All comics by DH-01

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by DH-01
5-22-01
A Special Message from Sachiko!
I'd like to take a break from thoughts of homicide to dwell on a very important, and potentially life-threatening condition affecting millions worldwide.
This cancer to the world's overall health and sanity is known coloquially as 'stupidity'. Hundreds are infected every day, and spread this disease to others without even knowing the harm caused by it.
If you know someone who's contracted Human Stupidity Syndrome, contact your local CDC immediatly and try to stay away from them. You could be next. Thank you, and goodnight.

 

by DH-01
5-22-01
And now, a word from Sachiko.
After our last warning, we here received a number of e-mails that were rather spiteful and angry, not to mention, full of really bad grammatical errors and substituions of numbers for letters.
We would like to let those of you who fee insulted by our comments on Human Stupidity Disorder know that we will address each and every single letter until you are happy. But on one single condition.
We would prefer that you not call Fuxxxor 'u dum fuxx0r'. First of all, he's sensitive about his speech impediment. Secondly, we'd rather not have him come to your house and ramrod you mercilessly.

 

by DH-01
5-22-01
Funfun Time hits the Mail Bag!
This first letter is from c0rnH013@aol.com: "joo suk! i m nto stuppid! I haxx0r my scholl's website, it was funlolol! now goh fuk yr Moms, lolololol"
Well, Mister C0rnH013, we simply wished to inform the world of a truly tragic disease. That will be until a vaccine is devised. There IS an antivirus agent out, though.
I'll not get into details, but it's pretty much the equivalent of having a barbeque, but with AOL-using gene-filth like yourself. Oh, and it has a nice minty odor, too!

 

by DH-01
5-22-01
More from the Mail Bag. YAY!
chumbuddy276@choda.com: "ill have joo knwo that im a smart man whose good with words i find yuor comennts insultng."
... good with words, you say.
Are those words, "Would you like fries with that?"

 

by DH-01
5-22-01
Mail Bag is your FRIEND!
goatlover69@juno.com: "u liek 2 pik on ppl, but u r evil prson! u dei and in hel!"
... um, DUH.
Here, lemme relate to you in Stupid: "U r dum fuk! U get no chixxor! U r lame! U jaxxor off to d0g pR0n!!! lolololol!"

 

by DH-01
5-27-01
Behold! Mail... BAG!
jomama332@hotmail.com writes: "c@n j00 tch m3 h0\/\/ +0 b3 l33+ k1llz0rz l3ik j00 & fux0r?"
...
What the bloody fuck did I just read?

 

by DH-01
5-30-01
Mail. This is the Mail.
creamdaddy@nambla.com writes: "J00 C0M1X r0X D4 C0CK!!!1!!"
Thank you. We take much time and effort into our work. This is our livelyhood after all. We aim to please all circles of twisted, disturbed souls.
Judging by your e-mail domain, we've apparently made the boy-banging hairy freaks that never leave their computer chair while they beat off with Vaseline crowd happy as well. I feel all tingly inside.

 

by DH-01
5-30-01
Can you feel the Mail tonight?
vegeta66723@aol.com writes: "J00 PAEG SUX U NEED MOER VEGGETA"
And you need a lesson in the fine art of good anime. There are far many more enjoyable fighintg shows out there... DBZ's far too drawn-out and overdone to be seen as the 'shit' and be worth our time.
However, to amuse ourselves, we've trapped Vegeta in a suitable body and have made him a part of our show. Say hello, Mister Super-Saiyajin.
Were I not distracted by the fact that I now have breasts, I would destroy you, petty human girl!

 

by DH-01
6-02-01
Funfun Time with Vegeta-Chan!
Damn you all! I take no pleasure in this form whatsoever! It detracts from my obvious dominant presence and limitless, earthshaking power!
It does not matter at all that this form has supple curves, firm and pleasantly squeezable breasts and a very fast recover time from sexual stimulation! Those facts are meaningless and petty!
... yes, those facts have been explored and tested many, many times in the space of the last few hours, but they are STILL petty and meaningless!
Hey! Why the fuck is my Hello Kitty vibe all sticky?!

