Pirate jokes. I'll end when I feel like it.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Let me be the first one to ruin this CC. Enjoy! =D

CC258: A Pirate's Life For Me by Matchbook_Romance 9-17-04

I really hate it when people stereotype Pirates. Yes, we scour the seven seas, look for buried treasure, take over ships, and wear eyes patches but we're so much more than that. So much more. Arrr, swab the poop deck or ye be walking the plank. Sure thing.

CC 258: Rime of the Salacious Mariner by MikeyG 9-17-04

Arrr, me luvverly lass! Avast! See here, buccaneer. I was a-wonderin' if'n ye be ripe fer plunderin'! I don't date pirates anymore, you see. I had a bad experience with an ex-matey. We got off together on the right foot, but I found every inch of his body was covered in soot. 'Tho I've had me share of leisure, I keep to me hygeine measures, and not a-showerin' is reckless. We dallied in much pleasure, and as I was 'diving for his treasure', he cursed me with a Black Pearl Necklace.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

CC258: 'Ere comes the MPAA, mateys. by UnknownEric 9-17-04

Yarrr. Yarrr. How did ye know I was piratin' that movie. Lucky guess.

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I has a flavor!

Now back to cutting the coke with baby powder. by ArtemisStrong 9-17-04

-And then HE says, "That's no poopdeck, that's my... no, wait that is a poopdeck."! GAHHHAA! Ok, I got one now. So this pirate goes into a bank and says, gimme all your money. The teller does, and STILL he shoots her in the face. It was caught on tape, too! Ok, me again. A pirate, another pirate and a pirate walk into the Munch Museum and steal "The Scream"! What complete, idiotic bastards. Part II! More pirates involve themselves in a complicated orgy scene in a major production of "Caligula"! McDowell even makes a cameo as Emperor Tiberius Caesar! HOR HAR HOR! Wheeeeee... Well, that was fun, I'll admit it.

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

Special Pirate Edition: Believe Me or Bite Me by kaufman 8-15-02

Captain Hooker used to put on a wig and turn tricks in Times Square. Yo, ho! Ho! In spite of his moniker, Blackbeard was a natural blond underneath. Tee hee hee! Later in life, Jean Laffiteforears sold his overgrown appendages for two dollars. That's a buccaneer!

CC 258: Arrrrrrrr Pee Gee by kaufman 9-17-04

Arrrrrrrrrr! Esssssssssss! What was that? You know, our characters are pirates, so I'm talking like one. Esssss? That's not pirate talk. Well, maybe not for you, but *I* just made 19th level.

CC 258: Pirates Unclear on the Concept by kaufman 9-17-04

Arrrrrr, there he is. You grab his left bootie, I'll grab the right.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Cap'n Gazang by possums 9-17-04

Yarr! I've got booty and beer for all ye landlubbers! Where'd you get it all, Cap'n? Out the gazang, of course!

CAPN BASTARD by possums 9-17-04

Yarr! I've come to pillage your villiage! Any last words? I do. "I do" suits me just fine.

Never done this before, but thought I'd give it a shot.

CC258: Fear The Reaper by seattlesque 9-17-04

Captain Ego liked to Play With His Victims We got's one rule on my ship: whoever loses the game walks the plank! Captain Sparrow Enjoyed Daring Rescues I'm surprised ye would show, considering that we who bear the Curse of the Black Pearl cannot be killed! In Hell, They Reflect Upon Their Errors ...an so I be sayin', "Fisher?! I don't care what his boat's been catchin', the rules is the rules!" Arrr...I hear ya. I thought I was gonna be duelin' with the Blue Oyster Cult.

And just in case lowbrow gets extra points:

CC258: The Dread Pirate Rob Hurts by seattlesque 9-17-04

Good night, Wesley. Good work, sleep well... ...I'll most likely kill you in the morning. You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means. ...in the most likely morning... Well Mr. Poetic "True Love", I'm no walking thesaurus. But perhaps you're right, and 'kill' isn't exactly the right term. In France it is called "Le Petit Morte".

CC 258: Spelling Bee by fzh 9-17-04

Ahoy! OK, spell "onomatopoeia" Arrr....

