All comics by DexX

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by DexX
1-08-01
She loves you, yeah yeah yeah...
I once had a girl, or should I say...
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me...
You know, even if anyone DOES get the joke, they won't find it funny.

 

by DexX
1-08-01
...so I will say something about myself...
Like what?
Oh, you know... something I did today, or something in the news...
...and then I make some kind of smartarse comment. Is that right?
Wait on... has the strip started already?
Ha! if I could walk like that, I wouldn't be here buying cheese! How was that?

 

by DexX
1-08-01
You know, it would be very easy to say something cheap and offensive right now.
I know...
Must... resist... cheap... shot...
Every moron who finds the Jesus picture thinks he's SO daring doing something blasphemous...
Oh, stop whining!
Sorry.

 

by DexX
1-08-01
Introducing... the most brutal contest known to humanity...
BODY ODOUR KOMBAT!
YAAAH!!!
Die!!!
*choke* God, you reek!
Huh? Finish him? With what?

 

by DexX
1-08-01
?
OK, kid. What the hell are you lookin' at?
What?
I can see _SO_ far up this guy's nose...

 

by DexX
1-08-01
Ah ain't gonna let mah daddy lah in tha ground fer nuttin! I swear to tha Lowrd-
CUT! Oh, come one, Bevan dahling! I'm not feeling the emotion...
Oh, Philip... I am so very sorry, but I am just finding it frightfully difficult to find the centre of this character... I mean, what is his motivation?
Fine, I will go and get the electric cattleprod again...
What? Uh... *ahem* Mah powah daddy! Ah will get revenge...

 

by DexX
1-08-01
Damn! I can't think of a punchline for this Low Pass cartoon...
Can I help?
The first panel has a clown telling a little girl to give him oral sex, and she tells him to go away, quite rudely too.
Uh-huh... then the second panel has a dog on a ball propositioning a heavily pixelated woman with a suggestive smile.
I know! If I give myself a lobotomy, I am SURE to think of a punchline as good as any of the ones on this site!
Seems to have worked for everybody else.

 

by DexX
1-08-01
Meanwhile, in a robot pub...
Oh my manufacturer, this guy is boring...
...so the mechanic tells me I gotta get new servo motors, an' my damned warranty ran out yesterday...
*yawn*
...my user tells me he's brought some new P4 system to handle my job, and now I am just a bloody MAIL router! Can you believe that?
Still, at least he didn't install Windows Me on you, hey?
Windows Me? Shit, I wish! The useless newbie was saying the other day how he got a pile of DOS floppies from some second hand dealer...

 

by DexX
1-08-01
Introducing an amazing advance in comic-strip writing technology - the LOBOTOMITRON 5000
After one simple application, you will find yourself writing Low Pass comic strips with the best of them!
Ow!
Only $299.99!!! To order, call 1800-RIP-OFF. our operators are standing by to take your call now!
If they are waiting for me now, I'd better call...
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!

 

by DexX
1-08-01
Start off with some pointless and stupid dialogue...
I think it would be fun to breed llamas in my underpants...
You think so? Surely that would take more cheese slices than we own.
Then have a frame ot two in which nothing at all happens...
Then add a threat of unfunny violence. Congratulations!
I think I might stabe you with a pencil!
This all seems so familiar...

 

by DexX
1-08-01
High noon...
*clink clink*
*clink clink*
This is it, you bastard. Yoah gonna pay fer shootin mah paw!
Right! Let's finish it once an fer awl. DRAW!
*nnnggggh!*
This shooting thing would work better if we could move our arms.

 

by DexX
1-09-01
Meanwhile, at the gender reassignment clinic...
So, you want to be a woman, is that right?
Yes doctor. I know I am a woman inside.
*hack hack hack* *squish!* *thunk!*
*whiiirrrrrr!* *snik* *SPLAT!* *ARGH!*
Later...
So, how do you feel?
Did you know you have beautiful eyes?

