All comics by baconeater

Profile

 

by baconeater
11-16-05
God, how come you created man with an appendix
I needed to come up with another organ that could possibly kill you.
Don't we have enough ways to die?
I was really hurting for ideas during Noahs time. That flood took a lot out of me.
I gave all of Noah's family's offspring an appendix after that. I also invented cancer shortly thereafter. I never wanto to work that hard again.

 

by baconeater
11-16-05
God, how come you created man with an appendix
I needed to come up with another organ that could possibly kill you.
Don't we have enough ways to die?
I was really hurting for ideas during Noahs time. That flood took a lot out of me.
I gave all of Noah's family's offspring an appendix after that. I also invented cancer shortly thereafter. I never want to work that hard again.

 

by baconeater
11-17-05
Hey God, what are you doing in a bar?
Just observing, I have lots of time on my hands.
But this bar is full of sinners. Alcoholics, gamblers and adulterers.
This is my only chance to observe the sinful up close and personal.
I need a drink. Can I get you something?
I'll have another Virgin Mary.....and try to find me one that is married. I like experienced virgins.

 

by baconeater
11-18-05
God, why did you create light on the first day, but wait until the fourth day to create objects that naturally give out light like the stars?
I was new. I didn't really know what I was doing. But when I got the power bill on the third day, I knew I had to think of something fast.
So that means you aren't infallible
Of course I am not infallible. I still make mistakes.
How about an example?
I created the Fundies.

 

by baconeater
11-19-05
What do you do all day God?
What do you mean what do I do? I created everything in the universe.
I know, I know. On the 6th day you created man....on the 7th day you rested. What have you done since then?
I've done some stuff.
Like what?
Well, on the 13,654,793,809,512th day I created Fundies, but I'm kind of embarrassed over that one.

 

by baconeater
11-19-05
Waterman, sorry bud, but you have to come up with another 100k pronto. Margin call for your oil contracts.
C'mon, c'mon. The charts don't lie. Oil prices are gonna go sky high soon. OK OK, I have to put you on hold.
Hello
Hdoff, I need another 100k for a margin call or I'm gonna hurt myself again.
OK, dear. I'll transfer you the funds immediately.Don't hurt yourself again.
Too late. I thought you were gonna put up a fight this time. Thanks love.

 

by baconeater
11-19-05
Jesus, please perform another miracle for me.
What is it my son.
I need oil prices to rise in a hurry or I'm going to be in deep doo doo.
I have saved your life once my son when I turned helium into blood for you. But I refuse to perform a miracle for material gain.
I understand. You know, you really look hot right now. Do you mind if I adjust your shorts?

 

by baconeater
11-20-05
Look at what those Jews did to you.
It was the Roman who did this. Jews didn't crucify anyone.
You don't know what you are talking about, the sun must be making you delirious
Consider yourself lucky Mohammed didn't kill me. Instead of a cross, you would be wearing the Sword of Allah around your neck.And good luck to me coming back without a head.
La la la, I'm not listening. La la la la la la

 

by baconeater
11-21-05
Oh no, oil futures are down again....pant....pant....pant
I need to go to a different web site to take my mind off this.
This is much better. Now that is what I call a well hung black man........pant...pant.....pant

 

by baconeater
11-21-05
I'm your worst nightmare, Waterman.
Edddddddddddddddiiiiiieeeee, what the hell are you doing here?
I'm not really here you dreaming about me.
Yeah right, like I'd waste my sleep dreaming about about a Russian fag who can't write.
Well, you are dreaming.
You are a LIAR, if I was dreaming you would be naked, and I would be tongueing your gray area.

 

by baconeater
11-22-05
But Hdoff, I thought we were only friends.
Marry me, or I will expose you for the fraud that you are.
But you are a woman.....sort of.
You can pretend I am a man. You are very good at pretending.
I'm not going to marry a woman. And that is my final answer.
You are a LIAR and a HYPOCRITE. I know the TRUTH about you. GFY.

 

by baconeater
11-23-05
God, bible literalists really bother me. The bibles are full of contradictions and absurdities.
The bibles are my words, are you calling me an idiot?
Since when are bats birds, or since when do insects have 4 legs, and since when do rabbits chew their cud???
OK, OK, you got me. The writers may have misinterpreted what I said, but then again, I really suck at biology, so it might be my fault. I don't remember, it was a long time ago.
Literalists have no problem making excuses for bats being birds and the insect and rabbit mistakes, but they totally believe that Adam made Eve out of a rib.
Adam made Eve out of a rib? LMAO. Who said that?

