CC 174: Yow! by kaufman 3-07-03

Hey, kids! Call your local newspaper CONUNDRUM. CONUNDRUM. CONUNDRUM. features editors, and demand that CONUNDRUM. CONUNDRUM. CONUNDRUM. they carry "Zippy the Pinhead." CONUNDRUM. HOT LESBIAN WESSON THREESOME. CONUNDRUM. CONUNDRUM.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 174: This one sucks. by Aero_God 3-07-03

Sally signs on to AIM... 16/F/FL....you? Cool 16/M/FL. Wanna meet? Where is he? What a conundrum. Mmm...little girls. AOL, so easy to use no wonder stupid young bitches are getting killed. Victim is female, about age 16, looks like a rape.

CC 174: Sex and Videogames? The Conundrum? by Aero_God 3-07-03

Coming soon from Nintendo.. Look everyone, itsa Mario! Hey Mario, what kinda new adventures are you getting into this year? Im mostly kicking back, drinking a beer, and watching the Spice channel Take control of everyones favorite plumber as you negotiate street corner hookers, pimps, the conundrum of getting Peach to give you head, and a large enema kit strapped to your back. ..... ...got any blow? ...its Super Mario XXX only on Nintendo Gamecube. Pre-order your copy today. ...complete all the stages to unlock real live strippers!! WORST. USE. OF. SEXUAL. ADVERTISING. EVER.

Next Time We Bring Prunes by kaufman 3-07-03

I hear the superheroes are forming a band. Adam West on the Bat-guitar, Lou Ferrigno on the Hulk organ, ... Christopher Reeve on Super-sax, Lynda Carter on Wonderbass, and Arnold Schwarzenneger on the Conundrum. BOOOOOO!!!!!! YOU STINK! Hunts Tomatoes. Enjoy them in bed. Herbert, aren't you going to throw that tomato at him? Are you kidding? Look at that perfect curvature, the satiny texture, the allurring shade of red, the drip of its juice ...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 174: More annoying than Carrot Top by Aero_God 3-07-03

Hey buddy wanna get some hoes. Ive got hoes in diff'rnt area codes...area code...HOES! Say word? Ive got asian hoes, puerto rican hoes, red head hoes, blonde hoes...ive got hoes...in different area codes...334 543 678 987...different area codes. Hey baby wanna ride Ohhh feel me up... Sup niggas. If you lookin for hoes in your area code then throw down da whack white pages and pick youself up a Black Pages today. Ludacris is gunna set you up with hoes , just pick up your own black pages today fo shizzle. Only from AT&T dawg ....

CC ..... i forget the number, its the one about conundrums. by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 3-07-03

Its Over Satan. Youve used sex , drugs and rock n roll to corrupt people for far too long. Now im on the comeback trail. HAH! with what. Christianity hasnt been popular since the Crusades. Ive even instigated Holy War with the muslims. Theres nothing you can do Jesus! Hey boys. Wanna see me finger myself live on stage whilst singing my new hit "Durrrty"? Its live on the big screen , this sunday , at your nearest Church Hall. In retrospect , i should probably have used Fiona Apple. Hey , we all make mistakes. Remember "Ethel Merman Sings for Satan"?

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Jes_L returns to the fray with a joke about religion...

CC 174: Everyone is doing it (Bad Pun alert - final panel) by jes_lawson 3-07-03

Sexy, sexually frustrated girls in uniform! Oh Yeah! Playing with each other all day, aching to worship a God of a man! Oh man, yeah! I don't care what it costs, I'm going there! The St. Hildegards Catholic Mission for Girls. Join today. Bah! I suppose if two of them played percussion that would be a co-nun-drum?

The alternative punchline was :"Now the conundrum. Do I chance it in drag or pay for the operation?"

Buckfast.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

The most important meal of the day.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Oh, yeah. And also...

