All comics by Riotmoon

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by Riotmoon
8-11-02
I want it to be over. You want it to be over too.
. . .that's fucked, yo.
. . .and then, just because I didn't want my kids to see me spanking it in the funny papers, he set me on fire. Like it was in a drop-menu or something!
If you see a goat, I must be high again? Look! CONTINUITY!
. . .and I'm a drunk guy with no genitals!
And so, like all high-minded crossover stuff, it pisses away to nothing
Man that zombie angle sure went nowhere.
are you an out of work zombie, have you considered JESUS?

 

by Riotmoon
11-17-02
And now we pause for an annoying message so that you foolishly think I care about you. You foolish bastards.
Soon as I finish killing myself. we can start our production of "Memento!" FOR JESUS!
Soon as I finish killing myself. we can start our production of "Memento!"
What in the name of JESUS are you doing? You can't rip us off, JESUS wouldn't like that!
Fuck that! Thanks to my bankruptcy of ideas I'm stealing yours! I have no talent of my own so I'm borrowing yours and making you look bad by association. And what can JESUS do to me?
Goddamn right. Don;t steal from people and don't fuck with JESUS' Kung Fu Grip.
HOLY SHIT! JESUS ripped my arms off and beat me stupid with them!

 

by Riotmoon
11-17-02
Another day in an average house in Fistfuck, NC
Hi son! How are things at school?
Fuck you dad. Shut the fuck up and pass me that box of "Ding Dongs." I need a suppository
Son, I really hate it when you talk to me like that. Remember what happened to you last time you did it?
Yeah. You made me face the garage wall and drove your old Buick up my rectum.
You don'
Fuck you dad. Shut the fuck up and pass me that box of "Ding Dongs." I need a suppository

 

by Riotmoon
11-17-02
Another day in an average house in Fistfuck, NC
Hi son! How are things at school?
Fuck you dad. Shut the fuck up and pass me that box of "Ding Dongs." I need a suppository
Son, I really hate it when you talk to me like that. Remember what happened to you last time you did it?
Yeah. You made me face the garage wall and drove your old Buick up my rectum.
You don't want me to do that again, do you?
Nahh. But I think they keys are coming out now.

 

by Riotmoon
11-17-02
Oh Jesus, I pray to you to help me conquer my alcholoism, my chronic mastrubation problem and my Scottish affectations.
Actually, let me be honest here. I'm not Jesus. I'm actually Jesus' beer swilling brother Jed.
Oh? Then why. . .
. . .do I look like him? He got mad and changed me into him for calling him a "TV Magic Queer." Then he ran off to Hawaii while they crucifed me. I see him again I'm busting his head to the white meat
Damn. That's fucked up. So uhm. . .anything you can do to help me?
I'm nailed to a cross. I can't even change the channel on my fucking TV.

 

by Riotmoon
11-17-02
On healf of the author, I apologize for fucking up "Domestic Dramamine."
I fucked up and hit "Enter" before I should. Now with more news on what a moron Riotmoon is, we got to the man in the street:
Yeah, I was there when he fucked it up. I'm damn glad that he didn't fuck up one of mine. It's about time I get another strip where I'm trying to have sex with something. . .maybe this panel border?
. . .my ass is haunted by fruity bats.
I'm chessy.
JESUS will fuck him up with his dope-ass shit.

 

by Riotmoon
11-17-02
Suddenly, before the parody can get started.
Ok. . .we have three poses and we have do an action moive? How in JESUS! name are we gonna do it?
Ed, I have something very important to tell you.
What is it?
That roach from the "Metamorphosis" gag? He laid eggs in me and now they're in my butt. MY BUTTT!
I'll . . .feel bad for you!
For who?

 

by Riotmoon
11-17-02
All right. . .what's all this shit?
HOLY SHIT! IT'S LOMAX!
NYPD!
. . .Damn right.
So anyways. . .I've caught you being silly-assed in a strip that had no point, so statute 8675309 I have to take you behind the green door.
. . .do I get a phone call?

 

by Riotmoon
11-22-02
It's the old west. A time when men ate carrot sticks and bathed very infrequently. Occasionally, this late of bathing led to insanity. . .just like now.
God what a wonderful life for a cowboy! Roping horses, eating good chow, sodomizing lawn gnomes, and exposing myself to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
You said it Roy. Ever since the boys laced your coffee with mescaline it's beena real plasure being your horse!
You said it, Drill Nuts. It's just a damn shame that ever since then my life has been this nightmarish tableau of insane, irrational behavior,
Ayyup.
. . .soooo. . ..feel like getting the old double-donger out?
Sure do Roy! ASS TO ASS! ASS TO ASS! ASS TO ASS!

