All comics by trapjaw

 

by trapjaw
3-09-05
One fine day in the ghettos of white middle class suburbia...
Hey Mopman, how's it hangin'?
Not too bad Jelum. What's the deal with the rollin' sofa you're stuck in?
Inspired by the show I was watching on TV, I tried to suck my own dick. Made me pop a disc in my spine.
Hmm, yeah that one chick on "charmed" is pretty fine... but was even hotter in "who's the boss?"...
Actually, I was really turned on by the evil queen in "the mighty morphin power rangers".
Ah yes... I can definitely see where you're coming from dude.

 

by trapjaw
3-09-05
Hey Pit, did you hear that Jelum slipped a disc in his spine trying to suck his own dick?
Did you just get stoned and watch "clerks" again? Are you goofed? Let me check your pupils..
Nought, I'm not goofed. I just ran into him.
Well, i guess it is Jelum we're talking about.
I wonder if he actually made it before his spine popped...

 

by trapjaw
3-10-05
Man-boy appears to have a little problem.
Man-boy, you have blood pouring out of your left ear. What the fuck??
I learned a valuable lesson today. Don't try to headbang to iron maiden whilst cleaning your ear out with a large scythe.
Yes...
I think I'll use a power-drill next time.
That may work a little better.

 

by trapjaw
3-10-05
Man boy hears about Jelum's misfortune...
Mopman! I heard that Jelum has a slipped disc in his spine, due to an attempt at self-fellatio?
That's right.
I suspect that there are dark forces at work here... My nemesis must be behind this nefarious deed!
I didn't know you had a nemesis, Man-boy... What's his name? Dr Destructo? Captain Chaos? Mr Malevolence?
No. His name is... Boy-man.
Alrighty then.

 

by trapjaw
3-10-05
Man-boy is on a mission. He thinks his nemesis, Boy-man, is behind Jelum's "accident".
Why is that?
Apparently Boy-man's superpowers involve sexually molesting young boys, or something like that.
But Jelum is 19! Well, I guess he does look like he's 12. Did Man-boy say anything about Boy-man's identity?
Well, he did mention that Boy-man is a pop singer...
Well THAT fucking narrows it down now, doesn't it?!?

 

by trapjaw
3-10-05
Mopman and Pit continue trying to discover the identity of the fiendish Boy-man...
Let's see if we can work out who Boy-man is based on what we know about him.
OK, well, we know that he's a pop singer for one thing.
We also know that, presumably, he is male...
As the name "Boy-MAN" would appear to indicate...
And we know that he has a micropenis and likes to roger young boys.
Fuck! That could be any boy-band member!

 

by trapjaw
3-10-05
The enigma of the evil Boy-man's identity continues...
OK, so we know that Boy-man could be pretty much any boy-band member right?
Yeah, I guess. Don't you have any more detailed info about him to narrow down the possibilities?
Wait..yeah! It can't be a boyband member because he said that Boy-man is a solo artist!
OK...micropenis..molests young boys... It must be Justin Timberlake!
No way dude..everyone knows that Justin Timberlake only molests rodents, chickens and certain subspecies of gibbons.
Oh yeah..forgot about that.

 

by trapjaw
3-12-05
Mopman and Pit draw nearer to discovering the identity of the arch-villain Boy-man...
Hmmm. The fact that Boy-Man is a male pop singer who molests young boys just leaves us with an infinity of possible candidates.
Yeah! How the fuck are we ever gonna find out who this wank-machine is?
Wait! Man-boy told me one more thing...
And what was that?
Boy-man's trademark was a single white glove...
Eureka! Michael Jackson. Aaaaahhh... NOW the whole significance of the name Boy-man is starting to make sense...

 

by trapjaw
3-12-05
Man-boy's hunt for the vile Boy-man takes him to the lair of Gimp-man...
Allright Gimp-man, you scum... Tell me everything you know about Boy-man and I might let you live...
Fuck you, Man-boy! You don't scare me!
OK...suck on this you skullfuck!
Oooooh...I enjoyed that..can you do it again?
Maybe beating a gimp isn't exactly the best way to get information out of one..

