All comics by GabrielLamberty

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by GabrielLamberty
9-25-01
Once upon a time, there was this dude who wanted to get laid...
Hello Britney Spears! Surely, you are turned on by my bitmapped pompadour, and pixelated boner?
I'm getting backshots from Justin Timberlake. Why the fuck do I need you?
...and so, the quest for poontang continues.
My oblong dong is a whopping 400x24 pixels. Obviously, your panties are saturated?
What am I, a FAG?! Just cuz a nigga likes nuts don't mean I like dick!
Jesus...Why hath thou forsaken me?
Dude. Not for nothin...but I'm nailed to a FUCKING CROSS. I got problems of my own.

 

by GabrielLamberty
9-25-01
Tetsuo broke up with his girlfriend. Now, Kaneda attempts to comfort his pal, Tetsuo...
How in the world can you boycott chics?! They have VAGINAS and TITS, and provide us with endless sexual pleasure!!!
Well...my cat has a vagina. TIGHT one at that, and cats have at least 4 pairs of tits. She doesn't complain or nothin. She eats her Whiskas, and shuts the fuck up.
....sweet Buddah's cock!!! You're right, old friend!
That's what friends are for.
Later at the bar...
...if I could make you come here with THIS finger, imagine what I could do with all 5?
meow

 

by GabrielLamberty
9-26-01
Once apon a time in Terroristville...
I am one pissed off terrorist, and I'm gonna blow some shit up. Praise Allah!
And so, the rocket flies into the air, but there is a problem...
Habib. You DID remeber to program it's target, right?
.........fuck!
3 seconds later...
you are SUCH a fucking retard.
...my bad!

 

by GabrielLamberty
9-27-01
Cowboy Fag teaches Billy a lesson about love...
Hey Billy. Do you know what a "Dutch Oven" is?
No, but I got a feeling you're gonna tell me.
During the middle of sex, you bust out the meanest FART you can produce, and drape the covers over your lover's head.
...............
Goddammit, you suck.

 

by GabrielLamberty
9-29-01
Believe it or not, some people actually HATE Gabriel Lamberty. Observe...
I hate you Gabriel Lamberty. All you draw are anime girls with big titties. Your drawings offend me, and is insulting to women everywhere!
uh...yeah.
And all your jokes are the same. All you talk about is dicks and farting. Are you some kind of faggot, or something?!
uh...no.
And you can't seem to resolve anything without violence too...and anoth...* ACK!!!
...and that's why I love comics.

 

by GabrielLamberty
2-07-02
Once upon a time, there was this pimp n shit...
BITCH! I ain't gon ask again. Where's my muhfuckin money, HO?
Sorry, buisness is kinda low, since I've got the CLAP, n all. Go ask Sui Ling.
About 5 minutes, and 36 seconds later...
Alright...if you don't pay me, you'll have to be removing these here hushpuppies out yo muthafuckin ass!!!
WHAT?!? Do you need a CAT scan or something? DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM?!
Meanwhile, in hell...
Um...do you mind lowering the heat up in this bitch? It's CRAZY hot in here.
SILENCE!!!

 

by GabrielLamberty
2-09-02
Once upon a time, there were these FUCKING fanboys...
huh huh...Wanna hear somethin funny?
Duh...okie dokie!
...panties.
......
huh huh huh!!!
huh huh huh!!!

 

by GabrielLamberty
2-23-02
Meanwhile...Dave Frangella is in the middle of an important negotiation deal with this hippie...
.....dude.
.....huh?
Did you fucking fart?
Probably...
So you ARE aware that I am particularly fond of the sweet aroma of your ass-glands?
.....you are SUCH a fag.

 

by GabrielLamberty
2-23-02
Alien robot invaders attack the earth, so you know Dave Frangella is in a world of shit right now...
I am one BAD mutherfucking robot. Prepare to be assimilated, bitch!
Somehow, I doubt that...
huh?!
I snuck in and sabotaged your mainframe by rubbing my balls on your microprocessor, blowing a load all over the circuits. Thus rendering your attack capabilities completely useless!
ARRGH!!! CURSE YOU, DAVE FRANGELLA! CURSE YOUR EVIL HEART!!!
Yeah...don't fuck with the big dawgs!

 

by GabrielLamberty
2-24-02
Dan Edwards was feeling shitty, so he decides to escape to a place where beer flows like water...MAINSTEET.
Hey Merc, wanna go to Mainstreet?
Nah, I got my bottle of Captains...go ask Kyle.
Hey Kyle, wanna go to Mainstreet?
Nah dude, I'm still pretty drunk from this morning...and the morning before that...and the morning before that. Go ask Awad.
Hey Awad, wanna go to Mainstreet?
BZZT! BEER+MAINSTREET=FUN. FUN DOES NOT COMPUTE. ERROR/RETRY.

