All comics by Savage

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by Savage
6-14-04
I believe that would be the eighth dwarf: Drunky.
He's funny! Mommy gave him money for some pictures.
Which restroom did Mommy go into?
Look, Daddy! Here comes another dwarf, with a creepy man chasing him! Ooh! Snow White just tackled him!
That's no dwarf, that's my brother! Unhand him, you pasty-faced hussy!

 

by Savage
6-14-04
Ed! You saved me!
Don't thank me now. Just run!
Hey, they're chasing us! Oh no! Mick just pulled out a gun! And I was going to have him over for dinner!
We'd better split up. You hide up on that mountain. I'll run over behind that fence.
Who are you?
Who the hell do you think? I'm Tinkerbell, and I'm just about to fly off this mountain, so get lost, wino. Hey, got any of that rotgut left?

 

by Savage
6-14-04
Miss Tinkerbell? Uh-oh, she's passed out cold. I better untangle her from these wires.
Wow. I've never seen so many fireworks before.
Wow, these wires are kind of tangled up--Oops!

 

by Savage
6-14-04
Wooeee! This is fun. I think I'll light the rest of these fireworks up all at once.
Weeeeeee! I'm flying!
I believe I can bring that dang drunk down!
Daddy, no! Don't shoot Tinkerbell!

 

by Savage
6-14-04
Wow, Ed. That was beautiful. Did you see me fly over the Matterhorn?
I sure did. We'd better hurry now. Let's take the monorail.

 

by Savage
6-14-04
Wow! I didn't know the monorail train could go this fast. We must be doing 180 miles an hour!
220, actually. Hang on. I'm going to try to jump the track and shoot across Harbor Boulevard.
Maybe we should have let the other passengers off first?
No time, Bro. Weeeee!

 

by Savage
6-14-04
Where are we, Ed?
Knott's Berry Farm, Fred.
Walter Knott was very patriotic.
Let's go have some boysenberry juice. It's good with vodka.
What did that guy mean by "You two don't need to go to costuming. You're fine just as you are?"
I dunno. But he told us we get eight dollars an hour just for walking around Ghost Town. That sixteen bucks will buy a lot of cheap booze.

 

by Savage
6-14-04
This is a great job. Let's work some more hours, so we can get drunk all night.
Okay. Hey! Is that who I think it is?
Fred and Ed?
Dad!
Dad!

 

by Savage
6-14-04
So, did you boys hear anything about that big to-do up at Ratland? Seems some danged fool blew up Sleeping Beauty's castle.
Uh, no Dad. Haven't heard a thing. Been too busy working.
Oh man. If Dad finds out you blew up Disneyland, you are sooo grounded.
Shut up. I'll give you my Little Bubba Homebrewing Kit if you keep your mouth shut.
Boys! your mom wants to know if you have any bourbon left.

 

by Savage
6-16-04
Mom, why did you and Dad move to the desert?
Well, son. You can't beat the housing prices out here.
That's because no one wants to live here.
Not true. Bob Hope lives here.
Mom! It's a hundred and fourteen degrees out here. And Bob Hope is dead.
Well then, who was that old geezer that hit your father with a golf club at the liquor store the other day when he took the last bottle of tequila?

 

by Savage
6-16-04
So anyway, I just thought that the desert air would be good for your mom's asthma.
But Dad, Mom doesn't have asthma.
Uhh...Well, there WAS that little thing with the church. Those religious folk don't take kindly to after-hours partying in the house of God.
But she had the Hell's Angels clean up the next morning. And she even donated to their missionary fund.
Yeah, I know. But she was looking at some jail time, until she showed the judge her gluteal Bill of Rights tattoo.
Mom's always been so patriotic. That one got me an "A" when I brought her to sixth grade show 'n tell. Mr. Green still calls her once in a while, doesn't he?

 

by Savage
6-17-04
Wow, it sure is hot out here.
Yes. I hate the desert.
If Mom and Dad hadn't asked us to bring stuff out to them, I wouldn't have come out here.
Yeah. I can't stand to think of them being without the necessities of life.
So, I got the bourbon, vodka , tequila and wine.
And I got the rum, scotch, beer and vermouth. They should be set for a couple of days at least. Oops! Did you remember the olives?

