All comics by B8

 

by B8
8-21-03
What are your orders, Cute Little Masters.!
Kill Supremo and destroy the White House! Efficiently!
As you command. Commencing murder mode... loading... loading...
I must stop him from attacking the President...
20 minutes later...
Loading... loading... buffering property damage files... hey, why are your eyes glowing red?
Error! Error!

 

by B8
8-21-03
The Little Girl Geniuses were convicted of 99 different counts of terrorism and one of being adorable. They are currently being held at Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo Bay.
We will have our revenge on you all!
Yes, thanks to our evil genius. And the ACLU!
Supremo remains a cut rate Superman knock off useful for Strip Creator cartoons and scathing parodies of the Man of Steel.
Man, this speedo is tight...
Terror-Roo just realized that Supremo isn't coming back.
Crap!

 

by B8
8-23-03
At the 2003 Wizard Fan Awards, Internet Cartoonist Gabe from Penny Arcade announces the award for Breakout Talent.
And the winner is, Bruce Jones. Whee! Now I'm going to go draw pictures about my wang!
An ecstatic Jones (or at least an artist's rendition of him) rushes to the stage to say a few words.
Thank you all for your votes! I owe it all to not using the Hulk very often in my Hulk comics! And feeding this baby.
Suddenly, an angry fan leaps over Jim Lee on to the stage!
You're about to owe an ass kicking like the Browns will surely take from the Steelers this season to it, too! Put the baby down and fight like a man, Hulk thief!
My god, it's the dread pirate Steeltownr! He's not just six guys posting on the internet like Joe and Bill assured me!

 

by B8
11-23-03
Okay, that'll be one Big Mac with extra pickles, fries, and a Coke.
No pickles lad.
Right. It'll be right out.
No pickles. Remember that.
Five minutes later...
All right, here's your Big Mac with extra pickles...
Extra pickles?!? You have offended my honor, gnave! I challenge you to a joust!

 

by B8
11-23-03
Look dude, I'm sorry I screwed up your order, but I'm doing any jousting! I barely have time to smoke on my ten!
I care not for your excuses. You have offeneded my honor and my pallete, and I demand to be repaid... in your blood!
If you're that broken up about it, take it up with my manager.
If that is what it will take to regain my sullied honor, I shall cut him down instead of you, my pimple faced anatgonist!
All right, what's the problem here?
Zounds! He has a mechanical horse? Perhaps I should just take the pickles off...

 

by B8
11-23-03
For your amusement, gentle reader, I present; Archetype Gladiator Fight Hour!
Have at thee, base rogue! Your flamboyant dress and stylized speech shant save you now!
Bitch, I am going to slap you upside yo' Victorian English spouting head so hard, you're gonna think you was one o' my bitches holdin' out on me!
One lightning fast slap later...
Space Pimp! Space Pimp! Just please don't slap me again!
Say my name, shiny bitch!
And Space Pimp is the winner!
I'll teach you to love and leave an anthromorphic 'ho!
Damn straight! Now bring on the next cracker ass sucka!

 

by B8
12-31-03
What are you planning to do on New Year's Eve, Mr. Rorschach?
Curl up with good book and lay by fire.
That sounds neat!
Book by Ayn Rand. Fire generated by piles of pornography, the filth that the bloated hedonists gorge on while a generation starves for substance in the gutter. Fire is warm. Like the loins of a whore.
You've mentioned that.
My mother was a whore.

 

by B8
1-01-04
Hey Mr. Rorschach, why can't people be generous like during the holidays the whole year?
It can. Seasons are arbitrary impositions of an uncaring hierarchy of communists and other spineless intellectuals.
Do you mean it?
Yes. Giving can be done all year. I do.
What kind of presents do you give out?
Nothing special. Broken fingers mainly. Am known to whip out mean stew. For scalding.

