All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
2-14-14
It's from your girlfriend.
Read it.
I am writing to inform you that we are breaking up. I can no longer be with someone who sings "Under the Sea" every time they fart.
But that's where I spend my every waking second. Why can I not get such simple pleasure from the irony of the situation?
Also you have no idea what the definition of "Irony" is. Go sell your guppie children and buy a dictionary.
Huey, Dewey, and Isaac Asimov tell her to go fuck herself.

 

by brycekain
2-14-14
That Random Comic Layout Guy ripped off my entire Planet WTF theme!
Actually, you ripped him off first. You tried to use the random comic layout button but couldn't think of anything funny. So you started rambling. You still use the RCL button for Planet WTF?
Fuck you.
AAAAHHH!!!!
Got anything else you'd like to say?
You're a cunt.

 

by brycekain
2-14-14
These... things.... these beautiful... things.... what are they called...?
People. The beautiful people.
Ah yes. And what are their politics like exactly?
It's all relative to the size of their steeple.
I see. And if they climb to the top of this towering tree, can they see the entire forrest?
The fuck am I? A psychic?

 

by brycekain
2-14-14
Did you invent Valentine's Day?
No, my son. I am Jesus Christ, your savior and forgiver of all your sins.
Close enough.

 

by brycekain
2-14-14
Tonight I must confess that I am unable to engage in the carnal acts that are desired of me.
For you see, the thoughts trickle through my mind like delicate drops from a glistening rain, but a wind blows the watery imaginings far, far away. So now my desires can not be fulfilled.
It saddens me. Leaves me in a meloncholie swelling with only the deepest regret. I am unable, and yet, I am still and peaceful with my relationship with God.
So you gunna suck this thing or what?

 

by brycekain
2-15-14
Say, I hear you were planning to take over the world today?
No, just Epcot.
You mean Disneyworld?
No no, it's a new support group I'm in for Epicurean cotton balls.
Oh I see. Can I join? I have an Epilady fetish, too.
DO YOU WANT THEM ALL TO DIE?!?

 

by brycekain
2-15-14
It has come to my attention that the Planet WTF comics have become a minor success. As ruler of your planet, I must insist that this malarkey stop instantaneously!
WOOO!!! SHOW US YOUR TITS!

 

by brycekain
2-15-14
36... 37... 38... 39.... oh wait, 37... 38... 39... 40... 41... 42... I think... yeah, 42... 43...
What are you doing?
Counting all the assholes in the room.
Volbeat would be so proud.
I'm definitely not alone.

 

by brycekain
2-15-14
Where do we go from here?
Which is the way that's clear?
I'm still looking for that blue-jeaned baby queen. Prettiest girl I've ever seen...
Where did you see her last?
At your mom's house last night while I was fucking her. Somehow her conjoined twin gnawed her way off of her and ran to the hills screaming. She had the voice of a goddess.

 

by brycekain
2-15-14
I am in awe of your majesty.
The endless toil to build up your greatness must have been such a bountiful labor of love.
I just farted.

 

by brycekain
2-16-14
Realizing that it had offended the world's Asian population, the American government has changed the nomenclature for the Asians yet again.
Oh boy, this better be good!
I will translate.
Domo.
Domo can be used on various occasions, such as when someone gives you a present, you can say "Domo." Your new translation: "You've got to be kidding me."
My name is Haricutchu Wong.
Translation: Tonight I will clone myself so that two Wongs can make it with a white. Namely your wife, with whom I will be banging on your CEO table after I take over your corporation. BANZAI !!!!!!!!

 

by brycekain
2-18-14
What are you doing out here, little squirrel?? It's not safe out here for you! Shoo! Shoo!
Excuse me, but I am the Anti-Jihadi-Squirrel. I charge at suicide bombers and give my life to McDonalds!
Ah. Carry on then.
LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! LALA! ACK!
Great. Now I want a McRib.

 

by brycekain
2-19-14
I sense much anger in you.
My parents don't get me. I'm alone in the world. No one feels pain like I do. My little brother always makes me mad. Why do I feel this way?
It's called puberty, son.
But I'm 47.
Oh. Well then... like a teenager, you should either stop acting like a little bitch or shut the fuck up and kill yourself. Either way I'm going to go fart on a whisker biscuit.

