All comics by MikeyG

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by MikeyG
10-29-03
Morgan Behind The Rest Stop
Morgan...I've come for your soul...
Hold on, George Michael, someone's bothering me.
Oh...are you Morgan Phillips?
No, I'm Mistress Morgan of the Magical Bathroom Stall. Want to see why they call me that?
Oh dear. My bad, playa. Carry on, then.
Hey, man, it's only a five-spot! Come back!

 

by MikeyG
10-29-03
Has anyone seen where I left my dignity?
All I've got here, Geoff, is some Jujyfruits.
I got a jujyfruit, too, sweet mama!
No, you don't, Geoff. You broke it off in my ass 2 years ago last Thursday.
Well, gee, do I have any Goobers down there either?
No, those fell off on their own accord. If you miss your Jujyfruit so much, come over here and try to suck-start my old colon. Maybe it'll dislodge.

 

by MikeyG
10-29-03
Excuse me, ma'am, where can I catch a cab around here?
Omigod! Brad Pitt! Hey, I can suck an Elephant through a FIBER OPTIC CABLE, baby! Hey, ho! Let's go!
Right back at ya, kid. Where can I catch a cab?
Fuck the cab, big boy! Howyalikemenow?
Yeeeeeah. Exit, stage left!
Bradster! I can deep throat so far it pokes out my asshole! Braaaaaaaad!

 

by MikeyG
10-29-03
Jesus Confronts a Sinner
I died not for thine own sins so thou couldst produceth THAT!!!
Uhhh...Sorry, Jesus. You know, one thing led to another...
Why dost thou think I've brought the wrath uponst thee? Thou hast produced two of the most egregious offenses against nature with thy fornication.
I'm sorry, Lord, I'll do better next time.
There will not be a next time, Mr. Haven. The punishment is that thou must raiseth these beasts as thine own.
Dear God, no! A curse be on this family! A curse!

 

by MikeyG
10-30-03
Condoleeza in the Hot Spot
You see, the information we received was checked thoroughly, and the speechwriters...
So basically, Condoleeza, it sounds like a load of hooey!
We rely on information through our intelligence sources. If they were less than accurate, who takes the blame for that?
Well gee, douchestain, I guess that's gonna have to be YOU!
Wait a sec... What's that swirly shit in the background? And why am I explaining myself to a rabbit with a gun? Who the hell are you?
I'm your conscience, beyotch! Now drop trou, I got a metaphorical bullet for yo' ass!

 

by MikeyG
10-30-03
Morgan Deals With a Groupie
Um...We haven't made a decision yet, Bel'Zthokth
But you KNOW you need a triangle player in a rock band, right? And you are to address me as Bel'Zkthokth, Shapeshifting Demon Ruler of Heck, Hell, And H-E-Double Hockeysticks!
Don't leave! Perhaps if I took a more pleasing form, it would influence your decision, yes?
Dude, unless you can shapeshift your ass into a goddamn Yuengling, me AND my bitchnipples are outta here.
POOF!
Don't be so sure, mortal!
Aaack! You've routed out MY true form! Well, now that the ice is broken, it's Communion time!

 

by MikeyG
10-31-03
Uncle Velvet is Branching Out
Yo, ah needs me a beyotch ta' head up mah Asiatic Opparayshuns.
I would be happy to assist you in this endeavor, Uncle Velvet.
You prolly gon' hafta EARN yo'seff until you kin git some ho's.
Well, my first foster home was in the home of a prominent politician, so I don't have to tell you I am prepared for it.
Aight, Pu-Na Ni, you mah new bottom beyotch in da Oh-Ree-Int! Ah'm glad ah kept yo' ass afta ah had ta shank yo' moms.
Hey, we can't ALL be perfect.

 

by MikeyG
11-06-03
Ignorance is Piss
Hey, where can I find me some crackers?
That is highly offensive! Just because you blacks have been discriminated against does not give you the right to be racist!
Hey man, I'm serious! My little brother is sick and my mom sent me out to buy Saltines.
What? O-oh. Um...sorry. There's a Red Dot Emporium on the corner of 5th and Park.
Stupid-ass fishbelly honky mothafuckin' CRACKA...
Hey, can I at least get your number? Come back, my Nubian Queen! Let's make milk chocolate!

 

by MikeyG
11-10-03
Morgan's got a million of 'em
You eat green grass, you big, fat ass!
Did you just insult me? You're such a fag.
I know you are, but what am I?
Did you really just say that?
...ZING!!!
Ok, thanks. I was having irregularity problems, but now the shit seems like it wants to jump right the fuck out of my ass.