 

by baconeater
11-23-05
Jesus, it really bother me that you were born a Jew. Any loopholes? Help me out here.
I can't help you on this one Kala.
Well, Mary isn't a very Jewish sounding name. She might have been an Australian Abo like me.
Look Kala, my mom was a Jew. Take it or leave it.
But you can't be a Jew, you just can't.
Oy vey, shut up already you are giving me a migraine.

 

by baconeater
11-24-05
Waterman, I don't understand why you are keeping me prisoner here.
I thought you were a young boy when I met you on the internet. You misled me.
I'm sorry. I'll do anything if you let me go. And I mean anything.
OK, I'll let you go if you call up my parents and tell them that we had amazing sex.
OK, should we start taking our clothes off now.
NO, I just want you to tell my parents we had sex. They think I'm a little weird. If you call them they will KNOW I am not.

 

by baconeater
11-24-05
Where am I? Last thing I remember I was eating a kangaroo thigh when I started to choke on a bone.
I'll give you 3 guesses, and the first two don't count.
Do you mind telling me where I am? And could someone please turn down the heat. I'm boiling here.
You have died. You are where you belong. And you will be here for eternity.
I'm dead? But this isn't heaven. This must be hell. Someone made a terrible mistake.
That someone be you.

 

by baconeater
11-25-05
Thieving....
.....Jews....
......stole......
.......Arab land.......
Did you just cum Kala? Because I just splattered in my pants. That was soooo hot.
Oh Chimbo, I know you'll have to take my word for it, but I'm blushing right now.

 

by baconeater
11-26-05
Melissa, I told you I'm not a romantic guy.
But Infidel belch, why do you insist we do it in your bathroom.
The bathroom is the sexiest place in the house
I think there is more to it hiccup I really don't trust you. Why can't you fricken men ever be belch honest.
OK, I'll level with you. It is easier to clean up your puke on a tiled floor.
Whatever you frunkin frinken lets do it belch, and by the way, it might stink in here soon.

 

by baconeater
11-28-05
What is your problem with me Kanalie?
atheists_are_drek atheists_hate_mankind
Can't you respond like a normal person?
bacon_will_fry_in_hell bacon_should_havebeen_aborted
Are you incapable of real conversation?
nuke_all_atheists

 

by baconeater
11-28-05
Big Ben goes back to pass
Ooh Ben Baby
Here comes the blitz
Go Ben go
They sacked him. Ben is curled up in a fetal position. Must have taken a helmet to the stomach.
Ooh, look at his tight pants. I'd love to snort shrooms off that ass.

 

by baconeater
11-29-05
How may I help you?
I'm taking donations to stop Aid to Israel and to get Jews kicked out of the government
Sorry I won't help you. That sounds like a lousy cause.
►Stick your Jewish settlements up your ass.
And Bacon wants me to believe that man has evolved.....Sheesh.
►Get your thieving asses back to Poland.

 

by baconeater
12-05-05
We finally meet Goddess
Hedeo, you don't look anything like how you described yourself you gawdam mother phucker
You are way more skanky than you described yourself. You never told me you had your teeth punched out.
You are lucky I'm drunk or I wouldn't blow you and howl at the moon while you burp are doing me from behind.
I don't know if I can get it up. I haven't seen my penis in three years.
You are really turning me off hiccup. Lets do it already.

 

by baconeater
12-07-05
You know God, it just doesn't make sense that so many different religions exist .
What are you getting at?
Well, it doesn't make sense that you would have so many different people having so many different beliefs about you and how to live ones life.
All belief systems about me are man made.
I knew it. So then no religion is the right religion.
Do me a favor, don't tell anybody. I like watching people like Pat Robertson make a jackass out of themselves.

 

by baconeater
12-08-05
Apparently, the man shot on the plane yesterday was mentally ill and not on his medication
Poor guy. Probably blew all his money on oil at the peak just like I did, and couldn't afford his meds anymore.
He said he had a bomb and was shot dead
The public doesn't understand us. We lie for attention, but we are only usually just a threat to ourselves. Which reminds me.
That didn't hurt at all. I guess I'm getting used to self mutilation, which is great, since I can't afford my meds anymore.

