All comics by smamurai

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by smamurai
10-13-03
Lt. Tarquin and Constable Frenzy are out on their 1st patrol together...
Hand me the keys you fucking cocksucker!
Ha Ha! Oh man I love that fucking movie. I think you and I are going to get along just fine.
I SAID HAND ME THE KEYS YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER!
Hmmmn, you're not talking about that movie are you? Here, take the keys already.
I haven't seen a fucking movie since 1981 you fucking cocksucker!
I was warned about you, cah-cah mouth.

 

by smamurai
10-13-03
The call comes in, innocent people are being gunned down outside the roller-disco....
Ok let's roll. There's a 187 going down at the junction on 5th and Dock Street. The perps have been described as gun-happy crazy assholes wearing Adidas sneakers.
Ok, you drive.
[Over the radio]~~ There's been two more people shot~~we think one of them might be one of ours~~give them some back-up~~
Woah! Hold on, back it up a second there. Would you mind re-winding a little and repeating what you just said, huh? Care to refresh my memory constable?
Sure lieutenant. I said you should drive.
A lesson to be learned. If you forget the chain of command and start sassing your superiors it only buys the criminals more time.
I'm the one who gives orders round here. Don't you EVER presume to tell me what to do. In fact you're walking. I just had the seats cleaned anyway and it will give you time to think about what you did
I am going to change into my Adidas sneakers so I can run faster. Please don't shoot me when I get there.

 

by smamurai
10-13-03
Lieutenant Tarquin has fell asleep at the wheel, and it seems even the screams..............................
Hand me the keys you fucking cocksucker
Hand ME the keys you fucking cocksucker
...........from the passenger seat cannot awake him from his horrible knightmare.
Hand-me-the-keys-you-fucking-cocksucker what the fuck.
Hand me the keys you fucking cocksucker motherfucker ARRRRGGH!
NOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!
Now constable Frenzy are we quite, quite sure it is numbers one through to four who have been harrassing you and making you feel under-valued in the workplace?
Yes constable Frenzy, we are sure. Can we send him on a course now to build up his team-spirit and self-esteem?

 

by smamurai
10-13-03
An off-duty Tarquin leaves the bar and begins to weave his way home when....
I'm sorry ma'am, could you please step over here for a second.
What was that?
I think I'm going to need to take a closer look at the walking stick. You wouldn't want to be caught violating a code six now would you?
Good gracious no, I haven't been in trouble with the law in all my 96 years officer. Here you go, please be quick, I'm not as steady on my legs as I used to be.
Now that's what you do, you take away their 1st line of defense then you use it against them. That stick was a code six the minute it left the shop. The end was as sharp as a nail.
But why did she have to die lieutenant? Why? If you did'nt have taxi fare you could have just called me. You only live two blocks from the bar.

 

by smamurai
10-14-03
What a day. What a beauitiful day. Ahhh! Constable Frenzy you took your time. Hand me the brown paper bag you cocksucker.
Lieutenant Tarquin I'm sorry, They were sold out of apple sauce donuts, I had to buy you a pineapple donut instead.
The Lt. turns the situation into a crime parable, hoping to teach his partner about initiative...
You realise there are 4 shops in a 5-mile radius of here that sell apple donuts? God forbid apple donuts ever start commiting crimes constable. You wouldn't find one if it was sellotaped to your chin.
I'm riding in the trunk again today aren't I?
Yes and this time I want you to turn over to me any blankets you might be hiding, BEFORE you get in there.
Yes sir.

 

by smamurai
10-14-03
Before we go turn over that hookers apartment I want you to do me a favour. Take a pop at me. I mean it, hit me as hard as you can on my face. Just let loose and let one fly.
Your kidding right? Last time you asked me to do that you ended up shooting my right knee off.
For assaulting a police officer you were lucky to get away with your life intact buddy. I could have so easily killed you for that. You owe me for saving your life that day.
Whatever! Look Lieutenent, there is no way you are going to make me throw a punch at you today.
You do realise that if you disobey a direct order from your superior I am legally allowed to thread a tire-iron through your eyes? It's all in the book.
How come my operating procedure manual isn't written in felt-tip? Is it because I'm only a constable?

 

by smamurai
10-14-03
Now I want you to clean these cells inside and out ok? When I check on them tomorrow I want to be able to see my face in these bars.
You know Lieutenet Tarquin we do have a cleaner who is supposed to do all these kind of jobs. It makes no sense to waste a trained policeman on this, why dont we get him to do it?
Can't. He's riding with me today. We're about to go out on a call.
By that I take it you mean you are using a precinct employee to clean out your garage?
He's the only one I can trust to watch my back on that job. The last time I let you do it you broke one of my mops.
How long do you intend to dock my wages for that mop. My house is in danger if I don't keep up the payments.