 

by MikeyG
11-10-03
Another day in the Philly area
Heeeey! Parteeee! I like to fart on my friends. And enemies. Oh, fuck it, I LOVE TO FART!!!
My pants are off already! Woo hooooo!
Um... I farted!!!
Um... Me, too! SPRING BREAK!!! WOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!
No, really, man. I farted, and I've got the brown batter splatters. Sorry about the wall behind us.
Hey, I've got Bud mud myself. And sorry about the mustache and beard.

 

by MikeyG
11-12-03
Wow, this sure is a nice house!!!
I just got it!!!
What the hell did you do to get this???
Well.....
I mean, you didn't like, KILL anyone or anything, did you?
Hey, man, I'm AMISH. You never know WHAT'S gonna happen with one of us crazy bastards.

 

by MikeyG
11-13-03
Gone With The Wizzle: Starring Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar...
No way! Scarlett O'Hara! Awesome!
Oh, Tara! My Tara! Hey, where's Ashleigh?
...Selma Blair...
Oh, Ashleigh, there you are! Got any coke?
Oh my GOD! Your beautiful property burned down! Can you teach me how to make out?
...and Harvey Fierstein! Coming Summer 2004!!!
I thought Ashleigh was a guy in the original!
Not in THIS flick, muffinbottom, but I sure as hell am....

 

by MikeyG
11-14-03
Wow, this sure is a nice house!!!
I just got it!!!
What the hell did you do to get this???
Well.....
Aaah, screw it! Who gives a shit, anyway? Let's fuck!!!
Damn it, MiniHacksawJimDuggan, I thought you'd never ask! It's ON!!!

 

by MikeyG
11-14-03
Face Wars 2003
Have at thee!!!
There can be only ONE!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!!!!!!!!!!!!
You shall both perish by my FACE CANCER DEATH RAY!!!
Aaaaauuuuggggghhh!!!
What a world, what a world, what a woooorrrrrllllddddd....
No one escapes the Face Cancer Death Ray! Except for Michael Jackson. He's immune.

 

by MikeyG
11-17-03
Shmoo the Blue [WIZARD]: HP 4600 Unknown [UNKNOWN]: HP Unknown
Avast, ye beast of hell! Art thou prepared to become annihilated?
Hold on a second, Bubbles, there appears to be a gentleman caller.
Shmoo the Blue [WIZARD]: -1300 Embarassment Penalty! HP 3300 Michael Jackson [UNKNOWN]: HP 32
Um...are you Thbbbthpppth, Evil King Zombie of the Six-And-A-Halfth Ring of H - E - DoubleHockeySticks?
Um, no, sir. I'm Michael Jackson. I would help you find who you're looking for, but I just got my elbow grafted to my face in place of my nose, and now my arm fell off.
Shmoo the Blue [WIZARD]: HP 3300 Michael Jackson [UNKNOWN]: 0
Close enough. I came all the way from Hoboken for this shit, and I'm not going back until I've zapped SOMETHING.
Aaah! Do you know how many stem cells it's going to take to regrow this nose? It's days like this you just want to pop open a cold kid and turn off the lights.

 

by MikeyG
11-18-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
How much wood could a Woodchuck chuck if a Woodchuck could chuck wood?
Oh Jesus fucking Christ, kid.

 

by MikeyG
11-18-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Jesus fucking Christ, kid. All the egg did was sit there while the chicken dry-humped it, so I guess it would be the chicken.

 

by MikeyG
11-18-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting, I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
How does Strong Bad type with boxing gloves on?
One more time and I'm gonna start squashing kittens!

 

by MikeyG
11-18-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting, I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
Can humans ever settle their differences and come together to evolve into a higher consciousness?
Look, I have a cosmic hangover and I think I caught Galactic Gonnorhea from Christina Aguilera. Ask me that shit tomorrow.

 

by MikeyG
11-19-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
Why does Daddy drink?
Because you cry. NEXT!

 

by MikeyG
11-19-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
Why did you take Grandma away from us?
Because YOU didn't love her enough, m'kay?

 

by MikeyG
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
And what would YOU like for Christmas, Patrick Stewart?
A threesome with Halle Berry and Rebecca Romaine Lettuce! I couldn't catch a number off either one of them in BOTH X-Men!