 

by DexX
1-09-01
Hits of the Seventies - ABBA, Mamma-Mia
Mamma-mia, here I go again.
Mamma-mia, here I go again.
My, my. How could I resist you?
My, my. How could I resist you?
Mamma-mia, does it show again?
Mamma-mia, does it show again?

 

by DexX
1-09-01
Meanwhile, on a distant moon...
Hey, metal guy! Turn around for me.
Huh? This isn't another crappy sodomy joke, is it?
No, I promise. I just need to see something.
Uh... OK, as long as you don't do anything mean...
Hey, I was right - you don't have a back!
Oh, that! Yeah, I fiddled with my battery cover too much, and now it won't stay on.

 

by DexX
1-09-01
I think I have worked out why mature, intelligent people instantly give themselves a five for their new comic.
Seems like a bit of a wank to me. `Hey, I'm so funny, I deserve a five!' There's no justification for it...
There is, actually. I mean, everybody assumes that everybody else will give themselves a five, right?
Well, yeah, I suppose so...
...so if you give yourself less then five, it looks like someone already hates it enough to give it a negative!
Hmmmm.... good point. I have just one question, though. What the hell are you supposed to be???

 

by DexX
1-11-01
Somewhere in Scotland...
Is this a dagger which I see before me, the handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
???
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
That's a butter knife...
PHILISTINE!

 

by DexX
1-11-01
On a stage somewhere...
Oh Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
*bleep!*
Damn... he looked better with the mask on.

 

by DexX
1-11-01
Meanwhile in DexX's dark and twisted imagination...
To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the... uh... suffer...
Pssst! Line!
...slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, you moron.
Hey! This isn't easy, you know!
Bah, you just haven't been the same since you got neutered.

 

by DexX
1-11-01
Meanwhile... uh, somewhere...
All the world's a comic strip, and all the men and women merely players...
...and the little Asian girls.
And the robots! Don't forget the robots! *bleep!*
Yeah, an' whaddabout us cowboys?
"Cowboys" fit into the category of "men", you idiot.
*sigh*

 

by DexX
1-11-01
One fine day at LowPass.net
Hey Johnny! What's going on? The place seems... cleaner!
Heya timx. Yeah, I know! Amazed Porno Bunny has mysteriously vanished!
Hey, Mishka! Did you hear about that racist moron's sudden disappearance?
Yeah, DexX, I did. I wonder where the little dogpoo has gone?
Meanwhile, in Hell...
Heh heh heh... dem black folks sure is dumb...
Such up and eat your red hot coals, scum!

 

by DexX
1-11-01
This is an important announcement from the Three Reasons Dog-On-A-Ball...
It has come to my attention that I am generally thought of on LowPass.net as a male.
This blatant phallocentrism is something I will not tolerate. I am woman, and very proud to be so. I take this stand on behalf of -
Bitch!
Yeah, yeah, very fucking funny.
*snigger*

 

by DexX
1-11-01
One not so sunny day...
You were FIRED? I don't believe it. That's it. I am sick of living with such a loser. I am LEAVING!
But... but...
*SLAM!*
*sigh*
Shit... Well, this day certainly can't get any worse.

 

by DexX
1-11-01
Not long after global nuclear war...
Well, whaddaya know! Those science geeks were right. Humanity wiped itself out, and only we cockroaches are left! Excellent!
Excellent? How?
We will rebuild! The cockroach will become master of the earth! No more Raid! No more rolled-up newspaper! No more big heavy crushing shoes!
But... but...
What?
All I want to do is roll around in faeces.

 

by DexX
1-11-01
In a doctor's office...
I'm here for my checkup, doctor.
OK, then. Pop behind that screen and take off your clothes, please.
I'll just grab a tongue depressor...
...or maybe not.