 

by baconeater
12-08-05
God, do you remember the Exodus?
Of course, I love smiting people. And boy did I smite those Egyptians.
I was wondering. If so many people observed your wrath, how come the Egyptians didn't start following you right then and there.
Those Egyptians were stooooooooooopid. What else can I say?
If you consider them stupid, what about the Israelites? It took them 40 years to take a trip that takes 10 days tops even in the worst conditions.
Blame that on Moses. You know that guys hate asking for directions.

 

by baconeater
12-14-05
Back at Islamic Misinformation Central
Kala, nobody is buying your Christianity routine. Take a break from the boards and come back in a week as a concerned American.
OK. How about if I use Mary Anne 242 as my new ID?
Chimbo, I admire your persistance but your redundancy is losing our cause support. I want you to expand to a minimum of two sentences of rhetoric with each response.
► OK master. Israel is a pain in the ass. Get your thieving asses back to Brooklyn and Poland.
Greenfuq, your trolling isn't helping our cause, and your multireccing of posts is getting annoying. And quit dressing like me. Greenfuq, You are fired.

 

by baconeater
12-15-05
I'm much taller than you. You only come up to my waist.
I know where this is going. Jew writers and their oral sex agenda.
I know you are tall and I am short. It doesn't mean we can't have fun.
That's it. I can't watch this anymore. Jews invented cable so that they can deprive America with blow jobs.
Of course we can have fun Grover.......Big Bird you are my buddy for life.

 

by baconeater
12-16-05
Where did you go? I needed you in ER Free.
Oh man, don't tell him that I was on a shroom trip.
I had to do an emergency appendectomy operation by myself.
This doctor doesn't have a nose. Hee hee hee.
Can you hear me. Hello.......hello.
I really need a joint right now to help me come down.

 

by baconeater
12-18-05
Upon one of my many adventures, I glanced downwards and noticed the lace upon my left shoe had fallen out and sprawled itself upon nature's good clean earth.
Snore, what what, go on
so I simply tuckered the string inside the shoe, where it would not cause any mischief until I could tie it properly at a more appropriate junction.
Yaaawwwn, yeah I'm listening
What I did not realize, was that the lace had become rather filthy and as such it soiled both my sock and the inner-side of my shoe...
ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

by baconeater
12-19-05
I'm having writer's block now that those stupid Zionists found the quote made by the Iranian president denying the Holocaust.
I must not let them win the cyberwar as I am the mighty Corcorsm.
I must think of a lie that will show they are wrong.....no that is too tough....I will just go to my archives and change the subject.

 

by baconeater
12-21-05
Hey God, I bet you are pissed off that Intelligent Design got shot down in Dover yesterday
WTF are you babbling about? What's Intelligent Design?
Your Fundy pals are trying to scam school boards into bringing creation theory into science classrooms and they are trying to say evolution is crapola.
What is Creation Theory?
It's the theory that you created the earth, heavens and life.
How can anyone on earth prove that? It isn't science. Science has to do with provable facts like evolution and an ancient universe.

 

by baconeater
12-22-05
God, why did you create so many animals that are now extinct.
Everything I created served a purpose. Take the dinosaur for instance.
Go on....
If it wasn't for extinct dinosaurs, there wouldn't be any gas for cars. Without gas, how do you expect Fundies to get to heaven in their cars when the Rapture happens.
What about mammoths?
Mammoths are extinct? Get out of town!

 

by baconeater
12-27-05
Hey God, the Jews were waiting for a Messiah pretty intently at the time of Jesus, but since he showed up, they really don't say much about it anymore.
I can't speak for them, but maybe they want to stay alive. You really don't want to get those Christian's going.
So, how is mankind going to tell if you send down the 2nd coming of Jesus or the first comng of the Jewish Messiah?
If I send the Jewish Messiah down, I can have him wearing a yarmulke. Christians will know that couldn't be Jesus, because they think Jesus isn't a Jew anymore.
But you know me, I like screwing with peoples heads. I will probably send down a guy who likes to wear lipstick and a dress, and does a wicked impression of Judy Garland.