 

by smamurai
10-14-03
Ok now this punk lives on the 57th floor right. Get me my shotgun out the trunk and then wait here. No-one in my city dodges 3 parking tickets and lives to tell the tale. I hate that scum!
Lieutenent, we can't just kill this guy. We have to arrest him, but first we need to get a warrant. What you're talking about is murder.
We decorate the inside of the elevator so it looks like an apartment, when the perp comes in I pull out my shotgun and shoot him for breaking and entering.Theres not a court in the land can touch me.
But why do I have to wait down here?
Theres a furniture truck due to arrive soon. I need you to carry the stuff in and arrange it so it looks like a room. Do a some light hoovering but don't go mad, the carpet doesn't have to be perfect.
I'll wake you when I'm done.

 

by smamurai
10-15-03
So what was going on up there? Why was internal affairs swarming all over our shit this morning?
It seems someone in our department has been using the office internet to download illegal porn. Whoever it is , he has downloaded so much that there is no memory left to store new criminal records.
Well it can't be me constable, hell, I have never been on that internet thing in my life. I wouldn't even know how to turn on the...what's it called again? A computer or something.
That's right sir, it's called a computer. But wasn't it you who called tech support the other day because you couldn't retrieve files? You must have used a computer before.
STFU n00b!
.......

 

by smamurai
10-15-03
Hi Mr Vet. My box-turtle is about ready to hibernate for the winter. My teacher said I should get him checked out first before he goes to sleep. So my mom booked an appointment and here I am.
Your turtle will be fine kiddo,there's millions of years of animal instinct packed into each one of them hairy critters.As long as you dont feed them after midnight it'll be ok.
But my turtle is'nt hairy, here take a look.
Remember, when it comes time to wake 'em you will have to pistol whip her gently behind the ears........OH MY GOD THERE'S GOOKS ALL AROUND, IT'S AN AMBUSH, LOOK OUT!
FIRE IN THE HOLE!!
I can't believe you just bit the head off my turtle and threw it's body out the window at them pigeons over there. Pigeons don't even look like gooks, don't you watch T.V?

 

by smamurai
10-15-03
Why do you keep staring over there at that bulls penis? You're not a queer are you?
Do you even know what a homosexual is? Looking at an animals cock would not make a human being a queer of the species.
I get it. And just because you fondle a dog's wiener doesn't mean you're a sick pervert. Right? RIGHT?
Depends. If you lick your fingers afterwards you may be on the slippery slope that eventually leads to dog-beefing.
Illegal in nine States if I`m not mistaken.
But you know, times change, it may be an Olympic sport by 2016, in which case you would be stupid not to get in some training now.

 

by smamurai
10-15-03
prowling the seedy nite-club, serial killer Serial Sam spots his prey...
Hey there pretty girl wanna party? I got everything a growing girl needs, cocaine, ketamine, pepto-bismol.
Get lost creep. Drugs are for losers and so is this place. I'm outta here.
Later that night....
(Yawns) Oh my God? Where am I? Who are you? Why am I naked? What are you going to do with that gun? DONT SHOOT ME!
Can I interest you in another glass of Rohypnol my haughty beauty? Hee hee hee hee! You've been a bad slut haven't you?
The hunt is on....
Get my skis from the Winnebago constable. Once you have done that you can start cleaning that deer I shot this morning.
But Sir,the letter from Serial Sam?We're supposed to be looking for a body.We've been here 9 days and come to think of it,I'm sure Sam said the body would be found at Ash St. Motel not Aspen Colorado.

 

by smamurai
10-16-03
WE'RE GONNA CRASH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
OH MY GOD! Aim for some trees.
You know we were cruising at 27,000 ft. before we hit that other plane.
So what ypu're saying is that even at terminal velocity it's gonna take us about five or so minutes to hit ground zero?
Yep, pretty much. God I'm bored.
Got any fast acting laxitives? There's a coupla lines in it for ya. [sniff]

 

by smamurai
10-16-03
Are there any recent mothers on the plane? I have always wanted to juggle 5 new-born babies.
Sure why not? I mean we're all going to die in about two minutes, we might as well enjoy a little cabaret. here, I have twins you can use. I'm sure others will help.
You guys are great. Now I have 5 babies, I can't believe I'm actually getting to live out my dream.
Have fun with it. Start the show already.
Also does anyone have any lighter fluid?
Now that's just sick.

