Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

2801. fed ex driver? 3

by mandingo on January 10, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by mandingo
1-10-07
i mean for fuck's sake, what's he go for, 280? 285?
i played football in high school!
he played football in high school!

2802. You're a Book Store, Aintcha?

by christopher7murphy on January 6, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

Can I just have my meal, please?
I CAN'T believe you won't help me! The book I want was reviewed in today's paper!
Sir, I didn't see today's paper yet.
Why list the book in the paper if you're not going to carry it?
Newspapers review books independently of OUR stock. I'll order the damn book for you when I go to work TOMORROW! ------------------------------NOW, CAN I HAVE MY BURGER and COKE!
Oh...I'm sorry. The Coke machine is busted. How about a shake?

2803. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on December 18, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
12-18-06
We've really been hard on Britney, Lindsey and Paris recently.
I was thinking that too.
It's easy to forget that so called "normal" people do stupid things too.
Yeah. Hey I got an idea! I'll troll the Internet and the first news story I find of somebody doing something stupid we'll post it. I wonder how long it will take?
Three minutes. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061219/ap_on_fe_st/bad_crack (With a little help from IvyThePlant!)
Could you just repeat that again for me. I just want to make sure I have the story straight.
I don't know what the problem is, officer. Someone sold me some bad Crack. I want to file a report.

2804. Frustration

by HotRodDeathToll on September 13, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by HotRodDeathToll
9-13-06
What's this?
"Anna Nicole Smith's son died"
WHY GOD?
WHY COULDN'T IT BE HER?

2805. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on September 3, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
9-03-06
So, Joaquin.... you want to be Ranger's World resident relationship counselor....tell me why we would take you on?
I know women. You could say: "I'm down with the ladies." I know what they want, I know what they need. My sexual adventures are legendary.
You smell like Spam.
Hot and Spicy Spam, darlin'. Hot AND Spicy....

2806. sam i am 4 -- sam's eye view

by mandingo on July 19, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by mandingo
7-19-06
♫ ...and Lord of Lords♫
♫ forever and ever HALLELUJAH HALLELUJAH!♫
that was great, sam! Father Michaels would like to see you about joining the adult choir! he's back in his living quarters

2807. Take Back

by Scyess on April 6, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Scyess
4-06-06
See ya. I'm going to the "Take Back the Night" walk to protest sexual assault.
A protest? Good idea.
Because really, so many violent rapists are just unaware that what they're doing is socially unacceptable.
It's hard to believe what people will to do feel like they're making a difference.
Whatever. As long as they leave their teenage daugthers at home alone.

2808. tracking africa

by mandingo on April 1, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by mandingo
4-01-06
i greet your people with all the respect they deserve
oomboog oot akka launy ooo
i'm surprised she's still translating for him after the breakup
my balls taste of vanilla

2809. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on March 24, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
3-24-06
I've called this press conference to announce that due to the upcoming film supposedly based on my life, I will no longer be known as Energy Grrl. I am Shayna, ArrowMaster.
How did you come up with the costume?
With the help of some very thoughtful people at Abercrombie & Fitch I was able to come up with a costume that was more representative of who I am....
Abercrombie and Fitch, Somerset Mall, Troy, MI
I'm impressed....you finally got rid of that gaudy hoody thing. I can't believe someone would want something that is so....yesterday.
She was 29, dude. Easy pickings....

2810. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on March 15, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
3-15-06
Ok, I'm not sure I like this, but I've committed to be respectful, tolerant and to cooperate fully in the making of this movie.
Yeah, whatever.
Making complaints about the costume, or you for that matter, would just cause problems. So since you're playing me, do you have any questions?
Yeah, I do. Is that your actual breast size or are you taping yourself down?
BITCH gotta go!
I'm serious. I mean, with the abundance of high quality push up bras nowadays there's just no excuse for that.

2811. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on March 7, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
3-07-06
I know we haven't been doing HeroVille for awhile but, me? In a movie?? I think I'll pass.
EnergyGrrl. Boobie. Superhero movies are the 'in thing' and a good looking woman will definitely pack the audiences in.
I think the whole genre is getting tired. I mean come on: "BloodRayne?!"
That's why our script is different. We want to explore the human side of being a hero. We want to break down expectations and challenge the audience.
In other words you want me to wear a black rubber form fitting suit to cover up the fact that your script sucks.
Whoa, edgy! I like it! We'll include that on the DVD commentary....