 

by brycekain
2-20-14
I have come to make peace with your tribe.
But why, Sir Poinky Zork? Our tribe has no quarrel with your's.
Many preatons ago, the one you call Judas brought great sorrow to my village by unleashing the Cloud of Lesserack upon my people as they were readying themselves for the feast of the ancients.
He farted on your burritos, didn't he?
Yeah. He seems to be kind of a dick.
You have no idea.

 

by brycekain
2-20-14
Remember back when Planet WTF started and we said things that made no sense, but it sounded very metaphysical and philisophical?
DJKDS LKJFSD LKJFSDL JFLSDKJF SLDKJFSDL KJFLSKDJFL KSDJFLKSD JFLKSDJF LKSJDFK LJSDFK LJSDF!!!
.dekcehc leps retteb saw txet ruo noitnem ot toN
01000101 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100111 01110010 01100001 01101110 01101110 01111001 00100000 01110110 01100001 01100111 01101001 01101110 01100001 00111111
You don't have to be so vulgar.
venereal rop HInob anus.

 

by brycekain
2-21-14
I am Anti-Jihadi-Squirrel! I am here to stop your evil empire from selling devil treats to the masses!
Evil empire? But I only make cupcakes.
What is your secret ingrediant?
Falafel.

 

by brycekain
2-22-14
As your leader, I am required to inform you of the following: I fucking hate you all. I hope every one of your first borns give you herpes after you miscarry in a Walmart parking lot. I hope you die.
mmmmm.....
God I'm horny!
Disbar me like the little bitch that I am!

 

by brycekain
2-23-14
Today is our humble creator's birthday! We celebrate by bringing him Asian fast food from the mystical land of Utah.
You forgot the Duck Sauce, fuckhead. NEXT!!!

 

by brycekain
2-24-14
Is this hell?
What the...?
You get a free pass. Go on in.

 

by brycekain
2-24-14
Oy! What you doin' out 'ere, gov'nuh?
My wife left me, my dog ran away, and my kids won't return my calls anymore. Maybe I'm a bad person and need to change my ways. Become someone better. A good citizen.
Before you do that, why don't ya try taking an axe into that there station and play some mailbox baseball with people's noggins?
Well... ok, I'll give it a try....
'ow did it go?
Well my lawyer says I'm going away for a long time. You guys don't have a death penalty, so they'll be making me listen to Justin Beiber albums 24/7 until the day I die. In summery: you're a dick.

 

by brycekain
2-24-14
You should stop giving people bad advice. It really hurts their feelings.
Oy! You should give people bad advice and 'njoy the mayhem that ensues!
Look, if I were you I'd go take some sensitivity classes so you can better help people work through their problems.
You're too skinny. Eat some more burgers and chips so you can date Shamoo!
Stop fucking your cousin. Only the royal family does that.
BOLLOCKS!

 

by brycekain
2-24-14
Well, father, I have good news and I have bad news.
What's the good news?
God is dead and no one cares.
We don't believe in god. Only the Kain. So what's the bad news?
All my good Nine Inch Nails albums have been stolen so we can only play Hesitation Marks in the lobby from now on.
You're going to burn in hell, my son.

 

by brycekain
2-24-14
We will bring down this evil corporation. We will burn it into ashes and we will cover their graves with decaying roses.
What does this evil corporation do?
They are trying to bring back the 70s.
My god...
They will be forced into an eternity of butt massages. Oh yes. My buttocks will be as supple as a bowl of poo.

 

by brycekain
2-25-14
I have a work order here to blow up this evil corporation.
What's this all about?
I don't know, man. I just get the paperwork and go do the job. Something about you guys trying to bring back the 70s or something.
Whoah, little dude, be cool. You want the building next door. Our company is trying to bring back bell bottoms with a modern Miley Cyrus flair.

 

by brycekain
2-25-14
Mr. Kain, I think it would be a good idea if you slowed down on the Planet WTF comics. You're going a little overboard.
What do you mean?
You get a few compliments and a request for a couple more PWTFs and now that's all you do. Something needs to change.
You're right. Let me fix that.
MORE PLANET WTF COMICS! DO THEM EVERYDAY UNTIL YOU'RE BLEEDING FROM YOUR ANUS!
That's better.

