All comics by somnambulist

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by somnambulist
1-26-06
Bad.
{ plopping noises and foul odor from the adjacent stall }
Aw, man... there's only four squares of toilet paper left.
Worse.
Whoa! Powerdump! Hey man, when you're done, can you toss me the toilet paper? There's none left over in this stall.
Quick, lift your feet in the air and ignore him! There's precision wiping to attend to here!
Downright terrifying.
I know you're in there. C'mon, send it over. I'll give it all back when I finish!
Calm blue ocean... Calm blue ocean... Calm blue ocean... Argh! Dammit! Now I have to pee, too.

 

by somnambulist
1-27-06
Bad.
I had been counting the months since my last remotely meaningful serious relationship and the last time I got laid... but now I can actually measure the time in years.
On the plus side, you're still really good at math. That ought to be a big hit with the ladies.
Worse.
Looking back, even the sex I did have wasn't terribly satisfying for me, and virtually every romantic pursuit I've ever had has turned into an epic fucking calamity.
Maybe you should apply to FEMA. You sound overqualified for Michael Brown's job.
Sigh.
Well, OK, the girl who gave my my first blow job was awesome at it. But then nobody could measure up to the impossibly high standard that she ended up setting!
OK, here's what to do: bet any girl who will take the bait $1,000 that she can't make you orgasm in 15 minutes. Free sex, free money, and stories to tell the grandchildren! What more could you want?

 

by somnambulist
1-28-06
*See "Steve & Squirrel #51" for an explanation of the challenge.
I saw your little comic* last night. I'm going to take you up on that bet!
Hmm... do I want my girlfriend to be mad at me now, or mad at me later?
11 minutes, 18 seconds later...
Eleven minutes, eighteen seconds. Damn, I'm good. Now pay up!
Well, technically, that was less than 15 minutes, and the bet was to do it in exactly 15 minutes. I never said "or less." But I'll let you give it another try. Double or nothing!
Approximately fifteen minutes later...
OK, my stopwatch shows 15:00.00.00. And I adjusted for being a stationary observer, so you can't weasel out of it this time!
Actually, the Planck time is the smallest meaningful unit on the quantum level, but it doesn't divide into fifteen minutes evenly, so your watch is off by a few picoseconds...

 

by somnambulist
1-28-06
I've finally found you! Let's see, according to Scott, I just have to adjust my frequency and then you'll be able to hear me! Sit tight for a minute, OK?
I wonder what happens if you cross-breed a ferret with a rhino.
* * * * * * * ZAP! * * * * * * *
What the...? Who the hell are you? And where did Katrina go?
I... don't remember. Who are you? Who am I? Why am I holding this stupid broom? Do I have a chimney to sweep?
Oh, pissfiddles. This is definitely not good.
You must be the new temp I sent for. Great choice on your disguise. It's far less obviously evil than Zoey's. I wonder where she went? I don't recall eating her...

 

by somnambulist
1-28-06
Hey big brother! What are you up to right now?
Hey kiddo. I'm just throwing out the plastic holder thing from a six-pack of ginger ale. Why?
You should cut that up first! When I was in grammar school they showed us movies of ducks getting caught in them. It was sad. Now I always cut them!
So what you're saying is that the public school system passes off Discovery Channel animal snuff films as education?
Look, can't you just cut it up? It takes like ten seconds.
What did they do for an encore, show you Debbie Does Dallas in sex-ed class?

 

by somnambulist
1-28-06
Ordering tickets: Dad's Way...
You have selected two standing room only tickets in the bleacher section. NO SEAT! Do you want to continue?
Maybe I'll try to get tickets for an interleague game on a Friday night. Nobody would want to go to one of those, right?
Ordering tickets: Mom's Way...
Enter the number in the box and then click continue to proceed with ordering tickets.
What am I supposed to click? Cancel? Is that anything like Continue? Three and a half minutes until tickets are released? Should I type even slower?
Ordering tickets: My Way...
Due to heavy transaction volumes, your request cannot be processed. Please try again. And again. And again. And again...
Goddammit, gimme my fucking tickets! We've got six computers set up, yet I'm the only one here who knows how to do this right!