 

by DH-01
6-05-01
Meet Tobor!
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU! RUN, FLESHY CORNHOLABLE THINGS! RUN!!!
Oh, It's yOU AgAIn. dIdn't yOU flUnk my AnAl vIOlAtIOn cOUrsE at thE UnIvErsIty?
TOBOR DOES NOT NEED A DIPLOMA TO CORNHOLE! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE WHEN TOBOR SEES FIT!
whAtEvEr, bItchnUts. tImE fOr A rEfrEshEr cOUrsE In cOlOn-InvAsIOn.

 

by DH-01
6-05-01
whO's yOUr dAddy?
...
I sAId, whO's yOUr dAddy?!
... OH ALRIGHT! TOBOR'S FATHER WAS A GIANT VENDING MACHINE! PLEASE STOP CORNHOLING TOBOR NOW!
... y'knOw, thAt jUst rEAlly fUckEd Up my mOOd, mAn. gEt Off mE, yOU bIg rEd schlOngslEEve.
THERE IS A GOD!

 

by DH-01
6-05-01
A Word of Reason From Sachiko!
I realized my soulbond today.
He is a chubby black man with old glasses and a scraggly beard.
... he kinda sucked, so I mentally killed him and traded him in for the deluxe soulbond model. This one has a larger penis.

 

by DH-01
6-05-01
Meet Mr. Soulbond!
Um... hi. I'm Sachiko's soulbond. As you can see, I'm a slightly chubby black man. Sachiko got rid of the bear and glasses, though. She didn't like those.
Anyway, I'm supposed to tell you about my talents... and... er... w-well... hrm.
Did I mention that I have a really big penis?

 

by DH-01
6-05-01
Together At Last!
Finally, I have an outlet for all the wisdom locked deep inside my tortured psyche. Mr. Soulbond, why don't you say something meaningful and life-enriching now?
Big penis!
... this sucks. I don't wanna be a fangirl anymore.
... what, I thought you liked them big!

 

by DH-01
6-05-01
As you can see, I am now soulbond free, and I've never been happier. But I couldn't leave the poor fella roaming around shouting "Big penis!"...
So I did the most reasonable thing and palmed Mr. Soulbond off to the most capable person of handling him properly.
I lIkE sOUlbOnds.
Oh shit.

 

by DH-01
6-06-01
Now, can we get back to doing the mail? I was enjoying being bitter and cynical and stuff.
... right. monkeybone@hardonez.com writ--
TOBOR WILL GIVE YOU RELIGIOUS TRACTS! TOBOR WISHES TO SHARE THE JOY OF JEBUS TO ALL! JEBUS MAKES TOBOR WARM AND JUICY INSIDE!
... as I was saying...

 

by DH-01
6-06-01
Much thanks to Flashman...
[ It needs to build a case to defend the two of you first. ]
Oh, that's simple. We'll plead insanity. Talk to Mongo... it'll be a snap to get us out.
[ It was instructed to speak with you concerning your trial tomorrow. Have you any suggestions as to how it can make use of your insanity plea? ]
Mongo LIKES soap!
[ ... it finds this to be far too good to be true. ]
Is true! Mongo LIKES soap!

 

by DH-01
6-07-01
Deep down, it's all Funfun Time!
I got bored today, so I went to the local rental joint and looked for some good anime. Naturally, I ran across some goon trying to get me to rent Dragonball Z DVDs.
Naturally, I refused, since I'd rather not humiliate Vegeta-Chan anymore than he... or is that she... whatever, already has been here at Funfun Time.
... and I would've become the strongest in the UNIVERSE if it hadn't been for those meddling weaklings and their damn Goku!
Old wounds are the hardest to ignore after all.