 

by B8
1-01-04
What I'm saying is, it's... it's just that we're like fucking geniuses, and we're 8. Other girls are age are... are playing with Barbie dolls.
Barbie dolls?
Barbie dolls.
Barbie dolls?
Barbie dolls. You have met girls our age, right?
I mean, like... Barbie Dolls? What would we do with them? Make them into a giant battle suit with an unrealistic figure?

 

by B8
1-01-04
I just stopped the cute Asian girls latest plan, accidentally killing one in the process.
Curse you, Supremo!
Curse me?
I wonder what would happen if I revealed my secret identity. Which would mean taking of my glasses in public, I guess. Not a very dramatic gesture.
Yes, you thwarted my plan and killed my sister! Curse you and the tights wearing horse you rode in on, you silly bitch!
It was an accident! I don't... I don't need this crap from you! I'm out here, trying to save lives... Wait, a curse like a gypsy curse or a curse like "Curse you, Reed Richards!"
My speedo's riding up my crack right now.
Aren't they the same thing?
No. I mean, when Doom says that, it's just kind of an empty phrase, y'know? Like, he couldn't say "Fuck you, Richards, and your hot WASP wife!" because it was the Silver Age.

 

by B8
1-01-04
Hey Mr. Rorschach-
Can't impart mono-syllabic advice anymore, Billy.
Jeepers! What happened? Do you have to fight some nasty villains? Or are you running away from that naked blue guy again?
Neither. Being sued. Made English man very angry. Time will now be devoted to legal costs. Less time for finger breaking and advice giving.
The Previous Day: Rorschach learns of the lawsuit.
Hello Billy- wait, not Billy. Who are you?
I'm a friend of Alan's. He had me bring this Supbpeona over from England.

 

by B8
1-03-04
Whoee, Earl! Watchoo been eatin', buddy?
Oh mah gawd... is that you Earl? What happened?
Well, it wasn't the stimulating conversation that did him in, I can tell you that.

 

by B8
1-03-04
Earl, oh Earl! Who did that to you?
What, not who. Beans. Magical beans.
Why did ya leave me all alone, Earl! I need ya! I loved ya! In a strictly plutonic way, no matter what that bitch Eliza Sue says!
Hello? Talking Squirrel here! I'm here to be your spirit guide, cowpoke. Pay attention.
I do have to say that you had a nice ass. For a fella. Wish I'd let ya know that when you were alive.
HE CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU, YOU STUPID YOKEL!

 

by B8
1-03-04
Sister, you're alive! How is that possible? Did Supremo not drop a killer robot on your head?
No. He dropped it on my clone. Or a shapeshifter. Or a life sized card board cut out. It all runs together after awhile.
So, retcon?
Retcon.

 

by B8
1-03-04
Here our Odd Couple is, deep in thought.
Can't believe Moore had me thrown in jail. Creator jealous of creations prolonged life, even in many time removed web comic parody. Must be foul mysticism poluting his mind.
Okay, so, should I shank the Neo Nazi tomorrow or try and wait it out? Might be more of a holiday thing.
Butch shares newly learned information.
Hrrm. Interesting.
Hey, it says here that cats have two pairs of eyelids!
But harmony is threatened when Butch becomes derilect in his cleaning duties.
Butch, stop leaving shivs by toilet. Unsightly. Want to have cleanest cell so wardon will be fooled into coming by, walk right in to hilarious finger breaking prank.
Okay, "mother!" Jeez, you act like I killed you and wore your skin to my prom or something!

 

by B8
1-03-04
Every character in the Stripcreator stable (well, the ones you can use without donating anything, at least) was devestated by B8's use of Rorschach after it looked like he wouldn't do that again.
I'm so disillusioned. Not even blue sparks can cheer me up!
I'm just... numb.
If he can mislead us about Rorschach, what's the point of being an evil girl genius?
Forsooth. I know of only one course of action!
One serious beating and toss in a trash can by all of the characters this author uses later...
Man, I bet Grant Morrison's characters never do this to him. Maybe I should steal some of his.
You ever mislead us again, we gonna form a union, bitch! One thing you don't want is a bunch of pissed of cartoon characters who can set their own wages!

