graykane
as if i knew what i was talking about
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| In this week's news of the weird, local hippie Sky Imafag Rainbow temporarily closed his organic market & reopened to sell specifically the eggs that appear to be hatching. | |
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| That's right, John. It seems that the word "fertilized" should have appeared in more than the home garden section. | |
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| Thank you for the lame pun, Cindy. Realizing the mistake, Sky reopened his store under the name God's Lonely Eggs in an effort to find the future chicks a good home. | |
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| If you're looking for chicks, then Sky's the limit at God's Lonely Eggs. | |
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| God's Lonely Eggs? That sounds like your ovaries, Cindy. What are you, 38? No wonder you jumped at the "Let's Hang the Fertilized Sign Over Here" joke. | |
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| After CRACKING that one, you won't have access to MY EGGS, & whether or not you go to Sky's store, I doubt you'll be getting any CHICKS without having to pay. Speaking of Sky, let's go to the weather. | |
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| Since each word in the dictionary went public, until today stock in the word "niggardly" has steadily declined since its Initial Public Offering. Standing with me is the new CEO of Niggardly, Jim Quin | |
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| Yes. Thanks for having me, Phil. Strangely enough, this Scandinavian word somehow became wrongly associated with a racial slur. Yet, in English the word appears even before the Wycliffe Bible of 1384. | |
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| Very interesting, Mr. Quin. So, the word has no affiliation with any racial slur? | |
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| Gosh no. The Old Norse "hnøgger" meaning "stingy" couldn't even be applied to another race due to the lack of racial diversity. Today it gets confused with another word taken from the French "nègre. | |
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| The publicly traded company Niggardly hires Jim Quin to save its image's integrity. If you're an investor, can you say, "'Niggardly' In Good Graces, Early Returns"? Now back to you, John. | |
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| Yo, Quin. What's up with the threads? You's a Niggardly nigger in more ways than one tonight, my man. | |
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| I can't even say it. I'm going to have to give you the lead chair for this one. | |
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| A new study identifies greasy rectums in mean youths. The University of Indiana compiled random samples from a 150 youths living in trailers in the woods only to discover that | |
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Cindy takes the lead chair from John
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| 100% of those with criminal records had greasy rectums. Scientists believe that the aggressive youths tend to tense up more than nonviolent youths, thereby creating a greasy discharge. | |
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| I've been smelling aggression from you all these years and had no idea. | |
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Cindy returns the lead chair to John
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| Thank you, Cindy. At times like these, I'm grateful for your expertise. And now, time for the winning lottery numbers. Cindy, go ahead & lift your skirt & shoot out the pingpong balls. | |
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| The first winning lottery number is... | |
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| Infatuated with rap culture & intrigued by rumors of Eazy's E's immense Rigor-Mortis-infected penis, China ordered a glass coffin for the late rapper as well as funded an Asian tour for the deceased. | |
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| In Thailand, after somehow discovering that upon jerking the Rigor-Mortis-infected penis it ejaculates puss, the Thai people refuse to return the body & have proclaimed Eazy E one of their gods. | |
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| Cindy, I'm standing here amidst a group of Thai school children. I don't know where the body is, but the children seem overly fascinated with my microphone. I must admit, I'm afraid for my life. | |
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Flying Little Acrobats Teach China Hurting Eazy's Stiff Thomas Ends Diplomacy Leaving Europe Sinfully Biased In Arms Negotiation Standoff
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| Cindy, do you want to report this one? | |
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| I ain't touching this with a ten-foot pole. | |
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| We know you've severed the penis. | |
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| ¡î Ç廪ÃÀÔº¼Ó | |
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| Give us Eazy E's penis & nobody gets hurt. | |
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--- i want to piss on you
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