Punchline by ObiJo 1-07-04

Want to hear a joke? No. Why not? Because you killed my wife and children with a broom. Ah. So you've heard it before.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

I can't believe this thread is languishing like an underfed vietnamese slave.

Let's jump start this shit. There's enough material here to occupy 10,000 obsessive compulsives.

Such as:

The Toga Bar - Getting Lucky by up4abeer 5-10-07

Why are you looking at me? I'm sorry. It's just that I have a clown fetish. I want you now funny man. Wow. This sort of thing never happens to me. So maybe this is your lucky night. You have a dick don't you. A big one.

The Toga Bar - Messages by up4abeer 4-09-07

I've tried emailing her, calling her, and texting her. No reponse. Do you think she's avoiding me? It could be that global warming is disrupting all forms of electronic transmissions. I hadn't thought of that. I bet she thinks I'm avoiding her. Then again maybe she's not interested in you or worse she thinks you are a scary obsessed freak. She sent me a card on Valentines Day. That was a restraining order.

These 2 are great:

Translation Part - 1 by up4abeer 5-07-07

An evaluation of your digital infrastructure revealed inadequate encryption algorithms deployed for encapsulation and transmission of authentication data. He watched your network traffic and read your passwords like they were written on the wall of a public restroom The severity of this vulnerability is heightened due to the simplistic key space used in hash creation with regard to authentication data complexity policies. Resulting in financial loss.

Translation Part - 2 by up4abeer 5-07-07

He guessed your password to be GoTitans. He used it to take out a loan in the name of Richard Nixon. You should also be concerned with unrestricted and unmonitored communication channels to external digital resources resulting in a reduction of internal assets. A couple of your employees are using your PCs to sell office supplies on ebay.

Maybe this one's already been listed, but here it is again, you ungrateful fucks.

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Kill Whitey.

Damn. Fuck that.

Here.

Evangelism by HCRoyall 9-14-05

Good morning! Can I help you? I'm with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Have you accepted Jesus into your life? Are you kidding me?! I let the bastard in two years ago and he never left! You're out of milk again.

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Kill Whitey.

This was on the front page just now.

Mate by Aylear 3-30-09

I wonder if future generations will miss playing chess. Miss playing? Well, even today, our imperfect chess programs are stronger than humans. One day we'll solve it. It follows that our electronic implants will help us solve such intricate problems on the fly. Allowing for perfect games. Nice. It's a theory with interesting implications. Like, what kind of impossibly complex games will be invented to replace chess and challenge future humans? 4D Chess. Bishop to 1955, Mate?

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Whoa, I'm featured in this thread. Hi, maternal parental unit!

Introductions by Scyess 10-12-07

Nice to meet you, Jon. I'm Gay Gobbler. Wow. At least you're not in the closet. I'm not. In fact, I'm not even gay. It's short for "Gaylord Gobefriedel." Er, do you find a lot of confusion when you introduce yourself as "Gay Gobbler"? It's better than when I was growing up. Then I went by my first name, "Pleaseshitonmyface." I'm guessing you weren't a planned pregnancy.

Melty the Snowman by squidrabies 7-25-05

If you were stranded on a desert island and you could only have three things with you, what would you choose? Shut, the and fuckup. Yeah, but seriously. A flare gun, a helicopter and a teleporter. You're missing the point... A bobsled, John Stamos and Lyme disease.

Cross Words by choadwarrior 3-08-10

Jesuuuuuuuus! Sup, bro? How'd the dying for mankind's sins go? Nailed it.

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: History of Linguistics by lima 5-13-09

Linguistics as a study endeavors to describe and explain the human faculty of language. In ancient civilization, linguistic study was originally motivated by the correct description of classical liturgical language.. Wait... Shouldn't I start with 'A' is for 'Apple' or some shit?

And because I've reserved a permanent spot in my favourites list for our own evil_d:

Sam the Satanist (2) by evil_d 8-02-05

Ah... ah... ACHOOOO! May the Dark Master consume your soul. Uh... I guess that's what you Satanists say when someone sneezes, huh? Oh, you sneezed?