 

by smamurai
10-16-03
Hi there kid. I can see you're going through a lot of stuff right now. Trust me you are not weird. I'm Geoff and I'm a child-psychologist. If you just let me in I promise I can help ease your pain.
You can't help me, no-one can. The other kids call me weirdy-weirdy-weird-beard even though I have no facial hair. I'm scared and lonely and I'll never trust you.
Ok so I trust you now and I'm willing to tell you everything. I SEE DEAD PEOPLE. Ok can I go now? You won't be able to help me. You should stay away from me.
Now listen son I am not going anywhere. If you stick with me we can get you through this. I know you believe you can see dead people but I'll make you see that's just not possible.
I know in the script, at the end you're a ghost and everything but I really think wardrobe might have fucked up a little with your outfit. I just think the sheet thing has ruined the twist a little.
It has a bit, hasn't it?

 

by smamurai
10-16-03
kiwi
quota
void
x-ray
zoom
Zoom eh? So then I really was sent here to kill you. But before I do, you offered me a kiwi earlier, tell me, are they of the sweet variety?

 

by smamurai
10-17-03
A field, somwhere in Wales...
Hello Cadfan my boyo. I wonder where Dyfan has got to. He's usually here at the crack of dawn warming up the ladies for us.
So you haven't heard then Huw? He got himself arrested yesterday. Terrible scene it was too.
By all the daffodils! What did he do this time then?
He was caught masturbating using a sheep-skin glove. Naked he was, in the middle of the street.
How unlucky can you be eh? What did they charge him with then?
Necrophillia!

 

by smamurai
10-17-03
I totally aced the English literature test man. I got like 92%. I studied for it too.
That's cool man. I failed it miserably. It's lloking like I'm gonna fail the whole class. Everyone is disappointed in me.
Really? What did professor Stone Cold say? I bet he was pissed at you.
He said......
YOU NEED TO DO SOME HOMEWORK ON THOSE ABS SON. HELL YEAH etc.

 

by smamurai
10-17-03
Say handsome, that's some slick lookin dreads you got there.
You know I've been bald from 4th grade, and I know that round about this time of night you take a shit out the window through a colander.
I do indeed, so what's your point?
Are you going to take responsibility for the shit on my head this time.
Not without proper D.N.A testing no.
I'm never eating spaghetti at your house again.

 

by smamurai
10-17-03
*click*
zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hey, what were you doing sleeping in my room?
This is MY room. What are you doing in here?
Hey, hey, hey look at us, we're squabbling like a homeless hobo and a scared little boy. Shame on both of us. Let's just call it OUR room. My wife and kids can stay in the wall-space.
MOM! DAD! Chevy Chase circa 1975 is trying to steal our house again, and this time I think he's got AIDS! ......................... Are those my old shoes you're wearing?

 

by smamurai
10-20-03
I don't have long Dre, what did you want to speak to me about?
I just don't know where this relationship is going. I get the feeling you just use me.
Well?
Are you kidding? With my good looks, brains, street smarts and your all-terrain vehicle You and I could go places Dre.
Yeah we do make a good team don't we?
Pick me up at 8 O'clock. I have a date.

 

by smamurai
10-20-03
Yo Slick is the maddest mother fucker in here. We should go chill with him. The guys a riot.
He won't force the bum-sex on me?
Not unless you want him to.
Really? He sounds like a gentleman.
What you got for us Slick? You gonna make this trip worthwhile?
I'm not sayin anythin funny till you pay me five cigarettes, a roll of toilet paper and a magazine from this year....each.

 

by smamurai
10-20-03
The ship is in trouble, something or someone is threatening the ship somehow, if the situation doesn't improve she`ll be blown or ripped to bits, what can we do?
We`re doomed Cap'n, we dont have anything on the ship that we can possibly use to counteract this deadly peril.
Is there not something on the ship that perhaps we can tweak a little, and by tweak I means reverse its polarity or maybe bolt it onto another piece of the ships technology to somehow solve this?
There is such an item or items, but Cap'n it will be dangerous the chances of our surviving such a course of action are like, really close to nil. We will probably die just as badly.
Just make it happen Spork, if we do nothing we will die anyway. So go ahead and do the thing with the thing already.
Ok I just did it. Did you feel the shaking when I did it Cap'n? I can't believe it but we made it through. Ok so shall we do this again, say.......same time next week?