 

by trapjaw
3-12-05
Man-boy needs to think of another way to extract the information he needs from Gimp-man...
Hahahahahaha, Man-boy, you fool! Did you honestly think you could beat the information out of me? Muhaha
OK Gimp-man, how about a trade then?
Hahahaha, you idiot, what could you possibly offer me that I would betray my master for?
Man-boy presents Gimp-man with a gift he can't refuse...choir-boys don't grow on tress.
I'll tell you whatever you need to know.

 

by trapjaw
3-13-05
Man-boy's quest to destroy his nemesis, Boy-man, continues...
Even I, the mighty Man-boy cannot take on Boy-man alone.
I need an ally...someone immensely powerful, a master of both disguise and destruction.
Hippie-man! Perfect!
Woah, groovalicious bro... I'm diggin' the whole funkadelic combination of like, green pants and that, like freakalicious mask, bro.

 

by trapjaw
3-13-05
Has Man-boy found himself an ally who can aid him in defeating Boy-man?
Hippie-man, I need you to help me rid the earth of the vile Boy-man. His powers are great, but together we can stand against him and smite him!
Wooooahhh, hold up, like, a second man? All this, like, confabulation, about Boy-man and like, smiting, is like, out of tune with the unity of the cosmos and the earth-mother, bro. Not groovy.
Damn you and your confounded flower-power bullshit! Boy-man is a molestor of young boys for fuck sake!
Just chill out and, like, have some mushrooms, and you'll realise that Boy-man is only, like, an instrument of the expression of the cosmos' love on the plane of, like, physicality. Groovalicious.
I don't know about you, Hippie-man, but now I certainly feel like I'm more in tune with the cosmos. Kicking hippie ass just seems to do that for me.

 

by trapjaw
3-13-05
Man-boy's search for an ally continues...
Pimp-man, I need your help.
Oooh, I got just what you need, brutha... Ooh yeah daddy knows what you be needin! You got money? Where da money at?
No, I don't need a girl, Pimp-man. I need you to help me vanquish the evil Boy-man.
Hmmmm...
WHERE MY MONEY!!!??? WHERE DA MONEY AT, BITCH!!!??? WHERE MY MONEY!!!???

 

by trapjaw
3-13-05
Man-boy attempts to get Pimp-man's help...
Okay, okay, I'll pay you if you help me to get Boy-man.
Okay, okay, Pimp-man is down wid dat shit!
OK, then, this is what we're gonna do. First, I will attack the fortress of Neverland from the right whilst you...
Ahem...One thing quick, brutha...
WHERE MY MONEY!!!??? WHERE DA MONEY AT, BITCH!!!??? WHERE MY MONEY!!!???

 

by trapjaw
3-13-05
Man-boy's attempt to enlist the aid of Pimp-man ended in failure.
Pimp-man is pretty fucked up. He will be of no use to me in this quest. Where the hell am I gonna find an ally strong enough to help me defeat Boy-man?
I believe that I may be able to help you...I do, however, require a soul. And I will help you to defeat Boy-Man, on the condition that you do not kill him.
Woah! You're the Devil, right? Where did you come from? And why do you want to help me? And why can't I kill him?
I come when I am needed. Helping you is all part of a bigger plan. If you defeat Boy-man, he will descend further into madness and cryogenically preserve himself in an attempt to acheive immortality..
Thus indefinitely preventing his death, which will keep his soul out of hell. I don't want him molesting me, or any of the souls in hell! They're suffering enough as it is!
Ahhh...

 

by trapjaw
3-13-05
In order to enlist the Devil's aid, Man-boy needs a soul...
Hmmm. I'm sure as hell not gonna sign my own name on that soul-contract. Now, where am I gonna find a soul?
Hey Man-boy! Whazzup!
Hey Jelum, will you sign your name on this soul-contract, irrevocably condemning your soul to an eternity of torture and torment in the deepest pits of hell after you die?
Ummm...
It comes with a free pack of smokes.
Allright! Where do I sign?

 

by trapjaw
3-14-05
So you got Satan to help you defeat Boy-man by selling Jelum's soul to him?
Yeah. Pretty much.
OK, so you kicked Boy-man's arse but don't you feel the least bit guilty for condemning someone else's soul to an eternity of agony?
No.
But I did feel a little guilty earlier on when I was in the elevator with some old guy, and I dropped a "silent but violent" one...

