All comics by DexX

Profile

 

by DexX
9-16-01
Here it is, DexX - the new cathedral for the Church of Arse!
Oh...
What do you think?
Uh... it's a big pile of arse.
Yes, it certainly is!

 

by DexX
9-16-01
Do-se-do, come around, punch your partner to the ground...
Ah, I've been waiting for this opportunity!
Get up, you wuss. It was only a love-tap.
The pain...

 

by DexX
9-16-01
Okay, we have the church, the cathedral, the statue... we need a special gesture thingy now...
What, a Sign of the Cross equivalent? Let's see...
Hmmmm....
Cover your arse with both hands while wearing an expression of terror on your face?
Great minds, Dan...

 

by DexX
9-16-01
Hello?
Hello, I'd like to talk to you about...
*chomp*
Bugger it, I was hungry.

 

by DexX
9-16-01
-- Crocadoile 'Unna --
G'day! Oi'm Steve Irwin, and by croikey 'ave me woife an Oi gotta beaut show for yas tonoight...
Yeah! He's Steve Irwin, all right! He sure is! Woah-wee, is he _ever_ Steve Irwin!
Later on in the show, Oi'll be danglin' me love spuds in the mouth of a great whoite shark!
Strewth! This is bloody dangerous!
...but first, Oi'm gunna see just how far Oi c'n take this ludicrous exaggeration of me 'Strayan accent, boi croikey!
How far? How far can he take it? He's Steve Irwin! He'll exaggerate it further than anyone else would ever dare! Just you watch him!

 

by DexX
9-17-01
You know, I think that arse we bought might be stolen. Says it belongs to someone called Obi Wan Kejobi. That name sound familiar to you?
Hmph... This arse is ours now. First thing tomorrow, I want you to take it in to Arsehead and get its memory erased.
Later, in Mos Arsely...
You don't need to see his identification. This isn't the arse you are looking for...
We don't need to see his identification...
Later still, in a seedy bar...
DexX, this man here says he can take us to Alderaarse...
Great, just my luck - a Browni.

 

by DexX
9-17-01
Father Karras, I know that your faith has been weak since your mother died of arse cancer, but this girl needs your help! Please...
Ah, crap... okay, sure, I'll give it a go...
The power of Arse compels you! The power of Arse compels you!
The power of Arse compels you! The power of Arse compels you!
Mommy! mommy! I'm all better! Those nice dead priests fixed me!
Now remember, honey, if someone asks you to be in the sequel, you say, "Fuck off!" Got it?

 

by DexX
9-17-01
Hey kids, my name is DexX, and this is my friend Big Evil Dan.
We're here to talk to you about the dangers of taking jokes too far.
We know how tempting it can be. In fact, we know it better than most, because, you see, Dan and I made up over twenty strips on the same running joke.
We just lost control, taking the original joke in directions it was never meant to go, until it passed beyond laboured and... worse...
So kids, remember - leave the running joke alone while it is still young and healthy, or you may regret it.
That's right... Hey, I just thought of a new Church of Arse strip! I'd better make it before I forget...

 

by DexX
9-17-01
Uhh... I think strips about why the chicken crossed the road are great!
Yes. Yes, I also think that strips about why the chicken crossed the road are great. Also.
I must go and make more strips about why the chicken crossed the road, featuring Jon and Diablo...
Yes, I also must go make more chicken and road strips featuring Diablo and Jon. Yes, because it is fashionable!
Phew! Damn, that DexX costume is hot and sweaty! Do you think they bought it, Jon?
I hope so. I don't want to have gone through this for nothing... shit, I think my zipper's stuck...

 

by DexX
9-17-01
And welcome back, viewers, to the Church of Arse on Ice, and may I say that this show is truly living up to the hyperbole.
It certainly is, Gabe. I don't know how Big Evil Dan manages to skate so gracefully in that big rubber arse costume... truly arsetacular.
Now we come to the grand finale, the whole congregation, skating in formation, carrying the huge flaming arse. Wait, what's this?
Oh no! DexX has tripped over, starting a chain reaction... everyone has tripped! The big flaming pile of arse is melting the ice! Oh the humanity!
What do you say, Dan? *choke* *glug* Stick with just the telethon next year? *blub*
Yeah... *blub* *choke* Ummm... are you sure this arms-crossed swimming technique really works? *glug*

 

by DexX
9-17-01
You're finished, Captain Menbah! Hasta la vista, baby!
Ha! That's what you think!
We interrupt this program to bring you a live speech from President George W Bush...
Uh... the terroristic attacks on our country will not go unpunisherated!
Hey, I'm sexy when I'm angry, aren't I?
We now return you to your scheduled programming...
Wow! That was an amazing plan, Captain, and an remarkable act of heroism! If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would never have believed it!
It sure was amazing. That nasty old kangaroo won't be bothering us again! Now, give me a celebratory kiss, you sexy pink thing...