 

by GabrielLamberty
2-24-02
Evil communist warlord, Herr Dave Frangella is furious that the Gang of Four made money within his police state... and now, REVENGE!
Awad. The Gang of Four decided to run a sucessful party, and bank all of MY profit. Seize my money, and DESTROY the Gang of Four.
AFFIRMATIVE.
and so, the menacing risk management cyborg AWAD confronts one of the illustrious Gang of Four: LANCE BOWERS!
YOU ARE GUILTY OF PROFITING WITHOUT PROPER AUTHORIZATION. DISPENSE THOSE FUNDS, OR PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED.
Nigga please...I'll dispense my foot up yo ass if you don't get off my dick!
DANGER! DANGER! INITIATING SMIRNOFF DEATH ATTACK!
AAARGH!!!! DAMN YOU, AWAD!!!

 

by GabrielLamberty
2-24-02
After AWAD defeated Lance, he now pursues his next mark on Dave Frangella's extermination squad, CHODABOY!
YOU ARE GUILTY IN INITIATING A PARTY WITHOUT THE PROPER AUTHORITY. DISPENSE THOSE FUNDS, OR BE TERMINATED.
.......
WHINE...WHINE...WHINE...
UGH! FUCK THIS SHIT. PREPARE TO BE TERMINATED.
AACK!!! VIVA LA BEER PONG!!!

 

by GabrielLamberty
2-24-02
After the brutal murders of both Gang of Four members Lance, and Chodaboy...AWAD intercepts the Mansion 30 stronghold and confronts John Maciello...
IM GOING TO MAKE THIS SIMPLE: PAY ME, OR DIE.
Uh...no.
..........
..........are you fucking finished?
SMIRNOFF DEATH CANNON LEVEL 3 SAIYAN YEAST INFECTION BLAST!
Dude...the smoke from my burning body is TOTALLY getting me fucked up! You gotta hit this shit, dude.

 

by GabrielLamberty
2-24-02
AWAD has defeated Lance, Chodaboy, and Maciello. Only one member of the Gang of Four remains...the most sinister and insane member of them all...
THE TIME HAS COME TO TERMINATE THE ONE CALLED GABE. INITIATE LAUGHTER: HA HA HA!
IN THE NAME OF DAVE FRANGELLA, YOU HAVE BEEN TARGETED FOR TERMINATION.
GAG...HACK! Awad's...breath. smells...like. my...ass* COFF!!!
and so...with the power of AWAD's Smirnoff after-breath, Gabe was killed, and the Gang of Four is finally defeated.
HERR DAVE. THE GANG OF FOUR IS NO MORE. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Well done, AWAD. No one shall resist the Frangella regime! BWA HA HA!!!

 

by GabrielLamberty
2-24-02
Ah...the everlasting troubles of love. We find the 2 lovers, Matt Petz and that korean chic in a quarell...
SOB* I can't believe you cheated on me...with one of my own so-called brothers for christ's sake! WHY?!
I dunno. It was something to do.
You are SUCH a worthless cuntbag! I regret ever sticking my tounge in your vagina!
I regret sticking my tounge in my vagina too.
THUS: the cry for vengance is heard from around the world. Woe to those who dare oppose the wraith of Petz!!!
I SWEAR, FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, I WILL FIND THAT COCKSUCKER THAT BETRAYED MY TRUST, AND HE'LL FEEL THE WRAITH OF THE NUNCHUCKS!!!

 

by GabrielLamberty
2-24-02
So the mystery continues...WHO HOOKED UP WITH MATT PETZ'S BITCH?
Slopehead Sean, my dearest of friends...do you know who hooked up with my girl?
I'm not sure. huh huh. DEAD. But, when I see them, huh huh...DEAD!
Realizing that getting information from Sean is equivalent to talking to a brick wall, Petz continues his search...
Marcus, I want this knife removed from my back. Can you give me any info on the bastard that hooked up with my girl?
Dude...I don't fucking care. Go ask someone who pretends to give a shit, like Klemmens.
Klemmens, the Siskel of my Ebert. Do you know who the infadel was that betrayed my trust?
I'll tell you...AFTER YOU PAY THOSE DUES, MOTHERFUCKER!

 

by GabrielLamberty
3-02-02
The hunt continues: WHO HOOKED UP WITH PETZ'S BITCH?
Alright Leland...I want you to take this ugly bag of snakes, and lay it out for me...who hooked up with my asian flower?
Shit, I dont know. I think it was one of those faggot Murphy twins.
Finally, all roads leads to MURPHY...but which one?
Chris, you piece of shit! You actually have the gall to sample MY backyard bouquet?!
It wasn't me bumblefuck, it was my twin brother Colin. He's standing right behind you.
Sorry dude. I got really drunk that night and thought she was a 12 year old viatnamese prostitude.
Jesus...they're fucking twins?! I always thought they were gay lovers.