 

by B8
1-03-04
I'm Baby New Year and I'm here to murder you all!
Whoa, hairy dude, calm down! Yer a little late there. It's, like, January 3rd. And your sash is kinda off, too.
Well shit. This is beyond fashionably late. Must have spent more time sharpening the axe than I expected.
That's a bummer. What are ya gonna do now?
Do not pass go, Monopoly guy... you're about to die!
It appears my monocol is dirty... wha?
Do not pass go, Monopoly guy... it's time to die!

 

by B8
1-03-04
I'm sure he'll find something, random drunk guy.
It appears that my monocol is dirty. Wha-?
Do not pass go, Monopoly guy... it's time to die!
Now, the director's commentary: Funny story about this scene; originally, I wanted the Monopoly guy to be played by Ian McKellan, but it didn't work out. Probably because I kept calling him Gandalf.
It appears that my monocol is dirty. Wha-?
Do not pass go, Monopoly guy... it's time to die!
Now, George Lucas and Steven Spieldberg's commentary! George: I bet this would be better without things like actors. Steve: The Squirrel should have a walkie talkie instead of an axe.
It appears that my monocol is dirty. Wha-?
Do not pass go, Monopoly guy... it's time to die!

 

by B8
1-03-04
This week on Post Apocalyptic Mutant High School: Girl on girl action!
Oh my god, it is Skanky Bunny! She is deadly lethal in kickboxing, and she's going out with the boy I like!
Haha, it is the nerd whom I pick on, Catgrrrl. Come here for your daily beating, feline bitch, before we are late for trig in the fallout shelter.
Scheming yet cute evil geniuses!
We survived the apocalypse and gained telepathy!
We will now link our minds to scheme twice as well, and gossip from anywhere on Earth!
And other weird shit we can blame on nuclear waste (Hey, it worked for Stan and Jack)!
I can't hear a word she's saying. Mutations rule!
Steve, I feel like you've changed. And not just because you grew a tail!

 

by B8
1-03-04
Psychadelic experiences!
Uh, John? You're, like, totally freaking me out, buddy.
Being freaked out is a relative concept. Besides, this is a much more efficient mode of transportation for our double date. By the way, could you hold Julie's hair when she throws up in one minute?
Troubles with teachers!
Ms. Frost is such a bitch! And she's totally too old to wear a bustier to class! Wait, why is she staring at me from over there?
She can also hear the thoughts of little schemers who pass telepathic notes in class, honey.
Dinosaurs! You like dinosaurs, right?
Man, Principal McGee is totally lame!
Take that hat off when you're in the ruined school building, Mr. Saraus.

 

by B8
1-03-04
The Squirrel runs in to one fluent in l33t speak during a web surfing session.
I AM A 133t haXOR! U HAVE BEEN PWND, SUXXOR!
You don't say... that's very interesting. Hey, can I have your address? I have a friend that's dying to meet you, my better.
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT, SUXXOR KING!!!!!! MY ADDRE$$ IS...
15 minutes later...
WH0 R U? WUT R U D0ING H3r3?
I'm a friend of HOTNUTZ 21. And a stickler for Proper English. Die in the name of all things pedantic!

 

by B8
1-03-04

 

by B8
1-03-04

 

by B8
1-04-04
This week on PAMHS- Fashion Faux Pas!
Everyone used to make fun of my radiation inhibiting super hero costume, but look who has the cool clothes now!
Yeah, now they're cool...
Slumber Parties!
Truth or Dare- Have you ever, like, tongue kissed Atomic Boy?
As if! Well, maybe one time at a pep rally...
Some action! Maybe!
Five minutes from now, you will be incenerated by an alien invader.
Will you stop saying that!

