All comics by daddydoright

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
Hi welcome to McDonalds can I take your order?
Father OMalley I'm still not used to this having a McDonalds in the church.
It's okay my son. God made it happen.
Well in that case. I'll take a number four value meal with a large Coke and an act of contrition to go.
That'll be four Art Fathers and four dollars and sixty-five cents would you like to round up and give your change to our churches new roof fund?
Of course father. Here's five. I'll do the Art Fathers why I eat my value meal.

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
Hi welcome to St. Michael's McDonalds. Can I take your order?
Yes father. I'd like a number two absolution. A Pope John Paul the second commemorative plate and a double fillet o'fish sandwhich.
We're all out of the Pope John Paul the second plates sister. But we do have a few of the collectable saint glasses left.
Oh goody. I thought that promotion was over. Which saints do you have left?
We have three Saint Benedicts and a Saint Francis.
Oh definetly Saint Francis. He's much cooler than Saint Benedict ever was.

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
Welcome to McDonalds can I take your order?
Hello. You must be Father OMalley. I'm Father OReilly from corporate. I'm just here to see how things are going.
Oh God Bless you Father OReilly for coming. Things have been going splendidly. The response has been tremendous. Our coffirs are definetly over flowing.
Outstanding Father O Malley. I've brought with me a few new marketing promos that are sure to even get your third quarter numbers God willing even higher than the last.
Ahleyluyah to that. The children certainly loved the Noah's Arks with all the Frie Guys passengers last month. I can't wait to see what you have for us now.
We have the new Ronald McDonald and Jesus buddy playland. They are best pals who solve the problems of the world's childrens. Of course they are interchangeable with great mass market appeal.

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
McDonalds corporate HQ
Hey Boss that daddydoright is back at it again. This time he's saying we cut a deal with 'the church' to have taxfree francises. And we tied religious marketing and McDonalds merchandising together.
Brilliant! With the churches tax free status and their 'influence' we have the perfect combination of consumer brain washing.
McDonalds corporate HQ
Well if you love it Boss. I'll get to working on product tie ins and ad jingles.
Here's two for ya. Interchangeable Jesus and Ronald crucifixes. And get the Gregorian monks to chant our "Ba-dah-bump-ba-dah I'm Loving It" jingle.
McDonalds corporate HQ
Boss I don't know about that one. I used to be a Christian before I converted to McDonalds corporate. And I think some people might see that as blasphemous.
Nonsense! The church and McDonalds are in the same money making business. We both have francises around the world. And were both always trying to expand our consumer base with marketing.

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
McDonalds corporate HQ
Gosh dangit! He's finally done it!
online Stripcreator.com showing daddydorights new McDonalds parody comics
McDonalds corporate HQ
What's he done now boss?
That pain in the ass has written another troublesome comic about us. But this time he has us joing forces with the church saying that way we can brain wash people even easier.
So?? After all it's only a comic. And besides it's on Stripcreator who reads that anyways?
You don't get it kid. He's making mass marketing techniques so transparent that even the 'sheep-al', (the mindless public) will be able to see thru them. This could be the straw that broke our back.

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
McDonalds corportate HQ
Ok. Whaddyah dig up on this daddydoright troublemaker?
Well Boss. I got good new and bad news.
McDonalds corporate HQ
First the good news. Judging from his credit card receipts this guy ate so much McDonalds hamburgers our lab results show he should of had three triples bypasses by now.
And the bad news?
He owns a copy of SUPERSIZE ME and MCLIBEL.
SHIT!FUCK! Email him! Tell him he gets FREE McDonalds for life if he lays off. This guys a pig. He'll go for it. Then we just have to wait for him to finish the job by eating himself to death.

