Ladies and gents, sorry for the delay, but now without further ado...

THE RULES

1. No old stuff. This should be common sense
2. Serieses are preferred, but not required
3. All comics must reference in some way, shape or form CLASSICAL Literature. Or Modern, but only if the reference isn't too esoteric.
4. CC313 will end and be judged by March 1st.
5. Any bribes will get you instantly disqualified
6. Rule 5 does not apply
7. Additional references to "Gremlins 2" or Phoebe Cates will earn you the respect and admiration of your peers

here's a good example (and one that is not qualified to win..)

CC 313 : Good Example by finn34 2-21-06

Any time you see a girl swallowing cocks, I'll be there. Any time you see the cops coming down on Jesse Jackson, I'll be there. Any time you see a bar where there's more than one beer sign in the window, I'll be there... Getting CRUNKDAFIED!

here's an example of what NOT to do :

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

CC313: Beowulf and the Astonishing Vagina. by UnknownEric 2-21-06

Oh, dear. Grendel is even uglier than I thought. I'll have to distract him. Look, it's Phoebe Cates taking her top off. Where? Score. I don't see shit.

I was a Communication major, for some retarded reason, but don't hold that against me.

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I has a flavor!

RCL no. 899 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 2-21-06

Phoebe, or not Phoebe? That is the question... Watch me pull a gremlin out of my ASS!

CC313 - In which the three witches compare schedules by kramer_vs_kramer 2-21-06

When shall we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, or in rain? I was meaning to ask you about that. Could we not meet up when it's sunny? It's just that it's a total nightmare drying out these robes after our meetings. You never hear Third Witch complaining about the weather. That's because she died of pneumonia.

CC ele: first date... by mandingo 2-21-06

greetings, people of the earth GREETINGS you look lovely tonight THAT'S SO SWEET OF YOU TO SAY 6 months later... people of the earth, your schnookums is home... ...! ...PEOPLE OF THE EARTH! ... AND MY OWN BROTHER!! IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

i hid my reference to classic literature. first one to find it gets a mouthjob from squidrabies

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what if nigger meant kite

CC 313: Great Expectorations by biped 2-21-06

Break their hearts my pride and hope, break their hearts and have no mercy! Okay! Hi, Pip! Like 'em? GAAAAAAA!!! BONER!!! "Hi, Brad. You know how cute I always thought you were..." If palm the pogo-stick I must, then may each swift stroke yon fair maiden inspire!

CC 313: Blubbering Heights by biped 2-21-06

Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living! You said I killed you -- haunt me, then! Boo! BOOOOOO!!! I pray one prayer -- I repeat it till my tongue stiffens -- Eat my pussy, Heathcliff! EAT MY GHOST PUSSY!!! Do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! It is unutterable! Oh, for Pete's sake, just HOLD YOUR BREATH!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC313 - Machete Machete (chop chop chop) by kramer_vs_kramer 2-21-06

Big Brother is watching you! You mean we're being constantly monitored by a totalitarian government? Not exactly... "You mean we're being constantly monitored by a totalitarian government?" Just remember, it doesn't count as incest if we're not in the same room...

CC313 by cpausti 2-21-06

The Buddha has robbed me, yet he has given me something of greater value. He has robbed me of you, my friend, who believed in me and now believes in him, you were my shadow and you are now Gotama's shadow. But he has given to me Siddhartha, myself. LOL he gave me this slammin' Blackberry OMG it sends emails too? you bitch!

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all the wrong things for all the right reasons

CC 313: 1985 by BigFrank105 2-21-06

So how was the date with Cindy? Shit... Well, did you ever read the book "1984"? Yeah. And remember the scene where Winston and Julia are having sex and are caught by Big Brother? Yeah... Last night was just like that, except with a lot more broken bones and crying.

Doesn't qualify but I've always liked this one:

Cowboy Jim Gets Intellectual by Scyess 7-02-03

Hey howdy, little girl. Do you like Nabokov novels? MOOOMMMMYYYYY!!!!!

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"Old" is the old new.

Too old to qualify, but still worth posting:

CC 178: More Scarlet Letters by kaufman 3-22-03

Wow, Judge Mengigo has really gotten into the branding of prisoners since the Prynne case. What were you folks convicted of? Stalking Barbara Feldon. Throwing a bone at a black monolith. Preaching a heliocentric universe. Treason, horsetheft, embezzling, extortion, necrophilia, dancing, idolatry, sodomy, noogieing, intoxication, being gay and hopscotch.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

RCL no. 902 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 2-21-06

How do I love thee? How the fuck would I know?

How Much Does a Hemingway? by choadwarrior 2-21-06

Bullfighting totally gives me a boner. Little Jake loves it too. The son also rises? Isn't it pretty to think so?