 

by DH-01
6-07-01
Meanwhile, somewhere in the Seventh Ring of the Fiery Abyss...
Y'know Cthulhu, I think it's time we got that little wench and her ass-blasting demon friend back for sending us here!
Minor problem, FJ. We're in Hell. Even I can't whip out Elder God power to get us outta here. How're we gonna do that?
I've been thinking about that, and I've come up with the perfect plan! I'm going to file a complaint against Asmodeus, and while he's hearing us out, you're gonna sneak up--
Whoa whoa whoa! Why does every escape plan you come up with involve me cornholing the Dread Lord of Hell?
... okay, so there's some bad blood between me and him, but it's not that! I've heard that that's his only weak spot! C'mon, Thulie! I know you can do it! For revenge!
... aw, what the hell. The things I do for love.

 

by DH-01
6-07-01
The Plan Goes Into Action!
LOBSTER STICKS TO MAGNET! YAI YAI YA---uh? Fake Jesus, what in This Place are you doing here?
Hi again, Asmodeus, Lord of Hell. I wish to log a complaint. Again.
You are interrupting my inane catchphrase time! make this quick, or you'll spend a year in the Golden Girls Cell!
Right. I have a complaint regarding your habit to not look behind you when talk to you.
I like fallen angels.
... oh shit.

 

by DH-01
6-07-01
Another Moment Of Fun With Sachiko!
Someone came to my doorstep and tried to spend a considerable amount of time trying to convert me to their religion.
It was a very admirable attempts, too, until I opened the door to check on Fuxxxor.
Apparently, having someone nude and tied spread-eagle to a giant Lock of Solomon dripping with red corn syrup does wonders to repel religious people.
sEEE, sAchI-bAby, I tOld yOU I OrdErEd thAt fOr mOrE thAn sUmmOnIng my fOlks.

 

by DH-01
6-08-01
Dance Dance Mailbag!
Check this: "I don't appreciate the way you mock readers who are obviously more intelligent than you are. I know several 7-year old h4x0r5 who could write funnier than you anyday. Shut up."
Well, it's much easier for a 7-year-old to write funny, amusing stories when they're being tickled by a much older, much more mature man like yourself...
... in that special tickly-place. You know what I'm talking about.

 

by DH-01
6-08-01
Well, lookit! It's a Pink Donkey!
Hello! I am a Pink Donkey! It is my duty here at Lowpass to act as the Official Representative of Animal Sodomy Issues, a task I take very seriously.
My job is to make sure that the quality of animal sodomy occuring here at Lowpass maintains a strict, careful quality guideline set forth by the Animal Sodomy Association.
That said, we now return to your previously-scheduled Funfun Time which, sadly, contains little animal sodomy. Thank you, and good day.

 

by DH-01
6-08-01
I'm a little teapot, short and stout...
This is my handle and this is my spout.
Of course, I'm filled with hemlock tea, but that's just needless details.

 

by DH-01
6-08-01
Right! So we've escaped from Hell! Now, to exact our plan to defeat Sachiko and Fuxxxor!
First we'll need... disguises!
Two disguises later...
Now I'm a rootin', tootin' false savior! I'm rea--Cthulhu dear, where's your disguise?
I am disguised. Look down.
...
What? It goes great with the pumps and you know it!

 

by DH-01
6-09-01
Well, I was introduced to the joys of sex a very long time ago. It was a moment I treasure fondly, a day when I crossed the threshold between being a boy and being a manly man.
MOMENTARY FLASHBACK TIME!
... what do you want me to to with the receiver again, miss? I didn't quite hear you properly.
Mmmm. I want you to take that big, red, hot receiver in your hand and stick it up your ass, baby! Mmmmm, yeah... then wiggle around and call me your mommy... mmmm, yeah!
I only wish others could have enjoyed the weeks of rectal discomfort and the following days of surgery that Iwent through. Ah, those were the days.