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
Three years later McDonalds corporate HQ
Boss remember that daddydoright comic problem we settled on three years ago?
Yah. What about it?
McDonalds corporate HQ
Well it seems it worked out just like you said it would back then. He just checked in for a double bypass. You said he'd eat himself to death on our food and it looks like he's almost there.
See I always think ahead. That's why I'm the boss. Now hurry and get me the heart surgeon in our pocket. Make whatever deal you gotta. I want this to be our old friends final chapter.
later on that day
Well Boss. I got the surgeon. It wasn't easy. I tried the free fast food approach on him. He said 'no dice! Seen what it did to too many 'schmucks'. We gave him a francise. A feed em & treat em con.
Hmm. His own francise. Pretty smart holdout. Reminds me of the car companies purposely making the cars shoddy so they can get money on fixing em too! Like double dipping. Smart very smart.

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
daddydorights grave
We got you! You Fuck!
You thought you could beat us! But we won!
Just between me and you. I miss having a strong opponent. It made me feel 'alive' having to do battle with you. Too bad you were an 'asshole' and didn't play ball for ourside.

 

by daddydoright
4-05-06
Oh. I see your playing with that mini ETCH-A-SKETCH I bought you last week. It looks like you like it. I'll tell you what. You draw me a good circle and I'll buy you a Big ETCH-A-SKETCH!
But Uncle! A circle is way to hard! I'll do a triangle instead! And then you can give me the Big ETCH-A-SKETCH!
Sorry. It has to be a circle or nothing.
TRIANGLE!
CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE!
TRIANGLE!!! TRIANGLE!!! TRIANGLE!!! TRIANGLE!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-05-06
uh! uh! uh! uh! uh! Ahhhh! Yahhhh! Whew! That was the best $200 I spent in a week!
oh. oh. oh. oh. oh. ahhh. yah. Thanks hon. Your not so bad yourself. I usually charge $300 but your one of my regulars.
Not to bad for an old man huh! So?? WHO'S your favorite dick??
Honestly. It's whatever the one that's infront of me at the moment.
Ouu! I like that! "HONESTY!", "COMMITMENT!", "QUALITY JOB ONE!." Hmmm?? Great characteristics in a whore. Butt....?? Wait a minute! Great characteristics in a 'car manufacturer' too! I gotta run.
CAR MANUFACTURER??!! I think my rates just went WAY up!!

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
Hey bro. I know you and my wife don't get along so I want to make this perfectly clear to you.
Go ahead.
That's my wife. The woman I love. The woman I fuck. The mother of my kid.
And?
If you two were up against a wall and I had to shoot one of you. I'd shoot you!
Ok. I get it.

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
little EMINEM
Tell him! It's time he knows!
What's that pop? What is Momma saying your suppose to tell me?
finds out
Well little EMINEM. You know that your skin is lighter than ours. And how you like food that is different from the rest of the family?
Yah that's cause I'm an albino black.You already done told me that a long time ago Pops. And as for the food I don't know why I only like white bread and grilled skinless chicken breasts?
he's white
Well son it's time you known. You ain't our born son. We found you on our doorstep when you was a baby. Your white son.
You mean I'm gonna stay this color! Well that explains why I have no rhythm! That's okay Pops. If it's all the same to you I'll just keep pretending to be black. Momma! Daddy!

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
little EMINEM
Don't you worry none little EMINEM! You'll always be Momma's little boy!
Thanks Momma! I Love You!
looking for
You know what son? You justa keep on workin on that there rhythm. I just know that some day you gonna find it! And when you do the whole world just better watch out!
Thanks Daddy! I'm gonna work on it right now! One! And ahhh Two! And uhhh?? Uhhh? Aw shucks! I ain't never gonna get it!!
his rhythm
Woman. That boy shure is done.
Yep shure enough is. Dumber than a box of rocks with a hole in the bottom.

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
EMINEM
Well Momma! Daddy! I'm all grown up! I'm going to the big city to find my rhythm!
Oh my boy! MY BOY IS LEAVIN' ME!!
leaves home
Hey woman. Don't you stop him.
I wasn't. But I has to makes it look good you know.
for the city
Now I want you to remember this son and don't you ever forget!! Wash your hands! Always wear protection! And whatever you does Don't ever, never trust whitey!
Thanks Daddy! That's sure is some good advice! Let's see. Wash your hands. Wear protection. Don't be trusting whitey. Got it Daddy!