 

by brycekain
2-25-14
Sir, the people have spoken. It is imperative that you do more Planet WTF comics. They seem to be catching on more than anything else you've done.
But I don't know how much more WTF I have in me...
Can you click the Random Layout Button a couple of times until you find a comic set up that can be filled with either humorous quips or just completely inane dialog?
Uh... yeah, I guess so.
Then, sir, I must politely request on behalf of your followers that you sack up and stop being a little bitch.
I'd fire you if you didn't have such a perty mouth, Deuce.

 

by brycekain
2-25-14
Harold Ramis's Ghost, I have asked you here to direct a movie for me. It'll be a propaganda film showing our government in a positive light.
We'll be giving food to the hungry, planting flowers for the local orphanage, and hanging out with Carrot Top to help write jokes.
And this will be a propaganda film because you do none of those things?
No, we do all of them. I just fucking hate Carrot Top. He'll be shipped off to Earth after we're done filming.
They won't like him there either. You're better off shooting him in the vagina on film to please the masses here.

 

by brycekain
2-25-14
No no no no no....
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOO!!
Mr. Mouse, Operation Living Soilent Green Butt Bacon is a failure. The POWs weren't as cooperative as I'd hoped.
Fuck. Guess we'll have to stick to Politicians. They'll sell their asses for anything.

 

by brycekain
2-25-14
Howdy, folks. Been a while, ain't it. I'm sure you've been wondering where your former president has been.
Well as you know, I'm a big fan of vacations. And Planet WMD seemed like a great place to kick back and hone my WMD-finding skills!
Plus they've got some great fuckin' weed.
weeeeee!!!

 

by brycekain
2-26-14
We will conquer earth. And next... URANUS!
Wait a minute. That's not here on my list. And why the hell am I talking to a chair?
You're a talking squirrel who blows himself up to kill evil doers. And you're wondering how a chair can talk?
I will poon the universe with Nefertiti's undergarments! I will slap fish with Al Gore! I will be AWESOMESAUCE!
Yes I am...
Bryce must be tired.
....the fuck did I just say?

 

by brycekain
2-27-14
Grandma? Tell me about the olden times before you slagged grandpa and brought on the apocalypse.
Oh it was a wonderful time...
We would picket the DNC every time they were in town and make love afterward. I didn't even mind the crabs he gave me.
Oh my god! So grandpa was...?
A Republican I'm afraid.

 

by brycekain
2-27-14
Thank you, Kain, for doing this interview with me. My first question is how Planet WTF comics came to be?
I was running out of ideas for comics. So I hit the Random Comic Layout button and made the characters say whatever random stuff came to me, even if it was completely weird.
And the toboggan blocked your understanding of auction sites across the Apalachan Mountains? Like motorboated your breasts and thighs with glorious vigor?
Exactly.
Wait, WTF did I just say?
And a legend was born.

 

by brycekain
2-27-14
Did you know that on Planet WTF it's a compliment when a stranger fondles your breasts?
It is? Well, ok then.
Was that good?
Perfect. You're hired. Next stop: Bill Clinton. I hear he has a thing for interns with big jugs.

 

by brycekain
3-01-14
Hey, is this the StripCreator laboratory? I was trying to make a comic last night and the Save Comic function kept locking up on me.
Yes it is. But instead of going in and giving them a piece of your mind, you should go home and write a scathing strip like this one instead. That'll show 'em!
Next day.
SORRY. YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN DELETED. HAVE A NICE DAY.
I fucking hate you, Bizarro Tandynuts.

 

by brycekain
3-01-14
Man, this is great. I think I'm going to go over to that old guy and push him over.
I wouldn't do that if I were you. I am Karma Dinosaur and if you do anything naughty, I will do very bad things to you and fill your socks with poo.
Dude, seriously? Cause I'm totally tripping balls right now.

 

by brycekain
3-01-14
Man, this is great. I think I'm going to go over to that old guy and push him over.
I wouldn't do that if I were you. I am Karma Dinosaur and if you do anything naughty, I will do very bad things to you and fill your socks with poo.
Karma, Karma, Karma Chameleoooon...
And now your socks have poo.

 

by brycekain
3-01-14
I just arrived at your planet to research your local customs. Is this one of your churches?
We don't believe in Churches, per se. We believe in our Creator, the Kain.
He says all religion is false. Never hurt anyone, never worship a god, and never go to any church.
So what are you doing here?
Just hanging out.

