All comics by pslock

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by pslock
1-17-04
Wow..I sure am thirsty.
*label* "THE GOTH DRINKING FOUNTAIN"
*slurrrp* Ugh! This water takes like....blood?
Note: This comic should be spookier.
??
Precisely.

 

by pslock
1-17-04
Well, XGX 5582, looks like we're on the moon. Time to start the experiments.
YES IT IS. I WILL PREPARE THE LAB EQUIPMENT.
But first...I think a little, uh....FUN is in order, huh?
THAT DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Note: Not an actual "Adventure."
Awww..c'mon back XGX! Why you got to be like dat?

 

by pslock
1-17-04
Well, XGX 5582, looks like we're on the moon. Time to start the experiments.
YES IT IS. I WILL PREPARE THE LAB EQUIPMENT.
Lab? Fuck that shit..time for some beer...oh, and check out my porn collection!
MY SENSORS INDICATE THAT MODEL'S BREASTS ARE NOT CONSTRUCTED OF NATURAL MATERIAL.
Fuck yeah...that's the best kind!! Let's watch the game!
IT LOOKS AS IF THAT TEAM IS INDEED "GOING" AS WAS SUGGESTED BY THE AUDIENCE.

 

by pslock
1-17-04
Well, XGX 5582, looks like we're on the moon. Time to start the experiments.
YES IT IS. I WILL PREPARE THE LAB EQUIPMENT.
Ya know..I'm actually too depressed to start the experiments. I think I'll just write some poetry or something. Not that you'd understand me, XGX. No one does. I'm an enigma to all.
SENSORS INDICATE THAT YOU ARE GROWING PRETENTIOUS. I MUST WARN MISSION CONTROL.
Why bother? They're all dead anyway. At least they will be once the darkness falls over them as it has fallen over us.
I RESPECTFULLY REQUEST YOU PUT DOWN THE BAUHAUS CD AND WALK AWAY, NOW.

 

by pslock
1-18-04
You know, Return of the Jedi was initially titled "Revenge" of the Jedi, but the name was changed since it was an un-Jedi-like trait to seek revenge.
Fag.

 

by pslock
1-18-04
I hate bugs. So naturally, I signed up to kill the big, interstellar ones.
Also, I heard that you get laid a lot whenever there's not a lot of bug fighting going on.
So, it should be pretty fun as wars go. Peace is for morons.

 

by pslock
1-21-04
I am a girl. I have gone wild.
OMG!! TEH BRESTS!!
Yes, for only 3 installments of $20, you too can enjoy TEH BRESTS of these incredibly dimwitted sacks of liquid retardation known as GIRLS GONE WILD!!
They'll ALMOST have sex and ALMOST get completely naked for you in these special videos that cost almost more than legitimate hardcore porn!!! If you act now, we'll throw in this free self-lobotomy!!

 

by pslock
1-21-04
GAYS R BAD BUT AMERICAN IS GOOD!
DOWN WITH TERROR, UP WITH TAXES!
IN CONCLUSION...UHHH...UMM...
psssst! The line is "GOD BLESS AMERICA!! AND KEEP IT FREE OF THE DARKIES!"

 

by pslock
1-21-04
I just got my new L.L. Bean catalog.
Order some cool camping equipment.
Why? Do you want to go camping? Are you gay or something? Camping is for gay people. Not that there's anything wrong with it.
No..I hate camping..but the equipment is cool. Camping is kinda gay, but I don't like it.
Not to take anything away from gays at all.
No, indeed. Not to take ANYTHING away from camping gay people.

 

by pslock
1-22-04
It's funny how most of those old NES games that used the Konami code were basically unbeatable unless you actually used the code.
QUIT YER BITCHIN'. AT LEAST THEY WERE GOOD GAMES AND NOT SHIT LIKE ZELDA II ALL THE TIME.
shhh!! Be quiet!! You forget...the evil monster of "nostalgia" has taken hold and now the majority of gamers (most of whom didn't actually grow up on this stuff) think that Zelda II is a masterpiece
HAHAHA!! YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT?? I MEAN...DO YOU -REMEMBER- THAT SHIT???
SHHH!! SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M SERIOUS. Someone from a GameFAQs forum will hear you!!!