 

by DexX
9-19-01
Uh... let me think... did the old Chinese guy who sold you my mum and dad say anything about dousing you in human urine?
Yep.
Uh-huh.
Sure did.
Weren't you listening?
Now you find out what happens to stupid kids who piss on irritable talking goats.

 

by DexX
9-19-01
Hello. My comics are absotively posilutely sphagnumtastic! Read them, like, right now!
Of course! I'll go do that immediately! You wait right here, okay? Don't move...
Five hours later...
Can I get another bourbon and cola over here please? So, you were telling me about your cousin's operation...
Oh, yeah... let's see, they went in through the navel with a big stainless steel chainsaw... Damn, finished my vodka and lime...
Three hundred and twelve years later...
Any minute now... he'll be back to tell me he loved them...

 

by DexX
9-20-01
Second banana! Fetch me a nuclear weapon as soon as possible! Now-ish, if you can.
Yes sir. OW! I forgot I can't salute with my bad back...
A very short while later...
Let's see... nukes, nukes... ohh, nude pics! Oh, they're just Gabe Billings' mother again... Ah, here it is - nukes!
eBay - Trade Online! For sale: One tactical thermonuclear warhead, comes complete with rocket-powered delivery system. Current bid: $12.80 (US currency) shussein@baghdad.net
Meanwhile, somewhere else...
"Now-ish, if you can?" Damn, that sounded wussy. I really have to try and be a more convincing evil overlord...
Come on, dad! You promised you'd read me The Cat in the Hat before I go to sleep.

 

by DexX
9-20-01
*bing bong*
Okay, James, remember - polite, but insistent. Polite, but insistent...
Hello?
Join the Church of Arse, or I will kill you right now.
What was that!?!?
Oh! Silly me! Sorry, I always do that! Join the Church of Arse _please_. ...or I will kill you right now. ...uh, thanks.

 

by DexX
9-20-01
Come on in and sit down, young fella. I'll get you a cup of tea... How do you take it?
What? I don't take it! I administer it! ...oh, sorry... little bit of milk and one sugar, please. *ahem*
So, you're here about that new Church of Arse that's started up, eh? What's it all about, then?
What's it all about? Arse, of course. I thought that much was obvious.
Here's your tea. Yes, I understand it is about Arse, but then what? Obtaining arse? Penetrating arse? Observing arse?
Oh, just Arse in general, really. Oooh, teddy bear biscuits!

 

by DexX
9-20-01
Good evening listeners, and welcome to Theologically Thpeaking, a radio show devoted to matters of religion.
Joining us tonight, our regular panelists, Monsignor Francis O'Herne and Rabbi Herschel Silvermann...
Peace be wid you, my son.
Oy! This is the best character they could find, he's telling me...
...and our special guest panelists tonight are the co-founders of the Church of Arse - Big Evil Dan and DexX.
May the Arse be with you.
Wherever one or more is gathered, there's an Arse.

 

by DexX
9-20-01
Welcome back, listeners, to Theologically Thpeaking, a radio show dedicated to chatting about all that God stuff...
Mr. Wendy Spacklehead of Pluto asks, "Dear Panelists, with all the bad stuff that goes on, do you think God is a bit of a bastard?"
No, not at all. You know why? Bunnies. Bunnies are nice. See?
I disagree. He _has_ to be a bastard, or we will just, you know...
DexX, Dan, your views on the topic? Uh... DexX? Dan?
...I can't believe you think the guy on the left has a better arse! I mean, look at him!
Hey, you know I appreciate the bony ones. You don't have to make me feel like a freak about it, you prick...

 

by DexX
9-20-01
Okay... Monsignor O'Herne and Rabbi SIlvermann seem to have fled in fear, so... uh... Tell me, what ideals is the Church of Arse based on?
I'm glad you asked, Nancy. You see, we believe that in the beginning, before the Earth was formed, there was first of all the Great Arse.
Yes, the Great Arse. Some of our detractors claim that they have studied our ancient texts, and the Great Arse is Steve Guttenberg...
Oh, come on, Dan. I was drunk. I made a joke about Steve Guttenberg being the Great Arse. Just stop going on about it!
*sniff* How can I just forget it? You know how much I liked the first two Police Academy films...