CC 174: Popular Diseases by not_Scyess 3-07-03

Hi, mister. Want to subscribe to Popular Mechanics? No. Why would I? 'cause I'm authorized to fuck your brains out if you do. I'll take 5 subscriptions! Let's go! Tonight on health news: A new study finds Popular Mechanics linked to syphilis. Woah! Time to cancel my subscription.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

CC 174: Yes, that's an actual Bush Quote. by naz_ghul 3-07-03

He's so different from any man you've ever met. He's very rich, incredibly powerful, and is able to exert his, ahem, will across almost any distance. And you should see what he can do with his mouth! My god, no man has ever done the kind of things he can do with his mouth . . . . . .Vote George W. Bush in 2004, so he can give it to us good an hard for another four years. The point is, is that I want America to lead the nation - lead the world - toward a more safe world when it comes to nukular weaponry.

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The woman said, "Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea." Churchill replied "madame, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.

CC 174: 3 x 0 = ? by kaufman 3-07-03

Excuse me, I'm looking for the philosophers' house. Do you know where it is? Right down the street. But it's not a house, it's a conundruminium. Oh my god, you are so sexy! Forget the philosophers, take me inside and fuck my brains out! Have you ever wondered why other guys get all the babes while you sit at home in your miserable house? It's not money, looks or smarts ... No, it's because there's no bigger turn-on than a masterful pun. And now you too can learn to pun like the pros. Enroll in the Fuzzykauf School, and we guarantee your dates will triple.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC174: by mmyers 3-07-03

Knight to Queen 7. Knight takes Queen. Knight to Queen 7. "Hello, Mr. Knight. Why, whatever are you doing all the way over here in my square?" "I'm going to take you, that's what I'm doing, take you in my bulging biceps." "Oh, my dress ripped and fell off, exposing my heaving bussoms. What shall I do?" "You should fall into my arms. You should be made to feel like a woman, climaxing again and again." New Virtual Chess, Red Shoe Diaries edition Well, this is a conundrum. No wait, it isn't. I feel dirty. "Oh Trevor!" "Oh Nancy, I've waited for this for so long! Oh, oh...OH!!!"

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Sex Sellz0rz by El_Cid 3-07-03

At the auctions... Ladies and gentlemen here we have a grade A asian. Starting bid at 1$. Do I hear one dollar? Anyone?

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f u

I think I'm being screwed in BM by Zegota 3-08-03

Did you say the Virgin Mary? Did I hear Immaculate conception? I don't know, these things seem rather outdated don't they father? That's 'cause they are! This time poor Jozef finds out the truth! He can't handle the truth! Read about the Slut Mary, the Gangbang conception and many other conundrums. Read it now, in the latest revised edition of the Bible.

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And you know what Hell is, folks. It's Andy Gibb, singing 'Shadowdancing' for aeons and aeons...

CC174: You know you'd buy it. by Ender2300 3-08-03

Are you tired of never getting laid because you're always playing videogames? And how! Man, I'm hor... uh lonely! Now you too can have a girlfriend with the new "Virtuagirl" from Squarehard. She does everything (and we do mean EVERYTHING) that a real girlfriend does. WOO-HOO! Lets get it on baby! Sure. Why are you just standing there. Do something. Sorry, I have to wait for my action bar to fill up. I'm turn based, you know.

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Yes, I'm William Blake. Do you know my poetry?

CC 174: Sex And Candy by BigEvilDan 3-08-03

I'm trying this new brand of gum. It's supposed to make me sexier. Sexier than what? Mmm, that's some good gum.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC174: Just do IT by TheGovernor 3-09-03

I like to do it two to three times a day I like it when my wife invites her friend denise over and we all do it together, and sometimes I enjoy just letting them two do it while I watch I like to do it all over the house, the bedroom, the kitchen, Ive even done it on the stairs I like to do it everyday, sometimes I get so excited just with the thought of doing it Do it today! Play with your LEGO, go on, you know you want to! MUM can I get some LEGO for my birthday?