 

by B8
1-04-04
You shall not pass!
I say thee nay! I hath come to rape and pillage, and shall do so, even mayhap twas I forced to do so over thine own violated corpse!
No, really. This is the Lord of the Rings convention. Unless you've got 10 bucks for a ticket or your name's Peter Jackson, step off, beardie!
Er, well, I could swear the pillaging convention was here today... this is so embarassing.
Fosooth, that guy with the toilet plunger was such a dick.
Why can't you just ask Gandalf over there for directions! We're missing all the good pillaging and I'm getting geek B.O. all over my chain mail!

 

by B8
1-04-04
Supremo lands in frozen wasteland, far from the civilized world, and what does he find??
Great Riddley Scott! It's a frozen man those Eskimos are worshipping... could this be just like that scene in Avengers vol. 1, number 4, where the Sub Mariner discovers a frozen Captain America?
Think we should tell him that we're not Eskimos, and that's a frozen evil genius we're trying to keep in his icy prison, not a Golden Age Superhero we're worshipping?
Damn right we should! When I say I want to be called an Inuit, I mean it!
Meanwhile, in a completely unrelated subplot
Why can't anyone ever discover me? I've been holding my breath for a week here!

 

by B8
1-04-04
Supremo lands in frozen wasteland, far from the civilized world, and what does he find??
Great Ridley Scott! It's a frozen man those Eskimos are worshipping! I wonder if I've discovered a fallen hero, like Sub Mariner did in Avengers vol. 1, no. 4?
Think we should tell him that we're not Eskimos, and that's a frozen evil genius we're trying to keep in his icy prison, not a Golden Age Superhero we're worshipping?
Damn right we should! When I say I want to be called an Inuit, I mean it!
Meanwhile, in a completely unrelated subplot...
Why can't anyone ever discover me? I've been holding my breath for a week here!

 

by B8
1-04-04
Just to clear up confusion, the author of this strip posted the last strip twice because he thought he'd accidentally put us in place of the characters he was using the first time.
It is an easy mistake to make when you are not cute and Asian.
He's really dumb compared to us, is what Ling is trying to say.
Thank you for clearing that up for the rubes, Mai. Wait, since when do we have names? Particularly those particular Asian names...
Ain't I a stinker?
I can't believe he actually stole me from a Morrison Animal Man comic!

 

by B8
1-04-04
Now, to thaw this frozen superhero out with my warm sight...
Stop you fool! If you thaw that man out, the world is doomed!
How can you speak my people's language, my bright red eskimo friend?
I'M NOT AN ESKIMO, YOU CHEESEY SUPREME RIP OFF, MAKING YOU A DOUBLE RIP OFF OF SUPERMAN! ARRGH!
Dude, you have serious anger management problems. Like that guy in that movie.
That's it, I'm giving you a nipple twister, pissed off robot style!

 

by B8
1-06-04
All right, folks. I've found who we're looking for and I'm going to commence the retrival operation.
Finally, I'm saved!
Hey, wait, where is he going? He walked right past me! What kind of retrieval is this?
Yup. We've been worried about you...
Giant Novelty Pencil! There were times I thought you were just a legend! You'll fetch a hefty sum on the Giant Novelty Item Black Market!

 

by B8
1-06-04
In times of trouble, when even Supremo cannot handle a threat, he calls upon other heroes to help him form a group that is nearly unstoppable; the Judicious League of Analogues!
I'm in this for truth, justice, and bling, bitotch!
Am here to fill brooding loner vigilante quota. Alan Moore probably displeased.
Along with stalwart allies like Space Pimp and Rorschach, Supremo calls on other, less popular champions to help him, as is a super-team tradition.
Verily, mine exagerrated manga eyes alone shall lead us to a place in valhalla!
I use the power of second hand smoke to maintain the status quo! Go go, big tobacco!
Heroes from completely different backgrounds and even molecular make-up band together for a common cause; punching things that everyone hates!
Ah fight fer the common man and his agenda in a world of gods 'n' genetic freaks! If that agenda includes copulating with sheep and siblin's, then so be it!
Geez, Captain Hillbilly's making us sound like the Just Stereotypes Association. We need a better PR man! What was Max Lord's number again...