 

by somnambulist
1-29-06
Zoey seeks out the Evil Leaper, whose identity I have yet to disclose. Lothos, an evil but stupid demon, is her "boss" at Project Evil Quantum Leap (PEQL).
I currently have amnesia and forgot that I am evil.
Where's my pizza, bitch? I ordered it something like thirty comics ago!
Theresa is Allison's best friend and has two cats (only one is depicted below) that she hopes will someday help her achieve total world domination.
I also do martial arts, but since this image only comes in one pose, you won't see any.
Do my whiskers make me look like Papa Smurf?
My dad breaks stuff he is trying to fix. I am in a trenchcoat sometimes without explanation because I need the props and/or it looks more like me anyway.
I wonder what will kill me first, my job or your mother?
Little does the world suspect I'm actually totally naked under here!

 

by somnambulist
1-31-06
Hooray! It's a Bon Jovi medley!
o/^ This Romeo is bleeding... but you can't see his blood... it's nothing but some feelings... that this ol' dog... kicked up... o/^
Sweetie, call your doctor... and you can go buy your own hemmorhoid donut this time.
The sheets got tangled in the mess we made... there... in the stains... we remain... no one left to blame...
So that's why she wanted a spittoon for her birthday...
I wonder if I can make him do the laundry even though I fed him all of that asparagus...
Ready or not... you live for the fight when that's all that you've got...!
8... 9... 10... draw!
I know it's just a Nerf gun, but I'm still not settling our arguments with "pistols at dawn."

 

by somnambulist
1-31-06
http://www.astrochimp.com/2006 /01/18/random-facts-aboutjack-bauer/
WHO... ARE... YOU... WORKING... FOR!!?
If I were gay, I think I'd want to be Kiefer Sutherland's boyfriend.
Excuse me? Do I even know where to begin with this?
Oh, come on, most of the men on the show look at him all misty-eyed half the time. Are you saying I'm not good enough for him?
He's not gay, you're not his type, and the only way I wouldn't have to kill you for it would be if I got a chance to participate, too.
Actually, I was just kidding, but if you can convince Kim Raver to join the orgy, you've got yourself a deal!

 

by somnambulist
2-01-06
So I'm driving down the highway today and I end up going by this guy with a license plate that says "ARARAT-J."
Well, maybe God commanded him to build an ark, but he was really lazy and decided to buy an SUV instead.
It was a Toyota Camry. And I think the guy in it was trying to kill me. He tossed a bomb out the window!
Are you sure his license plate didn't say ARAFAT?
Meanwhile...
Ha ha! So then he almost veered into the guard rail?
Yeah. It's funny what happens when you spray paint coconuts black and throw them at infidels!

 

by somnambulist
2-01-06
Damn it, I heard a song today on the country station that really described how I feel about something...
So what's the problem? Well, besides the fact that you were listening to the country station...
When I got home and looked up the lyrics, I discovered it was a song by Billy Ray Cyrus.
Beg all you want, I'm not going line dancing with you.
Dreams move on, if you wait too long...
You know, it's too bad you can't sing. Your life is almost depressing enough to forge a modest career in Nashville.

 

by somnambulist
2-02-06
Last night I saw the episode of "South Park" where they parodied a rooftop rescue from Hurricane Katrina.
That sounds like a terrible thing for them to have done!
It wasn't too bad, but it made me think of a question I have about all of those survivors...
I knew he had an empathetic side somewhere in him!
Do you think any of the people stuck on their roof for days on end pooped in their chimney?
Sweetie, I love you, but sometimes you are a terrible human being.

 

by somnambulist
2-02-06
Casual Steve
You'd think I would have gotten more girls wandering around in my pajamas all day...
You've been wearing them for a month. Do they still pass the sniff test?
Corporate Steve
Here's a tip: if you make employees don uncomfortable garb, their work doesn't improve. They just hate their jobs a lot more.
And you also create a future army of disgruntled ex-employees!
Duncan McSteve
He was born four hundred years ago in the highlands of Scotland... and he is still alive...

 

by somnambulist
2-02-06
The first week at my new job...
Our records show that we shipped version 6.0 to you on November 11.
I just started on Monday. Can you tell me the address you shipped it to?
We shipped it to 100 University Ave, Box 774, Boston...
If they sent it here, why did nobody ever receive it?
Oh, wait a minute. It looks like this was sent to Puerto Rico. We'll send out a new copy to you...
I wonder where the rest of the million dollars I was hired to oversee went...

 

by somnambulist
2-02-06
My second week at my new job...
Hi there! I just wanted to see how you're settling in.
Hey, thanks. It's been OK so far. A little chaotic, but I thrive on chaos.
I feel a little bit like that Greek god who brought order to chaos. What was his name again...?
Wasn't that just regular God?
Yeah, that's it. I feel just like that dude.