 

by MikeyG
11-21-03
Santa's Got it Rough
So what would you like for Christmas, little girl?
A belt sander!
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
matches!
What would YOU like for Christmas, little...umm...uuummm...
A Bentley and some Cristal, nigga! Break me off a li'l som'n som'n fo' shizzle, Santizzle Clizzle!

 

by MikeyG
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
Hey, wait a sec...weren't you the Sicilian in the Princess Bride?
Wait a sec...aren't YOU a fat, ruddy son of a bitch in cheap-ass clothes? What, bitch? I thought so.

 

by MikeyG
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
And what would YOU like for Christmas, little...um...giant gray Q-Tip with eyes...?
Man, why it gotta be a gray thang?

 

by MikeyG
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
What's your pleasure, sailor?
Fag.

 

by MikeyG
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
Oh look! A celebrity is in our midst! Hey, what's with all that beef between you and 50 Cent, Ja?
*sniff* He called me a Wanksta!

 

by MikeyG
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
And what can Santa give YOU for Christmas, Mr. Alien?
Forgiveness, I guess, and a new penis. I found out the hard way that Mrs. Claus can suck an Elephant through 100 feet of fiber optic cable.

 

by MikeyG
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
And what can I do for YOU this fine Christmas, little alien?
To phone home. Sorry, man. I couldn't resist.

 

by MikeyG
11-25-03
He hates everybody. And he's sexier than me. At least when I'm not covered in chocolate.

 

by MikeyG
11-25-03
Mikey Reviews Matrix: Revolutions
I've decided to refer to movies by their true nature. Kind of like a summary of what happens, but as concise as possible. I advocate Hollywood naming their movies accordingly.
For example, we can rename Matrix: Revolutions 'Keanu 'N Some Other Heads Doin' Stuff With Special Effects.' And this is after actually SEEING the movie.
Sure, they may spend a fortune in lettering the Marquees and posters, but truth in advertising is priceless, I say.

 

by MikeyG
11-25-03
Mikey and the Tarantinula
I saw Kill Bill, and according to the 'Truth In Titles of Telvision, Images, and Entertainment" system of movie naming, I felt this movie needed to be addressed.
The members of the board of TITTIE are all in agreement. This movie shall henceforth be called, "Violence and Feet".
For some reason, feet play a recurring role in Tarantino movies. Fortunately, not too many of them stink as badly.

 

by MikeyG
11-28-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the Rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't can't get into the stables this time...
Hey there, Rudy! I see your nose isn't red right now.
No, but something else is, chubbs. Gimme some sugar, baby.

 

by MikeyG
11-28-03
Hey, dcomposed. Nice to meet you.
I hate you. And I hate Esham.
Esham the Boogieman? The more you mention him, the more people get interested in him.
Well, I hate Esham.
Oh. So what have you been listening to lately?
Esham.

 

by MikeyG
12-01-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the Rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't get into the stables this time...
My good reindeer, to the sleigh. We have a Christmas to save. The real Santa is passed out naked on the porch.
Brian Dennehy? I LOVED you in FX/2!

 

by MikeyG
12-01-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the Rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't get into the stables this time...
Marco!
Polo!

 

by MikeyG
12-01-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the Rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't get into the stables this time...
Hello! Itsha timfer snuffin sassij inna bumcave.
You had me at 'hello'.

 

by MikeyG
12-01-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the Rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't get into the stables this time...
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Yup. ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINOS!

 

by MikeyG
12-01-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the Rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't get into the stables this time...
Think they'll make a sequel to Gigli?
Man, you really need to lay off the sauce. I'd rather you raped me again than talk about that movie.

 

by MikeyG
12-01-03
Cock! Piss, shit, cockety cock cock!!! Who the fuck are you?
I am Schmuley Schwarzenegger, brother of Arnold, and YOU are interrupting the filming of Terminator 7: Rise of TOBOR.
Terminator 7? What happened to 4, 5, and 6?
Optioned out to friggin' Sri Lankan film companies. We spent a lot of money on attaining the rights, so the film is kinda low-budget.
Well, shit on my tongue and slap me with a porcupine! Who would sign onto a clunker like this?
Steve Pitt, Manuel L. Jackson, Tim Cruise, Enid Zellweger, Nigel 'Lefty' Zeta-Jones, and Eric Roberts.

 

by MikeyG
12-02-03
Morgan In The Park
§ Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleooooon...§
Hello, American swine. I have come to burn your children.
Oh, my! I don't have any kids! But perhaps my life partner and I will be able to adopt someday...
I was told the Average American has 2.5 children. Are you not an Average American?
No, silly, I'm a Savage American. I make slow, yet violent love to terrorist Kangaroos.
...All right, but really quick. My wife is gonna be here in two shakes.

