All comics by BanzaiCarter

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by BanzaiCarter
9-27-03
At the hall of Justice...
What you need, my dear friend, is some good ol' fashioned pornography
my cancerous prostate prevents me from achieving the stae of erections
Then you must commit the harikai of midnight soy. Here, take this
my arthritus and my lack of mental capacity restricts me form handling a firearm.
JUST THEN
LOOK! I AM REALLY A ROBOT
the foundations of my birth were all lies.

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-27-03
At the beginning of time, the Lord created...
G'day, I am going to sexually violate your cat
fuck.
NOW WITH ACTION
Sorry, but that is my job.
All work and now play makes jack a dull boy
OOGA BOOGA!!!! my true form!!!
Will the snowman survive this evil trap and spread his idealistic values of soviet nirvana?

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-27-03
FOR THE FOURTH TIME THIS MILLENIA
Marty! We have to go back.... TO THE FUTURE!!!
Screw you, doc, I'm a righteous beatnik now! I like bongos.
UH OH! IF YOU MESS WITH THE DOCTOR, YOU MESS WITH DARK POWERS
YOU DARE DEFY ME?! SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION POWER, ACTIVATE
NOOOOOO!!! CURSE YOU, FLAMMABLE MORTALITY!
WHOA! A HAPPY ENDING! CUE HUEY LEWIS
That'll be $2.50

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-27-03
NEW POSSIBLY HOMOSEXUAL EVIL THREATENS THE CITY(s)
Mwahahaha! My plot to use cartoon likenesses to market tobacco products to children is almost complete.
NOT SO FAST!!!
IT IS THE LEGENDARY HERO WHO DEVOURED THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION
What?! You again! Well, you won't foil my brilliant get rich quick shenanigans again! Behold my power!
It is I, Heroic Clown!
THE MORAL; EAT ALL YOUR GREENS
YOU BELONG TO ME NOW!!!
PLEASE LIGHT ME ON FIRE AND INHALE MY PRODUCED POISONOUS GASES

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-28-03
COMING SOON: Final Fantasy XXXXIII: a sequal to Final Fantasy: XXX
WOROFOFORROFRR
I AM AN EVIL VILLAIN(yes i am a boy btw) WHO IS GOING TO TRY TO DESTROY THE WORLD IN AN ELABORATE MANNER BUT WILL POSSIBLY BE STOPPED AT THE LAST SECOND
this game will be played on the OUTERNet(which is EXTREME and a hundred times better than the internet) and you'll have to pay an absurdly high monthly fee to play it.
Here's your bill, sir. Wow, you're fucked. Did they kiss you first?
OH FUCK MY HEAD. MY DEADEND JOB AS A SEMEN SALESMAN WILL NOT BE ABLE TO COVER THIS
and this game is laced with PCP and crack coccaine, so the game will replace your life. Also, it will physically consume you and feed off of your life energies.
MUST HAVE MORE EXP. NOOOO I AM DEAD I LOST EVERYthign.
Wow.

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-28-03
G'day, I am Sey and British. I like to look at child pornography and my blonde girlfriend is sucking my dick right now while slashing her throat open.
I don't see anyone.
I think you're sexy.
Please leave.
SHADOWMAN IS THE BEST GAME EVER AND I MAKE LOVE TO IT EVERY NIGHT

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-28-03
Meanwhile at the DKVine forums council of elders
CHAD: FUCK FUCK LOOK AT HOW SARCASTIC AND WITTY I THINK I AM!!!
Sparky Z: Your wit is of the gods! Please allow me to pleasure your anus with my finger
Cubix: I LOVE POORLY DONE COMPUTER ANIMAION!!!!!!!
Aussie Ben: Bloody Americans
Sey: G'DAY, KLOBBER! COME WITH ME TO HAVE ANAL SEX AND KILL CATHOLICS!!! I'M BRITISH! bugger
Klobber: I hate my life

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-28-03
a foreign arts film by Evan, age 7
WELCOME TO SCTOLAND
AYE WHERE AM I
THE CONFEDERATES ARE COMING TO ENSLAVE OUR DARKIES
the riveting conclusion
WELCOME TO SCOTLAND
Hello, sailor let's have whipped cream

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-28-03
in a galaxy far away
excuse me, m'am, i have to make poopys.
THIS WAY, SIRR.
just then
hmmm, i have that this is the feces depository...
Winners don't do drugs.
OH FUCK WHAT HAVE I DONE? I'M IN HELL AND I HAVE NOT EXPELLED MY FECES!!! I'M DOOMED!
you're just in time for Dr. Phil's standup!