 

by DH-01
6-09-01
Audience Participation! YAY!
At this point, I will open Funfun Time up to questions from the audience. Yes? The man in the back with the bad-looking toupee.
Um, right. Miss Sachiko, I've always wondered what Fuxxxor's acting credentials are. He's such a talented and versatile demon... was he on Broadway?
Off-Broadway, actually. Fuxxxor spent many years performing more racy, risque musicals before we hired him here at Funfun Time. The high point in his career was being Lola in 'Damn Yankees'.
... which freaked me out, too. You'd think making a believable woman's hard enough. Try throwing a massive, near-constantly erect wang into the mix. I tell you, Fuxxxie's one talented guy.

 

by DH-01
6-09-01
Cthulhu and Fake Jesus...
Hey there, pretty lady. Ever been with an Elder God before?
I swear, this is THE last time I take acid during my art classes!
... hit the town, then meet to...
Wow, is that a real gun, mister cowboy?
No, I'm just very happy to see you.
... share the details of their day!
I got arrested and frisked by a fat, sweaty cop!
I got maced repeatedly!

 

by DH-01
6-11-01
It's time for Sachiko Says!
... and remember, kids! No matter whan you're told by your friends and family...
Candy from strangers is the sweetest kind, especially the ones inside their unmarked white van!
Sachiko Says! Teehee!

 

by DH-01
6-14-01
More Words of Wisdom from Sachiko!
Remember, no matter what your parents or friends or relatives might try to tell you...
Running around in the forest trying to accost innocent woodland creatures while wearing a poorly-made fursuit isn't idiotic and twisted! It's a natural urge all of us should explore!
Sachiko Says! Teehee!

 

by DH-01
6-14-01
Come back, cuddly little bunnybunny! I wanna cuddle you! Teehee!
...
... whOA. wAIt OnE pEnIs-sUckIn' mInUtE...
sAchIkO, bAbE... Is thAt yOU In thErE?!
Uh-huh! Be vewwy, vewwy qwiet! I'm huntin' wabbit! Ah-hahahahah!

 

by DH-01
6-16-01
... okay, I'll admit, gluing all the dogs we offered to walk to their owner's cars was a stroke of genius, Fuxxxor.
I'vE nEvEr sEEn A brEEdEr cry sO hArd bEfOrE. Ah, I fEEl cOmplEtE.

 

by DH-01
6-21-01
Any words of wisdom for us, Fuxxxie dear?
IndEEd.
*ahem* hAppInEss Is A wArm cOlOn On A cOld sAtUrdAy nIght.
... I feel moved.
fEEl my bEAt, sIstA sOUljA.

 

by DH-01
6-21-01
Fuxxxor, many people want to know how we met each other. Mind telling the tale with me?
nO IssUE, bAbEs. lEmmE stArt...
"thErE I wAs, wAlkIng hOmE AftEr A dAy Of tEAchIng At thE lOcAl UnIvErsIty... mIndIng my Own bUsInEss... mInd fUll Of IdEAs fOr my nExt lEctUrE On prOpEr AnAl AnnIhIlAtION... whEn...""
KILL ME! For the love of GOD, KILL ME!
... thE fUck?
Can't you hear me?! I said KILL ME!
Ewwww. yOU rAn IntO cthUlhU, dIdn't yOU? I thOUght hE hAd thOsE gIAnt EldrItch crOtch-shOggOth fUmIgAtEd.

 

by DH-01
8-08-01
Hey there, gang. It's me, that wannabe popular Stripcreator.com freak known as DH-01. I've been on a bit of a sabbatical as of late, due to unfortunate occurences.
Those being, in no order: a few ounces of Colombian White, a bottle of E&J, five or so black condoms, my Bondage Fairies collection and a bicycle pump.
... there's a dirty joke in there somewhere, but I'm a little rusty and can't seem to spot it. Gimme a few hours, some K-Y and a Marilyn Chambers video. I'll be fine.

