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by fuzzyman
3-07-02
Fuzzyman @ 302
Welcome back to our celebration of Fuzzyman's 300th comic, where we show never-before-seen panels from his greatest works!
Here we show the demise of one of Fuzzymn's characters, "Super Britianman."
The Last Days of Super Britainman
Glasgow Kid, my sidekick! If you sneak up behind a Glaswgedgian and pull up his underwear, are you giving him a Glaswedgie?
That's it, Super Britainman! I canna take anymore of your idle prattle! Prepare to die!
The battle scene afterward is too horrible to show you.
Several pints of Guinness were tipped over... It was just awful!

 

by fuzzyman
3-07-02
Welcome back to our celebration of Fuzzyman's 300th comic, where we show never-before-seen panels from his greatest works!
Here is a scene deleted from "Mr. Happy Meets Mr. Winky -- Volume II."
Been polishing your helmet lately? Paddling the pickle? Tweaking the Ewok? Clasping the asp? Jerking the Smurf? Choking the chihuahua?
Definitely! Have you been strangling the mime? Tweaking the leek? Fingering the flesh fretboard? Clubbing the seal? Faking karate with Little Elvis?
Wait, that wasn't a deleted scene... that was from the actual comic!
I know, I just like it when people talk about masturbation.

 

by fuzzyman
3-07-02
Yes, well, let's finish up this retrospective of Fuzzyman's greatest hits.
Okay, here is a scene that was cut from "Now It All Makes Sense!"
Dammit Geordi, get me down from here!
Sorry, Commander Riker! But don't worry... I'll fill in for you at your scheduled threesome with Worf and Deanna tonight.
They always cut out the good parts.
Do tell.

 

by fuzzyman
3-07-02
So I says, "Those rotor turbines won't generate gravitons by themselves!"
*ahem*
Uhhh... Line?
"Ha, ha!"
*sigh*
Ha, ha!

 

by fuzzyman
3-09-02
Okay, then. For my last two wishes, I want you to make a very special man fall in love with me... and I want to have the biggest wedding celebration ever!
A very special man?
A man who will let me take caramel showers every day! A man with fine taste in linen hosiery! A man who will let me ride his pet sea turtle!
Oh! Now I understand! I'll have to change your looks a bit to make this happen, though...
Later, at the Neverland Ranch...
Ready to get married, Billy Gene? Let's moonwalk down the aisle! But before we do... give Michael a cuddle, won't you?
That genie better have malpractice insurance!

 

by fuzzyman
3-13-02
Okay, here it is for the Guinness Book of World Records: I, Andy Dougan, do hereby declare...
RRRRRUUUUUMMMMBBNBLLLEEEE!!!
...that yer Maw is a fine, upstanding woman of great character. I present to her this rose Bud, a mere token of my esteem. She has...
...gone to Ireland and sucked down Bailey's Irish Cream. Mr. Bailey said, "Thanks!" YAHOO!!! I DID IT!!!
I'm sorry, Mr. Dougan, but your record just got broken by a Mr. Billings insulting something called a "wirthling."

 

by fuzzyman
3-14-02

 

by fuzzyman
3-17-02
I am the Bagel King!
Excuse me?
I am the Bagel King! It is fortunate that our paths have crossed, young peasant. You may now have the honor of joining me... on a quest!
A quest? What kind of quest?
We must free the Duchy of Muffin from the clutches of the evil Lord Croissant!
Riiiiiiight.

 

by fuzzyman
3-17-02
Come, peasant! I am the Bagel King! Together we shall destroy the evil Lord Croissant!
Ummmm. I can't. I have to... uh... rescue the Lady Cream Cheese from the... nefarious Baron Scallion.
Great ghosts! I killed Baron Scallion years ago at the Battle of Honey Walnut! Has he returned from the dead?
Ummm... no! This is his nephew... Baron Bacon Scallion.
Ah, that makes more sense, then.
Naturally.

 

by fuzzyman
3-17-02
Look, King Bagel...
Bagel King! You shall address me properly, peasant!
What's the difference? Bagel King, King Bagel... it's all the same.
Calling me "King Bagel" implies that my name is "Bagel." It is not. I am King of all the Bagel lands, it's territories, provinces, and protectorates!
So, your name is...?
Bagel King!

 

by fuzzyman
3-17-02
Look, Bagel King, I'm willing to follow you on your quest to defeat the evil Lord Croissant, but...
But what, man? Speak!
Well, there's the subject of... renumeration.
Payment? What is it you desire? Land? A title? Women?
No, no, all I want is some of whatever you're smoking.
Come again?