 

by Riotmoon
11-22-02
Meanwhile, in a corner of a dumpster behind your 7-11
So, how was your weekend?
Terrible! I told my boyfriend he had a thumb dick after he complained about going down on me.
That's fucked up. What'd he say to that?
He hacked up a hairball at me and told me to do something useful with my massive bush, like sculpt it into a topiary animal.
I've seen that thing, hon. It looks like you're holding a midget with an afro between your legs.
You're all against me. Dumb booger heads.

 

by Riotmoon
11-22-02
HELOOO!!! My name is Chuckles, the gay GI JOE!
YO JOOOOOE!
I'd fight for freedom, and look for fun, but I have no gun, I have no gun!
HE HAS NO GUN! HE HAS NO GUN!
Could someone, someone out there. . .lend me their gun? Give Chuckles some fun. . .could someone pease find it in their heart to give. . .some NEW GUNS. . .FORRRR CHUCKLES!
DA-DA-DA-DA-DA, Baby!

 

by Riotmoon
11-22-02
Hi kids! It's "butchkife," one of many cut-and-paste .GIFS availale on stripcreator. Have you ever realised the awesome debt we owe to this thing? DISCOVER THE MAGIC! In one panel I'm carryiing a shiv
. . .in the next, I'm reading steamy donkey porn!
Next, I'm toting an axe for some midnight tree pruning!
. . .the next, my wife is tossing me out on my maniacal killer ass for reading donkey porn.
In this panel, I'm wondeirng what to do next. Then I decide there's only one thing TO do!
SPANK! SPANK! SPANK THE PINK DONKEY!

 

by Riotmoon
11-22-02
And now True Beleivers, because no one demanded it. . .
Hello there, all my basal ganglia. Tonight we look at the mystery of TIME BISCUT MAN. Who is he? What is he? How do those biscuts taste?
Well it all started one day when I was passed out from too much booze. I slept and had a bizarre dream. . .
"I dreamt I was in a log cabin and otuside there was a midget (or due to stripcreator limitations, an ELF) and a loud booming voice. . . ."
IT'S THE TIME BISCUT MAN! IT'S THE TIME BISCUT MAN!
TIIIIIIIIME BISCUT MAN!
. . .and that's how I came up with it. I bet your stories of inspiration don;t invole log cabins, noisy midget/elves or bizarre superheores
So, fuck right off.

 

by Riotmoon
11-22-02
Hey L'il Bitch . . .I mean l'il Butch! What's shaking?
Those motherfuckers at school said Daredevil was a faggot and then they turned me grayscale.
Oh, I'm so sorry Butch. . .did they hurt your feelings?
I hurt THEM! Tore them in half and then gouged holes in them with my pencils and violated their orifices.
Anyone complain?
Just that faggot Daredevil

 

by Riotmoon
11-22-02
NOTE: All dialogue in this strip has been translated into German and translated back. Thus it makes much less sense than usual.
O.k., dumbassed it green penis penis mouthed God of the Netherworld.. whats, which continues here.
Immerse me in the Plaetzchengeschlagenen egg paste and flog you me dad, it are LOMAX! NYPD!
Verfluchtes right. Now why defcating it on my Squadauto, son?
No reason. To do straight something.
They do not need to do. There are as much more, which could do you with the life, how sodomizing missus or singing! Try some, son.
Sir. BILLY DTE! BILLY DTE IS OUR BENEFACTOR! EXPLAIN TO US THEIR DONKEY AS TO STEPPING! BILLY DTE!

 

by Riotmoon
11-22-02
And now a brief pause while we hop on a bandwagon. . .
In honor of the urgoening "Spank The Pink Donkey" movement and to rip off a trend just like one hand of you, we present our answer. . ."TO ASPIRE TO BEAT! TO ASPIRE TO BEAT! THAT ROSAFARB OF THE ASS"
To the people who " the hip are done at first glance the I appropriate bit of culture. "
The TOBOR hits the pink color donkey,! It is like this SHOUD you!
If you now are called, the phasedonkey lash require activity,
I the Rosafarbenen am slow, rod hitting is liked! That forms my nut of the good taste!
Sorry everyone, I was out taking a piss. . .uhm. . .I'm actually really sorry about this. . .

