Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

2951. Sally's Afternoon Movie

by biped on January 26, 2008
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by biped
1-26-08
"This is what joo wanted, isn't it, Tony? Here I am... Fuck me, Tony. FUCK ME, TONY FUCK ME TONY JUST FUCK ME FUUUCK MEEE!!!"
FUCK ME, TONY FUCK ME TONY JUST FUCK ME FUUUCK MEEE FUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEEEE!!!
GAAAAAAAAA!!!
Actually, I've never performed an exorcism.
Do you think we should rent the movie first?

2952. Rednecks

by christopher7murphy on January 19, 2008
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

-Hic-
-Hic-
-Hic-

2953. Crank Dat Soulja Boy.

by UnknownEric on December 26, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by UnknownEric
12-26-07
SUPERMAN THAT HO!!!
Don't mind if I do.
La-de-da-de-da...
THWACK!
Ow.
FOR JUSTICE, BITCH!

2954. Farmer Joe has gone insane

by mandingo on December 3, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by mandingo
12-03-07
okay, Goat, you get in there and give him all you got! i wanna see left hooks, i wanna see right! jab, jab! don't let up! never let up!
DING DING!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? YOU WERE ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!

2955. Voice of god

by mandingo on November 29, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by mandingo
11-29-07
Heinrich Holzman! this is your GOD! for being a Nazi in your youth, the rest of your days will be spent blind and deaf! never again will you hear your wife's tender voice or see her loving face!
NO! NOOOO! I CAN'T SEE OR HEAR ANYZING!
zat's wonderful, Heinrich!
now do Colonel Klink!

2956. cc374: 8 Abes a-milking

by mandingo on November 28, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by mandingo
11-28-07
*gulp* we're surrounded. and his hands are soooo cold
and even his fingertips have hair!
relax, we're not here to milk you
we're here to claim Prima Nocte

2957. jargon file

by arbi on November 18, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by arbi
11-18-07
cow
coworker
orker

2958. Million Dollar Ideas #2

by bike on November 18, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by bike
11-18-07
It's a well-known fact that all little kids hate eating vegetables and/or vitamins.
However, they will eat nearly any random piece of crap that they find on the floor or under the couch cushions.
So, you take vitamins or concentrated broccoli extract or whatever the hell you want...
and sell it in the shapes of old cheerios or lite-brite pegs and crap like that. Kids will never know!
that's strange... the marble I found under the fridge kinda tasted like lima beans... aww, screw it, I'm gonna go watch tv...
Hooray!! I've finally found a way to get the little sh*t to eat her vegetables! Now if I could only get her to shut up!

2959. at the hospital

by mandingo on November 5, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by mandingo
11-05-07
bend over, this isn't going to hurt a little
wait, wait, wait. "this isn't going to hurt a little" meaning it's going to hurt a lot, right?
no, no, not at all. i'm an old pro at this
well, okay, but be gent... MOTHER OF GOD!
TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ME!!!

2960. Davy Jones' locker 2

by mandingo on August 17, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by mandingo
8-17-07
i think your wish is about to come true
*CLUNK*
are ye gay?
no!
PERFECT!

2961. I like your style

by JStrong on August 14, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by JStrong
8-14-07
Sucking up to the boss with a present, eh? I like your style.
Actually, sir, my species traditionally wraps up their dirty underwear in one of these laundry boxes.
Giving me your undies, eh? I like your style.
Um... No sir, I was just going to the laundromat after work.
I'll give you 10 dollars to let me smell them.
I like your style!

2962. And thats important!

by GuyInBoxers on June 22, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by GuyInBoxers
6-22-07
So I joined a softball leauge to meet chicks.
That's a good idea! What's your strategy?
I'm going to drill line drives at the girls I want to meet.
What?! What will that accomplish?!
Simple! It tells me that the ones that jump out of the way can't take a punch!

2963. The Toga Bar - Benefactor Part 2 of 2

by up4abeer on November 1, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by up4abeer
11-01-11
So she used to be a cheap whore. But now..
She's a hottie in designer jeans and a cashmere sweater over her perfect breasts.
There got to be a tax deduction in this somewhere.
And she's a hell of a tipper. Thanks for the bump.
So instead of a sucker who got taken by a young hottie I am really her benefactor. Thanks Toga. I actually feel better.
I should introduce you to my niece.