 

by fuzzyman
3-18-02
"Memory is much like the carrot. It grows below the surface, and is bright and colorful when it emerges."
WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT, DEXX?
I am not Dexx. I merely appear to be Dexx. I am Allah. "The unripe lemon may look like a lime on the surface, but the insides are quite different."
REALLY.
Aiiieeee!!! The paaaainnn!
HMMMMMM. YOU *FEEL* LIKE DEXX INSIDE...

 

by fuzzyman
3-18-02
Hello, Citizen!
HEY, CRABBY.
I'm not Crabby! I'm Bill Gates! I simply use his character.
SO YOU SAY. WELL, THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO PROVE THAT YOU'RE NOT CRABBY.
*slurp*
OKAY, YOU'RE NOT CRABBY.

 

by fuzzyman
3-18-02
So, peasant! You doubt my royalty? Come, I shall relate to you the history of the great Bagel lands, and how I came to be your king!
Okay.
In the year 723 B.B., Lord Omelet sailed across the sea---
Wait a second. B.B? Don't you mean B.C?
B.B... Before Breugger's.
Is this going to take long?

 

by fuzzyman
3-18-02
As I was saying. Lord Omelet sailed across the sea, or so the legend says. He founded the Kingdom of Bagel, and it's great capitol city, Toast.
Food was scarce and there were food riots. Through the treachery of the evil Cardinal Belgian Waffles, the capitol was burned!
Toast was burned? To the ground?
No, no, they just scraped off the burned part.
Of couse.

 

by fuzzyman
3-24-02
You ate Kajun's pet hamster!
Yo, man! That's in error!
Young fool! Now bend over!
Yikes! Don't shoot my sphincter!
Yeah? Tell me why, evildoer!
You would kill the hamster.

 

by fuzzyman
3-26-02
January...
Don't worry about your position here. I can absorb a loss while we rebuild the business. Don't worry. I have money.
Just the same, maybe I should update my resume.
February...
Sales have not been good, but I am totally committed to the future of this office! Your jobs are secure!
Why am I worried?
March....
We're going to have to align our overhead costs with our revenue...
Job Search Powers.... Activate!

 

by fuzzyman
3-27-02
May I help you ma'am?
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
And the problem is...?
He'd like to speak to you.
Do you call this soup? I've had better cow shit!
Must... get... mutant... repellant...

 

by fuzzyman
4-03-02
A complete recitation of the history of the Bagel Lands would take days. I shall give you some highlights instead.
Fine with me.
One the greatest rulers in our history was King Yeast! He had fifteen wives, you know!
Really! Was he able to keep them all satisfied, if you know what I mean?
Of course! King Yeast always rose to the occasion!
I figured as much.

 

by fuzzyman
4-03-02
...and so the royal lineage goes, until you have... me! The Bagel King!
I've listened to your story and I have to say, you are completely full of it.
I'm full of it, eh? What am I full of? What is "It?" Blueberries?
Raisins?

 

by fuzzyman
4-03-02
*whew* I think I lost him. Man, that Bagel King dude was out of his mind.
Heh. Bagel King. What a crock!
I hope I don't run into any more nutbags today.
Hello, young peasant! I am Lord Croissant! Join my quest to overthrow the evil Bagel King!

 

by fuzzyman
4-06-02
Halt, evildoer! I, Super Britainman, have foiled your nefarious plot!
What are you babbling about? I haven't done anything!
Come now. You're a floating head. Surely, your fate has left you alone and bitter. You're probably plotting to destroy the Earth as we speak.
Not really. I'm actually quite a happy guy...
Well, then! Would you join me for a pint of stout?
...except for the fact that I don't have a liver.

 

by fuzzyman
4-06-02
Halt, evildoer! I, Super Britainman, have foiled your evil plan! Come with me!
What? Don't you recognize me? I'm Jesus! I'm one of the good guys!
I don't care if you're God himself! You're bleeding all over the street, and in my book, that's littering. I must take you to the authorities.
What? You must be joking!
Later...
You have the right to remain silent...
Well, this is embarassing.

 

by fuzzyman
4-06-02
The underground headquarters of the X-Legion of Justice...
Welcome to the X-Legion! I'm Super Britainman! I defeat evil villains with my amazing Pub Powers!
I'm Canadian Yet Sober Man, eh. I'm Canadian, yet I'm sober, eh. Except when I'm not, eh.
Well, let me take you on a tour of our secrete headquarters.
Don't you mean "secret" headquarters, eh?
You'll understand when you meet Used Tampon Bola Woman. Ah, there she is! BOLA WOMAN! WAIT! HE'S A FRIEND!
OW, eh!!!