2812. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on September 14, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
9-14-05
I hope you don't mind me asking you this, but how old are you?
20.
And I'll always be 20. That's the way it works. Female superheroes are always in their 20's. Cool, huh? And I get to beat the crap out of people.
That is unless you became male all of a sudden and were known as a dark, hardened, brooding character.
Exactly, and then I would be 28. Forever. I'm telling you you're in the wrong strip.

2813. Ranger's World: The Sidereal Stomp (Part 8)

by Ranger77 on September 5, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
9-05-05
"So, you feel better now?"
No. I feel bad. Really bad.
"They say violence never solves anything and you've certainly proven it today."
I mean I even told him to stand still while I took aim. I'm really sorry about this, B. I screwed up.
"Do you know how much those Herman Miller chairs cost?? I had just broken it in...."
I know, I know. I just can't believe I missed the bastard.

2814. Ranger's World: The Sidereal Stomp (Part 6)

by Ranger77 on September 3, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
9-03-05
Ivy, this is serious. I've got some time traveling fixit guy here because you decided to get rid of Madonna.
B. Come on. We're talking about Madonna here. Look around....no one is missing her except easy listening radio stations and drag queens.
That's not the point. We've obviously broke something or else this guy wouldn't be here. I think the answer is pretty obvious.
*sigh* Ok. I'll lure this janitor guy into a stasis field to disorient him and then I'll hit him with a molecular disruptor. The temporal effects, and the smell, might be severe, but hey, whatever.
You may find this hard to believe but I was suggesting that we bring Madonna back.
I could just hit him with that Vibro-battleaxe I picked up recently, but all that blood and burning flesh....It's hard enough to get folks around here to clean the microwave in the break room.

2815. Ranger's World: The Sidereal Stomp (Part 5)

by Ranger77 on September 2, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
9-02-05
Listen, it was an accident. I hate to say it but things like that happen alot sound here.
Accident, huh? So tell me how, directly after this "accident," was Ivy able to tell Chuck that the only difference in this timeline was Madonna being gone.
Dammit. I'll be right back.
We have a whole file on her you know. She tried the same thing with Justin Timberlake in 2003.

2816. crayola

by mandingo on August 26, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by mandingo
8-26-05
Ronald, i love you, but i must break up with you
Jessica, why!
my father will never accept our love. he's from a different era
Jessica, this is love we're talking about! fuck your father!
no, young man. fuck YOU!

2817. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!"

by Ranger77 on August 20, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
8-20-05
And so....
So I guess after this "discussion" we know where you and other like minded folks stand on sex and violence in video games.
They say: "There's a place for everything and everything in its place." I believe there's a place for sex and violence.
Cable?
Or after 9pm during sweeps.

2818. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!"

by Ranger77 on July 11, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
7-11-05
Some are you have expressed disappointment in our venture into the world of daytime talk shows.
My brother and I can assure you that the best efforts are being made to make our show one of quality.
"For example, we are only canvassing the most upscale low income areas for exploitation. Our methods are quite modern."
Dammit!! I need more addresses for the Away Team!! Increase the GPS satellite coverage to include urban dollar stores and give me a trailer park scan, stat!
Me search engines canna take much more of this!!!
"Once suitable candidates have been located they are screened by our professional staff...."
If you admit to having an affair with over 20 guys BEFORE deciding to become a Lesbian, we'll throw in a bag of pork rinds, a bottle of Mogen David and a Chia Pet.
I'm in.

2819. i wonder

by mandingo on July 11, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by mandingo
7-11-05
i wonder who's tougher
HEY ASSHOLE! YOU THINK I CAN TAKE YOU?
who me? yah probably. you seem pretty pissed
i wonder who's a better speller

2820. Ranger's World presents: "Heroville"

by Ranger77 on June 25, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
6-25-05
Congratulations, EnergyGrrl. It seems you have completed the difficult task of choosing new members of the League despite your concerns.
Yep. I pretty much said 'screw it' and picked a bunch of people at random.
This should prove interesting.
I thought so.

2821. A comic for the world's hungry (including Ethiopians)

by mandingo on June 16, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by mandingo
6-16-05
Hello, I'm Brad Pitt.
And I'm Pauly the Penguin.
Every 5 seconds someone starves to death. Every 20, an infant. Yet we throw away enough food to feed twice that. But if you listen closely we can fix this in hours. Remember-every second counts.
And I was just gonna tell everyone about life as a penguin and why we like snow so much.
You first.
Thanks. Now there are 453 different types of snow...