 

by DexX
1-11-01
A musical interlude...
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

 

by DexX
1-11-01
A quick guide to modern language...
This is DA BOMB!
Man, you are PHAT!
Excuse me...?
D00d! Check my l33t sk1llz!
Garzog to mothership. It is safe to start the invasion - there is no intelligent life here.

 

by DexX
1-12-01
*nnnnggggghhh*
Aaaahhhh...
*shplatt!*
Happy birthday, Mr Coprophage!
For me? Oh, you shouldn't have!

 

by DexX
1-12-01
Limerick interruptus...
There was an old lady from Grunte, Who enjoyed the occasional "shunt"...
But when asked, "Do your dentures, give oral adventures?" She said that she...
AAAARGH!!!!
Let that be a lesson to all of you.

 

by DexX
1-12-01
We join the story after the whole lamp-rubbing cliche is done with...
Your wish is my command... three times... you know the drill...
You're a funny lookin' genie, but OK... Urrrrmmm... First, make me young n' sexy!
Doof!
Done!
Great! Next, I want you to turn into a skinny chick who wants my body...
Doof!
Me hungry...
Shit.

 

by DexX
1-12-01
Please... please... never make comics when you are as drunk as I am right now...
The guy typing our dialogue...
Who, DexX/
Yeah... that's the guy...
What about him?
He is completely shitfaced...
But...bourbon is your friend... right?

 

by DexX
1-13-01
Hey mate! How's things?
*Uh-oh!* Things are fine. How about you?
Uh... you've been using ICQ all night again, haven't you?
*Uh-oh!* Yeah, I have. How could you tell?
Oh, nothing...
*Rrrribbit!* That reminds me, you have to see this website I found yesterday...

 

by DexX
1-13-01
I bought Controleuse a great gift for her birthday, and I was walking home with it...
Tump te tum...
When I was mugged by a creature from another world!
Freeze punk!
Why can't aliens ever be friendly?
...and he said, "Give me that expensive jewellery! I need it for my evil experiments!
It would save us both a lot of time if you would just admit you forgot.

 

by DexX
1-13-01
An introduction to transcendental meditation, an ancient mystical method for attaining an enlightened state of consciousness, opening doors to amazing powers, such as levitation...
What the hell is all that bullshit in the narration about?
Simple. The art of Zen meditation allows you to pass your conscious mind beyond the perceptual limits imposed upon us by this world, including gravity. Simply put, gravity no longer applies to you.
What a load of.... Agh! Get me down! get me down!
Returning to earth requires a reversal of the meditation process, allowing the mind to be distracted by trivial, earthly, and mudane matters.
Such as...?
A few minutes of The Shopping Channel usually does the trick.

 

by DexX
1-13-01
*snik! snik!* *shlurrrp!* *blublublublublub*
*pufffffffffff.....*
*cough cough*
Oooooohhhh yeaaaahhh.....
*cough cough* If you must tug on that bong all day, at least open a bloody window... *cough*

 

by DexX
1-13-01
...and I was like "Fine!" and she was like "Great!" so I was like "I'm going!" and I went to the mall and K-mart has a special on tennis stuff...
...so he got all righteous and shit and was like "I'm calling the cops" and I was like "Hey, chill, it was just a margarita!' but he was like...
...and I got so drunk I threw up on the dog, and it bit my cousin Harold who works in a hardware store in the city, and he was really mad...

 

by DexX
1-13-01
Does this outfit make me look fat?
No, your huge flabby body makes you look fat.

 

by DexX
1-13-01
Late one night on IRC...
Droolicious: I used to be a model but had to quit when I had a baby.
*tak takitty* Wow! Can u send me a pic?
Droolicious: Sure! Here...
*takkity tak* Oops! U sent me a pic of Jennifer Aniston by mistake...
*sigh*

 

by DexX
1-13-01
Late one night on IRC...
Thanks 4 the pic. Looking at it now.
2Maura: Hope u like it.
RogerWilco: Can u send it again? This one is all pixellated.
*sigh*

 

by DexX
1-13-01
One late night on IRC...
DexX: G'day everyone! A/S/L?
*takkety tak* darthINvader: 71 celestial cycles / androgynous / high orbit over Venus
DexX: G'day everyone! A/S/L?
*tik tak tik* PachyDream: 12 (19 in elephant years) / bull / Serengeti Plain
DexX: G'day everyone! A/S/L?
*tak* .... *tak* .... *tak* ... DAVE69: WEAR R LOTS OF PIX OF NKAED GRLZ W/ BIG BOOBIEZ?????

