Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

2851. You Can Take the Engineer Out of the Station...

by four_legged_tripod on May 3, 2016
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

You Can Take the Engineer Out of the Station... by four_legged_tripod 5-03-16
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!	Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!	Choooooo choooooo!

2852. CC625

by Porternotes on October 21, 2015
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

CC625 by Porternotes 10-21-15
Barry, there's a... "Jack" here to see you? Shit... send him in.	I wish I knew how to quit you. How the hell did you get untied?

2853. Love is... Building an ice statue man to love you.

by crabby on July 14, 2015
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Love is... Building an ice statue man to love you. by crabby 7-14-15
I've spent all day carving this ice statue of my ideal man. He's rough and rugged, but also aloof. He cares about family, but he has his own thoughts.	Most importantly. He loves me and I love him. Tell me you love me ice statue man. Tell me what I need to hear...

2854. CC591

by Murica on October 14, 2014
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

CC591 by Murica 10-14-14
Bob, your angel hair pasta is absolutely out of this world. What's your secret? Well...	Earlier that day. No, Bob, please...I came here to protect you, you don't have to do this. Shut up, bitch, it's time for a hair cut.	...and then you add a little basil.

2855. Socratic Method

by TheGovernor on August 5, 2014
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Socratic Method by TheGovernor 8-05-14
Everyone knows about my apprentice Plato	No-one ever seems to remember my other three students though...	...Knifo, Forko and Spoono

2856. CC 585: Khaaaaaaaan!

by kaufman on August 2, 2014
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

CC 585: Khaaaaaaaan! by kaufman 8-02-14
People wonder why I had my hordes rampaging across Asia, laying waste to everything in sight.	My wife's like "Genghis, ever since you quit drinking, you've had some serious anger issues."	I tell her, I'm hardly angry. In fact I'm doing just what they said, taking one steppe at a time! ... THANK YOU, I'll be in Minsk next week.

2857. Like Father...

by four_legged_tripod on July 29, 2014
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Like Father... by four_legged_tripod 7-29-14
Uh huh.	You realize that "baby sitting" means you literally have to sit on my face, right?	Wow! Like, your dad told me the exact same thing. So it must be true! Oh, you'll do nicely.

2858. Real Life: Staycation

by four_legged_tripod on June 20, 2013
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Real Life: Staycation by four_legged_tripod 6-20-13
Dad, Bill's family is going all over the country this summer and doing cool stuff for their summer vacation. What are we going to do? One word: Staycation!	What? It's like a vacation, but you stay home.	I thought the point of a vacation was to get away from the home. And I used to think that getting married was a cheap way of getting laid every day, but then you and your sister came along so welcome to your Staycation sucker!

2859. What if Blowjobs Meant Money

by four_legged_tripod on April 29, 2013
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

What if Blowjobs Meant Money by four_legged_tripod 4-29-13
Would you like to give blowjobs to orphans? To tell the truth, I've been keeping blowjobs from my husband. He keeps asking me for blowjobs but I know he gets plenty of blowjobs at work.	Needless to say, I've felt guilty about it and feel like I really need to give blowjobs to anyone I can. So sure, I'd love to give blowjobs to all the orphans!	Did I mention I'm an orphan?

2860. McMuffin Top

by choadwarrior on December 3, 2012
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

McMuffin Top by choadwarrior 12-03-12
I heard the McRibs are back, but I can't find them.	Have you checked under your McMoobs?

2861. Caleb "Randall 'Tex' Cobb" Demetriev, Mattress Salesman.

by ArtemisStrong on October 7, 2012
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Caleb "Randall 'Tex' Cobb" Demetriev, Mattress Salesman. by ArtemisStrong 10-07-12
Caleb "Randall 'Tex' Cobb" Demetriev closes in on another big sale. Comfy, eh? What's it gonna take for me to get you into this puppy today? zzZZZ -snork!-- nnnzzzzZZZ	My god! He's asleep with his eyes open! Nnnn.... sslzzzzz...	Let's see if he sleeps with his butt wide open, too! Score!

2862. Soup to Nuts

by choadwarrior on June 4, 2012
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Soup to Nuts by choadwarrior 6-04-12
First there was that Japanese guy who served his genitals to unsuspecting diners, then there was the guy who tried to eat some dude's face in Florida. I know--What's up with all the canibalism lately?	It's the economy. You think?	People are so desperate, they'll do anything to get a head or have a ball.