 

by B8
1-06-04
Oh wow, a superhero parody. How scathing!
And original. Never seen one of those before.
Especially of the Justice League of America. Why, in more than 40 years of publication, that series has never been lampooned!
Not only that, but manga, smoking, and hillbilly jokes? And more stuff about Alan Moore not liking that Rorschach is being used? This is just burgeoning with originality!
Really?
No, we're not being serious.
In fact, we mean the opposite of what we say! That is the true art of sarcasm!

 

by B8
1-06-04
Hey.
Wow, it's everybody's favorite pirate, Johnny Depp!
Johnny Depp, eh? This is perfect. I've been searchin' for him for awhile now, and I can finally take my revenge fer what that movie!
Can you believe it! Johnny Depp, here!
I've found ya at last, Depp! Prepare to pay fer yer disappointing movie performance... in blood!
Crap, I knew this would happen when I did that damn Pirate movie. Why couldn't I have done another Tim Burton movie instead!

 

by B8
1-06-04
I'll have my revenge fer what ya did in that movie, Depp!
Is this about Pirates of the Carribean? Look, I'll admit, I camped it up there. I did it to amuse myself. I wasn't expecting it to be such a big hit, and I certainly didn't want to offend pirates.
What the hell are ya talkin' about, ya scurvy dog? I loved Pirates! 'Twas the thrill ride of the summer!
Wait, then which one of my movies pissed you off so badly?
From Hell! I swore to track down and punish every actor that appeared in that abomination against me favorite graphic novel about Jack the Ripper!
This so unfair. We had nothing to do with how it was adapted. Besides, I think I saw Heather Graham over there. I bet she likes being harassed by pirates!

 

by B8
1-06-04
I loved Pirates! 'Twas my the thrill ride o' the summer!
Then which of my movies is it that pissed you off so badly?
Chocolat! Me girlfriend dragged me to that piece of sentimental crap years ago, and I've never forgiven ya! Not even for immortalizin' Captain Jack Sparrow!
Wait, you had a girlfriend?
Yar. I met her via an internet dating service.
So, you have a connection on your boat? That's wild.

 

by B8
1-06-04
Nightcrawler, I am your father!
Don't you have anything to say about this shocking revelation? Maybe a German witicism of some kind?
Nope. I'm waiting for the retcon.

 

by B8
1-06-04
Hey, you! Newbie to being undead! Arm holding bitch!
Who, me?
Nah, the other arm holding undead newbie bitch. Yes, you. Look at you! You look like shit! What's with those tattered clothes?
Uh, well, I haven't really thought of getting some new ones, what with the overwhelming hunger for human flesh and all.
That's no excuse, man! You gotta shed that left over humanity, not look like some hungry ragamuffin! We're the dead who walk the Earth!
Wow, I never knew there was such a thing as a zombie elitist.

 

by B8
1-06-04
I'm starting to feel uncomfortable down here.

 

by B8
1-06-04
Tonight on the E! True Hollywood Story: Fallen Icons- Bugs Bunny, crazy militia member!
Stay of my property or I'll shoot yer ass!
Geez, I just wanted to reminisce about old times!
Mario: Anorexic bulemic!
Wow Mario, you've lost a lot of weight!
I'm a still fat!
Rudolph: Crack head!
Why do ya think this nose is so red, kid?

 

by B8
1-20-04
There's a mean hombre walking the plains, ready to bring bloody justice from the barrel of his gun.
Hope that bastard's quick on the draw... or he'll be dead.
Oh ma god! Not yew! Anyone but yew!
He's the quickest draw and straightest shot in the ol' west.
I'm gonna fill him fulla lead for what he did to my paw!
Please don't kill me! I swear I didn't mean fer it to turn out the way it did! It ain't my fault, what happened to yer dad!
Too bad he's so damned fickle.
On second thought, dad did have it comin'. Shouldn't make short jokes about a dwarf. Wonder who's workin' at the saloon tonight...
Fer the luva god, please, don't shoot me. I'll do anythin'! I mean anythin'! I'm about crotch height, man! Wait, where are ya goin'?