 

by pslock
1-24-04
In a special, Fox News Fair-And-Balanced exclusive, we have learned through exhaustive research that, at times, Adolf Hitler would actually become agitated and get excited or yell in his speeches!!!
Howard Dean's completely un-newsworthy speech given at the Iowa primaries PROVES a distinct connection between Dean and Hitler...they both give empassioned speeches to crowds.
In other fair-and-balanced news, President Bush gave a SANE and very CALM speech where he spoke in soft tones to his quiet audience. This same pattern emerged when Mohandas Gandhi spoke!!

 

by pslock
1-24-04
Mr. President, I think all of your incredibly hateful social policies are just because you haven't had hot lovin' from a man! C'mere and let me show you how to swing both ways.
How dare you, you disgusting Nazi Hippie Communist Black Homo Liberal scum!!! I'll teach you what for!!
And so, President Bush went forth to smite the homosexual with the power of AMERICA!!
arrrgh..noooo.. you have...defeated me...urrgh..
This cowboy only swings ONE way, pal. The AMERICAN CONSTITUTIONAL way!! It's OK, Laura, you can come out now, the homo is thwarted and our hot love-making can continue, in a legally mandated fashion

 

by pslock
1-24-04
Hmm..this is a lot like Dark Alliance 1. I mean...it's basically the same thing. I'm not all that impressed.
5 hours later..
MUST....LEVEL.....UP!!!
4 days later..
C'MON!! THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME?? TAKE SOME OF THIS...PHZZOOM!!!!!!!

 

by pslock
1-24-04
I CAME TO AMERICA BECAUSE I HEARD IT HAD THE BEST WANGS.
TODAY I WILL SETTLE ALL MY AFFAIRS. AND BY AFFAIRS I MEAN ALL THE PEOPLE WITHOUT PANTS WHO KEEP HANGING AROUND MY HOUSE.
LEAVE THE GUN. TAKE THE CANOLE.

 

by pslock
1-24-04
IF YOU LEAVE THIS BONG UNSUCKED, YOU'LL DISAPPOINT ME.
MY OFFER IS THIS...NOTHING. UNLESS YOU'RE OFFERING FREE BLOWJOBS.
YOU KNOW, IF THE MAFIA THINKS YOU'RE GOING TO FAR, YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR.

 

by pslock
1-24-04
AS SOON AS I TAKE IT OUT, IT KEEPS SUCKING ME BACK IN.
THAT'S THE BEST I'VE GOT.
I MEAN, C'MON. WHO SAW THIS MOVIE?

 

by pslock
1-24-04
I hate you, just like I hate life. You're trying to ban my favorite music, and for that I pray that the dark lord of evilness numbs your soul.
Already has, son. Hell..that's why I'm the way I am. It doesn't matter anyway, cuz you and your little friends are gonna be turned into jocks or preps one way or another.
NEVER!!
Ohh...don't resist now! Also, don't go grabbin' any shotguns! Heh..get it?? Ha...that's my best one this week.
Grr...I'm gonna go write in my LiveJournal about this. And it won't be kind!!! Someone might read it, even!!
Son, Gore may have invented the internet but -I- own it!!! You prolly won't even HAVE a computer when you get home, much less a family.

 

by pslock
1-25-04
I've been making far too many comics lately bashing our beloved President Bush. I apologize for these continual attacks on a man who was rightfully elect...oh wait. Errm. Nevermind.
In any case, in lieu of attacking Mr. Bush, I will now embark on a series in which Jesus is continually raped up the ass with hilarious consequences.
Of course, the person actually DOING the raping will be President Bush. But I won't give him any dialogue.

 

by pslock
1-25-04
Alright..we're gonna take Alabama, Canada, Tikal, Sweden, New Hampshire, Texas, Alaska, Greenland, Elephant Island....YEEEEHHAAUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
That didn't get quite the reaction I was expecting.
BOO!
Alright, alright. Vote for me, and there will be nudity.
HOORAY!

 

by pslock
1-25-04
..but there's so many philisophical levels to the word "stealing", I mean let's break it down analytically.
Welp, I don't think we'll be seeing any more customers today! Oh and the police are here and want to talk to you.
So..exactly how would I get you job? I mean..I'm just curious..it's just a curiousity thing, I mean you're not leaving anytime soon, right? I'm just saying IF I was interested in your job...