2863. Real Life: Future Self Warning

by four_legged_tripod on May 29, 2012
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Real Life: Future Self Warning by four_legged_tripod 5-29-12
It's just the right thing to do. She's pregnant. I know that once I agree, it will be the same thing night after night. It would make an honest woman out of her...	Stop! Don't do it. Years from now you'll look back and realize just how sick this decision will make you feel. Trust me, you'll add years to your life by saying no to this. Thanks future self!	Now that I think about it, I'm not really in the mood for your meatloaf. Let's just go out to eat.

2864. They Died of Saturday Night Fever

by four_legged_tripod on May 21, 2012
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

They Died of Saturday Night Fever by four_legged_tripod 5-21-12
So first Donna Summer died and now Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees is dead.	So what do you think Phil? Is Disco finally dead?	Phil?

2865. Jesus Pong

by four_legged_tripod on May 20, 2012
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Jesus Pong by four_legged_tripod 5-20-12
Ouch!	Ouch!	Ouch!

2866. Twilight of Biff 4

by biped on February 17, 2012
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Twilight of Biff 4 by biped 2-17-12
Guess what, everybody? My new boyfriend's a vampire! A REAL vampire! What the...but, I thought...	Father, I need to know what the Bible says about how to get revenge on vampires. (sigh) Biff, you really should actually read it sometime. It's not a big comic book.	You must be Biff. I'm Debbie's new boyfriend, Todd--the sensitive emo vampire. Yeah, well you can have her. I just came over to get my daffodils back.

2867. Batty Betty Part V

by four_legged_tripod on February 15, 2012
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Batty Betty Part V by four_legged_tripod 2-15-12
Hi Sara. What's wrong with your face? That has to be the biggest zit I've ever seen. You should look at it in the mirror. I really don't want to. I'm rather embarrassed by it and don't want to be reminded of it.	Won't look in the mirror huh? Probably because you don't have a reflection Ms. Vampire!	Hi, Kevin. 'sup, Sara?

2868. Souls in Jeopardy

by kaufman on December 29, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Souls in Jeopardy by kaufman 12-29-11
Time's up, lets go buddy.	Okay, Okay! Who ... uh, who is ... Kim Kardashian?	No, you dumb shit, that was incorrect. The correct question was, "Who is Genghis Khan?" Christ, I can't wait till Trebek gets back from vacation.

2869. Details, Details

by four_legged_tripod on December 27, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Details, Details by four_legged_tripod 12-27-11
Now that we are the last two people on Earth, is there anything I can get you?	Well i wouldnt mined a attractive women	And I wouldn't mind a guy who was good with grammar, punctuation and spelling. Asswipe.

2870. List Price

by choadwarrior on December 25, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

List Price by choadwarrior 12-25-11
I know you were expecting the wonderful, well-thought-out gifts I usually give, but this year, I got you all gift cards.	I like the message they convey.	I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissss much!

2871. No Deal or No Deal

by umfumdisi on August 27, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

No Deal or No Deal by umfumdisi 8-27-11
What's up, CEO? We've hidden varying amounts of money in these drawers...	Oh no. You get to pick one drawer. That amount goes into your 401(k).	Er ... this one? WOW!! You get $50! Be sure and play again next year.

2872. Real Life: Give Her a Hand

by four_legged_tripod on August 3, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Real Life: Give Her a Hand by four_legged_tripod 8-03-11
...then after an intense upper body work out, I pulled all the weeds from the garden only to walk in to see that the dog vomited on the rug so I scrubbed it all clean on my hands and knees.	Needless to say my arms are extremely sore and I can barely lift them.	Sooooo, no hand job tonight?

2873. FTC 153: Free Your Mind

by thatsnotfunny on June 29, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

FTC 153: Free Your Mind by thatsnotfunny 6-29-11
Not many people showed up at your protest	Yeah, I know, disappointing... What are you even protesting?	Uh, so the only person you talked to all day was to this one fourteen-year-old who showed up? Did you at least make headway on getting him to fight for the cause? Turns out that just saying "no" to overconstraints in FTC contests doesn't resonate with the general public. But I did sell him some LSD.