 

by B8
1-20-04
Oh hey, it's the Psychadelic Disembodied Head! How's it goin' buddy?
The colors, the colors, they're freaky, man!
Aren't they, though? How's the reality warping gig goin'?
I can feel the infintesimal luminescence of hypertime expaning my perceptions of the immateria!
Sounds like a hell of a time. So, you gonna watch the Super Bowl?
Nah. Not much of a football fan these days, ever since the Rams left L.A.

 

by B8
1-20-04
So, I hear you're a great hunter, old man.
What they say, young fella.
In fact, I've heard you're one of the best. That you'll hunt anything... for the right price.
People do say that, too. Whatcha gettin' at, son?
I want you to take me with you on a hunt... for the most dangerous game!
Then why didn't ya say so to begin with! I ain't got much time to waste!

 

by B8
1-20-04
So, you'll do it?
I took your money, didn't I? I'll damn sure do it for all that green, son.
I'm prepared.
Have to warn ya, though, this is no game we're playing. This isn't a leisurely romp after some turkey. What we're after is the most treacherous of all the animals. The meanest and most cunning.
The what now? I thought we were hunting man!
When you hunt the most dangerous game, you should expect to do anything you can to survive. For the most dangerous game will do no less. It will be rutheless. For it is the Boxing Turkey!

 

by B8
1-20-04
Hey man, what are you having for lunch today?
Oh, some Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup!
I used to love that stuff... before my testicles dropped! Why don't you eat something good!
But I thought it was!
Progresso Soup: eat it or you suck!
Now, about those cartoons over there...
What? I'm a cartoonist, you soup nazi!

 

by B8
1-20-04
A boxing turkey? What the hell are you talking about?
The most dangerous game of all. The Poultry Pugilist. The Omega Fowl; literally, the turkey who ends.
I should have known that someone your age had to be insane. Now give me back my money, Sleepy, or I'll make sure you'll never whistle while you work again!
Okay, but you better not waste a shot on me. You'll need every bullet you can spare if you come across a boxing turkey alone.
Gobble gobble!
I still think you're full of shit, old man.

 

by B8
1-20-04
Oh my god! It's dukes are up! It's in a fighting stance! And Don King is taking half of its money! It really is a boxing turkey! What can I do to help!
He's a quick one, isn't he.
Quit pointin' that gun at me, for one.
I can do that! What else?
Don't try to sell it any drugs. Boxing turkies are really big conservatives.

 

by B8
1-20-04
Wish me luck, kiddo. I'm off. Hopefully he won't kill me too painfully.
You're a brave man.
Watch out, old man! He's using the jab! Keep your hands up! That's it, get him behind the that tree! Wail on him there!
Behind that tree...
Did he buy it? Does he really think I'm a boxing turkey?
Oh yeah. Like a geek who found a box full of Carrie Fischer porn. When she was hot.

 

by B8
1-20-04
So, whatta we do now?
Well, you smack me around a little, and I just cutyourheadoff.
You do what? I didn't hear that last part?
Oh, well, I cut... your, fucking... head... off. And serve your body plump, moist, and juicy with cornbread stuffing.
Hey, hey, that ain't my kinda con! I like ones where I remain a living washed up boxing turkey more!
Yeah. That doesn't play to the rubes as well.

 

by B8
1-20-04
All right. I'll go along with it. Just one last request;
Sure thing, dinner. I mean dude. No, dinner.
Let me pray to my turkey god.
Can't see why I shouldn't do that.
One prayer later...
Who summons me!
Meet my lord and savior, Cthulhu!

 

by B8
1-22-04
I've known R. Crumb since before he was famous.
Hmm...
I said that comics are words and pictures; you can do anything with words and pictures. I've used my work to chronicle the lives of everyday people, including myself.
Can't place that quote.
:Sigh: What comes after the dining car on the train?
Oh, hey, you're Harvey Pekar!

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