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
EMINEM moves to
WOW! I've finally made it! Soo this is the big city! I'm bound to find my rhythm here! Hey mister! Do you knows where I can find me some rhythm?
YO there my man. It just so happens. That I am a purveyor of that sort of accutriments. Step this way little man.
the city and meets KIM
Hey there baby! I'm here to help you with your 'rhythm'. That'll be forty-bucks. Upfront!
WOW! A whole $40?? Well...?? I guess. It'll be worth it if I find my rhythm though!
their done 5 minutes later
WOW! So 'rhythm' is putting my "special purpose" in your "special purpose" and moveing it in and out! No wonder I didn't have 'it' before! I was a virgin!
Well baby-boy. You ain't no virgin no more are yuh! My name is KIM and I think I like you! This next one is on the house! Let's work on your 'rhythm' some more!

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
EMINEM learns
Hey there everybody come gather round! I got my 'rhythm' and I wanna share it with you all! Gather-round yah-all! I'm 'bout to let it flow!
Hey there! All my niggahs! Come check-out the peckerwood! He says he got some 'rhythm' for us! Let's see what he got!
more about 'rhythm'
A!B!C! It's easy as 1! 2! 3! Easy as Doe! Ray! Me! Come on girl! You! And! Me!
Hey there motherfucker! That ain't 'your' rhythm!! That's the fuckin JACKSON 5 stupid honkyass!!
in the big city
Here whiteboy! Checkout this 'rhythm' of my fist hitting your face again and again! Or...! How'z about the 'rhythm' of me pounding yo head against this here sidewalk again and again?
OUCH! OW! OWWWH! Uhhh??!! So 'rhythm' is also getting your ass kicked? Huh? Owww!!

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
EMINEM learns more about
I heard the guys saying rap has 'rhythm'! I'm gonna rap all day and night! So I can find my way! Cause there's a rhythm in the city and I'm gonna find it today!
Yo YO! Check this whiteboy out! Whiteboy here thinks he's a niggah! He's got the words down, but he don't talk with enuff black in his mouth! Mo like he's country or something!
rhythm in jail! He also learns
ALL RIGHT! YOUR ALL UNDER ARREST FOR LOITERING! AND CAUSING A NUISANCE! I'm gonna run you all downtown so you get sent to lockup! There you can all get better aquainted! Haha.
THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKIN FAULT WHITEBOY!! We're gona take care of your ass when we get in county!
once you go black, you don't go back
YO BITCH WHITEBOY! We done punked your whiteass good! Now you be talkin like you got a black dick in yo mouth! Speak bitch! Speak!
Yo! Yo! Man! Kick me a square over here big GEE! My shit done got all fucked up by all that 'rhythm' you been sending my ways!

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
Hi Uncle!! DID YOU BRING ME A PRESENT!! DID YOU BRING ME A PRESENT!! Huh?! Huh?! Did yah?! Did yah?!
Well... let's just see here. Now say 'please'. And pick a hand.
Left! no,NO! RIGHT!!
Good job. Here you go. Enjoy.
HEYYYYY!!! IT'S A ROCK!! A ROCK AIN'T A TOY!!!! What did you 'really' get me?? Uncle??!! UNCLE!!
It's a special rock. It's called a Pet Rock. When I was a kid I had one. Ask your Dad about it. I'm sure he had one too as a kid. That's what we once got for a present in the old days.

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
Hey! You know what todays date is??
Yah. It's April 6th.
Dang It! I missed it! I fell asleep. I wanted to be up for the 1st hour of the 2nd minute of the 3rd second of the 4th month of the 5th day of the 6th year! 1,2,3,4,5,6! Get It??!!
Your fuckin weird dude! Why did you wanna do that? You some kind of numerology nut or something?
No,no. I just like to write and I wanted to 'FEEL' the moment. For inspiration and see what I could come up with writing.
Yep! YOUR DEFINETLY A FUCKIN WEIRDO! Hmmmm..........??? To bad you blew it. I would like to see what you wrote.