 

by fuzzyman
4-07-02
*gurgle*
Hello! Welcome to the X-Legion of Justice. I'm Captain Underpants. You must be Dr. Megabrain's sidekick, Amazingly Brain Damaged Boy.
*blarg*
My Indestructible Underpants protect me from harm! What do you think of that? Hmmm?
Poop Stinky.
Damn, I knew I should have washed them.

 

by fuzzyman
4-07-02
Hey there.
Hi! I'm Canadian Yet Sober Man, eh. Welcome to the X-Legion of Justice, eh. What's your name, eh?
I'm called La Whore. I am the most powerful super-heroine ever!
What's so super about a super prostitute, eh? That doesn't seem so special, eh.
I'm up to 37 STDs and counting. Come here, let me give you a big kiss!
Back... away... slowly... eh...

 

by fuzzyman
4-07-02
I'm The Flesh. I run really fast, like The Flash, only naked.
Your membership has been granted, eh. Welcome to the X-Legion of Justice, eh. NEXT!
I'm the Wal-Martian. I always have the low price!
Your membership has been granted, eh. Welcome to the X-Legion of Justice, eh. NEXT!
I'm Super Skagg.
The ad said that we need Super HeroinES, eh.

 

by fuzzyman
4-07-02
Hi! I'm Super Buddha Man!
I'm Jesus. Welcome to the X-Legion of Justice. Tell me about yourself.
I fight crime with my sidekick, Super Buddha Boy. We travel in the Super Buddha Mobile and live in the Super Buddha Cave!
Sounds exciting.
It is! So, what's you're schtick?
Stick? It's a cross and I'm nailed to it.

 

by fuzzyman
4-11-02
AAIAAAIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!! HELP! AN EEL JUST BIT ME IN THE EYE!!! I NEED A DOCTOR!!!
Calm down. I'm a Doctor. Let me have a look at you.
*sob* I'm going to die, aren't I? *sob* Did you see it? Did you see it bite my eye? What kind of eel was that!?
When an eel bites your eye and you think you might die, that's a Moray.
Umm... what kind of doctor were you, again?

 

by fuzzyman
4-12-02
Welcome to the the United States Deviancy Competition. Our first team for tonight is Spankling and Jesus.
Hi, folks!
Bless you, all!
Oh my!. What are they doing? Spankling is shoving a peanut butter cup in Jesus' anus... he's pushing it in with his tonuge...No, wait! Spankling is eating the peanut butter cup from the ass of Jesus!
*slurp* *munch* *munch* *munch*
Ooooh.... ahhh... Yeah, Baby... Who's your Lord? Who's your Lord? Yeah....
I don't know about you folks, but I'm starting to think that there is a wrong way to eat a Reese's.
That wasn't bad at all! I enjoyed it!
I'm Jesus, after all. My poop tastes like loaves and fishes.

 

by fuzzyman
4-12-02
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I have not loved God as I should. It has been six months since my last confession.
Tell me of your fucking sins, my son.
Umm.... Well, I took the Lords name in vain thirty-eight times. And I cheated on my wife with her brother.
Say ten goddamn Hail Marys and fifty motherfucking Our Fathers. Go now in peace. Your felching sins have been forgiven.
Father Tourette? Are you okay?
I'm rimjob cumshot blow me fine. Why do you smegma facial tittyfuck ask?

 

by fuzzyman
4-14-02
Well, Fuzzyman, it's your 333rd comic strip. Do you know what that means?
This comic strip is only half as evil as my 666th comic strip will be?
Meanwhile...
I write the songs that make the whole world sing... I write the songs of love and special things...!
Oh, take me now DragonManilow! Ravish me!
I'm not sure that's possible.
Next time I'll make him sing "Mandy."

 

by fuzzyman
4-16-02
Ah, Kajun Fireflyette... you boyish little lady! I am going to change into something more comfortable, and then I will be back to ravish you!
Don't keep me waitng, Russell! I long for your loins!
I'm back, my little love bug! Come give Russell a big kiss! I had you when you were a man, now I'll have you as a woman!
Russell Crowe is Andy's maw! This explains everything!

 

by fuzzyman
4-17-02
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
Actually, the correct phrase would be, "Tobor will penetrate you anally in a forceful manner."
What the fuck are they talking about?
I don't know, but I *do* know that I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!!!
Sucky sucky, five dollar.
Give it a rest.

 

by fuzzyman
4-18-02
At the Fortress of Solitude...
So, Superman... you're having problems with your computer?
Yes, I am. I hope you don't mind me staying in my Clark Kent persona.
Whatever works for you. So... what's the problem?
I'm trying to load Windows XP on my computer and it won't go!
Let me see... uh, Superman? When did you buy this? You can't run Windows 2000 on an old 1989 Macintosh SE.
I'm Superman. I can do anything.