CC 258: Pirates Are Dangerous by biped 9-17-04

Take off that fruity pirate git-up, ya bilge-swillin' landlubber! Ya look like a prancin' fairy! I certainly will not, you rough, foul-smelling oaf. I happen to be going to a costume party. ARRR!!! Get shed of that frilly kiddie costume right now, or I swear I'll lop off yer head 'n' feed it to me pet crocodile! You come near me with that awful thing and I swear I'll report you to the police. And don't think I won't do it, either. HAH! Told ya! Now let's see yer headless corpse go prancin' inta the police station blatherin' about the mean ol' pirate! THAT'D be a larf!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Pirates by niteowl 9-18-04

So how was your day? Great. How was yours? Excellent. Cool. You know, it's nice to be able to have a conversation with normal dialogue. Right on. That whole "ARRR! Avast ye tallywacker smacking and walk the plank, bitch!" thing doesn't appeal to me.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

CC 258: Pirate Joke by Bazilla 9-18-04

So this pirate takes his parrot to a vet and asks the vet "Is it normal for my parrot to have no nose?" The vet replies "He has no nose!? But how does he smell?" The pirate replies "Terrible."

CC 258: Pirate Joke 2 by Bazilla 9-18-04

So, a pirate walks into a bar. ... OW!

CC 258: Pirate Joke 3 by Bazilla 9-18-04

So this pirate's hungry, so he goes to a café and orders some soup. He starts eating it but soon notices a fly. So he complains to the waitress: "What's this fly doing in my soup!?" The waitress replies "Backstroke."

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Tired Old Joke by possums 9-18-04

Arr, what's the comotion, landlubber? I... can't... br-breathe... Fraid I can't help ye there. Why... not...? I don't know C.P.Arrrrrr!

Foreign Relations by possums 9-18-04

How're me foreign relations, First Mate Clusterfuck? Pretty good, sir... ...but Ireland still seems militant. We'd better watch out for the I-Arrrr-A, then!

I Beat You All To It: Pirate Physics by possums 9-18-04

So I says, "Those towns aren't going to save themselves!" Har, har! What the fuck arrrr you talking about?

Slapshot, BIOTCH!!!

Im not that good

CC235: Arrrr me matey by Noodle_Stick 9-18-04

Welcome ladies and gentleman to pirate talk! There are many different forms! Theres stereotypical! Arrr me matey! Put the booty in the deck! Yarrr! Raise the sail! Yarr! Booty! Normal! Quick! Take the money down into the haul! Raise the sail and head east! And uh..... Dont forget AOL. ArRrRRRrrrrrrr!!11!! lol9olollololol omgogmgopgmg okokkkkkk TAKE THE BVOTTYYY yarrrr nem mateyuy matey~~!!! lololololololll!1111!eleven! booty! yaerr!!11

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PRAISE ME! I! AM THE RULER... OF THE UNI- aw damn a dog crapped on my shoe.

.... Why I wrote CC235 is a mystery.....

oops.

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PRAISE ME! I! AM THE RULER... OF THE UNI- aw damn a dog crapped on my shoe.

CC 258: Steering Wheel by Rabid_Weasle 9-18-04

Hey is it just me... or does that pirate look like he's got a steering wheel in his pants? You know what... I think you're right. I'm gonna go ask him about it. Hey, uhhh... what's that thing in your pants? Arrr! Drives me nuts!

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Poop.

CC258: I Reek-o. Swab me. by seattlesque 9-18-04

After his time in the limelight was up... Juggle us? Since when are pirates known for *juggling*? ...few potential groupies knew... Come to think of it, I didn't know there WERE hispanic pirates. Well, at least you roll your Arrr-s properly. ...the tragic story of Gerardo's battle with ocular cancer. ¡D'ohs!

...if stripcreator hadn't stripunicoded this, it would have been funnier:

CC258: Kaufman's Singapore Vacation by seattlesque 9-18-04

????. ??. ????????. ???????? ?!!?!

...and in the "forgive me, for I know not what I do" dept:

CC258: Row Man Numerals by seattlesque 9-18-04

Treasure Map Semantic Pitfall #439 Ten pirates! We're surrounded!

CC258: Making The Winners' Circle by seattlesque 9-18-04

...the algorithm was a revision of the Monte Carlo method, accelerating the computation of digits in time for the competition finals... ...which is why the judges gave me high marks for roundness. Of course I'd set the oven 50 degrees lower as a precaution for the crust... Um, sir, I'm afraid the theme of CC258 is *pirate* jokes. I know.

CC 258: In reality, pirates aren't all bad by kaufman 9-18-04

Open up! I am the Dread Pirate Roberts! There will be no survivors. And no big brothers, and no american idols, and no fear factors, and no apprentices, and no simple lives!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Do YOU see how the main sail sets? by Spankling 9-18-04

Something with a poop deck... and a plank. Sorry. eBay has a scooner for sale... and a nice looking 16-foot catamaran... I really need the poop deck. Does this have anything to do with you stealing mom's hoop earring and dad's tuxedo vest jacket? I have a scatological ship fetish. Do you mind? Here we go! "First mate needed for ageing rear admiral!" You could get paid to play out this poop deck thing!