 

by Riotmoon
11-22-02
I'm waiting for Godot!
I'm waiting for JESUS!
Godot is a good man. He is the number before infinity.
Oh yeah? He ain;t shit next to JESUS! JESUS makes me speak in tongues. . .check this out. . .I
Damn, compared to that Godot really sucks.
If elegy to only fall at which the thunder arrives,! it only plays and time, is the elbow, likes to him amply! And BUMSEN Godot!

 

by Riotmoon
11-22-02
Mr. Pirate is, this your penis?
Arrr, me matey! Shiver me timbers if it ain't my little donger! Where you find it?
Oh, you threw it against the window of the Foodlion to see if it would crawl down the window.
ARR! Aye, now I remember it. I was damn disappointed that it wouldn't talk to me.
. . .sir, you understand the difference between "penis" and "Parrot," right?

 

by Riotmoon
3-08-03
We were somewhere around the edge of the desert when JESUS made the drugs take hold. . .
I see bats! JESUS is making me see bats!
JESUS wants you to get fucked up LSD! Get freaked out and swat bugs!
Oh shit. . .I think I'm actually tripping. . .whooa. . .whooaaaaa!
Put your hands where I can see them! PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!
So now that your brain's destroyed on LSD and it's the third panel, any thoughts?
Dogs fucked the Pope. No fault of MINE

 

by Riotmoon
3-08-03
For no reason except for an utter dearth of ideas (plus being fucked up on cold medicine) I present a strip made up entirely of taglines for cheezy B movies.
The Devil is My Lover!
The Rage of a maniac. . .THE RAPE OF A PEOPLE!
HAIL CAESAR! Godfather of Harlem!
The cat with the .45 caliber claws!
I couldn't live in a man's body
Did the surgeon's knife make me a woman. . .or a FREAK?

 

by Riotmoon
3-08-03
You know what I really loved? That night we went to see "Two Towers" and you grabbed my balls and squaled like a pig. That was a tender moment.
There was popcorn in your zipper. I was hungry.
You know, somtimes I wonder where we're going as a couple you know. The world may not be ready to accept the love of a recovering metalhead for a foul-mouthed sex starved squirrel.
I think it's their fault, really. I blame the whole culture of fear along with the war mania that's been steadily rising. Ever since 9/11 people have gotten so inward and intolerant, man.
Jesus, what the FUCK kinda transition is that? Squirrel blowjobs in panel 1 and then social commenatry right after? What happened to "pacing?"
We only have three panels to make this shit funny and only a few icons to use. My original plan was to anally rape you with a steel dildo and write "MONKEY HATE CLEAN" on the wall in your blood.

 

by Riotmoon
3-08-03
Holy shit. . .According to the TV, Dark Ted is thretening the city with a giant muffin in orbit, poised to hurtle to the ground and make everything sticky and buttery. This is a job for. . .
SATAN! DADDY! SATAN! DADDY!
TIME BISCUT MAN!
I DIG JUICE!
Later after a battle, light supper and heavy petting. . .
My God. . .Dark Ted was so close to absolute victory. Only by shamelessly catering to his dark sexual urges could I avert disaster. It aslo helped that I ate the big muffin.
I saw Santa's pee pee.

 

by Riotmoon
3-08-03
You know Dad, for a long time I've felt like we're different from most families.
How so, son?
Well, there is the whole thing of me being a one-eyed alien and you being and owl in a suit. And my never knowing who my mom is.
*sighs* Well son, I never wanted to tell you this but I gave birth to you myself. Asexual Budding.
"Asexual Budding?" THAT'S the joke?
Yep.

 

by Riotmoon
3-08-03
So I says to her "Nope, I was too busy pissing in the shower!"
HAW!
I used to love taking a shower with her, but dammit, I just got tired of being in the back of the shower freezing my ass off.
I know what that's like, pardner
I'm not talking about "golden showers," you horsefucker.
.. . .well why NOT?