 

by somnambulist
2-03-06
My second week at my new job...
I was wondering why every other department in the administration is dressed like it's Casual Friday.
I don't know. That's their business.
It's no big deal. I was just kind of curious. I didn't want people to think that I'm the office weirdo who never relaxes.
Well, you know what they say: don't dress for your position - dress for the job you want!
Does that mean it's OK for me to come to work dressed like a ninja?

 

by somnambulist
2-03-06
Hi, sweetie. How was your day?
Eh. Chasing down the students is kind of annoying. But I proposed cutting off their funding until they answer all our questions.
Ack! Why would you do that?
I have the power!
You do? I thought you told me you're mostly a glorified accountant.
Oh, right. I was just thinking of He-Man for a second there.

 

by somnambulist
2-08-06
I just saw the weirdest ad on TV.
Uh-oh. What's he up to this time?
I think it was a new kind of sex drug.
What'd they call it? Schtuppemall?
All I know for sure is that after I called to get some, Tyler Christopher got a restraining order against me, and I am no longer allowed within 500 feet of his ex-wife.
Sweetie, it's for women who have postmenopausal osteoporosis... and it's called Boniva, not "Bone-Eva."

 

by somnambulist
2-08-06
Driving through town today I looked at the sign on a store too fast and thought it read, "FLY CLEANER."
I'm here for my spare exoskeleton.
Twerv dorra!
What could such a cryptic sign mean?
Did you hear that S.C. Johnson bought the rights to the "Scrubbing Maggots" brand?
Get out! Do you think they'll open a drive-through?
No, really, what could it possibly be?
Just make sure you stay perfectly still. The last time I did this, my tongue stud got caught on the zipper!
Just don't forget to call me John Glenn when I break orbit.

 

by somnambulist
2-08-06
Hey, I made us a sex tape!
Nice try, but you know I sweep for bugs every night before we make love. I know how your mind works!
No, no, I made this mix of songs to play when we're... well, you know... Anyway, what do you think of them?
Dirty Little Secret... Living In Sin... She Loves My Cock...? Stan? Hey Mister? Aliens Exist? F.I.N.E.? Quinn The Eskimo...? Love In An Elevator...???
OK, fine, so we don't have an elevator. But what about "You and Me" or "Angel" or "Brown Eyed Girl?"
Those would be fine, if you hadn't put them between "We Built This City" and "Proud To Be An American."

 

by somnambulist
2-09-06
Mmm... slurp, lick, slurp... hey, how many licks does it take to get to the center, anyway?
Wow. It feels like you're so hungry you could eat a wagon wheel!
What the hell are you talking about?
A slab or slice or chunk-a ... a snack that is a wiener... and yet won't spoil your dinner...
Sweetie, I don't know where you got the idea, but when I go down on you, I definitely don't hanker for a hunk-a hunk-a hunk-a cheese.
Can I still dance in a hoedown when my boots kind-a slow down?

 

by somnambulist
2-10-06
Hey sweetie. How was work?
Disappointing, as usual. I just don't feel like I'm using all of my talent.
Well, what is the thing you'd want to do the most?
I dunno. I go back and forth. It's hard to say for certain; heck, sometimes I even fantasize about crazy things, like trying out my hand at acting...
Successfully pretending to like your co-workers is no guarantee of a future Oscar.
What if I did a nude scene during a presentation to the division's VP?

 

by somnambulist
2-10-06
With a thousand apologies in advance to Charity herself, who will hopefully be a really good sport about this... :-)
What mischief are you up to tonight?
Oh, I was just playing online and saying hi to my friend Charity. It's a little weird, though.
Why is it weird?
Well, you know how they say that charity begins at home, right?
Yeah... so?
Does that mean she finishes in a parking lot?

 

by somnambulist
2-11-06
Can I help you?
Yes, I'd like to get a pound of turkey, sliced thin, please.
Oh, hey, there you are. I'm just waiting for our meat. Where were you?
Oh, I had to go grab this jar of "Skippy" peanut butter.
Wait, I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything with peanuts in it?
Oh, it's not to eat. It's so I can dance around and sing that it's "peanut butter deli time."

 

by somnambulist
2-12-06
Hey, guess what! I finally got a big promotion at work!
That's great! Let's celebrate with a four-hour shopping trip to Old Navy.
I was thinking more along the lines of a taking a vacation to Scotland. I have always wanted to play at the Royal and Ancient Club of St. Andrew's.
How about we do both and call it a compromise? I can help you pick out a kilt at the mall.
Um, do I want to know what you've been up to while I was in the other room watching my "Lethal Weapon" DVD's?
What, I can't live a silly fantasy life via an internal monologue, too?