 

by trapjaw
3-14-05
Yo Jelum, how's the spine?
Not too bad. Being injured helps me to get chicks. I just got some! She was fucking hot, and she just looked at me, and ripped off my pants, and whipped her tits out and shit and...
OK, OK. I gave a transvestite hobo a bottle of gin to suck my dick in a porta-pottie.

 

by trapjaw
3-15-05
Pane Fink (The Puritan) pays an unexpected visit to Pit's crib...
Hey Pit? How are you today? I'm quite confabulated with the excesses of conglomeratively expressed counter-theories and paradigmatic modules available for societal digestion.
Shit! Thank goodness he's so obssessed with his vocabulary that he didn't notice the porn i'm downloading...
Uhhh...hey Pane. You do realise that in your attempt to use vocabulary beyond your comprehension, what you said actually made no sense whatsoever?
Er...no. Say, is that a female of the genus homo-sapiens copulating with two extraordinarily endowed males of said species in both her anal and oral orifices?
Busted...

 

by trapjaw
3-15-05
Pit gets busted by the Puritan for downloading porn
Pit! How could you!!?? That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!
Well then I guess you've never heard of bukkake...
This pornographic disease which plagues every corner of the virtual domain of cyberspace makes me physically ill! It's people like you who contribute to the moral degradation of society.Don't you see?
You're so caught up in the disgusting world of the production and dissemination of deliberately inferior and base moral values, that you are detroying the very institution of the nuclear family!
Maybe he'll chill out if I offer him a bong...

 

by trapjaw
3-15-05
I don't believe this, Pit. I used to think that you were at least a semi-decent human being. But you watch pornography, you use profane language, you drink alcohol, you smoke marijuana...And worst...
...you listen to heavy metal music..ughhh. How disgusting. It's actually sick. That music makes you think everything in the world is bad and depressing, and fills your head with demented ideas.
It's better than that Michael Bolton and Kenny G crap that YOU listen to.

 

by trapjaw
3-21-05
The Puritan continues to annoy Pit
I thought that you at least used a minor percentage of your cranial capacity, but you think that mankind is essentially evil, that human nature is inherently greedy and selfish.
I can't believe you are so stupid. It's so obvious that your opinions are completely and untterly wrong. "Lord of the Flies" would never happen in reality. It's the media that creates evil and greed.
Are you listening to me, Pit? Or has that awful heavy metal cacaphony gotten to your brain and rendered you incapable of aural function?
Must...resist...urge.. to...panelbeat.. him ...with...older... sister's...dildo...

 

by trapjaw
3-21-05
Pit starts to reach breaking point
I can't believe how the media has brainwashed you. You think that that heavy metal and punk music you listen to is meaningful, and subversive to the machine of the media, but it only really subverts..
..the structure of the nuclear family and good old-fashioned values, and promotes self mutilation and sick peversions...moshing is obviously a symptom of the psycological damage the music inflicts .
OK, if you're so intelligent, where the hell did evil come from before the existense of a global, or even national or regional media? Where? Tell me!
Umm...er..
Come on! What are you gonna say? Satan?? Because there must be an external source if you don't believe the origin is internal. Right?? RIGHT??? COME ON, YOU OOMPA LOOMPA!!!

 

by trapjaw
3-21-05
Pit thinks of an ingenious way to rid of The Puritan...
(mindless, opinionated, unsubstantiated, bullshit)
(more mindless, opinionated, unsubtstantiated, bullshit)
(yet more mindless, opinionated, unsubstantiated bullshit)
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!

 

by trapjaw
3-21-05
The Puritan is in a rambling rythym, and Pit is powerless to stop him...
(mindless, opinionated, unsubstantiated bullshit)
When suddenly...
Thank goodness for spontaneous human combustion!

 

by trapjaw
3-22-05
Mopman is watching infomercials late one night
That's right ladies and gentlemen! The juicillator power pro 5000 slices, dices and juices with an ease you never believed possible! ...
This sucks. Iet me check the other channels.
When suddenly...
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's right! You can perform a lobotomy on yourself in the privacy and comfort of your own home!
What the fuck??
Call now to order your Lobotomiser 9000 and get a free electric pube trimmer! This offer is only for the first 1000 calls! Call now!
OK, this is pretty fucked up...