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-28-03
today on Dr. Phil...
Hello, today we are discussing the obese, like this fatty. See, the reason you are fat is because you eat so much. if you only ate when you had to, you wouldn't be fat.
Now, you should start exercising and not eating so goddamned much, and maybe you won't be so fucking fat anymore, you whale. if you continue on like this eskimos will kil you and salvage your blubber.
How the hell did you get your job?
That will be $150. Buy my new book, "How to feel good about yourself when you're a worthless loser."

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-29-03
THIS COMIC IS MADE BY JESUS AKA GODMAN
so sayeth the lord
I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU JESUS AND I AM A SYMBOL OF CAPITALISM WHICH SPOILS THE DAY OF CHRISTMAS WHEN YOU THE LORD WAS BORN HAHAHAHAHA
YOU SUCK SANTA BURN IN HELL
OH DEAR WHAT HAVE I DONE?
HMMM I AM NOT JESUS

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-29-03
I gotta save the princess!!!
SHE'S IN MY ASS
at the gateway to the asian girl's ass
I HOPE THE PRINCESS IS IN HERE!!!!!
THIS WAY, COMRADE!!!!!!!!!! TO THE PROMISED LAND!!!
within the bowels of the ass
Where am I?????
WELCOME TO SCOTLAND

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-29-03
Today on the Cosby show
Now you see, Fat Albert had the biggest peepee in the neighborhood, and little negro kids would come from all over to gaze upon its magnificence
Bill Cosby, you're under arrest for being a member of a minority. YYou will serve a 20 minute beating and be thrown into jail for a jillion years.
prison
One time Fat Albert took his gigantic dark African and raped and killed a white girl, and the man came and beat him into a concussion and sodomized him.
tonight we excape, amigo.
the daring escape!!!
And that was when Jello pudding was invented. Mmmm mmmm jello. I loved to dance around with little white eats and eat it. I never told them it was made from Fat Albert's stomach fat.
hurry! before the american law enforcement catches up with us!

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-30-03
Sacre bleu! I surrender
I AM FRENCH AND BEHIND ME IS OUR NATIONAL FLAG(THE WHITE FLAG OF SURRENDER)
Howdy! I am the average America and I am going to change your sissy flag into something better because my country has more money and is run by christian fascism so my opinion is best
SACRE BLEU! i surrender
God bless America!

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-30-03
TODAY ON CAPTAIN JESUS AND THE GANG
HAY KIDS LETS DO SMOKE CRACK COCCAINE AND VIOLATE EVERY LAW OF HUMANITY IN EXISTANCe
yay! I love you, Captain Jesus!!!!!!!!!!
captain jesus does his favorite pastime; sodomizing ducks!
OH YEAH BABY I SAVE A SPECIAL SPOT IN HEAVEN FOR YOU, HUNNY
QUACK
Captain Jesus GONE TOO FAR
Oh no! my unbridled special antics caused the apocalypse! I'll bvlame it on this homless hobo with no food.
i sleep in trash

 

by BanzaiCarter
9-30-03
we're going on an undersea adventure!!!!
OK. I hope there's whores.
I love life under the sea!!!!!!! adventures are adventurous
OK, where are the goddamned whores?
Yes! The center of the sun and all of the undersea vietnamese whores I want!!!!
my vagina secretes a rusty razor blade, american yankee

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-01-03
IN THE BOWELS OF PREHISTORIC FRANCE
by jove! I've found the frozen remains of Adolf Hitler!!!!
ach! ich ben stein frozenberg
evil is afoot
Mwahahahaah! I have kidnapped and molested Hitler to execute my greatest plan; to make a retarded create-a-comic website.
ich bin heil jew arfenhersen
AND SO HITLER WAS REBORN!
come! make comics! But little you should know I will use my evil paypal powers to steal your money so you can use convenient features.
i am Asian Nazi footsoldier #2! #1 was assraped by a polar bear and died of rectal bleeding

