Disregard my idiocy, it was late when I posted. This is the REAL contest thread.

Well, thanks again to cancer, I won a CC. And now I must judge a big number for a contest: 200. I don't want to mess it up, so I'll ignore that completely and run a totally normal CC.

Ok, so as some of you know, I'm an AMAZING musician. But lately it seems that I'm not actually capable of doing anything good with, er, music. So, here's the contest:

Your strip must be about a misunderstood artist. Any kind of art is fine, as long as it doesn't involve man-rape. Ok? No Tobor. NO TOBOR. The misunderstood artist and his problems must be the focus of the strip.

Bonus points for making it about a musician or a clown. Or both. Especially both.

Oh yeah, I'll be judging this little ditty on FRIDAY MORNING. I will be at concerts every night this week and all weekend, so you better make me laugh really hard, because I'm going to be really tired.

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Sex Piano.

Damn it, I'M BOTH OF THOSE!!!! (check artist name on my batman song for proof)

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Batman created by Bob Kane

I forgot to fix that 200 in the post, but this is contest 201. DAMNIT ALL TO HELL!

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Sex Piano.

CC 200... I mean 201: The Clown Mixes Music And Art by Rabid_Weasle 7-29-03

Man... I'm depressed. How come? I tried mixing art with music for my last performance, but I didn't get the postitive reaction I was hoping. You mean at the little girl's birthday party? Yeah, the little bastards have no appreciation for art! Art? You had sex with a piano on stage for half an hour.

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Poop.

Here is my entry for the contest. Damn, I realized after the fact I forgot to list it as an entry in the title.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

CC 201: A Space Symphony by kaufman 7-29-03

HAL, why did you send all of my shipmates into outer space? Are you too thick-headed to have heard the rhythm and pitch of their screams as I spaced them? I was making a musical masterpiece. Yeah, right. You know as well as I do that in space, no one can hear you scream. Your point being? I was Improving on John Cage's 4'33". Which reminds me, it's time for the final note. ______________

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC201: What happened to... by little_kitty 7-29-03

And we're back to "Whatever Happened to... b4-4" Here's your host, Old Man With Smelly Armpits! I guess that man in the box with the tin can that makes noise told ya'll why I'm here. What happened to b4-4, the Canadian boy band that did so well for so little time? Here we go to live satellite: Well, that about sums it up! Next time on this here show, we're talkin about the band named after a womens genitalia! He means the band Kittie.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

CC201: A+E's "Questions for Artists" with Tina Yothers by speedboat_lou 7-30-03

Episode 1: Tom Cochrane Life is a highway / I wanna ride it / all night long... So what do you want to do after that? Episode 2: Andy Kaufman Eighty-two bottles of beer on the wall... eighty-two bottles of beer... You know that wrestling's all fake, right? Next week: Pablo Picasso When I was a child, my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk you'll end up as the pope.' Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso. Has anyone ever called you an asshole?

Behold... utter crap.

Balloonatics Part I by itsclark 7-30-03

And what kind of balloon animal would you like, little girl? How 'bout a pony? (scritchy scritchy scritchy) What? I suppose you could do better?

Balloonatics Part II by itsclark 7-30-03

And what kind of balloon animal would you like to see? I want to see you make an elephant! (scritchy scritchy scritchy) You know, when I grow up, I wanna be just like you. (snicker) Hey! How'd you like one of my size 27 shoes up your ass?

Balloonatics Part III by itsclark 7-30-03

What do you want? I came to see balloon monkey! One balloon monkey coming right up! (scritchy scritchy) You not have to bother! I already see! Ha Ha Ha Ha!   !

Balloonatics Part IV by itsclark 7-30-03

6 months later... It sure is lonely here in this jail cell all by myself. (scritchy scritchy scritchy) ...So of course you see WHY I had to bury them in the crawlspace? Of course! Perfectly understandable.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Well, since the rules said nothing about not using oldies but goodies, and since as a part-time indiepop musician and former rock critic (for the muy illustrious Buffalo News... no, I can't say that without laughing) I have strips about musicians coming outta my ying-yang, here's four of 'em. Hope you like.

Misunderstanding Number Three by UnknownEric 1-23-03

Alright! Tonight I'm gonna burn the mothafuckin' house DOWN! Wait, come back! I didn't mean it LITERALLY!

How Can I Shake It When I'm Not Sure What IT Is? by UnknownEric 1-23-03

I saw this great band last night. They REALLY knew how to rock! Cool. Unfortunately, the band I saw had NO IDEA how to rock. Really? Yeah, they just stood there staring at their instruments in bewilderment. Bummer. Yeah. I guess when they say "there's only one way to rock," they're right.

The Perils of Covering Billy Vera and the Beaters by UnknownEric 5-20-03

If you stay-ay-ay, I'd subtract twenty ye-eeeeeee-ars from my life... You're only nineteen! Huh? Wha? You're only nineteen. If you subtracted twenty years from your life, you'd be negative one. Oh. Good point. Forget that one. Instead, here's my version of "Summer of 69!" *sigh*

And using the whole "misunderstood" concept kinda loosely...

An Interview With Snoop Dogg by UnknownEric 2-05-03

Snoop, how has giving up the chronic affected your music? I usedta fizzle the shizzle to the nizzle, now I nizzle the kadizzle, knamean? Riiiight. Well, what made you give up marijuana in the first place? The wizzle nizzle shazizzle. You've lost your fucking mind, haven't you? Fizzle quizzle.

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I has a flavor!