 

by DexX
9-20-01
Welcome back once again, viewers, to that God thingy on the radio. We seem to have lost Big Evil Dan... so, DexX...
I'm sure everyone wants to know... why so many Church of Arse strips today?
You_speak_like_I_have some hidden agenda or something, Nancy. Look, I want to spread the Arse word...
Uh-huh... and the real reason?
To... uh... Okay, to get strip 34567.
Looooser!

 

by DexX
9-20-01
Heya, LadyJ. How's things- Hey! Where are you going?
AAARGH!
Woah! Get the hell away from me!
LadyJ just did the strangest- Hey! Not you too!
I am having the strangest day...
Hey? How did our statue get out here? Dan! Come help me lift this!

 

by DexX
9-20-01
There you go, Tobor, back on your pedestal where you belong.
DexX! Dan! I keep telling you-
*gasp!*
The statue speaks!
AAAARGH....
I am having the strangest day...

 

by DexX
9-20-01
Hey, Tobor, I've been looking for you. I've heard you-
Huh? Tobor? What are you talking about?
I'm talking about how you haven't done any cornholing all day. I don't pay you by the hour, ya know.
I'm, uh... I'm Gabe Billings. I'm not Tobor.
This is StripCreator, I am God, you are Tobor. Get with the cornholing or else.
Oh... okay... um, growl! I am Tobor! I will cornhole you! ...I am having the strangest day...

 

by DexX
9-20-01
Grrrr!!! Gabe wi- Uh, Tobor will cornhole you! Grrr!!!
RAAARRR!!! TOBOR WANTS TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!
Tobor! Oh, thank God it's you!
TOBOR IS NOT USED TO HEARING THAT PHRASE!
No, I suppose you don't. I've been having the strangest day, you just wouldn't believe it.
TOBOR WILL DISTRACT YOU BY MAKING THIS THE MOST PAINFUL DAY INSTEAD! RAAARRR!!!

 

by DexX
9-20-01
I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair, I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair, I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair, and send him on his- Gah! Brain... hurts!!
Oh no! Mr Greenspan! What's wrong? Quick! Call an ambulance! Rehearsal is cancelled!
This is really cool! If I look inside this elephant's rectum, I can look right inside Alan Greenspan's brain! He was rehearsing for his role in South Pacific...
Uh... say again? Did you say Alan Greenspan was rehearsing for South Pacific?
Of course. Here in the fifth dimension, Alan Greenspan is the top-selling musical artist in the world!
KAUFMAN!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!

 

by DexX
9-20-01
I am Tobor!
RARR!!! YOU ARE NOT TOBOR! TOBOR IS TOBOR!!!
I AM TOBOR!!!
RARR!!! TOBOR IS THE ONLY TRUE TOBOR!!!
Raaarrr!!! *bleep!* Tobor will cornhole you both! *bleep!*
AARRRGGGH!!!

 

by DexX
9-20-01
Cut your damned hair!
Cut your own damned hair!
I just did.
Oh.
Grow it back again!

 

by DexX
9-20-01
Lungs!
Gills!
Kung fu!
Karate!
Victory for me in contest 64!
Piss off!

 

by DexX
9-21-01
Gee, Timmy, this farm is so boring! I just hate the fact that our parents were ruined by a corrupt bank manager, and now we have to spend our holidays at this stupid farm!
Yeah, Sissy, you're right. What I wish is that somebody would come along and help us find hard evidence of what the evil bank manager did...
Hey, what's that?
Hey, kids! I am a huge talking insect! I can help you punish that bank manager and save your-
AAAAAGGGHH!!! Run faster, SIssy! The horrible monster is going to eat us! RUN FASTEEEERRR!!!
I wonder if Mister Ed ever had to put up with this shit?

 

by DexX
9-21-01
February...
Hey, this program is great, but it has some really nasty bugs that make it a loss less enjoyable to use. When is it likely to be patched?
Well I have checked with the programmers involved and they are busy on another project. Maybe April?
May...
...thanks for the advice on how to get around the big bugs in the program. They have been really helpful! I am wondering, though... patch?
That project in March has run over-time, so the patch has been delayed. The boss has told me it will be out in July.
September...
...so I have started using a few other programs in the meantime, and I am saving up for Dreamweaver. Whatever happened to that patch, incidentally?
Here's a hint: I am the tech support guy for this product, but I am the only staff member assigned. Getting the idea?