 

by MikeyG
12-03-03
This just in: StripCreatoria is in utter chaos today over a new comic contest started by ivytheplant.
Yes, Blonald, it seems that no one has used an actual reporter as specified in the rules. They seem to focus on Kaddar's 'Host' character.
Scientists have attributed this to Ken Kaufman's masturbation habits. It is common knowledge that every time one cranks one off, God kills a kitten. Now cats are dying.
Apparently Kaufman has blown straight through all the kittens in the world in a two-day spankfest. So many Stripcreatorians have lost their cats that their comic judgement has become clouded.
For the love of Brad, Kaufman! StripCreatoria will disappear and so will I! Say my name, Bastian! Oops, wrong scenario. Dude, just stop a-whackin' off!
I think not, Asian Girl! MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Come, kitty...your time draws nigh!

 

by MikeyG
12-04-03
Dude, the more you post crap about why you hate him, the more attention you give him.
Who, NGrassi-assi22? I know, but I don't really hate anything I make comics about.
I agree he is obnoxious, but maybe if we ignore him he'll go away.
By making this comic, aren't you technically paying him attention?
Did you read the title? I hate YOU.
Ooooooh. I get it. Wanna fuck?

 

by MikeyG
12-04-03
So what do you think of my costume? Why aren't you dressed?
You jackass! The costume party isn't until next Wednesday! Are you stupid or something?
No, envious, you don't need to wear a face-mask.
What the hell did you come over here for, anyway, Karl?
Karl? Who's Karl? I'm your girlfriend Jeannie, you fucking idiot!
Oh, my bad. I just can't see your tits under that breastplate.

 

by MikeyG
12-08-03
Excuse me, kind lady. I would like to dry-hump you to Michael Bolton's 'Time, Love, and Tenderness".
I am not a lady, dammit! You're the sixth jerk to do that to me this HOUR!
oh.
Are you drunkards even aware this is a GAY cruise?
Well, whatever floats your boat, Gilligan. Let's bump some uglies.
Ye GODS I hope that isn't the only thing floating this boat. *sigh* All right, let's go. Just not in the mouth, okay?

 

by MikeyG
12-08-03
And with this magic hat, you'll come alive.
Hotdiggity, I'm alive!
What's the first thing you want to do, Frosty?
Hmmm...
I swear, it was consensual!
You'd be in a lot more trouble if your 'evidence' hadn't melted.

 

by MikeyG
12-09-03
What's up, girl? We haven't talked in ages! What did you want to see me for?
The reason I'm meeting you is because I need a sixth for an all-girl midget orgy. It'll be me, my sister Janie, and hopefully you taking on three midget chicks.
You sure HAVE changed since the last time I talked to you. I'm gonna have to take a pass on that one.
So I guess that's out then. You don't wanna be my girlfriend do you?
Christ, I wish these goddamn StripCreators wouldn't cater to some archaic male fantasy just to give the guy readers a hard-on.
Why are YOU complaining? I'm the one who looks like a bloody sex maniac now!

 

by MikeyG
12-09-03
And with this magic hat, you'll come alive.
Hotdiggity, I'm alive!
What's the first thing you wanna do, Frosty?
Hmmm...
It wasn't me, man! It was the evil snow-dude from the Nestea commercials!
Well, that's better than the first two defenses. Somehow I don't see 'Nicole Simpson's REAL killer' and 'Robert Blake' as viable suspects.

 

by MikeyG
12-09-03
Boy, this year is going to be an interesting one.
Why, boss? Production is through the roof, and morale has never been better since we all switched to Geico.
That's just it. The Naughty Index is up to 89% this year! We're overstocked!
Holy Jizz Turrets, Santa! What are we going to do?

 

by MikeyG
12-10-03
Hey, Kaufman! I just finished masturbating to your CC 224 entry. I saved a handful for you! Here, let me show you...
Listen, slave, I don't want to talk about 'Master'-baiting.
Ok, well, why don't we pretend like we're in prison, kaufman, and I'll bugger you senseless.
If I was to joke while you rogered me, I'd be getting 'PUN'-ked! Ha ha!
And if you were to expire during the cornholing, I'd have 'bum'-ped you off! Holy Christ, it's contagious...
If you buggered everyone on Earth you'd achieve Total World Sodomination!

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