 

by Riotmoon
3-08-03
Seriously man, it's like after the 1960s any idealism in the American social consciousness. It's all cynicysm and manipulation.
I used to love that "Chevy Van" song, man.
I just wonder. . .when did love stop being the answer, man?
I wish I still had that 8-track. I also wish I could grab some ass but it's hard to cop a feel with hooves.
Did you ever think, 27 years later we'd be a dinosaur with a smoking habit and a sullen cow with a fascination for middle of the road 70s pop and cheap sex?
God hates us, man. HAS to be it.

 

by Riotmoon
3-08-03
Continuing our totally unsuccessful series of "man on the street" interviews
You know, people are crying out for new forms of tittaltion and I think I finally found out what they want. . .ANAL ANT PORN!
I jerked off until my arm fell off. . .then i JERKED IT SOME MORE.
I want to get a perm and sculpt it in a silhouette of Tom Jones
I myself want to fire rubber darts out of my ass. People tend to be intimidated by green elves shooting out rectal darts of evil.
Mom packs my lunch with a Thermos full of chese, a spnge and about 2 kilos of pure Brazilian cocaine. Naptime's a bitch but the cheese is good.
. . .my life's just not complete unless I have the biggest longest tongue in a lizard orgy. It's just missing something otherwise.

 

by Riotmoon
3-08-03
Ever since the creation of the telephone, there have been people using it for obscene ends.
You know, this "Tourette's Phone Sex Line" is the BEST!
Hey you big stud, you FUCKING BASTARD you get me so hot and so FUCKING NAUSEOUS OH BAYBEE. . .FUCKSHIT!
And this "Demonic Posession" phone sex line is pretty cool too. But sometimes I wish i could make me a real girl to love and caress.
The god of HELLFIRE . . .COMMAMDS YOU. . .to remove. . .YOUR SSSSSOCKS! ARRRRRRHGHHHH!
Ever since the creation of the telephone, there have been people using it for obscene ends.
Damn. Snookered again.
The God of HELL fire commans you to. . .FUCKSHIT OH BAYBEEEEEEE!

 

by Riotmoon
3-08-03
Crowd pleasing degeneracy or making light of an important issue. You, the people, will decide.
Terrorism is not a successful way to solve disputes. If history's shown us anything it's that passive resistance creates lasting positive change to oppresive regimes. Anything else is just trasitory!
RHARGH! OSAMA SMASH PUNY INFIDELS!
Osama, God doesn't like that sort of talk, and neither do I. Keep acting like some goofy ass Marvel Comics caricature and you will be punished by the All Seeing Eye Of Aggamoto
RHARGH! OSAMA HIT EYEBALL MAN IN EYE!
I warned you Osama. Now your life is doomed to be a nightmarish tableu of constant clergy molestation
RHARGH! OSAMA IS VICTIM OF SUPREME BEING WITH CLEVER SENSE OR IRONY!

 

by Riotmoon
6-20-03
Pat 1: Captain Gruntass, 30 days out of Tijuana, sails the Seven Seas on his ship of the valkyries, actually his floating whorehouse and sole source of income.
ARR! Patty McBreasts, me first matey! How fares the crew?
Badly, Captain. The lower decks rumble with talk of mutiny and lack of depilatory cream, also, the officers are grumbling about their inability to manage a stable relationship in a world gone mad.
ARR! Sure'n these lassies haven't fergot that we're PIRATES! PIrates have no TIME for Cartesian Dualism!
Actually sir, we're not pirates, we're poorly paid prostitutes.
Arrr. . .that would explain the lack of cutlasses, cannons and the proliferation of black G-strings and vibrators, wouldn't it?
. . .well, yeah.

 

by Riotmoon
6-20-03
Shave my nuts and call me Time Eunuch Man, it's LOMAX! NYPD! What's the trouble, officer?
I'm afraid I have to take you in, Time Biscut Man for "Gross crimes against nature" and a surcharge of "Making several appearances in pointless stripcreator comics."
Damn . . .the MAN has finally caught on to me! Only ONE way out now.
I just don't GET you, Time Biscut Man. You could be doing so MUCH with your powers but you just fuck up the timestream, make apes take over the planet and fuck sheep when no one's looking?
One Time Biscut Twister later. . .
. . .why hel-LO, hot teats!
BAA! I am LOMAX! American Dairy Association!