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
AWW SHIT!! I Missed It! I MISSED IT!!
Missed what??!!!
THE 1!2!3!4!5!6! EVENT! The 1st HOUR of the 2nd MINUTE of the 3rd SECOND of the 4th MONTH of the 5th DAY of the 6th YEAR!
What???? Hmmmmm........??? ...4,5,6. Ohh!! I get it! Pretty neat!
NO! NOT FUCKIN NEAT! I MISSED IT! I missed HALEY'S COMMET! I missed THE GREAT CONJUNCTION! When all the planets were lined up! I even missed a frickin solar eclipse last week! I'm always missing shit!
Yah! You got that right! That's not all you missed. When you used the bathroom before SLICK. You MISSED THE TOILET! So there's a lesson in this! Try not to 'miss' things in life!

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
YAWNNN!!!!
Why you so tired? Out partying all night? Haha.
YOU OUGHTA KNOW!! YOUR THE ONE WHO TOLD ME ALL ABOUT IT! DIDN'T YOU STAY UP FOR THE 1!2!3!4!5!6! EVENT LAST NIGHT??!! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO GOT ME ALL EXCITED ABOUT IT YESTERDAY!!
Oh yah. The 1st HOUR of the 2nd MINUTE of the 3rd SECOND of the 4th MONTH of the 5th DAY of the 6th YEAR.
Awwwww. Shit. Sorry. I fell asleep. Did I miss anything?
NOPE. NOT A FUCKIN THING!! WAY?! WAIT A MINUTE!! YOU MISSED ME WATCHING THE FUCKIN CLOCK. AND THEN SAYING 'THIS IS SO FUCKIN STUPID!'. AND THEN SHUTTIN OFF THE LIGHT CALLING YOU A 'ASSHOLE'!

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
Hey Babe! I'm goin out. I'm gettin tha family some 'fast food' again!
Make shure you git us somethin from somewheres different! That there last fast food you got us weren't no good! And when you gonna fix that dang front door? Soes-in we don't have to use the winder?
Hey Mister! You happen to see any dead animals up tha road any where's near hear?
Why?? You the roadkill picker-upper for the County or something?
Shucks No!! I'm just lookin for some sweet street meat! For me and my hungry family to eat. I jokes with 'em and calls it 'FAST FOOD'! GET IT??!! Maybe I should call it 'Not Fast Enough Food' haw,haw!
Uh? Yah. Well...? I pretty shure I hit a squirrel 'bout five miles back. When I last looked in my rearviews he was twitchin' pretty good!

 

by daddydoright
4-06-06
iiiiyyyyyyyyyahhhhhh!! YUCK!! What's with all the Blood all over the wall??
Ohh. That?? I'm sorry I'll clean that up. Just give me onnnnne...... ....minute??
Yah shure. But what is all the Blood from again? Did you cut yourself or what?
Well.... If you must know. Last night I got really drunk at the bar with my friends. I got home really late and really blitzed. I had to go to the bathroom really bad.
But since I was so snookered I couldn't find any lightswitches. I finally felt my way to the bathroom. I realized I had my tampon still in and took it out. I blindly felt my way around the house.
That explains the big puddle of menstural blood on the couch. That mustta been where you 'passed out'. But between me and you that's T.M.I. (too much information) for a 1st date.

 

by daddydoright
4-07-06
EMINEM out of jail
EMINEM!! Baby! Your finally out of jail!! Did they hurt you?? Did they make you mean baby??
Yo! Boo! I'm reborn hardcore! The world be keepin me down and I ain'tz gonna takes it No MORE!
with his black-gangster attitude
My baby is a straight up gangster-rapper now!! Did you join a black gang in jail? You talks like one of them now?
Yah boo! I didz what I hadz to do! You could say when it comes to the brothers in jail. I'm Down! Now I found my blackness and my rhythm I gonna take this town!
ready to take on the rap world
You Go Boy!
So girl you come with me! And I'll be your GEE! And we'll start our own family. I'm gonna be famous just you wait and see! Cause I've earned my rhythm in the city! And it shure weren't FREE!!

 

by daddydoright
4-07-06
Well everything in your physical so far seems to be normal. I need you now to drop your drawers and cough when I say "cough!"
Okay.
Cough! Hmmmm.....??? There seems to be some kind of lumps in your testicles. I'm going to send you for an ultrasound right away today!
Geez doc. Is this anything I should be worried about??!!
No. Luckily you have pretty good health care insuarance. Other wise this bill could be quite expensive!
No doc! I meant about my balls!