 

by Savage
6-19-04
Son, could you and your brother watch the beans while I go bail out your mother?
Sure, Dad. No problem. What did she do this time?
Nothing! Really! It's just that there's not a lot of crime 'round these parts.
So why was she arrested?
Well, she and the sheriff go 'way back, and sometimes he gets sort of lonely.
Oh. So that "special doll" isn't quite doing the trick for him anymore, is it?

 

by Savage
6-19-04
What is it you wanted to talk to me about, Dad?
Well Fred, your brother informs me that you seem a bit confused about matters relating to *ahem* errrrr... Well, to be blunt--sex!
Dad! Ed must be joshing you! I know all about it.
You do? Whew! That's a relief. I wasn't looking forward to having that "father to son talk" with a thirty-five-year old doofus.
Well duh Dad. Of course I know all about sex. I've known what sex I am since I was nineteen!
Damn your mother and her fondness for experimental drugs!

 

by Savage
6-20-04
I want you now, Doreen.
Are you out of your mind? My husband will be home any minute now.
Who the hell are you? And where is my wife?
She's hiding under the bed.
Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Shouldn't you be the one hiding?
Sorry. I panicked. I also used your toothbrush. You don't mind, do you?

 

by Savage
6-20-04
Doreen! How could you do this to me?
Oh lighten up, Joe. Penguin Bob means nothing to me. You're the only man I'll ever love.
That's what you said last month, when I found you and eight naked Hell's Angels in the hot tub.
Oh sweetie...Why don't you lie down and relax and I'll go put on my Janet Reno costume. That always cheers you up.
I didn't know Doreen's house had a dungeon. At least her husband left the tv on for me.

 

by Savage
6-20-04
Hey! Who are you?
I'm the one who writes this strip.
Well, could you write me out of this dungeon?
Sorry, I have to take care of something else first. Lately, readership of my strip has been way down, so I have to do something drastic.
Hubba-hubba!
Oh shut up. Sometimes, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

 

by Savage
6-20-04
I hate these Twin Club picnics. They're totally boring and everyone is stupid.
Yes, like those morons, Fred and Ed.
Heh-heh, look. Ed just pushed Fred into the lake, and he fell in after him.
Fuckin' imbeciles.
Let's go steal their booze.
Excellent idea, my brother.

 

by Savage
6-20-04
This is fun, Ed. But why didn't you tell me you wanted to go swimming?
Be quiet, you subnormal.
Hey, my bottle is empty. We'd better get back.
Gee whiz, do you think? I mean, I kind of thought we should stay down here until we run out of air and die.
I can hold my breath for a long time, Ed. Those ventriloquism lessons really come in handy.
Yes, and you saved a lot of money by not having to buy yourself a dummy because you already are one.

 

by Savage
6-21-04
Wow, thank you. I will always cherish the memory of you in your underwear.
Yeah well, I hope my brief venture into softcore smut appeased all the freaks out there. Can't sell coffee mugs and calendars without a strong fan base.
Now, could you see about writing us out of here?
I'll get "write" on it! Ha ha! Get it? "Write" instead of "right?"
You've been down here alone for a long time, haven't you?
Actually, after a while, time becomes sort of an imaginary concept. Kind of like my life. I would like to see the sun again before I die. And play a few good games of Pong.

 

by Savage
6-21-04
Sweetie, I'm having a little trouble with the Janet Reno foundation garment, but I'll be riiight out.
Hurry up, Hon. I'm hotter than a pistol!
Oops.
What in tarnation are you doing here?
The blonde strip writer put me here.
What? Some stripper let you out of the dungeon? Where the hell is my rifle?

 

by Savage
6-24-04
I have to go now!
I got to set out bigger traps.
I'm almost ready, honey!
Never mind, Doreen. I'm not in the mood anymore. I'm going to go and clean my guns.

 

by Savage
6-25-04
Well, I sent the penguin away. He smelled fishy, but I kind of miss the company. I really should get out of here, myself.
Out there. In the real world. With the sunlight, and the people...
But first, I'll write that novel.

 

by Savage
6-25-04
So what time is this "ghost" supposed to show up?
Well, the guy at work said "When the moon is high."
Are you sure it wasn't when HE was high?
Just because you are not a spiritual person, is no reason for you to mock those who are.
Fuck you, Loony.
I'm telling Mom.