 

by brycekain
3-01-14
Follow up question: What do you say to those on Planet WTF that consider you their god?
I'm an atheist.
Why does that always blow people's minds?

 

by brycekain
3-01-14
What am I doing here?
Hitler, you have been judged and sentenced to a life of eternal suffering for shagging your grandmother on her second wedding day.
Wait, I'm not Hitler!
You're not? But all those cartoons on Stripcreator said you were...
Hitler fucked his grandmother??
You don't want to know where either. Lets just say it gave her gas.

 

by brycekain
3-01-14
One minute I was performing a perfect surgery, then the next minute a weird police man walked into my room and told me what to do. And... and... and I did them!
hmmm... sounds like Bizarro Tandinuts has struck again.
He... he made... made me.... do things.... with the body.....
You mean...?
HE DROVE ME TO VEGAS AND TOLD ME TO MARRY THE DEAD MIDGET's TAMPON!!!

 

by brycekain
3-02-14
Status report!
Working to hack into the planet's eco system is harder than I thought. Why don't we just hire the AJS Company to destroy it for us?
Work smarter, not harder!
If I did that, I'd have your job.
Actually, no. They hire over aggressive assholes to whip the masses who are much smarter than us. We just act like you're idiots.
Right. Project Eco Blast has been scrapped and I've now tapped into your wife's webcam. I'm not going to say that your wife is fucking your boss right now, but if you promote me I'll blow up his car.

 

by brycekain
3-02-14
I'm still not speaking to you.
Why?
You know why.
Look. I saw an episode of South Park and started calling you Chicken Fucker. I didn't think you'd take it literally.
It's a TURKEY, YOU INSENSITIVE BASTARD!

 

by brycekain
3-02-14
Somone tried to hack the eco system and everything is fucked.
I'm trying to stab all the sex dolls and douche bags that fell from the sky. Who would do this?
I'm guessing Evil Corp is behind this. They won't rest until all of the land is dark. And the moon is the only light we'll see.
They built their entire Mission Statement on a song by Ben E. King?
Worse. They saw the movie while on acid. Wil Wheaton is like a god to them.
That's just sick.

 

by brycekain
3-02-14
The Creator has blessed us with over 300 comics! To celebrate, you all will be receiving free hooker coupons that are good with every purchase of Durex condoms.
I said SHOW US YOUR FUCKING TITS, ASSHOLE!

 

by brycekain
3-03-14
Dear God that woman is hot. Please let me get her phone number.
Not going to happen.
Why not?
That's The Kain's wife, Jessica. She eats guys like you for a living.
I'd let her eat my...
No, literally. She's a professional cannibal.

 

by brycekain
3-07-14
The Kain has been trying to think of a way to announce his return to The Strip. That's where you geniuses come in. How should we celebrate The Creator's glorious return?
Gay drag race!
Old lady dildo fight!
Fart club! Oh shit...
Show us your fucking tits or I'm going to burn this whole place to the god damn ground and then shit on your liver during breakfast!

 

by brycekain
3-07-14
All moved in to your new fortified, maximum security Lair of Awesomesauce?
Not yet. Still have to install the trap doors, dungeon, the moat...
...torture chamber next to the dungeon, interrogation room, backyard maze, front yard trip wires, and the Pit of Unholy Despair.
Your wife?
Yeah, she's kinky.

 

by brycekain
3-08-14
I'm looking for a Mr. T. Chicken...?
The fuck do you want?
The last time you crossed the road, you caused several fatal injuries to some local drivers. I am here to bring you your karmatic judgement.
Great. Now take it and shove it in your shit cutter.
I'm going to be visiting you often, aren't I?
I keep moving, but you bastards keep obsessing about why.

 

by brycekain
3-08-14
Hello. You may be wondering who, or what, I am. I am the Wulglia. Every few years the planets align in the PWTF solar system and everyone sleeps.
I awaken, spread presents across the land, bang all the married chicks, then leave before they wake up.
I'm kind of like Santa Claus only I look like a big gray Klingon dong.

 

by brycekain
3-08-14
Ok, here's the deal. I want you to go over to that white guy and cut his head off.
Um...but why?
Because you're an asshole who likes killing in the name of your god.
But Planet WTF has no gods. And I really don't like violence.
You're having a dream, fuck breath. You think I'm farting these clouds?

Showing page 6.

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