2874. CC478: Some knowledge isn't worth the price

by evil_d on June 8, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

CC478: Some knowledge isn't worth the price by evil_d 6-08-11
...thus proving definitively that Christopher Marlowe was indeed the true author of several works usually attributed to William Shakespeare. Next, Time Travelling Detectives will check in on Pierre de Fermat. Did he really prove his Last Theorem, or was he just yanking our chains? But first, these messages.	Coming this fall to The History Channel, it's Sarah Palin's Washington! The Jefferson Memorial here is one of my favorite sights! Ol' Teddy Jefferson was God Bless America's first president, and he said: "The tree of liberty needs lots of oil, so let's start drilling!"	Cancelled?? But we were doing so well! Damndest thing. Apparently you went from millions of viewers to zero almost instantaneously.

2875. Fire Hydra

by choadwarrior on May 15, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Fire Hydra by choadwarrior 5-15-11
Y'know, it really sucks being Poseidon.	Thousands of years ago, Greeks would shiver at my name fearing I would turn the sea against them. Now, I'm just remembered as the name of a ship from an Irwin Allen disaster movie.	Of course, Im still better off than Vulcan.

2876. Sports and Rod Stewart

by attitudechicka on May 12, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Sports and Rod Stewart by attitudechicka 5-12-11
I was all mismatched at the game today, but I managed to get some killer Js in and the team was riding me while I was hot. I'd like to ride you while you're hot. Do ya think I'm sexy?	Rod Stewart?!? Uh... yes Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.	I'm not a woman, but I like small cottages on the beach.

2877. The Creators of Valentine's Day Present: Arbor Day

by four_legged_tripod on April 22, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

The Creators of Valentine's Day Present: Arbor Day by four_legged_tripod 4-22-11
I'm here interviewing trees on how they feel about Arbor Day. Arbor Day is the most wonderful day of the year. Especially when you are surrounded by loved ones as I am.	Being Jamaican on Arbor Day is very nice as all the young saplings know who got the biggest coconuts, mon!	Arbor Day sucks when you're all alone like I am. I sometimes wish I could just die! I got one over here, Charlie! We can chop it down and use it to make more Valentine's Day cards!

2878. Wërkn

by choadwarrior on April 12, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Wërkn by choadwarrior 4-12-11
Did you know that workers in IKEA's U.S. factory make $8 per hour and only get 12 vacation days, 8 of which the company chooses, compared to the $19 per hour they make in Sweden with a month off? That actually makes me feel better.	How can that make you feel better? Are you also a union-buster? Yeah, but that's not why.	Until now, I worried that someone other than the shareholders were ripping me off on that cheap, flimsy furniture.

2879. Simian Says: Save Our Sheep

by four_legged_tripod on April 8, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Simian Says: Save Our Sheep by four_legged_tripod 4-08-11
Really? You would do all those things to me in bed? Yeah. An ' that's just with a ridin' crop. Of course it will never happen seein' as you won't stand up to daddy.	Are you kidding? I'll make sure he never rapes another farm animal again!	You sir may not pass! You will not impose your sexual will on these unsuspecting sheep ever again! Hey! Quit flock blocking me, Monkey!

2880. The Doors

by four_legged_tripod on April 6, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

The Doors by four_legged_tripod 4-06-11
Adolph Hitler is still alive. I slept with her last night.	Come out from behind that false moustache,	Adolph I know you're in there. If you would just open the damn door, then we could talk about this, asshole!

2881. The accidental call.

by nguyenha on April 6, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

The accidental call. by nguyenha 4-06-11
Don't you think that the water in Africa needs some improving, Noah? Excuse me? Who is it calling?	Me! Maxie! Noah, can't you reconize me? I've just been away for two d... Ok, ok. Does it sound like whoeverNoahis? NO! I am a 5th grader.	Oops. Sorry. B... Wait! I think that water in Africa does need improving. Bye.

2882. Father O'Mallard's Malady 4

by biped on April 5, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Father O'Mallard's Malady 4 by biped 4-05-11
You've simply got to help me, doctor. It's totally disrupting both my life, and...and my effectiveness as a priest. Well, what are the symptoms?	RAAAAAAAAR!!!	I'm not your mate! I'M NOT YOUR MATE!!!