 

by somnambulist
2-13-06
Inspired by an e-mail from Daizy Lee...
I have a confession to make. I was on your PC earlier and ended up on the Lifetime Channel web site during a Google search.
So? That sounds harmless enough.
Yeah, but then I browsed the site for, like, four hours straight, so I feel like I spilled estrogen on your motherboard, or something.
I'll check the USB ports for stray data packets of movies starring Meredith Baxter Birney.
Wow, you're taking this really well.
It could have been worse. You could have been looking at Japanese cartoon porn, in which case, I'd need to give LPT1 a good scrubbing...

 

by somnambulist
2-14-06
Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon, get it on...
You know, when I said we should do something unique for Valentine's Day, this isn't quite what I had in mind.
So I take it that means you won't be pouring any sugar on me?
Livin' like a lover with a red hot phone...
So, about this whole Cuban missile thing...
In Soviet Russia, missile fires you!
Do you take sugar? One lump or two...?
Dude, I think the actual lyric is "livin' like a lover with a red hot thong."
Oh, great. Now I just imagined Mikhail Gorbachev in a string bikini.

 

by somnambulist
2-15-06
What's the deal with my brain? Why am I so obviously insane?
You're so cute when you get all random and start asking rhetorical questions.
I'm just saying, I think they should have called the band "Tweezer."
In a perfect situation, I let love down the drain...
Steve was right, that pizza was kind of skeevy. Better do a mercy flush...
I am a rancid meat topping! Kneel before your god!
There's the pitch, slow and straight... all I have to do is swing and I'm a hero... but I'm a zero...
Aw, no you're not. But maybe don't divide anything by yourself for a while, just in case.
But how else am I going to patent the "Stevidecimal" number system that I invented?

 

by somnambulist
2-16-06
On an interview with someone who could ptentially be my new boss...
Hey, we would have almost the same commute. Will it be difficult to get here in the morning?
Only if you're a crappy supervisor. In that case, I'll drive by your house first so that I can run you over.
How is the IT department here? Are they at all useful, or do they basically suck?
They're not very responsive. I'd suggest bringing in your own tin cans and string in case anything breaks.
Do you like working here? What are the people like?
Run for your life!! It's too late for me, but you can still save yourself!

 

by somnambulist
2-17-06
If you want it, you can have it, but you've got to learn to reach out there and grab it...
I don't think your university would agree to create a "masturbation studies" program.
Not even with a great motto like "Carpe Penem?"
'Cause everybody wants some love, shooting from the stars above...
You've been reading Reagan's autobiogrpahy again, haven't you?
I did offer to share my orbital death ray with you.
It's in the photograph of love...
Uh, that's the only one of us in the butterfly position, right? Also, how did you even manage to take a still photo of that, anyway?
It is for now? And when something is worth doing... I'll always find a way!

 

by somnambulist
2-18-06
Is something wrong?
Remember that drunken sex we had in the woods a couple weeks ago?
Yeah. That was awesome!
I think I got a yeast infection from rolling around in all those mushrooms.
That's gross, but it could've happened to anybody. I'm sure a couple visits to a doctor would clear it right up.
Actually, I was masturbating in the shower, and now I'm using it to make my own penicillin in our bathtub.

 

by somnambulist
2-22-06
So what are you getting Allison for her birthday?
I wanted to do something unique. How about some tasteful nude photos of myself?
I don't think anyone wants to see you naked, so I assume that by "tasteful" you actually mean "taste full of perchloric acid."
I'm sure she'll still love me for who I am. I do have one question, though, since I've never done this before...
Does it involve an unusual case of red-eye?
No... how do I pose my penis? Is it supposed to point off to the side or something?

 

by somnambulist
2-22-06
I haven't done anything regarding my comic continuity since strip #52. Mostly because those strips are rarely funny. Anyway, here's what you're missing:
It feels good to strike out on our own! Even if we are already wanted for felony possession of catnip with intent to distribute in fourteen states.
Hey, let's sing "I Fought The Law" at karaoke night!
Got any threes?
Go fish.
Hey, you're not the Scott Adams who wrote all those text adventure games! You lied to me!
Then how come it worked when I imagined that I typed 'BLOW ME?'