 

by baconeater
12-29-05
Logicaliman, I'm getting nervous, I think the Jews are onto us.
It is a very difficult job being an anti-semite in the closet. Jews think they are so clever it is hard not to tell them how insignifcant they are and how superior we are...
Sorry to cut into one of your long informative speeches, but I know exactly what you mean. The arrogant Jew basturds are so low.....
....yes, goddam kike basturds, if they only knew what we really thought of them, but we hide it so well taking up the cause of the Palestinian animals.
Yes, those Palestinians are animals alright, but I hate Jews more than I hate the Arabs, stinking Christ killers.
It is too bad that you are a darkie and I am white. We could make beautiful musique together.

 

by baconeater
12-31-05
Bacon has always wondered what God says when someone sneezes in front of him
Aaa aa aa achoooo
Did you just call me a Jew?
No, I just sneezed
Hey, what are you trying to do? Make me sick, get away from me when you are sick.
Boy, I didn't realize you are such a germophobe. Aren't you gonna say "I bless you" or something like that?
I said get away from me when you are sick. What don't you get?

 

by baconeater
1-02-06
God, do you have currency in heaven?
Of course. It would be boring if there was no material hierarchy to strive for.
So what kind of currency do you use? Euro's? Yen? The American dollar? Shekels?
No silly. It is a simple currency we use: whores, maids and cooks.
Why can't just one person handle all three jobs?
You know better than that. You are married, aren't you?

 

by baconeater
1-09-06
God, is it true that you are everywhere and you see everything?
Of course I can, I am what I am.
That is pretty impressive, it must be hard to concentrate.
No, I focus on one thing at a time.
Oh, so you must be watching something happening in Iraq right now as we speak?
Actually right at this minute I'm watching Pamela Anderson take her morning shower. Ooh baby.

 

by baconeater
1-12-06
Bacon decides to try to trick God
God, you are supposed to be able to read minds.I'm going to think of a number between 1 and 10,000, OK?
Go ahead, this will be a piece of cake.
Bacon is thinking about a purple giraffe with buck teeth instead of a number.
purple giraffe with buck teeth
A purple giraffe with buck teeth
Hey, don't you realize how this comic strip works? I'm supposed to make YOU look stupid.
Oh sorry. OK 486?

 

by baconeater
1-17-06
Hello, is this Mr. Logicaliman?
It depends. You are not one of those incessant bill collectors are you? If you are I am not me.
No, my name is Mr. Lutzni and I represent the Euro-American Nazi Party. We got your name from quite a few sources, and I am wondering if you'd like to join.
Euro-American hmmm. Sounds very cultural. I am a man of culture. I am always interested in broadening my horizons to hear new viewpoints different than mine. Even though I am not a Nazi...
Sorry to cut in, are you joining or not?
You are a good salesman, you talked me into it. But don't tell my Jewish friends, I trust you can keep a secret, even if you can't I'll deny it don't worry...

 

by baconeater
1-17-06
God, I still don't understand why you created man with nipples
That is so a man can breastfeed a baby too.
Yeah, like that happens how often? One time out of 10,000,000
So? It still happens.
That is so uneconomical. You should have given men an extra penis instead, so that we could literally do two chicks at once.
Excellent suggestion. I'm creating life right now on a planet that revolves around Formalhaut in the constellation or Piscis Austrinus. I'll give your idea a try.

 

by baconeater
1-21-06
Logcaliman called A1 Auto and Oink showed up in seconds.
This is the quickest time I can recall an auto service representitive man has ever shown up to one of my distress calls, it is almost like you were following the officer who nabbed me speeding
Today must be your lucky day. What is the problem with your car buddy.
Logicaliman has no idea the cop put sugar in his gas tank
I didn't even know the speed limit dropped to 25 here in Burns. Anyways, now my car won't start. It was working fine before I got my ticket.
Sounds like your car needs some serious work. Your transmission is probably fried.
What a knowledgable fellow you seem like. You must have lots of experience to be able to diagnose my car without even looking at him. Thank god you showed up and not some scammer.
You are in good hands. Now if you don't mind, can I see your credit card.

 

by baconeater
1-30-06
God, I don't know if you'll believe me but I think I witnessed a miracle.
Wow, I'm skeptical when I hear about miracles. Tell me about it.
A couple of weeks ago my wife gave me oral sex......on HER birthday!
I remember. I witnessed the whole thing.
So you mean it was actually Divine Intervention?
No, she was really hammered.