 

by Riotmoon
6-20-03
In the interests of helping the children make the right decision, we at stripcreator bring you. . .the TRUTH about the horrible price of alcholism. Right on.
Hi. My names Josh, and I'm here to talk to you about the simple joys of alcoholism. You may know me from my many appearances at kid's playgrounds and the police lineups.
Hi, I'm Fumiko! I'm the little asian girl that this fucking pederast is haunted by, as years of constant alcohol abuse have take a toll on his mind, his liver and his kidneys.
My days consist of drinking, thinking about drinking and making people laugh with my inability to walk in a straight line and lack of shame about where I pee.
Two Disneyland mascots AND a baptismal font this morning!
I can' drive anymore since they took my car, which cost me my job so I spend most of my days bringing joy to people with my drunken antics and terror to kids by standing at the playard, drooling
. . .and to think. He USED to be in chartered accountancy.

 

by Riotmoon
6-20-03
In an effort to bring culture to the masses and at the same time tittlate your libido, we present the following dignified pornography about two robots
I say, dear girl. Tobor would love very much to very dignifiedly bolt his nuts to your rectal socket.
Oh but Tobor! The scandal visted upon our families by finding you illegintaely plugging your groinal hose in my rectal socket would destroy our families AND decent society.
Oh god, you're right. You don't understand my dear. Being a man with urges to cornhole in this restrictive age is so. . .hard
Oh, I know, my dear Tobor, but in this age, family and power are everything and so we must disguise our baser urges in the only way we know how.
You mean. . .rape the butler with the doorknob while you read from the latest issue of Popular Mechanics?
Of course! You get your petticoats on, I'll get the Vaseline!

 

by Riotmoon
6-21-03
I feel like I should apologise in advance for using such a crappy movie as the source for this one. . . I'm NOT, but I feel like I SHOULD
We're going PROWLIN! For JESUS!
There's a female butcher at the luncheon meat display! Got teh best tongue for JESUS!
I want a COOL RIDER!
JESUS is your Cool Rider! He rode a Holy DONKEY! And the DONKEY was cool!
Ladies and Gentlemen, our special guest. . .JESUS!
Oh JESUS! Just when I found you I lost you!
Remember, I love you. . .I won't be far away . . .Baby close your eyes, and think of yesterday. . .

 

by Riotmoon
7-17-03
On the coast of Fistfuck, NC (which has a coast because say so) the good ship Syphilitic Lady under the command of Captain Gruntass has come on a mission of love.
ARRR! First Matey McBreasts, how goes this here pleasurin' cruise?
About as you'd expect on a ship full of itchy prostitutes and sexual deviants sir. Oddly mellow with an musty undercurrent of danger. I don't hold out much hope for our success . . .
We WILL be succeedin in our mission of love! I feel it in me nut!
. . .I think that's the crabs, sir.
But NO! Even now on the forward decks, a love connection that could only happen on a crazy summer night on a floating whorehouse is taking place . . .
. . .so that's the secret? Cornholing and gingerbread men?
RRARRR! No! Gingerbread men, THEN cornholing!

 

by Riotmoon
7-17-03
Tobor and Time Biscut Man continue their awkward courtship
You know Tobor, I've been a cofnirmed sheepfucker all my life, but your cornholing ways excite and arouse me
Tobor has never fucked a sheep. Tobor has settled for hurtful one-night stands with cowboys.
Tobor, I . . .
Be gentle, Time Biscut Man. Tobor chafes easily.
Later that night . . .
Baaaaaa . . .
RARR! Time Biscut Man, you toy with Tobor's affections!

 

by Riotmoon
7-17-03
After the fallout from Tobor & Time Biscut Man's disatrous one night stand . . .
ARRR! Ms. McBreasts, it seems a love connection was not in the card after all, ye were right.
I'm sorry sir. I didn't see how it could fail either. You'd think a sheepfucking superhero with the ability to bend time & a buttfucking robot would be a natural match.
Where did we go wrong, matey? Was it the lighter entertainment? The itchy hookers? The crab salad finger sandwiches
I think it was the petting zoo we had aboard, sir. For a confirmed zoophile like Time Biscut Man it was like a drink in the hands of an alcoholicnkard.
Arrr! Ye may have a point at that, Ms. McBreasts. Ye know, I never intended to be pimpin me whole life. I had dreams of bein a circus clown fer the kiddies.
Clearly this world is not the place for an STD-ridden dreamer like yourself, Captain Gruntass

 

by Riotmoon
7-18-03
I apologize for this one it's stupid puerile and obvious. You know--just like all my OTHER strips.
. . .so basically that's my pitch. I get you drunk, then invade all your orifices while singing the theme song to "Rescue Rangers"
Well it's an intriguing off but . . .well, does it hurt?
Sorta. Kinda like being inavded by a big fluffy dildo that squirms.
Fuzzy squirmy dildo? Say! That IS tempting! Aren't you going to I dunno, take me out to dinner first?
Dinner? I'm a fucking Squirrel! What kinda income do you think I pull in *Sighs* Sure lady, you can snack on my nuts.
Well, OK then. I love nuts, you know. Are they salty?