CC 201: London Broil by kaufman 7-30-03

...And I put a red X here, and ... viola. My masterpiece is complete. Mr. Secretary, Great Britain's been our staunchest ally during this crisis. Why did you call the air strikes on London and Liverpool? That was not my call. The President makes those decisions. He identifies the targets on the map, and we run the missions accordingly. Any comments, Mr. President? What? Targets? I don't know about targets. I just saw a big sheet of paper and was drawing Uncle Dick's nose.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I remember 'Interview With Snoop'--always liked that one. Now you can get yo' fill of Snoop by catching Doggy Shizzle Televizzle on MTV.

Seriously.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

CC:201 The Failed Artist Zone--RMDC by umfumdisi 7-30-03

The Post: Your sexxxy!!! thanx you But Id rather have SEX with my Sister... I am you're Sister! LOL!! The Response: You suck. Go back to kindergarten and stay off the computer. Interesting. Not amusing, just interesting.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

CC 201: Gym in the Back of My Van (tm) by mmyers 7-30-03

Dan Titley, Channel 5 news. We're here with failed inventor Bufford Mills. Bufford, tell us about your new invention and why you think it's been banned. Well, I heard that folks was out of shape and needing exercise, so I loaded up my rusty old van with exercise equipment. The deal is, I come to you, whether to your work, the grocery store, wherever. And if I'm understanding the concept right, you jump out of the van and throw them in the back of it? Yup. I surprise 'em, and then they can't make any excuse not to follow their routine. I tell them to struggle because it's a great warmup. Also, I use chloroform so they can rest before the session. Todd, call the police. A creepy white van just pulled up in the parking lot and pulled Beth in and drove away. It's sad, too, because her abs were looking great lately. No doubt. She'd lost at least 12 pounds in 2 weeks. I'll call the Police.

Sadly, I think I'm the guy in umfum's comic. That forum just brings out the worst in me.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

This one's an oldy, but I think it fits the bill...

What To Expect On "Read My Damn Comics" by Chi_The_Cynic 5-30-03

I call it... art! It blows.

The Artist (1) by kaufman 7-30-03

The Artist (2) by kaufman 7-30-03

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC201: Writers Block(head) by TheGovernor 7-30-03

It was a dark and stormy night... *Sigh, Its bad enough not having any ideas without resorting to stealing other peoples. Hey why don’t you give it a rest for a while and come play American Football with me, so I can comically remove the ball at the last moment before you kick! *Sigh!

CC 201: Things you can't complain about by NeoVid 7-30-03

Actual quotes from a guy I know who just graduated clown college: It sucked that I was hired after my first audition, because I don't know any of the other people I'm working with yet. My new job is going to be forcing me to go to the Caribbean all the time. I'll be living on a cruise ship, so I won't have any opportunity to spend all the money I'll be making.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Entry #1

CC 201: Mandlebrot, up close and personal by codehappykid 7-30-03

No, I'm telling you, it's the most beautiful mathematical construct in the Universe! Was that before or after we zoomed all the way in?

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HALPUU!

I almost didn't enter it, but if one person is mildly amused, my work is done here.

By Mennen by mmyers 7-30-03

Hello. You know, in our busy lifestyle, people are looking for as many ways as they can to cut corners and save time. When I took an unofficial pole, 9 out of 10 said that the biggest consumer of time was sex. All that thinking and fantasy and foreplay. It simply takes too long for people to achieve mutual orgasms. That's why I invented this whistle. This whistle is tuned to a special frequency that, when blown, causes everyone with a 1/2 mile radius to climax. Watch. *Toot* Oh, oh my goodness, oh lordy...The Orgasm Whistle. It also makes a great self defense device. Ohmygoodness. Note: Orgasm Whistle should not be used while driving, at airports, football games, or during weddings. oh.....

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

CC 201: Clowning Around by attitudechicka 7-30-03

Why can't I sign a record deal? Maybe I just need to change my image... Bet they've never seen a rockin clown before at FU Records! Damn.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

CC 201: Suffer the Little Children by TheBlairZip 7-30-03

And now for a little performance art. Hmmm, I don't think I signed up for any... HUYYYYAH! hmm...not my best work... Well, that was certainly odd.

CC 201: Inside the Actor's Studio by TheBlairZip 7-30-03

Welcome, Mr. Dioxide. Look, Mr. Lipton. I don't even know what the hell I'm doing here. I make performance art films of dogs pissing on flowers and have never been taken seriously. No one has ever even seen my films! Let us discuss the entire Dioxide ouvre, beginning with your latest work entitled "Oops-A-Daisy Wet It Again". Tell us, what was your inspiration for this magnificent portrail of man vs. nature. Dude. Seriously. Lay off the crack. HA HA HA! You, sir, are a DELIGHT! Time to go...

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If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all. D'OH!

Better Than A Blue Period by choadwarrior 7-30-03

I can't believe you're wearing that disgusting pair of underwear again. I thought I threw them out. You did, I rescued them from the trash. Why in the world would you do that? They're my favourite pair. I've never seen underwear with more skidmarks, stains, and splatters. Look, you just don't understand my art.

Well, I give choad the award for grossest strip anyhow. :)

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

CC201: Mr. Wuggums by fuzzyman 7-30-03

Dammit, will you clean up this puddle of cat puke on the floor? DON'T TOUCH THAT! It's Mr. Wuggum's masterpiece! Masterpiece? Mr. Wuggums is a Regurgitative Artist. That's his portrait of George W. Bush. It looks like puddle of cat puke. Yes, but it's a very Republican puddle of cat puke!