 

by daddydoright
4-07-06
Hi. I'm your nurse. I'm going to be doing an ultrasound on your testicles today. I need you to remove your underwear and lay down on the table.
Okay. Sorry I'm just a little nervous. I've never had this done before.
No problem. I'll walk you thru it. Okay this might feel a little cold. I'm putting K-Y JELLY on your testicles now. SQUIRTTT!!! SQUIRTT!! squirt! squirt.
WHEW!! THAT'S COLD! HOLY SHIT DID THIS CHICK PUT ALOT OF THAT STUFF ON MY BALLS!! OHHHHHH!! YAHHHHH!!! DAMMM!! DOES THAT FEEEELLL GOODDD!!! I FEEL A MIGHTY HARD ON STARTING!! OH! OH!
Okay now. I'm working the K-Y JELLY in and all around your testicles now. So that I can get the best picture with our ultrasound machine. BAAHDUMM! That sound is your testicles pulse!
WOW HEAR THAT?! BAAHDUMM! BAAHDUMM! THAT'S THE SOUND OF A SUPER HARD ON! MY BALLS FEEL AS BIG AS BEAN BAG CHAIRS! WOW I NEVER GOT THIS KIND OF SERVICE WITH MY OLD INSURANCE!

 

by daddydoright
4-07-06
Wow! Check this story out! I had something really freakey happen to me today! You ain't gonna fuckin beleive it!
Oh yah. What's that?!
Well I went to get an ultrasound done on my balls cause my doctor said he felt something wrong. The ultrasound chick was really fine looking. She put a ton of K-Y Jelly on my balls, it felt sooo good!
Hell yah dude! My girl she turned me on to that K-Y shit! We be getting down and dirty with that all the time now! I call it the 'slip and slide'!
YAH! She was working my balls around with it till they felt as big as beanbag chairs! I was getting hard and hear my heartbeat real loud on the speakers! She says, "Oh what a good pulse!"
WOW DUDE! Your right that is pretty freakey! I'm gonna go have it done to me for shure!!

 

by daddydoright
4-08-06
Hey bro. Since our Mom died I really appreciate having a brother. Uh? I mean...your all the family....
OH LISTEN! LISTEN!! THERE PLAYING ONE OF MY VERY FAVORITE SONGS!!!
I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH I'M GONNA SING ALONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "I'M AN ASSHOLE!!" "I'M AN ASSHOLE!!" "YO DEE YO DEE YO...!!!!!!"
There is a GOD OF IRONY and he is laughing right now!
still singing
"I PARK IN HANDICAPPED SPACES! WHILE HANDICAPPED PEOPLE MAKE MAD HANDICAPPED FACES!" HAHA!!!!!!! "I'M AN ASSHOLE!!" "I'M AN ASSHOLE!!" "I'M AN ASSHOLE!!"
Note to self. Let me get this straight. All this time he knew he was being an asshole and proud of it?!! And I just made excuses for him like it was his wife or he just drinks to much! Well no longer!

 

by daddydoright
4-08-06
playing songs on his computer AGAIN
Check out this song! And this one rocks! And this one rules! And this one's awesome! And this one! And this one! And this one! And this one! And this one! And this one! And this one! And this one!....
Great song. Rocking song. That song rules. Awesome. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah. Yah....
playing songs on his computer SAME AS EVERY WEEK
Hey bro mind if I go out to my car and grab a couple of my CD's? So we can play a few songs I like too?? Hello?? Hey Bro?? Okay???
ALRIGHT! Just check out these other songs FIRST! GO GRAB YOURSELF A NICE ICE COLD BEER!
2 hours later his music is STILL playing
Hey man. How'z about some my songs now?
RRRRRRRRR!!! SIGH!!!!! COME ON. I 'LET' YOU COME OVER HERE AND DRINK IN 'MY HOUSE'. EVEN THOUGH MY WIFE DON'T LIKE YOU! ISN'T THAT ENUFF FOR YOU??!! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??!!