 

by smamurai
10-21-03
Good afternoon Mr.Boss. It's good to have you back, did you enjoy your honeymoon?
I've had better. Say, what's with the icy temp in here?
But the heating is on full blast sir, I'm sweating like Kobe over here.
And you are also very stupid. I am talking about that fridgid secretary. When I asked her where my usual blond good-looking secretary was she called me a sexist pig. What's up with that cold bitch?
Try to tone down the man-hating a little, it's freaking me out. You should take notes from my other secretary, she's a team player.
It's not in my job description to answer the phone 'tits-out'.

 

by smamurai
10-21-03
Get a move on Cindy, I dont want to be late for my tee-off with Dr. Poppers. PICK UP THE BAG, DONT DRAG IT WOMAN.
Ahhhh! Mr. James Boss, we have been expecting you.
Dr. Poppers! Care to tell me about your plans for worldwide distribution?
All in good time Mr.Boss. But first, let us play a game.
Say, that's a stunning filly you have caddying for you Dr.Poppers. Mind if I have a crack at her?
Be my guest Mr.Boss, ha ha ha good luck though, she is a feisty man-hater. I had the hardest time getting her to caddie top-less.

 

by smamurai
10-22-03
Bertie is deep in prayer when a vision of the Lord appears, slightly singeing his new carpet..
Dear Lord above. Please save my coma wife. Please forgive me for slipping the ATV into cruise-control then climbing on the roof to car-surf, while my wife was sleeping in the back seat.
Bertie! I am the voice of God. When you go to the hospital you will find your wife is awake again. In return I command you to give more to charity.
But I already give two dollars a month to United Way, what more can I do? Have I not given of myself enough already?
Give them a fish and they will be able to feed their family for a day. But give them the tools to farm and they can feed themselves for a lifetime. You must go to Ethiopia, buy a tractor & help farm.
Forgive me for questioning you O' Lord. My fate is in your hands. I will go to Ethiopia and preserve life in your name. How can I fail with the wisdom of the Lord behind me?
Ahhh, I can see it now, beautiful fields, with row after row of assorted fish. Cod, Haddock and Trout growing strong with the suns light and the soils earthy goodness.

 

by smamurai
10-22-03
The First rule about being a wizard is, You do not talk about being a wizard. The second rule about being a wizard is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT OUR SMALL WIZARD COCKS!
..?..
You dig?
But I don't have a small wizard cock. Yes, I am a wizard, but my cock is on the happy side of average. It's not a mutually inclusive deal.
Good work son, I see you have been reading the manual.
I'm not lying. I can show you it if you like.....what manual?

 

by smamurai
10-22-03
Well done son. Even under my harsh questioning you have failed to break down and admit the truth about your small wizard cock. You're a credit to the trade my boy.
Look, how long have you been a wizard?
Well since I was born, we all were. Wizards are born wizards, and they will die wizards.
And how many other wizards cocks have you seen in your lifetime?
None, but my doctor said....
..That's just what people say to wizards who have small cocks. Your a wizard for crying out loud, if he told you any different you would have fried him.

 

by smamurai
10-23-03
*sob* Awwwwwwwwww *sniff*
Dear God
*sob* I have nothing left to live for. All my life I believed that all wizards had small wizard cocks. I'm ruined, my 2nd rule is a sham. Oh the shame, I am the only wizard with a small wizard cock.
Hey, hey, hey man. Look I was only joking. I too have a small wizard cock, we all do. I have a tiny wizard cock tis true. We are the same.
Aha! Psyche! You fell for the oldest trick in the book. Now that you have broken the 2nd rule I will tell all the other wizards. You will be banished from our coven You disgust me.
Oh for fucks sake. I only said that so you would'nt do anything crazy like kill yourself. I'm seriously hung man.

 

by smamurai
10-23-03
*sobs* Jesus Christ man I can't believe you did that.
I had to.
Oh man I'm ruined. Why did you do that?
I had to.
Can I see it again?
No, mister grabby-hands.

 

by smamurai
10-24-03
Boy, how much crap do you think gets thrown in here on a daily basis?
Hard to say...
Plaice your bets! ( somebody shoot me please )
Hi! I'd like to dabble my hand in crap.
Pick any table you like sir, we have hundreds here at the (ahem) Solid Goldfish Ca-sea-no, where 'it's not just the waves who are the high-rollers.' etc.