 

by DH-01
8-08-01
... s-so I was hanging out with my old friend, Fake Jesus...
And... and I saw this ugly Elder God at the door... wearing his big strap-on... and..
... h-h-he said, "I like girls." and I was thinking, like... l-l-l-like...
'Oh, shit.' I mean... can you understand what was going through my mind?
"wEll, yOU hAd tO UndErstAnd thIs: I wAs A lOnEly prOfEssOr thEn, And shE hAd A nIcE lIttlE tUshIE..."
... Professor Fuxxxor? Are you listening to me?
yEs, I Am. nO, I Am nOt stArIng At yOUr bOdy wIth hUngry, lEchErOUs IntEnt... thAt's jUst An EyE cOndItIOn I hAvE...

 

by DH-01
8-09-01
Being new to contests like this, I decided to ask my semi-creations what I should do to prepare...
I'd tell you what we do in times like this, but it's not legal in the Western Hemisphere, what with human rights and all.
bUt, sIncE yOU rEAlly nEEd OUr hElp, I rEcOmmEnd A cOUplE Of EnEmAs. Oh, And A cOpy Of 'pInk flAmIngOs'.
Considering that you offed us for no good reason, I suggest you contract genital lice or something equally painful.
I, being the wise Elder God that I am, recommend a swift kick to the dick, you masturbating donkey-lover! We owe you, and we know where you live!
But in the end, I put my trust in the Reverend Pink Donkey. He can do no wrong. None at all.
Instruct me, oh wise Pink Donkey! I have brought mine offering of Depends undergarments and wish to learn from thee!
Verily, I say unto thee: Narrow is the gate and deep is the path leading to one's colon... yea, very narrow and very deep, indeed...

 

by DH-01
8-11-01
... at the next house on the street...
Another satisfied customer! I swear, I didn't know how easy door-to-door penis pump sales would be... but I'm still a bit worried about those things being powered by shopvacs.
AGH! DEAR SWEET JESUS, THIS THING ATE MY LEFT NUT! IT WON'T STOP SUCKING! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STO-HO-HOOOOP!
... at the next house on the street...
Another satisfied customer! I swear, I didn't know how easy door-to-door penis pump sales would be... but I'm still a bit worried about those things being powered by shopvacs.
AGH! DEAR SWEET JESUS, THIS THING ATE MY LEFT NUT! IT WON'T STOP SUCKING! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STO-HO-HOOOOP!
... at the next house on the street...
Another satisfied customer! I swear, I didn't know how easy door-to-door penis pump sales would be... but I'm still a bit worried about those things being powered by shopvacs.
AGH! DEAR SWEET JESUS, THIS THING ATE MY LEFT NUT! IT WON'T STOP SUCKING! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STO-HO-HOOOOP!

 

by DH-01
8-13-01
My semi-creations made a deal with me. If I won, they'd ease off.
I have taken a break from inflicting sorrow upon the young to ask: what is this line here for?
Oh, we're just in line to collect on a bet.
... and if I lost... well...
Yep. Some very deep, tight collecting we shall do today. My tentacles are aquiver with delight!
I bought a big ol' studded strap-on JUST for the occasion! I hope he hates it with a passion!
I hope you're happy now, Spankling.
I lOvE thE smEll Of frEsh-rEAmEd spIncthEr In thE mOrnIng. It smElls lIkE... fAIlUrE.
Sweet baby Jesus, make the hurting stop...

 

by DH-01
10-11-01
You know those little sacks of silica gel you find in shoeboxes that they say you shouldn't eat?
Don't listen to the Man! Every little silica pill adds ten years yo your lifespan, gives you super-powers and makes you extremely attractive to the opposite sex!
So find a dozen or so bags and eat up! Sachiko Says! Teehee!

 

by DH-01
10-11-01
Hello, people! I'm Sachiko, and this it my well-hung associate Fuxxxor, welcoming you to the return of Funfun Time!
And mOrE rOUgh AnAl sEx, cOUrtEsy Of thE cOckmAstEr hImsElf, fUxxxOr.
So stick around! We indend to once again amuse, intrigue and disgust you with our tasteless antics and horrible word-play!
And wIth EvEn *mOrE* rOUgh AnAl sEx. yOU cAn nEvEr hAvE tOO mUch pOOpchUtE In yOUr lIfE.
... yeah, Fuxxxie's got a point. You can never have too much rough anal sex. Even still, enjoy the show! Teehee!
I'vE tAUght yOU wEll, yOUng bUtt-bAngEr.