 

by daddydoright
4-08-06
OKAY JUDAS! Your Time Is Up! You Been Paroled! JESUS Is Here To Git Yah!
How long has it been?
Only 2000 and some odd years.
ONLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WELLLLLLLLL!!! AIN'T CHA GONNA GO??!! IT'Z WHAT YOU WANTED!!! ISN'T IT???!!!!! COME ON!! HE'S WAITING!!!
I'm thinkin. I'm thinkin. I DON'T KNOW. DOWN HERE...I'M SOMEBODY! I'm famous for being the guy who betrayed JESUS. UP THERE... I'd just be another 'schmuck' flunky apostle!

 

by daddydoright
4-08-06
HELL
JUDAS! OHHHH.. JUDAS!! I'M HERRRRE FOR YOU!!! JUDAS!!
Here I am my Lord.
"THERE YOU ARE MY 'TRUEST' DISCIPLE!!!"
YOUR TIME HAS COME MY SON! I TOLD YOU BEFORE YOU DID GOD'S WILL BY HELP 'HANDING ME OVER'. "THAT YOU WILL BE CURSED BY THE OTHER GENERATIONS AND YOU WILL COME TO RULE OVER THEM!"
Yes my Lord. BUT I DIDN'T KNOW I'D HAVE TO GO TO FUCKIN HELL AND WAIT FOR OVER 2000 MOTHERFUCKIN YEARSS!!!!
I see you picked up a bit of a nasty habit there. The disciple Judas I knew didn't curse. Oh well I guess one should expect such things. Particularily when one has been consorting with demons and such
This fuckin HEAVEN better be all that and a piece of fuckin cake! WITH THE REAL SWEET-FROST! NONE OF THAT CHEAP SHIT! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT KINDA FUCKED UP SHIT THEY BE DOING TO YOU DOWN HERE!!

 

by daddydoright
4-08-06
HEAVEN
SEE JUDAS! DOWN ON EARTH!! THERE! LOOK!!! JUDAS SEE EVEN NOW YOUR NAME IS BEING CLEARED! THE PROPHECY HAS AND IS COMING TRUE!
Yes my Dearest Lord. FINALLY, it has! But oh, The Pain, The Torture and DISGRACE I suffered for SO LONG, so long.
IT IS AS I SAID. AND HAS IT HAS BEEN WRITTEN. "YOU WILL SACRIFICE THE MAN THAT CLOTHES ME." I told you that then so I could return to the kingdom.
"STEP AWAY FROM THE OTHERS AND I SHALL TELL YOU THE MYSTERIES OF THE KINGDOM. IT IS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO LEARN IT BUT YOU WILL GRIEVE A GREAT DEAL." Said I this to you then. Did I not?
Yes you did my generous and all forgiving Lord!
As I said before, "YOU WILL BE CURSED BY THE OTHER GENERATIONS-AND YOU WILLCOME TO RULE OVER THEM!" LOOK! THIS SUNDAY! 7PM ON THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC CHANNEL "THE GOSPEL OF JUDAS!" YOUR TIME HAS COME!

 

by daddydoright
4-08-06
EMINEM gets
Sorry everybody this part ain't been written yet!
his first break
into show buisness

 

by daddydoright
4-08-06
EMINEM
YO MAN! HE AIN'T WRITTEN THIS PART YET! I WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TOO!!!
BECOME A
BIG STAR

 

by daddydoright
4-08-06
EMINEM
Oh man! He didn't just write that above me did he! SHIT!
TO BIG FOR HIS BRITCHES
LOSES KIM
Yah I seen the movie "THE JERK"! I suppose in this scene your gonna having me do a parody of when STEVE MARTIN says, "...I DON'T NEED NOTHIN! WELL MAYBE THIS....(*blank)! AND MAYBE THIS (*blank)!"

