I don't understand... Mr. Manilow's publicist was kind enough to come and speak to the class today. Hi, kids. Just to clarify--Barry's new album and concert tour are an indictment against attacking people, not an endorsement of it.

Sally in "Attacked" (epilogue) by biped 5-02-09

Manilow really sold us out...huh, sis? Yeah! We should attack HIM! ...have now confirmed that Manilow was attacked and attacked and attacked. And now, here's Sally with more news. Thanks, Tim. But first, I'd just like to say that I am ashamed... ASHAMED...to have the same first name as that horrible little girl. Coming up next on Fox..."When Children Attack Barry Manilow." Yippee!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

And another favorite series of Bipeds:

Disengaged Debbie by biped 11-12-09

...and I just LOVE it on "SNL" when Jimmy Fallon breaks character and looks into the camera and laughs and is SOOOOO CUUUUUTE-- SHUUUUT THE FUUUUUCK UUUUUUUUUP!!!!! Well? Did Hector finally propose tonight? I don't want to marry Hector anymore, mother. I'm settling for "Foofy" Burton.

Disengaged Debbie 2 by biped 11-13-09

Well, here we are in your apartment, Foofy. Oh, this is so romantic. I really feel like I could-- Pardon me while I slip into my clown suit, Debbie. Ahh, that's much better. Well--let's get funny. ZOOT!!! DING!!! BEEP-BEEP!!! WHEEEEEEE!!!

Disengaged Debbie 3 by biped 11-13-09

OINK!!! FRRRT!! WHOOPEEEE!!! HONK--hey, where are you going? Debbie! I was going to make cotton candy! Well? Did you and Foofy "set a date"? Foofy's a closet clown, mother. He... he honked at me.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

DX (and not just for his supple anus)

Honestly, its the funniest series of his I've seen.

Gimmie That by DragonXero 2-24-09

If you don't kill me, I'm gonna have to kill you... Dude, I love that song. What song? Wait what are yo- Oh right. The Type-O song. AAAAAAAAAAHHH!

See? There's continuity. by DragonXero 2-27-09

What the hell is with Exodus and Overkill ripping each-other off?? Who? AAAAAAAAAHHH!! What the hell is with Exodus and Overkill ripping each other off?? YOU THREW ME OFF THE FUCKING BUILDING YOU ASSHOLE!

And Yet It Still Feels Episodic by DragonXero 2-27-09

I threw you off the building? I think I'd remember that. DUDE, I was just lucky to have landed in a big pile of emo kid bodies some punk left. You landed in emos? You're tainted with their emo blood now! YOU PUSHED ME OFF THE BUILDING! I did? AAAAHHHHH!!!

Lazy Ass by DragonXero 2-27-09

What the hell? WHERE ARE MY FUCKING BUILDINGS?!

He Did. by DragonXero 3-10-09

So Xero, what do you think is worse, ignorance or apathy? Well? I bet he'll hit that poodle. AAAAAHHHHH!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Honestly, I wish we had a section just to save the fav's of our favorite users without having to slog back through forum posts.

Yeah, I'm posting a lot, but honestly there are soo many great ones:

Luckyguess

The Sexually Driven Calvin & Hobbes by LuckyGuess 8-06-07

Sure is a lot of snow out today. We should go sledding... or build a snowman! Actually I was going to bang that Brazilian chick that moved in next door. The one with the miniskirt? It was fucking ten below and she came over in a god damn miniskirt. Susie won't like that. Susie's a bitch.

Barry the Infrequent Hallucinator by LuckyGuess 5-01-08

Three bags of funyuns and a Hanna Montana magic marker set. Will there be anything else? AND I SAW WHEN THE LAMB OPENED ONE OF THE SEVEN SEALS, AND I HEARD ONE OF THE FOUR LIVING CREATURES SAYING AS WITH A VOICE OF THUNDER, COME. AND I SAW, AND BEHOLD, A WHITE HORSE, AND HE SAT THEREON One Slim Jim.

Delta Delta Die by LuckyGuess 9-15-08

Wanna watch a movie? Sure. What do you have? I just got some award winning film from netflix. " A thought-provoking suspense drama, Hate Crime is a testament to the power of love and the damaging consequences of intolerance." I also have a porn horror film. THAT ONE

The Last Time I Played D&D by LuckyGuess 5-02-09

You encounter a mighty dragon in the mountain pass. He snarls at you, "Be you here for the treasure?" I fukkin punch him in the face. ...You score a critical hit and put out the dragon's eye. Fuck yeah! I drink another beer. *glug glug glug* Should I roll for that? No.

Heroes of The Odyssey by LuckyGuess 12-27-09

Look at me, gods! I need you not! I shape my own destiny! Yeah well what about that sea monster I sent to eat the beaureucrat? The one that changed the entire direction of the war. Favor of the gods shine upon you. Etcetera. Oh, was that a sea monster? Because it looked like a BITCH. Your FACE is a bitch.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Aylear

Interconnectivity by Aylear 5-05-09

There is an indomitable link between us. The atom in front of your eyes is connected to atoms connected to more atoms, all of which are invariably connected to every other atom in the known universe. Were you to reach out and affect this atom, alter its path with a gentle caress, that caress would cascade throughout the universe, its resonance perfect. Your every move is sensed by distant stars. The atom next to it leads to my penis.

Distracted by Aylear 4-28-09

I'm making a search engine for ASCII art. How does it know what to look for? It checks tags against a vast database. I manually scoured the internet for weeks looking for ASCII art, grabbing strings of characters from each one, manually adding each entry and tagging them. I only see hundreds of ASCII pictures of topless women. Where's the search engine? What search engine?

Crotchety by Aylear 4-07-09

I think I'll build a space elevator. Any particular reason? Well, television programs saying the name of the show out loud in a dramatic tone of voice before and after commercial breaks are giving me an ulcer, so I want to send those people into space. Then I can host my own show, Lethal Asphyxiation. I'll say the name of the show out loud in a dramatic tone of voice right after a gruesome scene, thus completing the vendetta with brilliant irony. Okay, seriously, why are all the pesky kids in our neighbourhood terrified of Jesus?

Cultivation by Aylear 3-21-09

Pnakotic Manuscripts... Works of the Mentat... Junior Woodchucks Guidebook... A Treatise on the Binomial Theorem... Al Azif... Book of Mazarbul... Ellipses and How to Avoid Their Overuse... Score! The Big Bang Theory: A Personal View by Eccentrica Gallumbits, The Triple-Breasted Whore of     Eroticon Six!     So, what did        you find?        The demise of respect and tolerance for fellow human beings.

Paradox by Aylear 3-23-09

The alternative is, of course, to construct an Alcubierre drive. Though I share your boundless enthusiasm for theoretical propositions, I feel I must inquire about your sudden interest in advancing space flight propulsion. A Nobel Prize coin in a velvet box would make a nice paperweight. Well, unfortunately for us an Alcubierre drive would be impossible to construct without an Alcubierre drive. Joseph Heller, I believe, called this a Catch-22. Your noble goal may have to wait. I don't mind breaking the laws of physics. Neither do the breasts of women in videogames, and they're not winning any Nobel Prizes.                    Unfortunately.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Unknown Eric

Money Doesn't Talk, It Swears by UnknownEric 5-10-10

FUCKSHITPISS Ah, it's just a penny. CUNTCOCKASS TITTYFUCKING!

Monet Doesn't Talk, He Swears

MOTHERFUCKER!!!

by UnknownEric, 5-10-10