 

by smamurai
10-28-03
When a shark is humming the theme from JA\/\/S you know he is out to get you..
O God, hear me now. If you can get me out of this I swear I will build a church......
Dee dum, dee dum
....in your name.....
I have saved you my child, remember to make good on your promise.
.....out of LEGO. Ha ha sucker!
Oh, ah you little... I hate it when that happens.

 

by smamurai
10-28-03
Hey Davey Bane, What's up with your expanding waistline?
It's all the protein I have been taking. I am in training.
What are you training for this time?
I'm going to enclose myself in a cramped box for forty days and nights. My only sustenance will be liquid, fed to me through a tube.
You're going to stay in the toilets at the railway station giving blow-jobs to complete strangers again, aren't you?
Be amazed as my self-respect, vanishes into thin air.

 

by smamurai
10-28-03
Ok now give me your hand. Put them down here beneath my hands. Can you feel any warmth?
Yes I can, it's like there is a heat on my hands.
Keep focussing. Now it's going to get hotter and hotter. You will want to pull your hands away but you must focus. Look straight into my eyes.
Ow I can really feel it. It's hot! It's burning me!
Here it comes and....THERE! Is this the pop-tart you were thinking of? Be careful it's hot.
Nice catch. Hey it's strawberry! Strawberry was the pop-tart I was thinking of.

 

by smamurai
10-28-03
No morsel of food shall pass my lips till all the killing stops. We must continue with the non-violent protests.
But you will die Mr. Rhandi. Already you are too weak to move.
Was Ghandi a christian? I don't really know nor care.
What the? Where on earth am I?
Ahh Mr.Rhandi, your bid to starve yourself has been a resounding success. Of course, as a christian you know what happens to people who commit suicide don't you?
Why is Rhandi's skeleton so smug if his soul has been sent to purgatory? Even I don't know the answer.
That'll teach them.
Oh bloody golly, quick, get me two taco's over here, stat!

 

by smamurai
10-29-03
Just leave the pizza on the doorstep please, the money is under the doormat.
Lord, it is I, Father O'Irish. We have have suceeded in traking down and killing the spawn of Satan. You were in peril for she was quickly bearing down on this location.
Really? My child that is fantastic news. You made sure of it?
Oh yes. She clearly had the mark of the beast on her left hand. It was the colour of blood and read, 555-0139. Never before have I seen such an evil in the guise of a human.
555-0139? But that's my phone number. Do you think that perhaps this number may have been written in red felt-tip and you have just murdered the pizza delivery girl?
Well now that you mention it, the evil hell-breed was wielding a bread-based savoury. We just assumed it was evil pizza. The anchovies were palpable.

 

by smamurai
10-29-03
Dr. Kibner I don't know what's going on. People have been acting strangely all day now. It's like they all know something I don't. I sometimes think they are all staring at me me.
Elizabeth you are overreacting. I think you should go home, take a good look in the mirror then get yourself some sleep. What you are saying is quite illogical.
Hmmn Dr. Kibner seemed nervous somehow......Oh my God, look at this man, he is staring right at me. Should I say something to him?
Hey good lookin!
SKWAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! Oh I think I'm gonna be sick. You have a huge slice of pepperoni stuck to your cheek you filthy girl.

 

by smamurai
10-30-03
I swear it wasn't me. I wasn't even in the city when the King's favourite blind child was spat on.
We'll see about that. BRING ON THE LIAR-A-TRON-2000!!
It wasn't me. I was outside the city gates when the eyeball-challenged offspring of the King was attacked with saliva.
HE IS LYING! HE IS LYING! ALL GEESE ARE FRENCH!
It's a set-up I tell you. Are you going to take a robots word over that of a hard-working citizen?
Who can tell with that nonsense spouting machine? It's time like these I wish we had paid the extra and got the TRUTH-A-TRON-2000.

 

by smamurai
10-31-03
This is rockin' dude. We must be the 1st school in the state to get a convertible school bus.
Oh yeah! We either have a really cool school-board or we are feeling the brunt of a recession.
What do you mean?
Well, this is just a standard school bus except the roof and windows have been sawn off. Less materials equals less cost.
Less materials also equals more wind dude. Have you forgotten about the cool breeze through our hair?
The 20 odd pieces of roadside grit in each of my eyes tells me I may never forget it.

 

by smamurai
10-31-03
You know what I love about riding a convertible school bus?
The stinging red eyes and the chapped lips?
No. The fresh air and the fact that you get to see more of what goes on around you.
I believe I have just swallowed a seagull.
Was it a Herring Gull or a Swallow-Tailed Gull?
Am I in biology class already mother-fucker?