 

by baconeater
2-04-06
Look at this, a cartoon that makes Islam appear to be a religion of death and hate. We are peaceloving normal people.
Silly Europeans, they make us look like we are out to conquer the world. They know nothing about us. We are the religion of peace.
Jyllans-Posten news room how may I help you.
You messed with Muslims, you will pay, I will cut your head off, I will blow up your family and I will honor rape your infidel dog.

 

by baconeater
2-08-06
Bacon tries to insult God to see what happens
Hello, God are you there? God, you invisible son of a bitch, I know you don't exist...God, if you exist,strike me down right now.....see nothing. And I didn't even flinch.
No death threats and still alive, Bacon pays a visit to Jesus
Hey Jesus, why are you still on that stick. You've been dead for 2000 years. Time to come down. Is there a doctor in the house, I don't see you breathing.
Still no death threats, Bacon says wazzup to Mohammed
Hey Mohammed, Waaazzzzzuuuuupp
I really really want to chop your head off right now, but you don't have a neck. All my suicide bombers are busy right now. Where is your car?, I'll set in on fire for time being.

 

by baconeater
2-12-06
Jesus, did you ever have sex with a chick.
I couldn't have sex with a woman, I have no penis.
I guess your father couldn't trust you to be pure.
No, I once turned water into wine at a leper colony. I got really drunk and let a hot leper chick give me a handjob.
I guess she got to keep the tip.
She got to keep the whole enchilada.

 

by baconeater
2-14-06
God, Wayne Gretzky is in trouble these days over gambling. Do you gamble?
Well, Einstein once said I don't play dice with the universe. I still don't have a clue what he was talking about. He is over my head.
Forget Einstein. Do you gamble?
Of course I do. Eternity would be boring if I didn't bet.
So what is your favorite thing to bet on? Horse racing, sports, blackjack, slots?
I'm really bad with numbers. Right now I just bet on whether there will be an Islamic terror attack each day. I'm on a pretty good roll lately betting on terror.

 

by baconeater
2-21-06
God, did Jesus really exist? I've been doing a lot of reading lately, and I'm beginning to wonder.
Yeah, of course he existed, he was a bit of a rebel. I really couldn't stand that guy who hung around with him.
You mean Judas?
Yeah, what a con man he was. I hate con men.
Con man? I just thought he accepted a bribe. What con was he involved in.
He sold the Romans buildings he didn't even own. He was the guy behind the Egyptian Pyramid scheme. He caused a lot of crap.

 

by baconeater
3-03-06
Kala, what make Israel, Arab land?
Arabs lived there for centuries. It is there land.
But the Arabs only owned 20% of Israel in 1948 when the UN made it a Jewish majority state.
It doesn't matter if they own land or they don't. The land between two Arabs is Arab land.
Well that makes the whole planet Arab land.
Now you are catching on. Allah Akbar.

 

by baconeater
3-05-06
God, how did Atheists think man got on this planet before scientists proved the earth is ancient, and before Darwin came along?
Before then there were no Atheists. Just a bunch of God haters who decided not believe in me just because I've been in hiding since the beginning of time.
So you are saying that science created Atheists! Do you think there are any Atheists today that don't believe in evolution?
I doubt it. If they didn't believe in evolution, they would have to think that man started out as man. You know, like POOF, a man just magically appeared. C'mon.
What if they just don't think about it?
They are Atheists. Very bright. If they didn't think, they'd be Fundies.

 

by baconeater
3-10-06
God, what do you think about abortion.
I'm totally against abortion? It is a sin.
Why is that?
If cow's had abortions, I would have to go without my favorite food; veal parmesan.
What about humans having abortions?
Toddler parmesan is my second favorite food.

 

by baconeater
3-15-06
Oink, why are you so obsessed with me? Now you've resorted to physically stalking me. Cyberstalking was bad enough.
It is because I hate you bitch.
Fess up Oink, if you hated me you wouldn't go to such extremes.
OK, I really, really really like you. Do me?
Oink the thought of doing you makes me physically ill.
OK, I'm shattered. How about if you just give me your thong, so I have something to smell when I'm alone?

Showing page 1.

Next »