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-01-03
TIME FROM CHANNEL 77 NEWS DESK
Today in Iraq, american soldiers killed 500 innocents and 50 americans were killed by a single terrorist. this is a tragedy.
The nation's deficit just went down to 500 zillion dollars, and President Bush publicly stated that he "hates them homersexuals, negros, jews, women, small animals, and children."
this just in! Bush's approval rating just went up to 500%.
YEEHAW! GOD BLESS AMERICA

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-01-03
It is I! Dat Phan, the antichrist! Look at me! I'm not funny and chinese! Look at me be chinese! Hoy hoy hoy hoy hoy! shinwa bokchoi!
Hoy hoy hoy hoy! I like rice! I'm so hilarious! me likey fortune cookies! come bathe in the blood of virgins with me and urinate on crucifixes.
ok
and tehn god distroyed dat phan and his gay followers

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-02-03
I'm Carter of the arctic!
quack
Sir, we're being attacked by international forces! We must have you attend the world peace conferance to save our nation
ok.
AT THE WORLDWIDE PEACE CONFERANCE
I'm Carter of the arctic!
WELCOME TO SCOTLAND

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-02-03
Authorization
I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby give my permission to make Excel Saga into a lackluster create-a-comic product.
I am Excel Excel! A cliched anime blonde who must talk in run-on sentences! I am a part of the idealistic group ACROSS, lead by Lord Ilpalazzo to quell the ignorant masses! Hail Ilpalazzo!
Excel, my loyal toilet scrubber, cripples are becoming too big a threat to ACROSS! They make the ignorant masses even more ignorant with their lack of walking ability. You must hunt them down.
come back here you goddamn cripple! i am Excel Excel, agent of ACROSS, and I must kill you in the name of Ilpalazzo!
I'm no cripple! I'm Nabeshin! Look at my afro!

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-03-03
I'm a Japanese schoolgirl! I love my short skirt and large breasts.
author's note: What kind of retard falls down a well anyway?
Oh no! I fell down a well.
Look! A dog demon! I think I'll make friends with him.
Rar grrrr shut up, woman! I'm angry and rude! I'm sure we'll make an uneasy but happy romance

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-03-03
Shit! It's my evil twin brother that wants to kill me!
Rar!!!! Father is a fool for giving you SWORD. Give me SWORD so I can kill you with it. EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN!
Life sure is fun in feudal times! Isn't that right, ninjagirl?
my brother's dead.
meanwhile
Want to have my child?

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-03-03
I sure like bathing in this random spring that happened to be here, don't you?
yes, even though that monk is watching us.
I feel all sore and funny...
That's because I raped you in your sleep. Now allow me to feel you up.
Goddamn demons are everywhere in the feudal era! How come it doesn't say that in the history books? They're like fucking flies or something. Goddamn it, there's another one.
ooga booga! I WANT TO EAT YOUR BRAINS.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-03-03
soo... I never thought this is where my life would go.... I'm going to live in feudal Japan, and have sex with a dog demon for the rest of my life.
Grrr... rar... yeah... so uh, how do you do this? Aren't you supposed to be in heat first or something? What part do I use? Demons have different parts and stuff..
Oh, and my evil twin brother demon reformed and no longer wants to kill me and take my SWORD because of inane sibling rivalry trifles. Can he join in too? Oh, and our dildo is in my mouth.
EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN!
That day, President Harry S. Truman bombed Nagasaki and Hiroshima. The End.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-03-03
I AM CRAZY MONK!!!!!!!! WHO ARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
asiangirl2
THIS IS NO PLACE FOR LOAFERS! JOIN MY SIDE OR DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
never
TO BE CONTINUED
I WARNED HER.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-03-03
FUCK SHIT SHIT ASSS RETARDED BABIES!!!! DESTROYING THAT LITTLE ASIAN GIRL HAS SENT ME INTO AN UNCONSTITUTIONAL TIME VORTEX!!!!
I HAVE DISCOVERED THE LAND OF THE SHEEPS!!!!!!!!! YOU BELONG TO ME NOW!!!!!!
WE BELONG TO NOBODY.
TO BE CONTINUED
Crazy Monk: I WARNED THEM.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-03-03
DIMENSIONAL WARPS ARE TRULY WACKY!!!!!!! I SURE HOPE THAT THE NEXT WACKY LOCAL I END UP IN IS THE WORLD OF THE TOTALLY HOT BABES THAT HAVE SEX WITH YOU.
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'RE NOT A HOT BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FGARG
I WARNED HIM! NOW, ONTO THE HOT BABES!!!!