 

by fuzzyman
4-19-02
Hmmm. What do we have here?
I'm the Pope's poop!
Really?
Yep! I'm known as the Trinitarian Turd! The Lenten Loaf! The Communion Crap!
Holy shit!
Yeah, that too.

 

by fuzzyman
4-19-02
Elvis! Is that you?
Shhhh. Don't say it so loud, Sonny! Yes, it's me. I'm Elvis.
But... we thought you were dead! Where have you been?
Well, since my baby left me, I found a new place to dwell.
Down at the end of Lonely Street at Heartbreak Hotel?
That place? Nah, it's a dive. I've been staying at the Marriott!

 

by fuzzyman
4-27-02
Try new Wrigley's Placentamint Gum. It's Placenta! It's Mint!
What's so great about Wrigley's Placentamint Gum?
It combines the fresh taste of afterbirth with the sparking zing of mint! Here, try a piece!
Okay... Ewww! This stick of gum is all gooey and bloody!
Like I said, the placenta is fresh.
Hmmm. Tastes like minty, bloody, chicken.

 

by fuzzyman
4-27-02
We just finished watching "The Bachelor," a TV series where a man picks his future bride from 18 prospective ladies.
We suggest a sequel, which goes something like this...
So, Bob, have you made a decision?
Yes! I'd like to propose to Mary... and Janice... and Bethany... and Tammy... and Angelique.
We call it, "The Mormon Bachelor."
Sure to get high ratings in Utah!

 

by fuzzyman
4-27-02
We just finished watching "The Bachelor," a TV series where a man picks his future bride from 18 prospective ladies.
We suggest a sequel, which goes something like this...
So, George, have you made a decision?
Yes! I'd like to propose to Cindy.
We call it, "The Transvestite Bachelor."
"Must See TV," indeed!

 

by fuzzyman
4-30-02
It's time for a change!
Definitely! We can make the world a better place!
Radical change!
Let's hop to it!
Ah, isn't this refreshing?
I'm seeing a whole new side of life!

 

by fuzzyman
5-02-02
Stout!
Pilsner!
Stout!
Ale!
Stout!
Heroin!

 

by fuzzyman
5-02-02
You wanted to see me, Father MacOban?
Yes, MacKajun. I fear for your soul. The Lord doesn't like cross-dressers!
It's a kilt! It's traditional Scottish attire! You should know that!
I understand the kilt, MacKajun. It's those lacy yellow panties that are an abomination!
Those aren't lacy and yellow. They're tattered and soiled.
I am at once repulsed and fascinated.

 

by fuzzyman
5-02-02
Do you wonder if there's life after death?
I'm not worried, Ken. I'll go to Confession before I die and my sins will be forgiven.
But, Fuzzyman... you're a Unitarian!
KER-TRANS-FORM!
Decepti-Catholics!
No, no, Roman Catholics.

 

by fuzzyman
5-03-02
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Not true!
Say what?
I belong to the Church of the Holy Graviton. Our Lord and Savior, Gravitus, was immaculately conceived by his mother, a Rotor Turbine!
What the fuck are you talking about?
I'll pray for you when you're in the fiery pit, nonbeliever!

 

by fuzzyman
5-03-02
Stout!
If you're so arse-fucking Scottsh, shouldn't you be drinking Scotch?
There's a certain logic to that idea.
Right then. On your knees, boy.
*slurp*
Too easy.

 

by fuzzyman
5-09-02
Let's annex Scotland.
Say what?
Look, we're both terribly bored, so lets try running our own country.
But why Scotland? Those Scots are armed to the teeth!
The men wear skirts and love sheep. How tough can they be?
We don't wear any pants and love Vanilla Ice. How tough can WE be?

 

by fuzzyman
5-09-02
Okay, there's a Scottish guy. Go do your thing!
*sigh* Why is it always me?
I claim this land in the name of Ronnie and Reggie!
Ach, lookee 'ere! It's a wee brown sheep!
Back so soon?
There's not enough money in the world, man.

 

by fuzzyman
5-09-02
So, our plan to annex Scotland is finished before it's begun.
Those Scots are a crafty lot.
I guess you were right. We need to take over someplace easier.
We need to annex someplace where the people are really, really stupid!
Right! Let's attack the Welsh!
I was thinking Arkansas, but you have a point there.

 

by fuzzyman
5-20-02
Hey, Tobor! What have you been doing all day?
WATCHING THE TUBE. CARE TO JOIN TOBOR?
Sure! Anything good on?
LOTS OF GOOD SHOWS ON THE CATHOLIC CHANNEL. CHECK OUT THIS ONE.
"Inappropriately Touched By An Angel."
IF TOBOR HAD LOINS HE'D FEEL A STIRRING IN THEM.

Showing page 7.

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