A lot of good entries in this contest.

CC174: Spin by evil_d 3-09-03

Say, Mr. President, did you realize that if we lived in a radical Islamic regime, you wouldn't be able to see any pretty girls walking down the street? They'd have to be all covered up! I heard that castrification would be mandytory for all women, Mr. Vice-Predisent! That's true! And adulterers would be punished by being stoned to death! Why, it's a veritabable threat to the American way of life! The Bush Administration: We're doing it all for the nookie.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

CC174: Capitalism in the Middle East by TheGovernor 3-09-03

Why hello there big boy, aren't you a handsome desert man. My thats a lovely beard, I love men with beards, may I stroke it? my lucky day Im here as a representative of a company looking to sell its product in this region, but I havent sold any yet, so I'd be EVER EVER so grateful to the person who placed an order with me... Yes Yes, I'll Buy, I'll Buy, where do I sign? Later Hi, Delivery from the ACME Sand Company. Where do you want me to put the 200 tonnes of Sand you purchased earlier?

CC 174: Marketing X by Trippingbillee 3-09-03

Hi, I'm Britney Spears. I'm a musician. My new album is for sale. I have boobs.

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Sex Piano.

mmeyers you rock.

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"I shall now explain to each and every one of you why I am your genetic superior, using only your first name as evidence." -- Something Positive

CC 174: DARE for the new generation by mikeweeney 3-09-03

Hey there boss. I have a bit of a conundrum on my hands... You know the project I'm working on, right? Well, I don't know what angle to take with it. Oh that's easy! Just use sex. You think so? Sure, sure. You know, half naked ladies rolling around playing with each other... works every time. Alright, whatever you say- It just seems odd to use sex in an ad promoting teen abstinence.

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"I shall now explain to each and every one of you why I am your genetic superior, using only your first name as evidence." -- Something Positive

CC 174: It's coming...... by Zegota 3-10-03

Hot teens with sweatdrops glistening on their nipples after hot steamy sex. GABO! Sizzling babes thrusting their golden thighs to pleasure your every desire. GABO! An orgy of hardbodied women working hard to pleasure your knob. GABO! It's coming! April 2003! Order now to receive special discount.

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And you know what Hell is, folks. It's Andy Gibb, singing 'Shadowdancing' for aeons and aeons...

Sure, you just HAD to make it hard for me to pick a winner. So much comedy coming from so many fronts. It's like Stripcreator "Shock and Awe!" But I let down my missile defenses for just long enough to choose a victor in this war of teh funnie. But first! Numbers two through five, also known as the honorable discharges... wait, that's not right, is it?:

Honorable Mentions:

mmyers: CC174
kaufman: Yow! (I'm a sucker for a good Zippy the Pinhead reference.)
not_Scyess: Popular Diseases
TheGovernor: Just Do IT

And the WINNER is... (insert drum roll and the voice of Casey Kasem here):

CC 174: Results May Vary by BigEvilDan 3-06-03

Those tree-hugging hippies are riding our ass again. We need to find a way to get rid of this nuclear waste. Maybe we could sell it on the internet. Are you crazy? Why would a bunch of sex-starved geeks want to buy nuclear waste? Leave that conundrum to me, sir. "*** ENLARGE YOUR PENIS WITH GAMMA RADIATION!!! ***", huh? Hell, it worked for the Incredible Hulk.

Once again proving that Penis Enlargement will always win in the end (get it... in the END! Har har. Okay, screw you, so it wasn't funny!). Take it away, Big Evil Dan. (American Top 40 was proudly presented by the Westwood One Radio Network and sponsored by Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, Missouri.)

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I has a flavor!

I got an honorable mention! Yay!

But damn, doesn't Dan always win these things? I get the feeling that everyone on sc.com is just one of Dan's aliases.

Or he's funnier than I am. ...which I refuse to accept. Kinda.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

jeez. I missed this whole contest. where was I?