CC313: Ultra-something by DaveMonkey 2-22-06

Shall I order us another Milk-plus, then have a bit of the ultraviolence, droog of mine? Right here was where you're supposed to say something about your gulliver, even talk about 'the old in-out'... Dammit! I KNEW there was a reason I didn't hang out with you!

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"Chance!? You had your chance, and you gobbled its balls!"

YOU SHALL NOT PAAAAASSSSS! by The_young_scot 2-22-06

I'm gonna put my "precious" deep inside your "middle earth" and make the third age come Then I'm going to put my finger into your "ring" I really wish you'd quit Tolkien like that

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

If Choad's going to do Hemingway, there's only one thing to do:

CC 313: At Your Steinbeck and Call by kaufman 2-22-06

The Red Phonie You're my best friend in the whole world. Can I have a sugar cube? Canner Eero Come on, Saarinen, quit drawing those buildings, and get back to work. We've got 16 tons of peaches to put in cans, and the cranberry shipment's coming at noon. The Graph of Rapes RAAAR! CORNHOLING UP 28% IN THE THIRD QUARTER!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC330: What was the Question? by TheGovernor 2-22-06

ORE! KNOT!

RCL no. 905 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 2-22-06

Shakespeare in love... "Thou art a votary to fond desire!" - Two Gentlemen of Verona "We that are true lovers run into strange capers!" - As You Like It "Journeys end in lovers meeting!" - Twelfth Night "The course of true love never did run smooth!" - A Midsummer Night's Dream (Is it just me, or does the Asian girl look like a short Phoebe Cates?) "I am a Jew... " - The Merchant of Venice "OUT, DAMNED SPOT!!" - MacBeth

Here's a Quatrain, Call Someone Who Cares by niteowl 2-22-06

Michel de Nostradamus, 1503-1566 "The Queen slowly rises from the lake." "She tempts males across the Great Land; Disrobing, she causes nether regions to be aroused." "It's a good thing I'm locked away in my secret study right now."

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

P.S. Yes, there was a Phoebe Cates reference (or four) in that comic.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

RCL no. 906 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 2-22-06

It was the BEST of times... It was the WORST of times... Well... Since we're in HELL, I'd have to say it's the WORST of times, dipshit! Whatever! If, I had arms, I'd strangle your ass!

Kirk Puts the Ham in Hamlet by Namgubed 2-22-06

( Starring William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy ... ) To... BE ! -- orNOTtobeTHAT. IS. theQUEStion. whether'tis NObler! inthemind to SUFfertheSLINGS and ARrows ofoutRAGEousFORtune... or. to. TAKEUPARMS... againstaSEA-of-troublesandbyopPOSingEND them? To - DHIehh - to... SLEEP, nomore. AndbyaSLEEP to say we... END! the HEARTache andthe THOU-sand-NAT-ural-SHOCKS thatfleshis heir to... 'tisaconsummation deVOUTlytobewished. To diieehh... to slee ( DeForest Kelly, and Phoebe Cates as Lt. Saavik ) To - SLEEP-per-CHANCE-to-DREAM. AY, THERE'StheRUB! For-IN-that-SLEEP-of-DEATH what... DREAMS! maycomewhenwehave... SHUFfledOFF this...MORtalCOIL mustgiveusPAUSE. THERE'S thereSPECT that gives caLAM -ity so.long.life. ForwhowouldBEAR-- the WHIPS and SCORNS of TIME: theoppressor'sWRONG, the... proud man's conTUMEly, the PANGS! ...ofdespisedlove,the - LAW'SdeLAY, the INsolenceofOFficeandthe SPU ...that patientmeritoftheunworthy TAKES! ...when HEhimSELF-- mighthisQUIetusMAKE withaPHAserseton "LIQuefy"... Detecting a very strong cured pork signal in this vicinity ... and gremlins, too.

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Unrequited love by mattmallone 2-23-06

on a funny looking balcony juliet speaks her heart O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? .....where the FUCK ARE YOU. I shaved my legs!!! and bleached my tash meanwhile in the pub down the road. Romeo's had one 2 many for dutch courage Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops sucky sucky 5 dolla

I made this before I knew this contest existed, but since it fits in perfectly, what the hell.

Lucky's Life, As Presented in Lewis Carroll Poems by LuckyGuess 2-23-06

Tweedledum and Tweedledee agreed to have a battle; For Tweedledum said Tweedledee had spoiled his nice new rattle. You asshole! That was a new memory card! It's not my fault I got bored. Just then flew down a monsterous crow, as black as a tar-barrel; Shut the fuck up! I can't hear Bill O'Reilly! Black people commit all the crimes. Which frightened both the heroes so, they quite forgot their quarrel. You still owe me thirty dollars, buttmunch. Blow me.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

CC 313: By Bird or By Scotsman

Quoth Sean Connery... Your mother's a whore.

by little_kitty, 2-24-06

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.