 

by DexX
9-21-01
Act I
Behold! My stash of weed!
Act II
Goodness! You appear to be stoned off your nut!
Why yes, I am!
Excellent! Students, please thank Tristram and Tiffany for demonstrating the theatre convention known as "Chekov's Ganja".

 

by DexX
9-21-01
[singing] All the girlies say "Yes please!" / To Cherry Flavoured Anal Eeze! [/singing]
My God! How long can he sit there singing that fucking advertising jingle over and over? I just... can't... cope... GAH!
*pant* *gasp* Thank God! I think I got away from that maniacal squirrel and his obsessive-
Hey! What are you doing off your chair? You are being punished for a reason! Now, GET BACK THERE!
[singing] All the girlies say "Yes please!" / To Cherry Flavoured Anal Eeze! [/singing] Everybody join in! [singing] All the girlies...
*sigh* I wish she had just smote me me divine fire or something. *sigh* All this because I didn't send Brad any money...

 

by DexX
9-22-01
I want the truth!
You can't handle the truth!
Are you sure?
Yep.

 

by DexX
9-22-01
Welcome back to 2001: A Telethon Obscenity! Please welcome, two Asian girls!
Thank you, thank you very much. It's a great honour to be here.
For your entertainment tonight, my sister will set herself on fire, then sing all of "Hey Jude".
Like fuck I am!
Oh, come on, it's for a good cause!
Why don't you do it then?
I have to accompany you on the kazoo.

 

by DexX
9-22-01
2001: A Telethon Obscenity continues, with your host, a big pink donkey!
Weren't they great? That burning, singing Asian girl was just fantastic. Now, keep that applause going, ladies and gentlemen...
Please welcome our next act, the StripCreator.com Versatile Variety Performers!
I will now recite a classic sequence from Monty Python...
Hey! You said I could do the Monty Python! Can't you just fuck a wallaby or something!
Me! *oof!* No, me! *biff!* Moron! *ow!* I'm a better lumberjack than you! *smack!* Only because you wear women's clothes! *pow!*
*ahem* I would like to complain about this parrot, which I bought not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

 

by DexX
9-23-01
Ha! You got drunk and went hedge-diving! No wonder you broke your leg!
Actually, no, the hedge diving was fun. After that we stole a BMX bike and started doing some drunken stunt-riding...
Oh, I see... crashed the bike and fell off, eh? Ha ha ha...
No, not quite. The stunt riding was just fine... but then...
The previous evening...
Told ya you wouldn't be able to jump over the M3 motorway on a BMX. You owe me a fiver.
Ambulance! Oh, already here... Gin!

 

by DexX
9-23-01
In the past, I have suggested many times that the flesh of kangaroos not only tastes wonderful, but is low in fat and cholesterol and high in nutrients.
I now retract these statements, fully and without reservation. Kangaroo meat tastes awful, and will make you terribly sick if you ever eat it.
I apologise to anybody who may have been offended or harmed as a result of my comments, especially the innocent kangaroos...
Keep talking, chubby, you're doing just fine...

 

by DexX
9-23-01
Diane, I've arrived at the StripCreator Motel. The rooms are spartan, but seem reasonably comfortable. Remind me that I have to-
Hey! Secret Agent Pooperscooper, or whatever your name is - here's your fuckin bag, so where's me fuckin tip? Eh?
Hmmmm... interesting... notice these marks on the corpse? It looks like she was roughly handled after death...
Uh... oh, really? Probably means nothing at all... uh... yeah... Oops, I think my parking meter's run out, gotta go!
Diane, last night I had the strangest dream... *fade in hi-hat played with brushes*
Excuse me, are you Asian Girl Number Two?
.nisuoc gnikool-ralimis ylbacilpxeni reh ma I ,oN

 

by DexX
9-23-01
The first rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: You do _not_ talk about Fight Club.
Three hours later...
The two hundred and seventy eighth rule of Fight Club is: You do _NOT_, _EVER_ under _ANY_CIRCUMSTANCES_ even _CONSIDER_ talking about Fight Club.
Two weeks later...
The eighteen thousand, nine hundred and forty fifth rule of Fight Club is... hey! Where'd the chicken go?