 

by somnambulist
2-22-06
Adapted from "Yahoo!" IM with Matt...
So anyway, that would be kind of like going from wireless internet with broadband to an ancient fishbowl Mac on dial-up...
Heh. You should definitely stay the course, then.
Are you sure? It just doesn't feel quite right to me.
Well, even Michaelangelo was forced to work with what he had.
So if he lost his brush, did he paint the Sistine Chapel with his wang?
Hey, he could have. That might explain why it took so long!

 

by somnambulist
2-23-06
So you're all caught up at work now?
Yeah, basically. The down side is that now I'm pretty desperate for things to do.
Maybe you could do some professional development work or something?
Actually, I read a bunch of stuff about some of the clubs I indirectly oversee. I think my personal favorite is the Poker Team.
So? No-Limit Hold 'Em is really catching on.
Yeah, but they explicitly state that their purpose is to "finance trips to casinos... to raise poker awareness."

 

by somnambulist
3-06-06
Hey, why are you hiding in the bedroom?
I just realized something about Winnie the Pooh.
* http://www.tektonics.org/ guest/pooh.html
You haven't been reading that parody article explaining how Pooh was a devout Muslim* again, have you?
No, no. Have you ever noticed that he wears no pants, and has a thought process equal to that of your average stoner?
I don't think Pooh was a hippie. If he was, we probably would have heard about his love child.
Actually, I was thinking he was a li-bear-tarian.

 

by somnambulist
3-06-06
(Imagine "Glory of Love" is playing...)
OK, so what's this big surprise you had planned for my birthday? And why do I think I hear a Peter Cetera song in the background?
o/~ I am a man... who will feel... up your boobies... o/~
Um... This is very... original. I don't know what to say.
o/~ I'll tell a math joke, and say they're convex. o/~
You did remember to bring me a real present too, right?
o/~ Bodies together -- take off your sweater! And we'll, do it all, in an orgy of sex... o/~

 

by somnambulist
3-14-06
Anyway, happy birthday. At least it's an easy one for me to remember!
Hee hee. Pi Day is your Yom Kippur!
So what do you want to do now?
I don't know. We already know those bushes far more intimately than we'd probably like.
Well, I guess that just leaves curling up on the couch with our massive DVD collections.
Sure. And don't let the fact that I've had the same facial expression for the past 3 months fool you; I actually am liking that idea.

 

by somnambulist
3-24-06
I'm uninspired, so here's the main arc.
So what are we doing here?
This is the house of some Steve guy. I was supposed to find him and help him, or beat him, or help him beat it. I sort of forgot.
Hey, I'm Scott. Sorry to bug you so early in the morning, but I don't suppose you've seen a girl named Katrina lately?
Well, I thought she was going to come visit me in my comic, but I haven't seen her yet.
Well, funny story... I lent her one of my interdimensional time defibrillators and she kind of sort of accidentally teleported herself into Hell.
Shit, she's going to kill me for inviting her. Hold on, I think Allison built one of those for her junior thesis. We were going to bring back the dinosaurs, but we should probably help Kat first...

 

by somnambulist
3-24-06
So do you think your girlfriend can help find Katrina?
Well, she's an engineer at heart, so she can usually find everything but the pencil tucked behind her ear.
*Interdimensional time defibrillator.
Ahem. I managed to dig up my ITD* - it was behind those, um, "special" photos I got you for your birthday.
Oh, right. You can hear me when I say things. And I don't care what anyone says, pretty girls solving differential equations while naked is way sexy.
Wow. And I thought I was a giant dork.
I think it's cute. Plus, smart people need to start breeding with each other, before the world is totally overrun by idiots.

 

by somnambulist
3-24-06
OK, I entered in the parameters that Katrina used just before she was teleported out.
Thanks. Now step aside, nerdlinger. Today, all the glory is mine! There can be only one!
[schwartz ~/thesis /Interdimensional Time Defibrillator/]$
chmod 666 Katrina grep Katrina * patch < Katrina.diff
Satan, I know you want her to like you for you, but maybe wait to ask if you can try on her sun dress until you've been together for a few... ack! Where the heck am I now?

 

by somnambulist
3-24-06
OK, look, if you guys can't see me, I'm going home. Well, as soon as Scott figures out how to send me there. Hey, where is Scott, anyway?
Hello Katrina! Wait, Scott's not here? Uh-oh. I don't see that trashy girl he was with, either...
Um, you blowing up the living room is covered by renter's insurance, right?
OK, I'm thinking something didn't quite go right this time, either.
Hey, I remember who I am now! I'm, like, totally evil and stuff. By the way, I'll give you three guesses what the broomstick is for.