2964. opc35: dj cow

by mandingo on April 29, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

hey dj cow, what was that kickass beat you just played?
moo.
by mandingo, 4-29-07

2965. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on February 1, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
2-01-07
After yesterday's strip and that thing about her birthday some people might think that you and Britney are having problems.
I doubt it. It's just normal martital stuff. Anyone who has been married for awhile would recognize that.
I guess that's true. She is a good woman really.
Most definitely. I love her. I guess someone viewing these recent comics might think she's controlling or dominating but that's far from the truth.
****BUZZZ********BUZZZ********BUZZ****
Your electronic tether is going off.
She's reminding me to bring home a two liter of Diet Coke. I forgot about it yesterday.

2966. Cup of coffee

by Injokester on January 28, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Injokester
1-28-07
I hate having to go to work. When I'm unemployed I get to sleep in until mid-day.
So getting up at 8 really messes up my schedule.
Hence all the complaints about my "morning wood" while people are trying to eat lunch.

2967. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on January 20, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
1-20-07
She hates it!! Don't buy it!!
Okay, okay. I'm guessing you've got a plan since you came all the way from the future to warn me. What can I buy her that won't piss her off?
Well?
We are SO fucked....
Thanks. My irrational fear of the future just became perfectly justified.

2968. Pain is in the details

by bobby17 on January 19, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by bobby17
1-19-07
My favorite time of year is baseball season cause I love baseball.
Yeah, me too. You're pretty hot.
Wanna go back to my place and fuck and then play some X-box?
Yes.
So? How was she in bed? Was it awesome?
It was. Now I'm stuck over at her house all the time having to fuck her.

2969. Hell, I'd be screwed.

by Xion on January 3, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Xion
1-03-07
In recent news, Jesus Christ has returned to earth, heralding Armageddon.
Fuck.

2970. Random Comic! What Santa Won't Bring You

by Scyess on December 17, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Scyess
12-17-06
So what do you want for Christmas?
I want to be white.
Man, that's fucked up.
Actually, that's not true. What I really want is to grease you up and fuck you like an epileptic rhinocerous.
Sorry; I only date white guys.

2971. Top Five Ways to Get Kicked Out of Book Store: FIVE

by christopher7murphy on November 29, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Ask the clerk for a "Dickens," "Longfellow," and a Harry Potter.
heh heh. Sloooower.
Jerk!
by christopher7murphy, 11-29-06

2972. Top Five Ways to Get Kicked Out of Book Store: THREE

by christopher7murphy on November 29, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

Tell any kids left in the children's section that board books taste just like graham crackers.
ewwww. The pages are all soggy.
by christopher7murphy, 11-29-06

2973. not enough dog characters

by mandingo on September 11, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by mandingo
9-11-06
what's joe getting arrested for?
he called a big reraise with q-j suited
well, who wouldn't?
i fucking hate you, joe
they were suited!

2974. CC 332: Don't you think?

by thatsnotfunny on September 8, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by thatsnotfunny
9-08-06
I'd always been a play-it-safe sort of fellow...afraid to fly. But if I didn't make it to Cincinnati by Tuesday we were going to lose the Zimmerman account.
I packed this suitcase and kissed my kids goodbye. Somehow I knew I'd never see them again.
I see where your story is going, but it's absolutely NOT "ironic".
It was when the plane crashed into Alanis Morisette's house.

2975. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on September 3, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
9-03-06
I'm checking the references on someone who wants to work with us. Calls himself Joaquin but his real name is Ted.
I know him. Arrogant, heartless bastard. I can't stand him.
That's odd that he would list you as a reference. You don't seem to like him very much.
He's a user. A manipulator. He's takes your heart and then your mind. In the end he only wanted me for my body. Lying son of a bitch.
You do realize I'm talking about a little pink pig.
Oh God....I can't stand it anymore. Pleasepleaseplease tell him to call me.

2976. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on July 28, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
7-28-06
Well that was difficult. Going to the club while on an abstinence kick was probably not a good idea. Maybe my brother was right.
I think he was. Where are the baby wipes?
In the cupboard.

2977. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on July 24, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
7-24-06
You're telling me that I should be more concerned with this Isreali fighting thing than MySpace being down.
Well in so far as regional instability, the spread of Fundamentalism and a possible World War is concerned.
And this is all over "Hezbollah," huh?
Among other things, yes.
I'm not suprised. I think I had Hezbollah once. It's got chicken in it, right?
Yeah. And cilantro....