2822. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on May 11, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
5-11-05
Can you believe it?! Swing Dancing. Don't you think there's a reason it went out of style?
Never underestimate the power of a GAP commerical. I think you need some advice.
I got some. Helena said I should calmly explain to Britney that dancing makes me uncomfortable and try to talk it out.
Sounds sensible. You could, of course, get a SECOND opinion.
Swing Dancing?! Dude, if I were you I'd figure out a way to break your leg before she asks you to start watching "The View" with her.
Thanks, Chuck. Really.

2823. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on April 1, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
4-01-05
I'm really worried....that IS NOT Captain Justice. We could have a problem on our hands. The results could be catastrophic.
Then again, he has increased everyone's pay by 35%, instituted a tuition reimbursment program and provided free soda and snacks in the break area.
So you would sell out the Defender's League over money and snacks!?!
Yes.
I did see some Snickers over there earlier....
Full bars too. None of that "fun size" bullshit.

2824. The Grumpy Afterlife of Catfish McGillicutty

by boloboffin on May 16, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

Catfish, ahoy!
Ahoy yourself, I'm dead down here.
by boloboffin, 5-16-07

2825. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!"

by Ranger77 on February 12, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
2-12-05
Now that we have our new "religion" ready to be rolled out to rich celebrities, we now have to align ourselves against an injustice.
Ah, I see. These guys love to pretend they are really interested in causes to help their popularity.
Correct. We just have to find something good to align ourselves against. Animal abuse....Third World injustices...
I'll talk to my Internet Consultant. I'm sure he'll be able to dig up something.
Bolivian Monkey Porn?
It gets worse. There's a fiery debate on the message boards: shaven vs unshaven.

2826. Stepdads

by BigFrank105 on March 25, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by BigFrank105
3-25-05
Well, son! I know we haven't seen each other much because of the divorce, but we're gonna have a fun day in the park!
Dad, face it. The only reason you took me here is so you can pick up hot single moms.
Correction: Hot ASIAN single moms.

2827. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on January 15, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
1-15-05
....REBOOTING.....SYSTEM ONLINE IN 1 MINUTE....
What the HELL is going on?
Something is wrong with OMNIBUS. I had to reboot it.
.....OMNIBUS ONLINE....QUERY RESUBMITTED: WHAT ACTION COULD BEST BENEFIT THE DEFENDERS LEAGUE?....
You can't just REBOOT that thing! It's hooked into the flight systems, life support....everything! Why did you think you had to do it?
I was doing some analysis and was coming up with bad data.
ANSWER: REPLACE THE CURRENT LEADERSHIP....REBOOOTING....
If you don't mind I'm just going to hang around the escape pods for awhile. Let me know when you get the answer you're looking for.
Maybe I should reformat the storage arrays....

2828. Ranger's World presents: "Yep, It's True!"

by Ranger77 on January 7, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
1-07-05
I wish you just go to this playoff game with me. It's going to be great.
Not interested, Dad.
I'm worried about you. You're into all these video games and Sci-Fi stuff way too much. You're growing into quite the geek, son. It's wasted energy if you ask me.
*sigh* I guess I'll go by myself then. Did you print off my Fantasy Football stats, yet?
Doing it now, Dad.

2829. Ranger's World presents: "Yep, It's True!"

by Ranger77 on December 20, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
12-20-04
Therapy continues....
You're doing real good. Let's continue. Cute pop singer with stinky feet who'll be divorced next year.
Who is Britney Spears?
Correct. An evil elixir, distilled from the bowels of the underworld.
What is Diet Coke?
Right. The solution for any major indiscretion, crime, felony or otherwise embarrasing, shameless and/or illegal act.
Umm....I'm going to say "What is a book deal?" , but I'm guessing it could also be "What is a TV Movie?" or "What is hosting your own Talk Show?"

2830. One decade ago

by boorite on December 17, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by boorite
12-17-04
Hello?
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
I hate Kurt's answering machine.
Hello, hello, hello, hello.