Joe, the duck that says interstitial by mandingo 9-05-05

hey, Joe. i hear you took Betty to the baseball game yesterday. interstitial i'm surprised Frank didn't mind, him being the jealous type and all interstitial i hear that. but still, watch out for him. he's a hothead, you know interstitial

Joe, the duck that says interstitial 2 by mandingo 9-05-05

Joe, Frank here! did you take Betty to a baseball game yesterday! interstitial don't give me that "just friends" shit, Joe, i wasn't born yesterday interstitial a valid point. i'm sorry, Joe. you've always been a good friend to me interstitial

Joe, the duck that says interstitial 3 by mandingo 9-05-05

i'm going off to war, Joe, but i'm scared. real scared. i could use a pep talk interstitial interstitial interstitial

Joe, the duck that says interstitial 4 by mandingo 9-05-05

i have abducted you and will be performing various oral and anal probes on you, which, when combined, will cause your painful death interstitial actually, i did come from a fatherless household, yes interstitial today our worlds attain peace, Joe interstitial

Joe, the duck that says interstitial 6 by mandingo 9-10-05

would you like to cyber, Joe? interstitial i'm rubbing my tongue over your lips beak what? interstitial

No replies to this thread in two weeks?!

...

Time for some BigEvilDan.

CC341: Optimist Prime by BigEvilDan 12-13-06

I bet nobody's been in these caves in-- AHH! A DINOSAUR! Nice to meet you too, mammal. What are you doing in here after all this time? I'm waiting for my wife to return. She had to step out for a bit. Something about a comet. I'm sure she'll be back soon. Uh... yeah. Good luck with that. I've... got to go do something. Hey, if you run into her, tell her we're out of coffee.

One fish, two fish, red fish, screwed fish by BigEvilDan 10-01-01

We've got to be careful here. This is the territory of the Australian Chameleon Trout. It tries to pass itself off as other species, then eats them. Got that Bob? Got it. Good.

Why BigEvilDan?

Because he has comic #27.

And that's just ridiculous.

The quest for funny by BigEvilDan 1-07-01

The quest for the world's funniest comic... Don't comics usually have dialog? They usually make sense, too.

 

Single panel comics are tough. But here's a good one...

The Herbal Essence Kangaroo means business

Oh, I think you're going to buy the shampoo, Sheila.

by PennyDreadful, 7-28-10

Other not necessarily one panel comics I like:

Congratulations! by The_young_scot 6-07-06

Hello, Are you George? Uh...yeah Congratulations! Your wife has sent you an Abortion-o-gram! Do you want me to sing my song?  No

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/BobCheeseburger/

A Holiday for Everyone by Zaster 4-08-04

Mom, what is the meaning of Easter? An anthropomorphic bunny distributes brightly colored hen fruit to herald in Spring. Dad, what is the meaning of Easter? The creator of the universe squeezes himself into a human frame, is executed in a backwater of the Roman Empire, then gets better. Random Holiday Generator, what is the meaning of Easter? Elvis Presley, dressed as a viking, returns from the planet Tatooine to give left-handed children free pineapples.

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Kill Whitey.

how to make a comic by FactoryRejects 10-11-09

The first thing you'll see is us. We are a subliminal training program to help you be creative. When you see foreign children on a screen, you immediately want to change the image. Just like your TV at home! Go on, try it out! Ah. I see you've changed the background. Very good. It would have been better to get rid of both asian girls. Remember that for next time. Now try a joke. I think I like multiplication more than division Hey man I just walked in on your little sister math-debating It's that easy!

I regret that I have but one "good" vote to give for this comic.

Sartre Trek by choadwarrior 9-27-07

Ensign Sartre, we appear to be caught in some sort of vortex. What does the tricorder say? Things are entirely what they appear to be--and behind them…there is nothing. So what, is this a wormhole, a tear in the time-space continuum, an illusion? Help me out here. An existant can never justify the existence of another existant. I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF WE'RE GOING TO DIE OR NOT! One always dies too soon--or too late. And yet one's whole life is complete at that moment, with a line drawn neatly under it, ready for the summing up. You are--YOUR LIFE, and nothing else.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

This Actually Happened V by Scyess 3-03-05

Hey! I bought some organic tangerines at the store! Of course they're organic. All fruits are composed of compounds of carbon, oxygen, and hydrogen. That's not what "organic" means anymore. Oh, yeah? Let's see what the dictionary has to say about that. "organic - adj - costing $1.50 extra per pound" Hey! I got some organic toilet paper on sale!

Just remembered this one today.  Tried searching for it using the word "organic" and got a surprising number of results, many of which involved robots using the word to denigrate humans.  Anyway, surely this deserves more votes than it currently has.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

"Anyway, surely this deserves more votes than it currently has."

Agreed, and subsequently goodvoted.

Ho Ho Ho by flynn7070 10-23-10

Um Santa what happened to all the elfs? They were Naughty Very Naughty

The Boss by flynn7070 10-23-10

So I tell him "If you want the copies done now than hire a chimp" Blarrrrg And he says to me "Get your extinct ass out there and make the copies!" Blarg glob gloo Yea thats what I should of said

Monday by flynn7070 10-23-10

Did you do something with your hair? Don't tell me.....Did you lose weight? Wait you got glasses right? Some days its good to be extinct