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-03-03
WHERE AM I?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?
WELCOME TO SCOTLAND
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S WARPIN TIME
TO BE CONTINUED
SINCE CARTER RECEIVED A REQUEST FOR ADDITIONAL INUYASHA COMICS, I THINK MY NEXT ADVENTURES WILL BE PROBABLY IN FEUDAL JAPAN!!!mayb

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-03-03
on friday night, we join the household of Carter Cole, the author of these strips.
Good god, I'm bored. And hungry. and horny.
This fusion of food and pornography on this screen bores me! I think I'll make comics satirizing anime and about crazy monks, that's always good.
meanwhile, at the Last Supper.
Jesus, why is there so much suffering in the world?
BECAUSDE I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU DOWN SYNDROMED BRAT!!!!!! GO EAT THE POISON COOKIES ON THE TABLE

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-04-03
I AM IN FEUDAL JAPAN
HELLO BROTHER, I'M MIROKU THE HORNY MONK. WANT TO JOIN ME IN GROPING THE NINJA GIRL?????
And there was much mollestation. Then....
GREETINGS LESSER BEING, I AM CRAZY MONK FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION!!!!!!!!!! STATE YOUR NAME AND REGISTRATION.
i'm shippo the annoying little retarded fox thing that's weak and sucks and has no purpose except to be retarded and annoying
WE'LL SEEE ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! problem solved.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-04-03
THIS IS CRAZY MONK, LIVE FROM FEUDAL JAPAN!!!!!!!! I'm still here.
OOGA BOOGA! I'M NARAKU, THE EVIL DEMON FAGGOT KinG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MORE LIKE DEADAKU
AND SO CRAZY MONK WAS DECLARED KING OF FEUDAL JAPAN
YOUR HIGHNESS I AM THE ROYAL HAREM WHORE HERE TO PLEASURE YOUR GENITALS
HOORAY. IT'S GOOD TO BE THE KING.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-04-03
I'm Duck Dodgers!
we're space!!!!
space is the final frontier
Fuck Duck Dodgers
you have shot me! I'm dead.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-04-03
sir, as mayor of feudal Japan, you must have sex with a tiger as initiation.
uh.... sir?
FUCK THAT.
TO BE CONTINUED
WHERE SHALL I GO TODAY?????????

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-05-03
*HIP FAST PACED DANCE MUSIC*
arrr, watch me breakdance!
GO NINJA GO NINJA GO!
whoa carter, you kick ass!!
I am BREAK DANCE KING.
AW YEAH.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-05-03
*SHITTY SLOW DANCE MUSIC*
GET A ROOM.
*people making out while dancing*
ANY OF YOU BROADS WANNA DANCE?
no. well, maybe later (not)
CARTER LEAVES THE DANCE EARLY AND GOES HOME.
STRIPCREATOR AND PORNOGRAPHY, MY ONLY FRIENDS.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-05-03
I CANNOT LOG OUT OF THE INTERNET.
I AM A TOUGH, COMELY LASS. WANT ANY HELP?
EAT SHIT AND DIE, WOMAN. *teleports out*
I CANNOT LOG OUT OF THE INTERNET BECAUSE I'M A DEPRESSED WIZARD, CAN YOU HELP ME?
TRY TURNING OFF THE COMPUTER RETARD?!