 

by GabrielLamberty
3-02-02
Chodaboy is finally going to hook up...with a GIRL. But for each goal, lies a challenge...
Wowsers! I'm actually gonna hook up with an actual human girl!!! I'm about to spray my fucking shorts!
Not so fast, Opie. If you want to hook up with me, you gotta lick another guy's nipple first.
Are you shitting me?! WHO?
How about that stud over there?
That's fucked up...
Well, if its Joey the Guns...I guess licking his nipples for a hookup is okay.

 

by GabrielLamberty
3-02-02
Kyle takes a minute out of his intense squedule to have a heart to heart with Joey the Guns...
Let me get this straight: you fucked a fat girl in the ass, fingered a girl on her period, and let Chodaboy lick your nipple...
Yeah? So what?
Then you fucked my sister, left an asinine message talking about moving to Florida and Disney points n shit.
What's your point?
.........you're a fuckin' FAG!
(stares) Yo, that's fucked up.

 

by GabrielLamberty
3-03-02
nooNAN, and Brian "Stuntcock" Wershonski have a candid conversation about candid things...
So...I heard you fucked this really disgusting pig of a girl with more clap than an auditorium last night.
No way, dude. She's hotter than hell. As a matter of fact, she's standing right over there...
Hi Brian. Just wanted to let you know that YOUR crabs gave my crabs herpes last night. Just thought you would like to know.
...dude. You are so fucking disgusting.
You're just jealous, nooNAN!

 

by GabrielLamberty
3-03-02
Once upon a time, Mike Van Hise and Pete Dougerty were talking about stuff...
Heard you finally got a girlfriend! Here I thought you were all gay n shit.
Yeah dude. I scored myself one fine piece of ass. There she is over there.
Hey! You guys wanna sniff my panties?
Dude...its like, negative 10 degrees out. What the fuck is the matter with her?
She ate lead paint chips when she was a kid...

 

by GabrielLamberty
3-03-02
There seems to be a bit of trouble arising from Triad B 30-something. Roomates Lance, Chodaboy, and VanHise are in a quarell...
Why are you mad this time, you cracker-ass cracker?
VanHise is dirty, eats all my food, sniffs my boxers, jerks off on my bed, and leaves the toilet seat up. Tell him he has to move out.
And so, Lance confronts the unruly roomate: Mike VanHise!!!
Yo. Chodaboy is pissed and wants you to move out. What do you say about that?
Tell that drunk angry dwarfen, Blockbuster video, no pussy, nipple licking closet fag he can go kiss my motherfucking grits! And, that I jerked off on his pillow too.
Uh...VanHise didn't have anything to say.
...that fat fuck.

 

by GabrielLamberty
4-13-02
This one night, Paul and AJ were discussing tales of sexual dominance. Observe...
Guess what AJ, I FINALLY had sex last night...WITH A GIRL!!!
Bullshit! How'd you pull that feat off?
Well...it went a little like this...
...so yeah, you'll be knee deep tossing Noelle's salad. All you have to do is give me your soul.
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL, MISTER!
...and the rest is history.
.....I always thought you were a tool before, Paul...but GOD-DAMN!

 

by GabrielLamberty
4-13-02
Remember when Bastow threw that Phi Kap out of the house? That shit was funny, right? Well, not to some people...Awad and Slopehead Sean devise a plan of action...
Bastow has made an unauthorized diplomatic transaction. The regime wishes immidiate termination to the carbon-based lifeform known as Bastow.
huh huh...DEAD. He's fucking dead...huh huh...ASA mixer this Thursday...huh huh...DEAD!
Meanwhile, at the Deathstar commonly known as Mansion 7...
What is thy bidding, my master?
There is a great disturbance in the Tool-Force. Destroy this menace before people begin to actually think our fraternity is cool.
Um...plot line does not compute. What does this have to do with Bastow?
Hell if I know...Gabe needs an excuse to start another story arc. Fucking crackhead...

 

by GabrielLamberty
4-13-02
With the developing terror at hand, Princess Leroy asks R2DTool to deliver a message to the ancient Redi Obi-Gabe Kenberti
Hey Obi-Gabe! Princess Leroy needs your help to stop the Tool-Menace. Will you help the rebelion?
In the name of Weed, Beast, and Bitches everywhere...I shall. Let us gather some troops n shit.
So, the rebels seek aid from the best pilot in the galaxy: Hohn Masiolo and his trusty ship the Millenium S-2000...
Yo Hohn...I'm sick of these fucking tools turning this galaxy into the fucking Newman Club. Let's take this shit back to the people!
Yeah...I guess. Let's hit this grav bong first, dude.
3 cyphers, and several whooping coughs later, the troops are ready to take off, but not without Hohn Masiolo's trusty sidekick...
Hey Toothbacca, quit playing with your gay pride Volkswagon, and get my hyperdrive ready,bitch! Get me some papers too, while you're at it.
GRRWWAAARR!!!

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