 

by DH-01
10-11-01
... so the little fat kid with the barbeque-stained shirt took my precious balloon animal... which I made with love and care and passion...
And... and he SAT ON IT! And it popped! I could hear the soul of that poor little balloon animal screaming as its precious balloon life faded away...
... so I took that fat little piece of donkey dung out back... and I gave him my... *OTHER* balloon animal and let him sit on THAT one for a while.
...he squealed like the fat, greasy pig that he was ... hehheh.... hehhehheh... hehhehhehheh...
...
... no, Officer, I didn't know that I was wanted for molestation. Can we go out back and talk about it? I'll show you my balloon animal... hehheh...

 

by DH-01
10-11-01
YOU WILL SAY IT NOW!
... dAmn It, AlrIght... *AhEm* "RAARRRRRR! FUXXXOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!"
NOW HOW DO YOU FEEL?
... y'knOw, I fEEl rEAl dAmn gOOd AftEr sAyIng thAt.
SEE?! TOBOR KNOWS GOOD THING WHEN TOBOR CORNHOLES IT!
AmEn, my brOthEr. AmEn.

 

by DH-01
10-12-01
TOBOR WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU, SACHIKO!
... dude! Tobor, how's it been? I've heard you've been real busy lately with all the cornholing an stuff!
INDEED, TOBOR LIKES THE MANRAPE! STILL, TOBOR MUST KNOW... IS FUXXXOR HERE?
Um, no. He stepped out to make some house calls and stuff. Why'd you wanna know.
*ahem* TOBOR WOULD LIKE TO PACK YOUR SHIT LIKE A MOVING COMPANY! RARRRRRRRRRR!
... look, man, you didn't hafta go behind Fuxxxie's back or anything. Hell, he'd prolly want in... oh, what the hell. Lemme get the Astroglide.

 

by DH-01
10-12-01
It's Funfun Time! Where's Sachiko?
... she better not be screwing that manrape robot in the dressing room again.
... WOW. SACHIKO GOOD AT GIVING TOBOR BLOWJOBS!
Uh... Tobor, hon? That wasn't me.
... thIs Is thE lAst tImE I wAlk IntO A drEssIng rOOm wIth my mOUth OpEn.

 

by DH-01
10-12-01
RARRRRRRRR! TOBOR LOVES BLACKOUTS!
Might I ask why?
TOBOR WILL SHOW YOU!
... OHGOD!

 

by DH-01
10-13-01
Funfun Time with... TOBOR?!
'CAUSE TOBOR HAS NO LOVELOSS FOR MANKIND...
... BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL GETTING IT IN THE BEHIND!
MANRAPE!

 

by DH-01
10-13-01
d00d51ic3@aol.com says: "d00d wutz up w17 d47." ... er. Well... um, right. Let me get my leetspeak translator here... Bitter Clown?!
... you screamed for me?
Yeah... what the hell does this mean? It's the entire message... I'm lost here.
Oh, that's very simple. It's a cry for help from someone desperate to leave this mortal coil by means of autoerotic asphyxiation, hence the 'up w17 d47' part.
... why are you reaching around in your bright clown pants, Bitter Clown?
I left some rope and a strap-on in here. After all, I am more than willing to answer cries for 'help'. Hehheh...

 

by DH-01
10-15-01
... Sachiko!
I read in the news that Rush Limbaugh has gone almost completely deaf.
Apparently, his body's natural defense against hearing stupid propoganda's started to finally kick in.

 

by DH-01
10-16-01
... Fuxxxor!
I hEArd thAt AlOttA pEOplE hAd gOttEn AnthrAx lAtEly.
thAt's cOOl. thEy'rE A kIck-Ass bAnd. I rEcOmmEnd 'Em!

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