2831. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!"

by Ranger77 on October 14, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
10-14-04
I read this interesting article in the local "alternative paper."
That's pretty radical of you.
It was about the way men objectify women through advertising and the media in general. Really made me think.
Wow...if it affected you like that I should probably take a look myself. What page is the story on?
Somewhere in the middle near the phone sex ads. It's on the same page as the dance club pic with the big boobed girl. If you hit the escort and incall massage ads you've gone too far.
Got it.

2832. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on September 8, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
9-08-04
**You realize, of course, if you go back to Earth it will upset the Overmind's "Master Plan." You should have been more careful.**
**Yeah. Maybe we should just forget the whole thing. I mean do we REALLY need that key? After all, you're just my spouse. It's better to have you mad at me than the Overmind, right?**
**Be back in a couple of weeks.**

2833. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on August 28, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
8-28-04
Look, er...monk. I don't have a problem and I don't need....
Did it ever occur to you to just pretend like you're not a borderline sociopath to get Captain Justice off your back?
Wait for a couple of weeks and then claim some traumatic incident made you embrace your former dark persona.
That's....that brilliant! Why the hell didn't I think of that. You're a genius!
Naah. When you spend your first 20 years of life in a Shaolin temple, you tend to read ALOT of comic books.

2834. Ranger's World presents: "Yep, it's True!"

by Ranger77 on August 23, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
8-23-04
So there's this judge in Oklahoma who had to resign because he was caught on several occasions masturbating on the bench.
Reuters - Aug 19, 2004
Er....he was also seen using a penis pump and exposed himself to a court reporter.
*heh*
Geez. Tough crowd.

2835. People Tell Me Things

by AccentuateNegative on August 21, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

I remember the first time I came. I had no idea what had just happened and it freaked me out.
Yeah, I also discovered masturbation before my school's sex ed curriculum.
Yeah, I looked down and wondered what that stuff was all over my bathroom sink and counter.
Bathroom sink and counter?
All I knew is it tasted good.

2836. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on June 15, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
6-15-04
I'm glad to see you made it back from your recon mission alive. The Legion of Bad Deeds is a dangerous bunch.
I successfully infiltrated their organization. It was simple really....
Normally I prefer "in your face" crime fighting. But this corporate image thing they've created is dangerous.
More than you know. Their recruitment is up. They're offering competitive wages, profit sharing, and a killer benefit package with stock options.
Great Scott! It's worse than I thought. Anything else?
Yep, I quit. They offered me a company car. Escalade caddy, baby! Woo-Hoo!

2837. Ranger's World presents: "Yep, It's True!"

by Ranger77 on May 29, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
5-29-04
AP (via Yahoo): Fri, May 29, 2004
Dad?
Dad, I really think you're overreacting. College is a time to explore and challenge one's self regardless of cost.
(I really wish I was making this up: http://www.slayage.tv/)
Fainting because I've decided to focus my studies on "Buffy and the new American Buddhism" is just a reflection on how close minded and 'uncool' you are.

2838. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on May 21, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
5-21-04
Meanwhile at the "Legion of Bad Deeds", a new leader emerges....
The League of Defenders or whatever they're calling themselves this week are ruining our position as an evil organization, plain and simple.
To combat this I've devised a nine point plan that will enhance our ability to cause mayhem and destruction.
And....?
*sigh* I've approved 'Casual Fridays' and Skittles are now available at the snack bar.
Hurrah!!

2839. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!"

by Ranger77 on May 12, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
5-12-04
Sugar.....Pasta.....Bread....must consume.....ARRRR!
Atkins?
Atkins. Day 3, I think.

2840. Spam W0rld (Interrupting cow wh.....MOO!)

by Ranger77 on March 15, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
3-15-04
You have killed my Sensei. Now you must die.
Uhh....if you're talking about that monk he's at the Starbuck's across the street probably selling more bootleg DVDs.
You disgrace his memory. Now you must die.
I'll disgrace more than that if he doesn't give a refund on that Hellboy disc. It was just the trailer over and over again.
You're reign of terror is over.
HEL-LO. Am I talking to myself here?

2841. Poor donkey.

by ObiJo on February 28, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by ObiJo
2-28-04
What are you doing?
I'm peeing on the hooker.
I see that, but why? Aren't there better ways to spend your life?
Later...
What are you doing?

2842. Ranger's Spam W0rld

by Ranger77 on February 8, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
2-08-04
And now, a very special episode....
J A N E T - J A C K S ON - E X P O S E D - >Adults Only<
Get bent. I don't do crossovers.
What the fuck, Trevor. You said they were on board for this.