 

by trapjaw
3-22-05
Let's hear from some of our very satisfied customers who recently purchased the Lobotomiser 9000 kit!
"I thought it would hurt to remove a large chunk of my brain, at home, by myself (drool, slobber), but it was actually quite pleasant!"
Holy shit...how fucked up is THIS??
"I used to have good taste in music, but after my lobotomy I started listening to Justin Timberlake and 50 cent. You can also enjoy their music with the Lobotomiser 9000!"
Wait a fuckin second! Something is up here...

 

by trapjaw
3-22-05
Hey Pit, I saw something quite disturbing on TV last night.
And what was that?
It was an infomercial for a home lobotomy kit, called the Lobotomiser 9000. There was an emphasis on users suddenly liking Justin Timberlake's "music".
Shit! That sounds pretty fucked up, man! Anything that makes people like Justin Timberlake is pure evil... There's something very suspicious about this whole thing.
Woah...think about how many CDs that cocksucker has sold...that means...
That a few million people have already performed lobotomies on themselves! We have to stop this! We need Man-boy!

 

by trapjaw
3-22-05
Man-boy...there is a serious problem which we need your powers to solve.
I think I know what you're talking about. The Lobotomiser 9000?
Yes. This product has sold millions of copies worldwide, and is spreading like a plague. Everywhere, millions of people like the "music" (retch) of Justin Timberlake.
Yes. The shadow of this evil is widespread. And It's no coincidence that Justin Timberlake is constantly mentioned.
Why?
He is behind the whole thing. Or rather, his true identity... Fucking-Wanker-Bestiality-Necrophiliac-Man. My new nemesis.

 

by trapjaw
3-24-05
So, what do you plan to do about Fucking-Wanker-Bestiality-Necrophiliac-Man, AKA Justin Timberlake?
Well...A direct attack would be too risky.
He's the leader of an evil organisation who protect him. The organisation is a cult of besto-necrophiles, and includes Robbie Williams, all boy bands, Nelly, 50 cent...most pop stars are members.
Holy shit, that explains a lot.
Hmmm, I could, however, kidnap his private harem of chickens, rodents and gibbons and hold them to ransom.

 

by trapjaw
3-24-05
Man-Boy sets out to stop the spread of the Lobotomiser 9000
Allrighty...I'm off to stop the spread of the Lobotomiser 9000 by kidnapping Justin Timerlake's harem of various animals... poor little buggers.
Wait! I am an emissary of the powers which control the universe! You must not stop the Lobotomiser 9000!
What!? Why not?
The Lobotomiser 9000 is essential to maintaining the balance of your world. You see, the TV infomercial which sells the Lobotomiser only works on people of lower intelligence.
So it works the vast majority of the population then.
Er, yes.

 

by trapjaw
3-24-05
Alrighty, so why is the Lobotomiser 9000 a vital part of maintaining (relative) stability on earth?
Because it makes people like moronic, unoriginal, bland, repetitive pop music with meaningless, cliched lyrics.
Ummm, I don't get it...
Well, consider how many people like that bullshit. Without it, they might actually start thinking for themselves and start questioning things, start yearning for truth and understanding...
Ah. So once they started doing that, their unhappiness with the staus quo would increase astronomically, and there would be worldwide rioting, and basically...
Yup. The end of life on planet earth.

 

by trapjaw
3-24-05
The Lobotomiser 9000 will continue to make millions of people enjoy idiotic pop music...
Dammit. So that means that I don't get to kill Justin Timberlake.
I'm afraid not.
How about if I just beat him and his revolting cronies to within an inch of their miserable lives?
That sounds reasonable.
YEAH!
Hell, I'll even come and help you. The powers of the universe hate those lame-ass motherfuckers as much as you do.

 

by trapjaw
3-28-05
Pit meets one of Man-boy's agents
Hey Man-boy, who's that fat, greasy, smelly ape-creature with you?
That's Sloppy Joe.
So, what do you do, Sloppy Joe?
I'm part of Man-boy's Underground Infiltration Network. We go undercover to attack the enemy. My assigned target is Robbie Williams. I work undercover as his chef.
So, what does your undercover work involve?
I've been shitting in his yak stew, pissing in his tea and coffee and wanking into his protein shakes for about five years now.