 

by Riotmoon
7-18-03
I think I will rape this girl and cut off her hands and her tongue! For JESUS!
There's no way Titus will ever be able to blame us for it! JESUS will protect us!
CURSE YOU! I will grind you up and make your entrails into a pie! JESUS tells me to!
I die for my sins of rape and multiation, but still, JESUS is my Cool Rider!
MMM-MMM! I love pie made of the minced of bones and viscera of rapists! JESUS loves pie!
He sure does, my son. Especially poontang pie.

 

by Riotmoon
9-09-03
The sea. My big blue, wobbly, misteress what lets me trawl a boat in her voluptous navel. 'Tis said the sea has no memory, and I wish I didn't either.
F'risntance I wish I had no memory of my parents life as sex clowns and my brother, Captain Junkass, who's a superhero. Oh to be, one with the sea, as one as a man running a floating brothel can be.
Sure do sir! You're fucking insane!
Do you understand me meaning, Ms. McBreasts?

 

by Riotmoon
9-09-03
KAAAAANEEEEEDAAAAA!!!!!
TEEEEEETTSUOOOO!
JEEEEEEEEESSSSSUS!
Damn, there goes MY spot in heaven. The sad thing is this is just rehersal
C'mon, kid, I'm a busy man. What the fuck did you call me here for?

 

by Riotmoon
9-09-03
Mommy, where did I come from?
Well, dear, mommy used to drink a lot to blunt the pain of her colorless bland existence. One of those times I left my legs open a little to long, and after 9 months of walking bowlegged, you fell out
You mean I was the product of a drunken one night stand?
Yeah, one of my girlfriends stabbed me in the twat with a trukey baster full of trucker's sperm, I was "bi" that week, y'know. Anyways it blew half my hair clean off.
So I'm basically a product of your retarded irresponsible trendy loose sexuality? Jesus Christ mom, you really know how to make a child feel wanted.
Hey. . .I fished that turkey baster out, didn't I?

 

by Riotmoon
9-09-03
In the spirit of broadening my hirzons I present the follow gritty verite comic about one mans life designed to make you realise how stupid comics about real life are.
Designation: SAMMY WIZZLETEATS, SON, you are to go to school and make father proud, please try not to shit yourself today. BREEP!
*sighs* Yes dad.
Samy's life as uneventful, as one would expect the life of a cross-eyed nitwit to be. First, he became the only altar boy never to be molested by a Catholic priest.
C'mon! Nothing? Not even as ass-tickle?
PULL THE STRING! PULLL THE STRING!
Sammy, buffeted along by the cruel hand of fate to the end of his days eventually married a pink donkey he hallucinated after sniffing glue. They expect their second child in April.
I can feel his sucking getting stronger and stronger!
Will you STOP giving that roll of baloney all our MILK?!? You bought him at Hickory Farms for fuck's sake!

 

by Riotmoon
9-09-03
I'd have never made it through my high school years without your guidance, Fergie Hamnuts. I never knew an alcholic retard could have such wisdom and lessons about life.
. . .I have a monkey in my head. Sometimes it explodes.
I mean, take that time my prom date tried to force himself on me. I took your advice, yelled "FUUUUCKMONKEY!" and peed all over him. And it WORKED.
. . .When I take a shit I flush real quick. Otherwise the Turd Burgulars will steal it.
And when you said to eat a lot chili peppers the night before and wipe my ass with my SAT form? If I hadn't done that, hell, I might not be in this insane asylum with you.
. . .I likes to wear a veil around my butthole like the Muz-Lems do.