2843. Breakup 6

by ObiJo on February 3, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by ObiJo
2-03-04
And you go with him.

2844. Spam W0rld (Take a BITE out of crime!)

by Ranger77 on February 1, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
2-01-04
Hold evil doer! I am Captain Justice and I will stop your spam and viral tainted villainy.
What the....?
Yes, now you fear the cleansing hand of Justice! Surely you realize you cannot win against....
your manhood. how to get it bigger, or if its possible....that you got it bigger!
Really? Well I guess I could at least take a look at the email. I mean just reading it won't hurt....
Like a short old guy in a Dodge Viper, superheros are always trying to compensate for something. Heh-heh.

2845. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on October 3, 2003
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
10-03-03
An unexpected development....
So I'm only gone a minute and then I find you talking to some slutty teenager.
First, you were gone for 68 minutes. Second, you missed the fact that I talked to an assortment of cerebral waste before you saw me. Third, slutty is an unfair assessment.
I saw the way she was looking at you....twirling her hair....Are you trying to tell me you didn't find her attractive?
All I saw was a very young girl looking for career advice which I gave.
Right. Sure. I'll be waiting in the car. We need to talk.
Note to self: Insult a few people, stare at a few titties and you get an early release. Now for the hard part....

2846. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on October 3, 2003
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
10-03-03
Eventually....
....I'm just fascinated by legal shows and I'm a Court TV junkie so I thought I'd go into Environmental Law.
That's a pretty smart choice. I'd say go for it. Keep up the academics and don't let anyone discourage you.
Well thanks. I\'m glad I talked to you. Especially since you looked lonely over here by yourself. I do have to ask you about the glowing eyes and angry snorting, though.
Who me? I'm not....
No, that woman with the large head and orange hair coming this way.
Ah yes....you might want to leave now. And fast.

2847. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on September 18, 2003
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
9-18-03
Bick holds a press conference....and gets real....
We're really confident that "Mr. Big Stick for the Ex Porn Chick" will be a success.
Bick, isn't it true that reality television represents a creative deficit in Hollywood?
Not at all. This show actually explores relationships and ethics in our society in a way that the common man can understand. Its really about being a microcosm of our fears, anxieties and dreams.
Isn't that overstating things a bit.
*sigh* Ok, fuck it. Pepsi just gave us a shitload of advertising money and I just put a down payment on some beachfront property in Florida. Any OTHER questions?
Damn, I hate geeks with money....

2848. Ranger's World: A Distant Breaking Wind (Part 7)

by Ranger77 on September 5, 2003
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
9-05-03
A mother-daughter interlude....
I just don't understand you Helena.
Mom....look, yes I joined a comic strip but the guys I work with are pretty cool.
"Pretty cool guys" don't pay the bills honey. You had a good career going and you blew it all for this uncertain, unstable .... thing!
It....was.....time for a change. Besides if this company becomes our sponsor, I'll get paid a decent salary.
You WERE getting $5000 a gig. Why in the hell did you give up porn?! What the hell were you thinking?!
Maybe I got tired of hearing all these producers talk about my Mom's ability to take the "high hard one" in the good old days.

2849. Ranger's World: A Distant Breaking Wind (Part 3)

by Ranger77 on August 31, 2003
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Ranger77
8-31-03
We're flattered, but more than a little concerned about this offer to sponsor us.
Don't worry about it. That's why you hired me. When their legal counsel gets here, I'll find out their true intentions
"Guys, the lawyer from that company is here."
Thanks Helena. Ok...I'll be up in the control room. Kick their ass.
Consider it done.
How ya doin'! Bruce Azog, Media Relations for D&G.
This should be interesting....

2850. Comic Contest 22: One-Note Characters

by Scyess on April 12, 2001
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

by Scyess
4-12-01
We want to walk quickly in the other direction now, Dr. Pedantic!
Yes, Captian Obvious. Let us perambulate briskly in the opposite direction in an unassuming and inconspicuous manner.
Get away from me, Obsequious Oscar, or I'll lock you in a room with that guy!
That's a pretty clever threat, Antagonist Andy, but if it's okay with you I'd kind of like to follow the good doctor and the captian.
Much to his chagrin, none of the other one-note characters ever really warmed up to Mr. Sticks-His-Dick-in-Your-Ass-While-You're-Looking-the-Other-Direction.
**sigh**