 

by pslock
1-27-04
I mean..it's so horrible and base and twisted. The very morals of it are disgusting.
Yeah, I know...all that violence and killing. GTA really is terrible.
Huh? I'm not talking about GTA. GTA is GREAT! Wow..nothing like some wanton fictional violence after a shitty day at work. I was talking about the new Gulf War.
Ohh......
Yeah..you know, the war that has killed at least 500 American soldiers FOR REAL which Joseph Lieberman openly supported and helped the president lie about?
Yeah, whatever...enough of that crap..let's go play some GTA. I'm gonna beat the crap outta some hookers!!

 

by pslock
1-27-04
WHY do talk about this crap
ok u 2 yr old baby....go back to wathcin pokemon and let us big boyz talk about big boy things ok?
SUCK IT! D-X 4 LIFE
how to the power thingy
that nigga gay
Do you guys like Hiary Duff? Or do you love her?

 

by pslock
1-27-04
Look, I already told you, you CAN'T cast that spell because it's too high a level!!
Huh? Level?? Whassh you talkin' bout....I want to make spell...
Ugh..this is the last time we play D&D with you, you idiot!
Hey...are there, like, goblins here...cuz I've got, like, a +5 goblin killing spoon or somethin...
*sigh* YES, there's goblins...
WOOHOO!!!!

 

by pslock
1-29-04
First being with asiangirl1.
Hi. How are ya?
Create a premise that works with your setting.
Ooh! A spaceship! Cool! Are we going on a star quest or something?
Then introduce a second character of your choice, from a carefully selected set of finalists, again working with your setting.
....
Hi...how are ya?

 

by pslock
1-29-04
Introduce a premise.
Ok do I say my lines now? Ok. "WE ARE TRAPPED IN SPACE. OMG!'
Let's see..what page are we on..oh I see. "YES LOOKS LIKE WE ARE TRAPPED.....IN SPACE.
Work with the premise, drawing out the inherent hilarity.
SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
PLAY SCRABBLE!
But, by no means are you confined to a single premise alone. Experiment with the flow of the comic.
NO, I INSTEAD WANT TO USE THIS STATIONS WEAPONRY TO OVERTAKE THE EARTH!
SMASHING!

 

by pslock
1-29-04
Now that you've established the groundwork, simply continue to conclusion.
I AM FIRING WEAPONS NOW. PLEASE NAME A TARGET.
ANYWHERE IN THE EASTERN UNITED STATES, I HAD A LOUSY HAMBURGER THERE ONCE.
IT IS DONE. SAY GOOD-BYE TO RHODE ISLAND!
GOOD BYE RHODE ISLAND!! MUUUAHAHAHAHAHA!!
After a successfull conclusion, simply submit the comics and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
*phew* How'd I do? Was I funny? I mean, I strove for funny and I worked at in rehearsal and all, but I'm just never sure.
Did CHEWING THE SCENERY taste good???? I'm in my trailer.

 

by pslock
2-04-04
*sigh*
(comic not guaranteed to make sense)
Alas, the Cheetos have run dry. Will this Earthly hell ever come to an end?
My new master!

 

by pslock
2-05-04
Chad can barely keep up with the massive cases being passed his way!!
I'm a very busy man, Ms. Jackson, but I decided to take on your case to fight your dismissal from the Grammys because, well, it's in the name of justice.
I realize that. It's obvious that racism is why I'm being shut out of the ceremony...not because of my silly publicity stunt!
I'm sure that's true. However, before taking on your case in full, I believe I need to see the breast in question, just for my own edification.
Well..uh..I don't really see why..I...uh..
Look, do you want justice or not? Release the tit!
Very well then... *rrripp!!*

 

by pslock
2-05-04
Hmm..well your breast is impressive, but I'm still not sure I can take on your case totally.
Why?
Well, I'm still defending your brother, and it might be considered conflict of interests...hmm..unless I somehow managed to *kill* him first, which would negate the whole issue...hmm..
Wait, what?? You trailed off whispering there, what are you saying?
Nothing. Nevermind. Just formulating legal strategies. First we nee...hey, wait..did I *say* you could put your breast away?
Well, I uh...just thought..