 

by DexX
9-25-01
On a city street...
I am the Way, the Truth and the Light. No-one comes to the Lord except through me.
Shhh! Quiet, Jesus! This guy's much more fun than you!
...so I said to the lead singer of Slayer, "Listen buddy, the music of Satan is the boy-band sound! How do you think Mark Mark ever got a record contract?"
Ha! What did he say to that?
Later...
Hey! I thought we had a deal - you take the north side of the road, I take the south side. You stole my audience!
Yes, you're right - we did agree on that. Now, let me think... why would I go back on our deal? Oh yes - I am the Prince of Fucking Lies! D'uh!

 

by DexX
9-28-01
2 asien girls meat each other one day and say hi
hi asien girl
hi aisne girl
the 2 asien girls dont like ech other and have a figt
i dont like j00 bitch
i dont liek j00 ether bithc slut hore
then they both catcn on fire because jesus doesnt liek when aisne girls fight
ah no i am on fire
i am on fire 2 we shoudl not fight

 

by DexX
9-28-01
n00bs suxx0r!!!!!!!!
i am a n00b!!!!!! i dont suxx0r!!!! j00 suxx0r btich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i kung f00 j00!!!!!!!!!
aaaahhhhhhh!!!!!1 j00 kung f00 me in 2 a dickhead!!!!!!!!!!!
i taek my special transformer beast warz lots of eyes form!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FNISH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
owwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! j00 maed me nail my hed!!!!!!
not me it was the other guy

 

by DexX
9-28-01
aaaahhhh i am on fier!!!!!!!!!!!
HEY!!!! U R EARLY!!! U R SPOSED TO BE AT THE END OF THE STRIP@!!!!
blowjob
rimjob
haaa!!!!!!!!! my powers made you cathc on fier!!!
DAMN!!!!! FIRST HES EARLY

 

by DexX
10-01-01
RAR!!! PROFESSOR AMPHETAMINE, TOBOR HAS PROBLEM!!!
What is the problem, Tobor?
RAR!!! TOBOR WISHES TO HAND IN ESSAY, BUT CANNOT FIND ESSAY RETURN SLOT!
Oh, no problem, it's right over-
Later...
Ouch! What did he do then?
HE SHOWED WHERE THE REAL RETURN SLOT WAS, AND GAVE TOBOR HIS PHONE NUMBER.

 

by DexX
10-02-01
Welcome to another episode of Why Did They Call Themselves That? with your host, Penguinatrix...
So, Ben... Why "Ben Folds Five"?
Uh... my name's Ben Folds, and there are five of us.
So, Jon... Why "Bon Jovi"?
My name's Jon Bon Jovi, and I'm, like, important and stuff. D'uh!
So, Eddie... Why "Van Halen"?
You're a bit slow, aren't you?

 

by DexX
10-02-01
During the final exam...
Damn! Tobor does not know answers to any of this shit... That puny fleshling seems confident...
Tum te tum... *scratch scratch* *rustle* *cough*
RAARR!!! TELL TOBOR ANSWER TO QUESTION FOUR, OR TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU RIGHT NOW!!!
What the fuck...?
...and it is the decision of this committee that Tobor Robot will be expelled for academic misconduct...
*sigh* Tobor wishes manufacturer had installed whisper capabilities...

 

by DexX
10-02-01
My God... It's full of stars...

 

by DexX
10-02-01
What's up?
Quick, let me in! It's raining cats and dogs out here!
MEOWWRRR!!!
ARRROOOOO!!!
WOOOF!!!
Damn it! I'm getting soaked out here!

 

by DexX
10-03-01
~ ~ ~ ~ Six Donkeys ~ ~ ~ ~
___Legal tender within the___ ______territories of the______ ___Commonwealth of Brad___
~ ~ ~ ~ Six Donkeys ~ ~ ~ ~

 

by DexX
10-03-01
2 - Two Clueless Newbies - 2
How do you delete comics? Where can I find out my voting scores?
*** StripCreator.com ***
___Legal tender within the___ ______territories of the______ ___Commonwealth of Brad___
Grrrr...
Grrrr...
2 - Two Clueless Newbies - 2
*** StripCreator.com ***
d00000dzzz!!!1 Ch3k 0u7 my l337 h4XX0r 57r1p5 0r u r fa660tzzz!!!

Showing page 5.

« Previous Next »