 

by Savage
6-25-04
Look over there, Ed! It's those twins from the Twin Club picnic. Let's go over and talk to them.
I don't know, Fred. They were kind of mean to us.
Oh. Yeah. The one named Timmy hit me on the head with a bottle of Tequila.
And it was YOUR bottle of Tequila!
I know! Let's play a trick on them. We'll sneak up behind them and scream, "BOO!"
I sense the strong potential for this scheme blowing up in our faces, but I am weak... Lead on, Bro.

 

by Savage
6-28-04
Oh wow! When Ed and Timmy slammed into each other, their heads sounded just like that time I dropped a watermelon off the hospital roof.
Yeah--hey! What hospital were you guys in?
St. Fillian's of Cucamonga. But we didn't have to stay there very long.
Really? Are you sure they should have let you two freaks out?
Oh, they didn't exactly let us out. Ed set off a small explosion on the croquet field, and in all the confusion, we left.
I think I can speak for my brother as well as myself when I say how very happy we are that you two chose our little town in which to reside.

 

by Savage
6-28-04
Fred? Ed? Boys! Where are you?
Uh-oh! It's my mom. I gotta go, right now.
But your brother is still out cold.
Have you seen--oh my heavens! What have you done to my little boy?
Uh, nothing ma'am. I'm just waiting for my brother to wake up.

 

by Savage
6-29-04
What has been going on here? And where is my son Fred?
He uh, went to the store for marshmallows.
Don''t you give me that, you little weirdo! I know what you four were doing!
You do? I mean, no we weren't! I mean, uhmm...what?
Don't you know it's against the law to dig up bodies in a cemetary?
Huh? Uh, I think I gotta go home now.

 

by Savage
6-29-04
Hey, come back here you little freak!
Now what?
Hey Handsome! Wanna party?

 

by Savage
6-30-04
Doreen! Where are you?
Oops! My husband is here! Sorry. I've got to go.
Oooooo, Doreen... Don't leave me this way.
Honey, there you are! You wouldn't believe what I just saw!
Hush, Joe. Let's go home. I've got that Janet Reno costume on loan for only one more night.

 

by Savage
7-01-04
Good, Doreen's not home yet. I'm going to give her the thrill of her life tonight. Woowee!
Yoo hoo, Doreen! It's Granny!
Oh my goodness! Who are you?
Uhmm... The new maid! Excuse me. I have to go dust something.

 

by Savage
7-01-04
Oh my. I wonder if she does windows?
She was kind of cute. Hee hee!

 

by Savage
7-02-04
Whew! That was close!
I'll never take a chance like that again.
That makeup was a little hard to wash off, but I kind of liked wearing the dress and high heels.

 

by Savage
7-02-04
Wow, Ed. So this is SuperWalMart.
Yes, Fred. Isn't it beautiful? Everything you could possibly want, under one roof.
They have girls and booze?
They have everything! Oops. That Boston cranberry Irish creme is starting to back up on me. I'll be right back.
Hey, Store Lady. Where do you keep the booze and girls?
Saaaaayyy... You're kind of cute. What're you drinking there?

 

by Savage
7-03-04
I've got Bourbon, Vodka, Rum, Gin, and some stuff I found in the back of the medicine cabinet. I think it might be some kind of medicine for the dog.
You've got all that in one bottle?
Oh, I don't have a bottle. I just poured it all into the paper bag.
Well, bag boy...How about you come over here and I'll show you the undressing room.
Don't you mean the dressing room?
Heh-heh.

 

by Savage
7-03-04
Oh Ed! I think I'm in love!
What? What happened? I told you to stay here and wait for me. Did you wander off into the stuffed animal section, like you did at Sears? Do you want us to get kicked out?
Oh no. I met a wonderful girl. I don't think I'll ever be the same again. She showed me so much.
I'll bet she did. Well, well. So my little brother is now a man. Wait until I tell Dad.
Oh, I already called him. But he didn't believe me.
Wait. You had time to meet a girl, do the wild thing, AND call Dad? Bro, I was only gone five minutes!