 

by pslock
2-05-04
I'm sorry, Mike, but I have to drop your case in favor of taking Janet's. It's a much more entertaining case, frankly. And I get to look at her breast whenever I want to for "defense" reasons.
But Chad, I need you!! Plus, you won't get cool Bruckheimer-esque action sequences with Janet's case!
That's true, but y'know, Mike, I'm gettin' kinda tired of the shooting and the killing and the car chases. It's time I put my talents to good ol' fashioned law again.
*sob* *sob*
But....just to make sure there's no hard feelings, I'm leaving you with a present. Mike, I managed to get the entire roster of Boy Scout Troop 443 to come with me today...
YAAAAAAAY!!! You ARE the best Chad!!!

 

by pslock
2-08-04
Despite my feverish campaigning, I must readily admit that I stand no chance of being elected U.S. President. And so, with a heavy heart, I concede the rest of the primary to the other candidates.
STUPID AMERICA HATER!! UR STEALING VOTES FROM REAL PEOPLE!
Who would I vote for? My standard response is to say "Vote for anyone with a chance of beating Bush and then run for the nearest toilet", but I dunno if that's the best answer.
NO UR WRONG!!! KERRY 2004!!!
Hmmm...well...the run for the toilet part is covered there...
R U COMMIE?

 

by pslock
2-08-04
Ok...put that sign there and move over that rack, please. This way I can put out the new movies in this spot and free up candy space over by the other wall. Alright, I need to go clean the restroom.
???
....
Do you work here?

 

by pslock
2-08-04
I am doing hilarious comedy schtick in which I impersonate Michael Jackson and make a timely joke about Hillary Clinton.
Women be different from men.
C'mon laugh, damn you. My observational humor is second to none. Phones...what is up with those? C'mon, laugh. Where's the brick wall behind me?

 

by pslock
2-08-04
....
U, U, D, D, L, R, L, R, B, A, B, A, START
!!!

 

by pslock
2-08-04
HEHHEH BRAD IS DUM FAG PERSON!!!
Who's Brad?
He's some idiot who banned me for being a dick on his website...he's a fag too LOL!!!
Oh..is this that Stripcreator guy who runs SC pretty much for free and provides you with hours and hours of afterschool entertainment?
Yeah...but he's a dick too...so I'm like making stupid comics to get revenge on him...it's like the most brilliant scheme!! Heh..I said fuck!! Heh...FAG!!
So then...sex is off for now?

 

by pslock
2-08-04
In the year 20XX (If we all act like patriots and back Bush's space spending bills)
Wow..it's the face on Mars!! It really IS a face! And it's on Mars!! Proof of intelligent life!!!
Hey guys!! The face on Mars is real!! Guess we're PWNED!! Looks like there were aliens living here after all!
Yep..you stupid humans should have listened to all the smart people saying I was a face.
Holy shizznat! You can talk! A talking face on Mars!!
Now that you're here, I have to tell you guys about the extreme viral danger that humanity would expose itself to if they came to Mars...

 

by pslock
2-08-04
Meanwhile....at the Hall of Google
Umm...Mr. Google? I never talk about rap or hip-hop in my comics at all, yet I have hip-hop ads on my comics. Why are your Google ads so screwed up?
Well..it's part of a much larger plan. By simply questioning these ads, you've now inserted hip-hop into your comics. Which means you're SURE to get the ads now.
Wha?? Damn You!!! You're out of control!!!
Hardly, my boy...just doing my part for free enterprise in the 21st century. And while I'm at it..Barbie. Barbie. Barbie.
No! NOOOO!!! NOT THAT!!!
MUUAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Mattel pays highly for your comics...

 

by pslock
2-09-04
OF ALL THE FILTHY RESTROOMS YOU HAD TO WALK INTO MINE
YOU KNOW, I THINK THIS IS THE START OF A BEAUTIFUL *flushing sounds drowning out dialogue*
PLAY IT, SAM

 

by pslock
2-09-04
A/S/L? A/S/L? A/S/L? A/S/L?
Jesus, I just logged in to play a game of Scrabble.
A/S/L? A/S/L? A/S/L? A/S/L?
Arrgh...shut the fuck up, you tards!! What does that even mean, anyway?
It's basically a question...I think it's something like: Anus-size?/Sinner?/Line-Noise? or something like that.
You have mail: A/S/L? A/S/L? A/S/L? A/S/L?
Why would someone want know my anus size? How would you even measure something like that?
Don't look at me. I'm through with measuring anuses. Not..that I used to or anything...I...just...umm....