 

by somnambulist
3-26-06
You're sure you don't mind?
No, it's OK. I was going to go hang out with Theresa this afternoon. You should catch up with your friend. Besides, we'll see each other tonight.
Why did you have to change? Your girlfriend doesn't seem to mind us catching up. And even if she did have spies following you, she knows you're wearing that.
No, no - I figured I should change because I'm about to make a big dramatic revelation with far-reaching repurcussions.
Well, what if I were Allison's spy all along? Boy, would your face be red! Don't worry, I'm actually not. But that's just because she doesn't pay nearly well enough.
That's not funny! Don't tease the paranoid like that.

 

by somnambulist
3-26-06
So here's the deal: I sort of met a great girl in my "real" life out of the comic. It is a bit complicated though, so I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.
If you can't decide between a fictional girl and a real one, you are beyond even my help.
No, no. The real one lives far away, and just ended a long relationship, so we decided not to jump in all willy-nilly just yet, which is fairly reasonable, I think.
I don't think this is the great moral crisis you're making it out to be.
No, it's not; I'm just trying to figure out what the new dynamic in the comic should be, or if it even needs to change at all.
Have you ever considered putting a bit more of your obsessive-compulsive over-analysis into, say, writing a novel?

 

by somnambulist
3-27-06
*http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ LuckyGuess/341667
Dude, I didn't know you had a pre-order of Lucky's game* in Hell. Oh, yes, sweet! Power up!
What the...?
*http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ LuckyGuess/341669
The Asparagus Piss* of Christ compels you!
Seriously, this is the best thing ever. I can't wait 'til I find Jesus's secret robot lizard suit. And I heard that if you win fast enough, you get to play as Judas!
If I had known that you wanted to play Jesus, I would have gotten my nail gun.

 

by somnambulist
3-27-06
So why the glum face? It sounds like everything is fine, at least for now.
Oh, she's just got a date tonight, whereas all I've got planned is to watch an episode of "24" and maybe have a sandwich. I'm OK... it's just a bit weird.
Well, she didn't object to you doing the same, did she? Why not have a casual fling in the meantime? You look like you need to be flung, anyway.
I just wouldn't feel right about it. Plus who would it be? The crazy drunk I can never find, or the ones who email me once and then never write again?
Stephen, relax and put it all out of your mind for a while. You need to stop thinking with your brain for once.
Um... what part of me am I supposed to think with, then? Should I use my penis as a divining rod, or has the Day of the Pancreas finally arrived?

 

by somnambulist
3-28-06
I'm glad you came. I need to figure out a way to tell Steve that I'm bisexual. I'm worried it might not go so well.
Let me get this straight: you're concerned that a boy will be mad that his girlfriend wants to make out with other girls? Don't all guys pray for such a thing?
Well, yeah, but he's weird. He says he doesn't understand what guys find so arousing about watching it.
Hasn't he heard the Paul Reiser theory? You know... "It's naked and it's fun and I agree with both of them!"
No, he definitely can see why I'd find them attractive. But I know that he has a very exclusive preference for, um... audience participation.
Well, he thinks your nerdiness is sexy. Try telling him that you need a girl to help you find your clitoral eigenvalue.

 

by somnambulist
3-28-06
I'm just saying, take it easy and relax for a while. I can tell that you two really like each other. It'll all work out in the end.
You're probably right. I should g et back and see what Allison is... hey! Look who's here!
Yo! Remember me? Everyone's favorite furry rodent? The wily weasel of west Worcester?
Hey, Squirrel. What are you doing all the way out here? Have you been following me?
Maybe. Mostly, I just wanted to remind you that the name of the comic is "Steve and Squirrel," not "Steve and His Harem of Attractive Lady-Friends."
Actually, that was my original idea for the name. It just didn't leave any room for subtitles.

 

by somnambulist
3-28-06
It's going to be a long year...
Hey, Mr. Steve. I was going through our safe and found out that the prior treasurer had been hoarding $18,000 in it since last July.
Um, OK. But why did you bring it all to me in a big brown envelope?
Don't you take care of making deposits at the bank?
I'm a budget guy, not your god damned armored car service.
Do you want this indecipherable spreadsheet that I made detailing what all of the money is for?
Sure, but first I'm going to pummel you with a large blunt object until you learn about "print gridlines."

 

by somnambulist
3-30-06
So what have you been up to lately?
Oh, just trying to get something done on my novel.
Cool. Anything promising yet?
Well, I'm trying to do a modern-day remake of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
Given some of the subject material, how, exactly, would that work?
I named one of the characters "Wigger Jim."

Showing page 2.

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