 

by daddydoright
4-08-06
AT HIS LAST CONCERT
I JUST WANT TO TELL EVERYBODY HERE TONIGHT SOMETHING!!
EMINEM GIVES UP!
TONIGHTS CONCERT IS CANCELLED!!! I JUST CAN'T! CAN'T! I CAN'T DO IT NO MORE!!!
UP RAP!!
I'VE GIVEN THIS ALOT OF THOUGHT! AND I KNOW THIS MIGHT BE UPSETTING TO MY FANS! BUT I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE A WIGGER NO MORE!! I GOT A FAMILY NOW! AND I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTER EMBARRASSED OF ME!!

 

by daddydoright
4-09-06
as overheard in the whitehouse
Operator! This is the PRESIDENT! Give me the VATICAN! Hello JOHN PAUL? Yes. It's me GEORGE 'W'! JOHN PAUL OPERATION JUDAS IS A GO! I repeat Operation Judas is a go!
What's that? Yes! We talked about all this before John Paul! All our people agree with all your people! IT'S THE ONLY WAY!
The fucking MUSLIMS are just getting to hardcore! To STRONG! Pardon my French John Paul, Hehe! We needed to do this! Yes. Yes! Of course I think it will work! Our best INTEL agencies said so!
No I'm not very fond of Judas either. But remember what the scholars said, "This will radically change the way CHRISTIAN BIBLE FUNDALMENTALISTS think!
Yes! Yes! We are quite aware of the implications of this being released to the public! Yes we know it will create Christian suicide martys! WE HAVE TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! The BIBLE has to be used!
Okay. Yes. Then it's agreed! Yes, were doing our part too! Of course I'm going to watch it! It's on TONIGHT 7PM C.S.T. "THE GOSPELS OF JUDAS" NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC CHANNEL! Chow! John Paul!

 

by daddydoright
4-09-06
Okay. Mom's going to go clothes shopping I'll see you all later at the checkout.
Bye Mom. I'll be by the videogames!
Bye hon. And I'll be by the power tools.
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! POW!! BOOOM!!!
YAH! YAH! YAH! DARN!! NOOOO!!!
Hello Sir. I am the POWERMATIC 5000 MULTI-FUNCTION ALL IN ONE POWER TOOL ROBOTIC INTERFACE TRANSPORT PLATFORM SYSTEM! I have over 100 commonly used powertools ready for your commands!
OHHHH! YAHHH!! I GOTTA HAVE ONE OF THESE!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
crying in his beer
What's wrong with you?
I broke up with my girlfriend.
Don't worry pal. There's lot's of other fish in the sea.
Hmmmmm...??
Hey You Fish! See any men around here??
At least I! Only fuck my own species!!

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
Sorry to her you broke up with your girlfriend. But don't worry pal. There's alot of other fish in the sea!
Yah your right. Hmmmm...??
Pee-You! Girl! You need to douche! Your cooch-ee smells like dead fish!
It's the smell of sex! It's like pheromones! It attracts other men! It drives them crazy!
Hey good lookin! If I told you, you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
Get Lost! Creep! I'm lookin for a Real Man!

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
What are you going to do on your day off?
Me? I'm going fishing!
Yah. I just bought a new Corvette. I have her parked outside. If you wanna go for a ride.
Shure!
So I was thinking about having penis reduction surgery done. Seems once a woman has sex with me she's only interested in one thing.
Wanna come over to my place for a drink!

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
Hey buddy! Your getting pretty wasted! Maybe you should slow down a bit!
I'm doing...burp!.....Just fine!.....Hiccup!.....I am!
You wanna a drink of water on the house?!
I DON'T DRINK FUCKIN WATER!! And I don't drink on houses!
WELL.....?? WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU DRINK WATER??!!
CAUSE!!!............. FISH FUCK IN IT!!