 

by trapjaw
3-31-05
Pit meets more of Manboy's undercover agents...
So, Sloppy Joe's job is contaminating Robbie Williams' food and drink with bodily fluids and waste matter...what's your job?
My name is Glaston, good master, and I'm Robbie Williams' butler, at your service.
So what do you do undercover?
I've been collecting DNA samples from Robbie Williams. So far our research has indicated that he is, in fact, not really human.
So...what IS he?
The result of a military expiriment trying to crossbreed the DNA of proboscis monkeys, pigs, fleas, plankton and some kind of mushroom.

 

by trapjaw
4-11-05
Hey Jelum, what's up?
Not too much man. Just been smokin' crack, licking frogs, that sort of thing.
Er...I see.
Yeah, and today this dumb jock barged into me at the mall, then tried to pick a fight saying it was my fault.
So what did you do?
I followed him to the gym. When he went to take a shower, I pissed in his energy drink and took a shit in his shoes.

 

by trapjaw
4-14-05
I found out today that this moron from my high scool days is working in the office next door to mine.
Who?
They used to call him "Jov" at school. He's pretty much a gorilla without a gorilla's intelligence. The most memorable thing he ever said was "Do you guys also piss while you're shitting?"
So what are you gonna do about it?
I've hooked up my toilet to his drinking water supply. I also have a high voltage battery connected to his urinal. He'll probably think he has an STD because of the intense pain every time he pisses.
Wait a second...you have an office??

 

by trapjaw
4-14-05
Man-boy goes PC
Since when do superheroes have offices?
Come on dude, do you think this is Superman era? It's old school to hang out in phone booths and elevators.
But you're a superhero for fuck sake! You're not some businessman metrosexual loser!
Hey bud, we're in the year 2005. I not only have an office, I also have a website and a "street team". And you can buy shares in Manboy Inc (PTY LTD) on the stock exchange.
And Pit, the term "superhero" is outmoded, and may cause offence to certain ethnic and cultural minority groups. We prefer to use the term "exemplarily advanced individual".

 

by trapjaw
4-20-05
Pit encounters a mentally unstable midget...
Welcome to Burger Boy, could I take your order please sir?
Hey sonny! Why, you look like a fine upstanding young man! Ho, hum, er, um, er, hmmm, no, I don't think I'll order anything actually.
Sir could you please move along? There's a long line behind you. I don't want to have to panelbeat you.
Ooh, what's this in my beard?
Why, look at that, it's a curly little pube! Must be from that morbidly obese woman I performed cunnilingus on last weekend!

 

by trapjaw
4-20-05
Pit encounters more strange customers who don't seem interested in ordering any food.
Hello, Burger Boy, may I..
Now you listen good, bitch... I got me a tiny little 3 incher between my legs...
A little later...
Hello, Burger Boy, may...
I'm packing 11 inches o' meat down there!
And a minute later...
Hell, Burger Boy, may I FUCKING take your order...
I have a dick!

 

by trapjaw
4-28-05
The phenomenon continues...
Welcome to Burger Boy, may I...
I like Slayer and Napalm Death!
Burger Boy, how may I..
George Bush is the greatest leader in history!
Hey man, what the fuck is going on here? I've had black dudes with tiny dicks, nuns who like Slayer, girls with peckers, and other freaks coming in here all day!
Uummm..hello!? It's Anti-Stereotype day.

 

by trapjaw
7-19-05
Hey dude, you've been sitting on this thing all day. What are you doing?
Online quizzes...they're so addictive man. Today I've not only discovered what kind of personality I have, what my favourite colour is, but also which superhero I would be.
Those things are lame. They're a pointless waste of time. Which one are you doing now?
This one is called "What sick German fetish porn video would you star in?"
I'll be going now...
Hey! Turns out I'm a shizer man!

 

by trapjaw
7-19-05
Hey sis, what are you doing?
I'm checking out the latest celebrity gossip, and arguing with some BITCH about who's gonna marry Justin Timberlake - me or her. Now piss off and stop bothering me.
Why the fuck do people care so much about this shit!? Do you think these motherfuckers give a damn about anything except themselves, how many millions they are making and who they're fucking next??
You're just jealous coz Justin is so hot and such a talented artist. He's such an amazing person, you don't even know him, so don't say anything bad about him. You're so jealous, you little hater.
OK, well, aside from insulting the fuck out of any REAL artist throughout the history of human existence, you have successfully proved that you have the IQ of a brain dead amoeba.
You're such a loser... (typing) "Back off you bitch, Justin is mine and mine alone!"