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-05-03
I am an excessively flamboyant yet powerful player! Give me your member address!
Fuck you.
I WARNED HER.
MEANWHILE
I met some random wizard that was rude and couldn't log out, but he ignored me! I'M WORRIED
Hmm, I met the same guy. Let's stand here and discuss it for the next 10 minutes, because THIS SHOW HAS SHITTY PACING.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-05-03
unt now I am going to beat up and force ze animal to entertain you!
OH GOD NOT IN ZE FACE! NOT IN ZE FACE!!!!!!
Man, you'd think they owuld've learned their lesson...
SKELETOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-06-03
YOUR HIGHNESS I AM A LOYAL KNIGHT THAT PLEDGES LOYALTY TO YOU IN THIS DANGEROUS CYBERWORLD
you're creepy.
IT IS THE HONOR OF THE CRIMSON KNIGHTS, A GREAT ORGANIZATION DEVOTED TO AN ONLINE GAME, THAT I AND WE LOYALLY SERVE YOU.
my god you're creepy, get away
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU, MY LIEGE?! I AM A KNIGHT
yes, get the fuck away from me.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-06-03
IN PARADIGM CITY
I'm Roger Smith, the negotiator! This town has no memories!
Negotiate your way out of this one, Dracula!
OW OW OH SHIT.. BEEG OH SHOW TIME!!!!!!
Forget Hammer Time, It's AXE TIME! Mwahahahaha!
*whirrrrrr SMASH LASER* Roger: Good job, Big O! Now let's go home and have sex with the 80 year old butler and the 12 year old robot.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-08-03
AT THE SCHWARZENEGGAR CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS
Mr. Terminator, what will be your actions as governor?
I WILL TRY HARD TO BE A GEWD GOVERNATOR EVEN THOUGH I CAN BARELY SPEAK ENGLIS AND KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT POLITICS.
THE NEXT DAY IN CALIFORNIA
AT CARTER'S HOUSE
Why the fuck is this national news?

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-09-03
The Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore
GENTLEMEN, BEHOLD!!!!
ehyeah, why do you say gentlemen? it's just me.
because of the explosion, the lab was hurled through a wormhole and became a discotech!
MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-10-03
After Arnold won the election, a meeting was called in the GOP Hall of Doom.
John Ashcroft: Congratulations on your victory, Arnold! Now we are going to induct you into our dark occult organization.
Schwarzeneggar: THANK YEW VEREE MUCH FOR THE SUPPOWT, I WILL CRUSH THE CYBAWG AWMEE
Fat White Rich Business Man Who was against Integration: Shhh! Quick, the satanic rituals are about to begin!
Donald Rumsfeld: I BELONG TO NOBODY!!!!!!!
And now, we being our ceremony with a reading by Dark Minister Rush Limbaugh from the Necronomicon
Omous, Satanous, crypitous, Too many Jews... too many blacks... ovos... kill Muslims.... raivas delta...

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-13-03
A NEW VILLAIN APPEARS
STATE YOUR BUSINESS
EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN! EVIL TWIN!
MEGATRON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-17-03
Sorry, sir, but your team, The Yankees, sucks and everybody hates them. You can't go to the World Series.
HERES 5 HAJILLION DOLLARZ
DEAL
Mwahahahaha!
Right now we're in the 2nd inning of the World Series, and the Yankees are beating the Auschwitz Nazis 4000 to -3
ach! ich bien lozing!! schwarz volkswagon frugen hagen
Now I will use my ill-gained money to buy this team and then THE WORLD! Mwahaha!

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-19-03
EYEBROWS
EYEBROWS
EYEBROWS
EYEBROWS
EYEBROWS
OH NO MY FOREHEAD

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-26-03
I haven't made a comic for a long-assed while.
Enjoy.

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-26-03
GHETTO ASSHOELS TRYIGN TO BE ALL HIP IN DA HOOD AND SMOKING CRAK COCCAINE WITH BRITNETY SPEERS
WADDUO YO
IM LISTENING TO 50 CENT WILE KLLING THOSE GODDAMN CRACKA WHITYS
GOTHIK PUNKS BUYIMG 50 DOLALRS SHIRTS AND PATNS AT HOT TOPIC AND LISTENING TO WANNABE BILLSHIT MONEY WHORIGN MUSAK
I'M SO SAD :(
LET GO LISTEN TO BAD MUSIC AND PRETEND TO CUT OURZELVS :( I'M SO FUCKING HARDCORE WITH MY ANARCHY SHIRTS THOUGH >:O
CYBER IDIOTS WITH PIERCED SCROTUMS COPULATING WITH ANIMALS IN CARS PARKED OUTSIDE THE RAVE PARTY
unf GLOWSTICKS ROCK
oh yeah BRING THE ECASTY

 

by BanzaiCarter
10-27-03
I'm Lupin the II!
I'm super space monkey!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quite a lovely baby you have there. Too bad it's mine for me to cannibalize!!! *YOINK*
HAY GIVE THAT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wacky chase scene ensues!
LOOOOOOPAWN!!!! RETURN THAT BABY YOU COMMUNIST FIEND!
YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME GRANDADDY

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