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
All those times you prayed to me!...
..Begged me to save your life. In your time of FEAR, your time of NEED! I intervened on your behalf! Giving your wish of "more time!", "more life!" Is this how you repay me by writing smut??!
Just give me 'more time' Lord! I'll write something of social value. Really I will! Something to promote a better humanity! A higher form of conciousness! Just a little 'more life'!!
OH MY GOD!! WHAT A NIGHTMARE!! I dreamed Jesus was mad at me for writing bad comics and was thinking about taking my life!
YES! HE IS MAD AT YOU FOR YOU TURNING YOUR BACK ON HIM! AND LIVING A LIFE OF SIN! SO FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT HE SENT ME TO ANTAGONIZE YOU DAY AND NIGHT!! HA!HA!HA!
WAKE UP! WAKE UP! YOUR HAVING A NIGHTMARE! YOUR MOANING IN YOUR SLEEP!!
AHHhhhhHHHHHH!!!! IT'S!!!!! TRUE!!!!!!!!!! IT'S TRUE!!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
THE MEXICANS ARE COMING!!
THE MEXICANS ARE COMING!!!
THE MEXICANS ARE COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MEXICANS ARE COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
What we do?????? What we do??????
Yah! What'd we do???

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
Hey dude! I see you finally bought a motorcycle. Your woman has got to love that!
What dah yah mean by that??!
DON'T YOU KNOW?? WOMEN LOVE RIDING ON BIKES!! It's like their sitting on a big fuckin vibrator!
REALLY??!!! I had no fuckin idea!!
In the summer. Bring my bike to the bar. Ask hot chicks to take 'a ride' on my bike. If its, "yes". I rev the engine alot at stops! When she gets off the bike if there's a wet spot I'm getin laid
WOW! I'm taking my bitch for a ride when I get home! I 'm gonna 'rev' the engine so much when she's on it! That I might 'fry it!" I haven't gotten fuckin laid in over 3 weeks!!

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
Good morning hon! What can I get 'cha today?
I'll just take 'the usual' Mable.
5 minutes later
Here you go hon! Here's your order. Black coffee, 2 pieces of sausage, a chilled shot of PEPTO BISMO and for desert....a chilled shot of MINT MALOXX! Yummy.
Thanks Mable! Mmmmm! Breakfast of Champions!!
You really should see a doctor about that ACID REFLUX! It can get pretty serious if left untreated you know.
I already did Mable. He said, "LOSE WEIGHT!" And we both know that's not gona happen anytime soon! Haha!

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
she's looking in his refrigerator
Why do you have STRAWBERRY FLAVORED PEPTO BISMO in your refrigerator??
Cause they were out of CHERRY! AND... I have bad ACID REFLUX! The PEPTO tastes like a MCDONALD's strawberry shake when I 'vurp' it up!
'VURP'?? Oh..I get it vomit /burp..the acid reflux thing! AND...WHY THE MINT MAALOX in the refrigerator??
OOOOOOOO!!! THAT'S A TREAT!!! That...VURPS like MINT VANILLA ICECREAM!!! MMmmmmmhh!!
If you have such a bad ACID REFLUX problem?? What's with the ORANGE JUICE WITH PULP doing in the refrigerator??
Ohh! That? I can't drink that! It's like straight CITRIC ACID PUKE without the digestive middleman!! That's from last weekend's one nightstand! She forgot it. You can either drink it or throw it away.

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
DADDY!! Sayyyyyyyyyyyy...... DADDY!!!
Mumma! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
SEEEE!!! MUMMA'S BABY LOVES THE MUMMA!! If you'd maybe spend time 'playing 'with the baby! And not 'ALWAYS' on the fuckin computer! Maybe he'd know your name!
Would You Just.....SHUT UP!!!!
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
You see what you teach him! You see!!

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
Daddy. I don't like coming over to your house.
WHY???!!!!! WOULD YOU SAY THAT??
When I'm by my house, MOMMY and TEDDY buy me lotz of presents! And they let me do whatever I want.
Sounds to me like you get to be a 'Spoiled Brat' at home!
I'm not 'spoiled' Daddy! I just get whatever I want. AND I get 'To Do' whatever I want!
HOW DO YOU TELL A 6 YEAR OLD THAT 'THAT IS' BAD PARENTING????

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
150 years ago
The Mexicans are coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Mexicans are coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
5 years ago in the factories
The Mexicans are coming!!!!!!!
The Mexicans are coming!!!!!!
NOW in the boardrooms
The Mexicans are coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Mexicans are coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good!!!!!!!!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$ Yeahhhhhhh!!!!!

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