 

by Riotmoon
9-09-03
Many thanks to my man FEDX for giving me the idea for this little gem. And here I thought I'd already attacked every trendy idiot.
Hi! I'm Jenny-fer and this here is Sue Dokee. We is sum Wiccans!
I LOVES ISIS!
Now, there are sum prejudices about about how most people involved in Wicca are just bored white suburban kidz lookin' for some way to be "different!"
An' that ain't true a'tall! I is a hole new person because of my love for ISIS!
And in our case, they happen to be true. After all, lesbian chic was already taken by the time we figued out how personally bankrupt we were.
We shore were! ISIS! ISIS! I's got sum awferrins for you, ISIS! Is that YEW?

 

by Riotmoon
9-09-03
21 days into her emplyment at the local Johnny Copies Your Ass, Beth begins to suspect her co-workers are dangerous and evil lunatics working minimum wage in a plot to drive her insane.
OK now. . .you want 500 copies of WHAT?
GIANT MONKEY TITTY! GIANT MONKEY TITTY!
Look. . .I need some bigger paper than this. Isn't cutting paper your ONLY job here?
Cutting paper is my job. Murder is my passion. Exposing myself to lawn gnomes? That's my PASSION!
Look, I'm the only one that does any work around here, I need a raise. The rest of the nutcases here spend all day smashing lightbulbs out by the dumpster and jerking off.
Okay. . .sit on my fave and I'll THINK about it.

 

by Riotmoon
12-05-06
Have you ever wanted to know the origin of the not-popular-at-all-really pirate and king of all sea hookers Captain Gruntass? No? Then this comic probably isn't for you.
ARR! I'm on the bandwagon!
. . .and I'm on the game!
It all started innocently enough when Jocephus Gruntass caught an ad singing the praises of the Filet-O-Fish and had what most imbeciles call a "Religious Awakening"
It's a good time. . .for the great taste . . .
Oh my GOD! It's a FISH I can eat like a BURGER! I think . . .I think I'm gonna COME!
This of course immediately set him on course to become a pirate and run a floating whorehouse, which is really amazing when you think about it. Most folks who eat Filet-O-Fish just get the runs
ARR! Ye be shaking it like a Polaroid picture, me hearty!
. . .yes, daddy!

 

by Riotmoon
12-05-06
High concept + Low comedy= wasting your time and mine
Mmmm. . . .
Uuuuuggghhhhh . . .
GRAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH . . .
WAAAAUUUGHHHHH. . .
NNYEEEERRRRRGH!
. . .dude, no.

 

by Riotmoon
12-05-06
Oh man, I never get tired of this bit. Everyone else does, but not me.
Y'know what I hate? I hate it when people look at me funny at the IHOP when I eat the free newspaper and expose myself to the pancakes
I fucking hate that shit, man. Makes the sun shine less bright.
Y'know what I hate? I hate it when I go to my local NAMBLA and see that sign with the clown that says "You must be this short to be molested."
Man, I hate that too--waitasec, I mean you're UNDER ARREST you fucking PEDERAST!
You know what I hate? I fucking hate when people recycle bits that were well exhausted 3 years ago and try to make it seem like some bullshit triumphant return.
I totally hate that shit too, man. But let's not bite the hand that feeds.

 

by Riotmoon
12-05-06
On other sites, they probably call this kinda shit "emo . . ."
Y'know man, I miss the days when the world made sese. When we weren't embroiled in a bloody wasteful war and Britney Spears' coochie was the subject of fevered jackoffery, instead of news
bAcK iN mY dAy YoU hArDlY eVeR gOt WoOd WaTcHiNg On ThE tV
I don't know man, it's like. . .people's hearts is all fucked up, people is stoopid in they minds . . .
ThErE's ReAlLy OnLy TwO tHiNgS yOu CaN dO mAn . . .die, or drizzle cake frosting on your testicles.
You scare me when you kinda almost make sense like that, Grandad.
I savor my moments of clarity and god dammit, you should too, Mother Dearest.

 

by Riotmoon
12-05-06
Sometimes, the only way to get over is to see what successful people have done and copy them unmercifully. I wouldn't have beleived it either if I hadn't made it up right now.
I wanna be a famous architect one day. How can I make my mark on the world of architecture?
When you hear the phrase "erect nipples," build a house in the shape of a giant titty. FOR GOD.
I wanna be a doctor. How can I leave my mark on the world of medicine?
Touch me in the morning. Then . . .JUST WALK AWAY, MOTHER.
I want to teach the world how to laugh again. How can I make my mark on the world of laughter?
Tell funnier jokes. And don't threaten to hang people and put a fork in their ass. But mostly the "funnier jokes" thing.

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