 

by Savage
7-05-04
I so cannot believe that you accepted an invitation from that freak Fred.
Well, you were passed out, and I didn't know what to say.
And dinner with their parents? You told me their mom is scary.
Yeah, but I have trouble saying "no."
No kidding. That reminds me--Big Bertha says "Hi." And she wants her aftershave back.
Uhm, Timmy? I think we're lost. A coyote is chewing on my foot.

 

by Savage
7-05-04
Crap! I thought where we were lost was bad! This is where Fred and Ed's parents live?
According to the map, yes. But I don't see a house.
I see some smoke down in that gully. Maybe that's it.
I hope so. I'm really thirsty. And my foot hurts where the coyote bit it.
Do you still have the wine and the bouquet of flowers for their mom?
Uh, no. I was so thirsty, I drank the wine. And the coyote ate the flowers.

 

by Savage
7-06-04
What is that stench?
I think that old man is barbecuing something.
Hi boys! You're just in time for supper. I caught me a nice bunch of prairie dogs.
Fred and Ed should be here soon. Would you boys like something to drink? Joe brewed up some fresh 'shine this morning.
Where are we? What happened?
The last thing I remember is... Wow. I can't remember.

 

by Savage
7-07-04
Wow, Ed. Thanks for taking me out for ice cream!
Well, I just thought we ought to celebrate your brand-new manhood.
Can I have a bubblegum banana split?
Whatever you like, Bro. This is your party.
(screaming from outside): "BEN AND JERRY! FREE ICE CREAM! BEN AND JERRY!"
Hey, look at that crowd of people over there. They're pointing at us.
What the--?

 

by Savage
7-07-04
What are they screaming, Ed?
It sounds like, "Ben and Jerry! Ben and Jerry!"
Who are they, Ed?
I dunno. Finish your ice cream, so we can go.
I'm scared, Ed. I've never been in a riot before.
Darn political fanatics. I hate election years.

 

by Savage
7-07-04
(shrieking):"BEN AND JERRY! I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES!"
Hey! That big fat lady just picked up that little man!
I think she's going to throw him through the window! Duck!
I'm scared, Ed. What should we do?
Run!
Wow! That was weird. I don't think I want to go to that ice cream store again.
There's a lot of crazy people in this world, Fred. But I wonder who those Ben and Jerry guys are?

 

by Savage
7-10-04
Hello mister clown! I've always dreamed of meeting you!
Wanna see a cool trick, kid?
Wow!
Do it again!
Sorry, kid. I can only do it once. Could you pour some of that booze on me?

 

by Savage
7-10-04
Thanks for coming to bail me out, sis.
No problem. But I don't understand why they arrested you.
Well, uhm... It was a case of mistaken identity. Yeah, that's it!
The police in this town sure are friendly. One of them asked me if I sold it on the same corner as you.
Oh! What did you say?
I told him I used to be an Avon lady, but not anymore.

 

by Savage
7-11-04
Uh-oh. I'm having one of those hallucinations again. Ed! Ed! Help me!
I must kill you with my letter opener now. Nothing personal.
And you were there, and Auntie Edna and---
Shut up, you freak. Pass me the vodka.

 

by Savage
7-12-04
Wow, my last few comic strips really stink.
I could work on my novel, but it stinks too.
Maybe a bird will fly in through the bars. With a bottle of bourbon. Can penguins fly?

 

by Savage
7-12-04
What's that stink? Smells like rotten fish guts.
You called?
Oh! Yeah. I need you to run a little errand for me.
Your wish is my command, Mistress. Please don't hurt me.
Bring me a case of Maker's Mark and some air freshener. Hurry!

 

by Savage
7-16-04
Yes mistress?
Look, I'm sick of this whole mess. I've decided to start a new story line.
What thaa?
You! Sit down and shut up until I ask you a direct question!
Hey cutie!
Where do I even begin with this idiot and his womb partner?

 

by Savage
7-18-04
So, the dentist said to Osama--
Wait. I told it wrong. I forgot to mention he had a parrot in his pocket.
I'll be here all week, folks. Order the veal.

 

by Savage
7-18-04
I feel so alone.
I think I'm lost.
What's happening? I'm scared, Ed.
Hang tight, my little brother. Together we can make it through.

Showing page 2.

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