 

by DexX
1-15-01
And now, the amazing... Kid Kameleon!
Ready?
Ta-da!
Ah, shit...

 

by DexX
1-15-01
I have a terrible confession to make.
*rrrring!*
Damn! The phone's ringing! I don't have time to answer it because, as you can see from the background, I am in a crashing plane! Also, my verbosity has caused some formatting troubles...
I am only doing this to poke fun at snazench.
*rrring!* Uh, I mean... *crackle!*
Ah good, the phone spontaneously combusted. Now, I must drive a nail through my skull in order to escape.
He started it! He insulted my blue swirly background!
Aaaah, the nail has pierced my pineal gland, unleashing unheard of powers of something or other. Hey, check out the cool background!
That just about completes Snazench's list of warning signs, apart from "DIZZZACK!" and "feet for ears". Oh, how could I forget? ALL YOUR BASES ARE MINE!

 

by DexX
1-15-01
Listen up, you humour-cripples! I have never accepted money in exchange for sex.
Neither have I. I have never even SPOKEN to a GI, let alone performed fellatio on one.
I am not a homosexual.
I am neither a paedophile not a serial killer.
Sure, my arms are fixed in place, but that doesn't mean I have any itches that need scratching.
So please, PLEASE, get some new material. Don't worry, the guilty ones know I am talking to them.

 

by DexX
1-15-01
An extra-terrestrial...
A telephone...
There's a joke here, but I just can't work out the link...
Hmmmm.... was I meant to call someone?
For the love of God, don't do this!

 

by DexX
1-15-01
So, I hear you're engaged...
Yes, I got a beautiful ring...
I can't get the baby to go to sleep!
Just rock it.
Great! A re-run of Kojack. I just love Telly!

 

by DexX
1-17-01
Hey! You! Rabbit-thing!
Yeah?
Look at me when I'm talking to you!
I can't. I always face this way when I am sitting.
Not any more... Ta-da!
What the...? This never happened before! You have a cavity, by the way...

 

by DexX
1-17-01
Ho hum, another default strip.
if this is default, why does my brain hurt?
I know what you mean... my eyes are watering...
...and I have this ringing sound in my ears...
Aaaaahhhh....
Much better.....

 

by DexX
1-17-01
Kum ba yah, my Lord, kum ba yah....
Fire's burning, fire's burning, draw nearer, draw nearer...
Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine...
Ging gang gooly gooly gooly gooly watch watch...
I am nothing but a firestarter to you people. *sniff* I feel so used.

 

by DexX
1-17-01
*Bzzt!* ATTACK! KILL! *bleep!*
*Bzzt!* ATTACK! KILL! *bleep!*
*Bzzt!* ATTACK! KILL! *bleep!*
*Bzzt!* ATTACK! KILL! *bleep!*
*Bzzt!* ATTACK! KILL! *bleep!*
Guys... I think we're lost.

 

by DexX
1-18-01
Like it or not, there is only one way to get to the other side...and I must take it.
Hey, Diablo's a good choice for this role...
Ssssh!
Goodbye, chicken. I will miss you...*sniff*
Hmmm.... overacting a little...
So, what did you think?
Oh, it was OK. I liked the original better.

 

by DexX
1-18-01
OK son, time to clear up some misconceptions about our species...
First - we do NOT eat cans. This is a ridiculous urban myth about goats which we are all sick of.
Drink all the beer, then throw the can away, OK?

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