 

by smamurai
10-31-03
Do you think the driver of this bus is getting grumpier?
I don't know, but the icicles on his eyebrows are definitely getting longer. Why?
I asked him where the emergency exits were in the case of a crash.
Dude, we are on a convertible school bus. Everywhere you look there is an emergency exit.
He got real touchy with me. He took it as an insult that I thought he might one day crash the bus. He said this bus was his baby and he knows it inside and out.
Well we can't argue with that. See how even now he is using the air-currents to carry hot coffee droplets to your face.

 

by smamurai
10-31-03
Shit she's coming.
Miss Barenheiman what are you doing back here?
Now children I don't need to remind you that this convertible school bus operates a zero-tolerance in regards to graffiti.
Oh yeah?
Then how do you explain the spray-can in his hands?
Yeah!

 

by smamurai
10-31-03
INCOMING!
What the?
You guys did you see my skirt? I was trying to save time, I have got gym my 1st period
Try checking the head of my friend back there.
Can you just chill out man. She said "she had got gym her 1st period." You're being neurotic now.
I'm scarred for life man. I swear I can taste blood in my mouth. Must find toothbrush.

 

by smamurai
10-31-03
Nearly half-term and despite many many minor injuries this bus has always managed to get us to school on time.
Watch out here comes Miss Barenheiman.
Children I don't want to alarm you but...... is there anyone here qualified to drive a convertible school bus?
I had to open my big mouth didn't I?
You know I really regret not having that wank this morning now. My freaking bitch of a mom got me out of bed early.
Hey at least you had time to tell her how much you hated her.

 

by smamurai
10-31-03
I can't believe we've still got the same old driver. He nearly killed us yesterday with that stunt.
What stunt?
You know? When he flipped us onto two wheels then destroyed the local street market.
Dude the guy was in a hypothermic coma, do you know how cold it can get at the front of a convertible school bus?
I just think maybe he's been watching to many Fall-Guy re-runs, he needs to be more cautious in future. Maybe try to keep a little warmer.
But he is always wrapped up like an arctic explorer, and you know what happened when he lit that camp-fire last time.

 

by smamurai
10-31-03
You know I love this bus. I love the fresh air. It feels like you're jogging at 60mph, without using your legs. I have never felt fitter.
Are you kidding this bus is a death trap.
Oh yeah?
Yeah! Theres so much jagged metal around and I keep ripping my clothes on all the broken hack-saw blades that are stuck in what's left of the sides of this bus.
But a convertible school bus is so much lighter. Without the savings the school have made on petrol we would never have got new gym changing-rooms.
Dude, have you never noticed how much our new changing-rooms look like the top half of an old school bus?

 

by smamurai
11-05-03
Moooooooom!
There's a monster in my closet!
Oh, don't be silly, here, I'll show you...
Madam I assure you your son has got me all wrong. For you see I am a mincer and I am most definitely OUT of the closet.
Well I am afraid you and your naked boyfriend will have to leave. I need to lock my son in there for getting me out of bed with his unfounded stories about monsters in closets.

 

by smamurai
11-10-03
You join us here at the first round of the 'Open Scrabble Tournement' my name is Jack Zebra, and this promises to be an exciting match-up.
Playing today against the No.1 seed we have a relatively unknown contender in the form of 12 year old Cletus Wolf.
You can start
YOINKS!!
And Cletus Wolf has just turned and ran out of the building, I don't know what has happened just yet but what an explosive start to the proceedings.
What the..? Where is he going..? Wait a minute, IPWNJOO? It isn't even a word.

 

by smamurai
11-11-03
Wow, this sure is a nice house!!!
I just got it!!!
What the hell did you do to get this???
Well.....
You sold all our geese to farmer Gates??? Did he get our cereal crops as well?
No, he only coveted our gaggle not corn.

 

by smamurai
11-14-03
This is your stewardess speaking. The pilots have been decapitated and the steering mechanism has locked. Are there any Pro-skateboarders on the plane?
I used to be Pro, before the incident. If only you saw the look on those mothers faces. I will never skateboard again.
I heard about that, it was a tough break. Kids died. But you used to be the best and now you have the chance to save some kids. Only you have the balancing skills to ride this plane down safely.
Damn bitch! You is smokin gurl! Ok everybody take your seats and do exactly as I say. If I lean to the left or right try to copy my moves as best as you can. Woman, you best find someplace safe to sit
You did it Champ! A lot of people would like to say a big thanks to you, including me.
I feel like I can Pro-skate again. And now, if you would like to take that bra off and come over here....... I got me some babies to juggle.

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