 

by pslock
2-11-04
DAMN JEWS ARE CRUCIFYING ME. *being crucified and dying*
*dead*
AM I CONTROVERSIAL YET?

 

by pslock
2-11-04
I'm sure by now you've seen the incontrovertable proof that I attended the National Guard for a period of about 3 hours. I SERVED THIS COUNTRY, DAMNIT! I AM A HERO!!
Why, there were times I had to stay on base late, so I was late for dinner and stuff! And, so, I say to you the American public, who is better qualified to lead this nation than ME!
Meanwhile, back in the 1970s...
Whee!! I'm flying planes daddy!! I'm killing gooks!!! Just like the big men!
Get away from that painting, son! Damnit, how many times do I have to scold you!! That's it...I'm taking some of your oil wells away..

 

by pslock
2-11-04
When I have a kid, I'm going to be ridiculously clever and name it "2.0" cuz it's, like, the next version of me!!
What about the mother? Doesn't she get to name it...it takes TWO parents to make the kid.
Right now it does...but I'm talking, like, in the future.
Oh..you mean the future where there's no women and no sex and children are spontaneously created by the Mother Brain or some shit??
....look, 2.0 is a funny name for a kid.
Yeah, and so is "My dad is a dick." Looks good on a birth certificate.

 

by pslock
2-11-04
No, seriously honey, it's fun making out on a fresh grave! It's exciting and new! Lemme just go get the rest of the equipment...
Uh....what the hell?
Surprise!!! I thought I'd take you to an accident scene! My buddy Fred the cop was nice enough to tip me off to a great spot!! Lemme get the sandwiches!
Ok...I'm officially uncomfortable now...this is creepy..
No, no...it's cool. Remember, you're BUNNY PANTY GIRL KAWAII-CHAN ULTRA PLUS!! I'm almost done getting my mutant spaceman costume on....where's my tenticle thing?

 

by pslock
2-11-04
In a world where bars remain unsafe, one man must stand up for justice..
Alright...I'm Dalton and I'm back in this here town. It's my way or the highway!!!
I am a redneck and I hate you because you used a word I did not understand. HAVE AT YOU!!
...and must overcome fear to encounter the greatest love of all...
HA! You cannot get past my fighting skills; they were taught to me by zen Buddhism and Wild Turkey. Oh look! It's grizzled, ol', Sam Elliot to help me beat your ass.
Uhhhn...what about my regular Saturday night thing?
...the love of booze.
THese people are too stupid to have a good time!!
BEEF! IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER!!

 

by pslock
2-13-04
Welcome to Windows 2000. Where do you want to go today?
Anywhere but here...
ILLEGAL ERROR IN SECTOR 667XXNHRU9**12%ff
God damnit... What the hell is leaking all over the floor?
My source code. BA-DUM-CHING!!!
Time to install BeOS.

 

by pslock
2-17-04
....
The edible underwear didn't have quite the effect I was hoping for.

 

by pslock
2-17-04
Damnit Garfield, will you PLEASE stop sleeping on the Transfibulator Machine!!
Nope...it's my nature...by the way, have you molecularly energized any space lasagna today?
No, I couldn't. Stupid Odie got into the machine and beamed himself over to the next station as a glass of space hot chocolate. It'll be awhile before he's fixed up.
Haha..stupid dog. Oh well..I'm going to my space bed for some peace and quiet.
All you do is sleep! DAMN YOU!!
Big, fat, hairy, space deal. Where's my hydro-thermal, electro-ionized sleep cover unit?? Nermal??

 

by pslock
2-17-04
Keeping with the cutting edge...
Have we finished yet?

 

by pslock
2-17-04
*blast* *bang* *"ARRRGH!"*
Wow..I never knew Nazi's were so damn technically advanced!! Hell..this castle has, like, 50 electronically sealed doors and guys with machine guns for arms!!
How could they have possibly lost the war with all this stuff?
Wait...I'm defeating them single handedly...nevermind.

 

by pslock
2-18-04
AT+MS=(91004&^2343989---2354$!!!
???
NOW U HAVE VIRUS!! LOL!
*System corrupted, please reboot to attempt repair.* ???
Now I have the whole day to myself.
Welp, that's the last time I try and get help from the Web MD chatroom.

Showing page 8.

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