 

by trapjaw
7-19-05
Hmmm, what's this.. "Rock star: INXS". What the hell is this now?
Join us for the action and excitement of the latest reality show, where eager contestants get to fight the battle to front international rock band INXS!
Most of these losers look like failed boy-band tryouts. That one says his rock and roll god is Robbie Williams. This is... BULLSHIT!!! Must...take...action...
"Yeah, Robbie Williams is just, like, so rock and roll man, just like my professionally styled mohawk, designer ripped jeans and sculpted abs!"
Nothing that a little gasoline can't solve. Along with the remains of my TV, up in smoke goes everything that rock and roll ever stood for.. it's a damn shame, it is...

 

by trapjaw
7-20-05
In a dream one night...
This is a pretty crazy-ass dream! Woah, who are you?
I am Loki, your spirit guide!
My spirit guide? What the hell?
You are seeking answers... give your gold to the one with a red nose and big floppy shoes, and you will find what you seek..
Later...
Damn, that was a pretty freaky dream.. I guess I should quit smoking banana skins and licking poisonous toads before going to bed.

 

by trapjaw
7-20-05
Later that day, Mopman is walking along the street...
Hey buddy, can you spare some change?
No, sorry man, maybe next time.
Whatever bro...
Wait a fuckin second! "Give your gold to the one with a red nose and big floppy shoes..." SHIT! I gotta find that clown!

 

by trapjaw
7-20-05
Mopman returns to the clown-bum...
Eh? You again? You got beer or cigarettes, my friend?
Here's 10 bucks.
Awesome! I take it your spirit guide came to you in a dream last night and told you to give me money?
What the fuck? How did you know about that?
Me and Loki have an agreement going between us.. Ok, so do you want spiritual enlightenment, the meaning of life or just a good place to get laid?
Hmm, I wouldn't mind the meaning of life but I'm kind leaning towards the the getting laid tips right now...

 

by trapjaw
7-20-05
Mopman listens attentively to the clown-bum's words of wisdom...
So, you're bummed out about the inanity and monotony of this culture of celebrity-worship, pop music and reality TV, right?
Yeah, for sure.
It's all about a culture of "anti-thought", my friend. The bottom line is that most people hate thinking. They don't want to be intellectually challenged in any way, or explore their human potential.
Hence the moronic lyrics and repetetive beats of pop music, or the bland voyeurism of reality TV.
Yeah, you got it buddy. People don't want anything that requires interaction and analysis. They don't want to deal with anything which may alter their own personal spheres of existence and perception.
I see...thus, we can deduce that society is so fucked up not only because of our apathy, but because we actively allow, and encourage it to be, via our dogmatic passivity and refusal to react...

 

by trapjaw
7-21-05
So, do you see where this is going? Apathy is promoted and desired as a societal ideal. Conversely, we are coerced into a pattern of action which revolves around personal happiness by the mass media.
Yeah, you're right. Pop culture tells us that only by achieving the sculpted bodies of models and buying the latest and best in useless products, can we achieve the nirvana of 21st century consumerism
Precisely, my friend. We are bombarded with a cacophony of sounds, images and words which all tell us not to think, or analyse, but to consume, and to satisfy our most base and selfish desires.
People are brainwashed into not seeing anything beyond pop music, beauty magazines and car advertisements on TV. Their lives and dreams are merely a recycled patchwork of these images.
And people are totally stripped of their potential to make significant and meaningful choices and changes in this existence of exploitation, discrimination and selfish individualism.
Yeah man. If each of us just made the slightest effort, we could change the world. Oh well, fuck it, I'm going to play x-box. Later dude.

 

by trapjaw
7-21-05
This is an awesome game... But I can't stop thinking about what that clown told me...
As human beings, we all have the potential to change the world, and end all this fucked up shit. But, we're just too lazy and selfish. We refuse to make the smallest sacrifices to make a difference.
I'm hungry. I wonder if MacDonald's does deliveries?

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