2978. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on June 17, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
6-17-06
The graduation party!
Now I don't have to tell you to behave or anything do I?
No dear.
Good. We only have to stay for a couple of hours. We eat, talk to a few relatives, wish Todd the best of luck, give him his graduation card and go home.
Todd? You remembered the kid's name?
Yes, SMART GUY. Todd. Or maybe Kyle. Whatever....
I think I see your cousin Tina over there. That cupcake and Mountain Dew diet she's on is doing wonders for her figure....

2979. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on June 11, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
6-11-06
Look I know you don't like these things but we go through this EVERY year. You HAVE to go.
Honey. You don't even know this kid. And these relatives are distant. You don't even associate with them regularly.
Yes, but my Aunt Dottie will be there. We're going for her.
So why don't we just visit Aunt Dottie and skip this graduation party.
Ok....you're not getting this. I'll go slow, okay? You go to these things to visit with the family and to be seen....
Wait. Hold that thought. I'm, sensing I'm going to have to disable that pesky logical thinking thingy for this....

2980. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on March 24, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
3-24-06
Quite honestly, I think your friend is going through a midlife crisis at the tender age of 29 going on 30.
EnergyGrrl??...um, I mean Shayna?? I can't believe that. She's not that type.
She's a superhero with energy casting powers who is now dressing in grungy clothes and carrying around a compound bow she bought at WalMart.
Well if you put it that way.
As her best friend you need to talk to her.
A guy reassuring a woman about turning 30. Yeah. Sure. After that I might as well tell her she's gained weight too....

2981. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on March 10, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
3-10-06
Meanwhile....
Hope you're happy now. The port deal is dead.
It was a bad idea, Senator. And it was stupid to think that people would actually buy into this.
You do realize that we've pissed off an ally.
A country where a majority of its citizens don't like the United States? I'd say they were already pissed.
You're missing the point. This makes us look bad in the Arab world!
Which I guess is something that the war, Abu Ghraib and support for Israel could never do. I'm actually humbled by your powers of observation....

2982. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on January 29, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
1-29-06
RWorld HQ - Jan 30 11:49am
So you told them you weren't interested right?
Actually, I start training Monday. I just want to see how far these guys will go just to save money on McNugget sauce.
Umm....yeah.
I'm serious.
They gave you a gun didn't they?
Sig Sauer .228 with SXT Black Talon Law Enforcement ammo. These guys don't play around.

2983. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on January 29, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
1-29-06
Are you sure you were talking to McDonalds? This just sounds just bizzare.
Wait, it gets better....
Mount Clemens, MI - Jan 29 10:53pm
We are at war, Kid. The general public doesn't know that there are evil forces out there who want to take away our freedom....our way of life.
Can we stop for a moment? This IS still the McDonalds interview isn't it?
Do you have ANY idea the street value of a case of Sweet and Sour McNugget sauce??
No. Fortunately.

2984. The Grift Of Giving.

by ArtemisStrong on December 18, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by ArtemisStrong
12-18-05
I think it looks good on you.
That isn't the point. Do NOT cum on my face again, dammit!

2985. Ranger's World: The Sidereal Stomp (Part 7)

by Ranger77 on September 4, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
9-04-05
This is a very serious violation, young lady. After I 'fix' this I may have to take you in to prevent anything like this from happening again.
Really....
Quantum forces are not meant to be played with by the untrained....let alone a mere human female. Do you understand me?
Yes. Yes I do. I'd like to continue this discussion, but I need to get something. Stay right here, I'll be right back.
I'm glad you're grasping the severity of the situation. As a "Temporal Engineer" my task is hard enough without....my that's an odd contraption.
Could you stand still for a moment. I just put a scope on this thing and I'm not as accurate with it as I should be.

2986. WW #40: what do you think?

by mandingo on August 22, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by mandingo
8-22-05
what do you think?
i think i'm glad they don't charge by the square foot
what do you think?
help! buttzilla!
what do you think?
i think it makes you look like a 12-year-old Thai whore

2987. BTC 36: have some fun before you're mirandized

by mandingo on August 13, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by mandingo
8-13-05
me
...and that's why they're all dead.

2988. another door-to-door salesman

by mandingo on August 8, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by mandingo
8-08-05
hi, i'd like to blow you while massaging your balls
sorry, not interested
come again?

2989. Sam the Satanist (3)

by evil_d on August 2, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by evil_d
8-02-05
Coming to the company picnic on Saturday, Sam? Uh, if you're not doing anything, that is, I don't know if Saturday's your, uh, Sabbath or whatever, I mean, if you go to church. Do you? On Saturdays?
Actually I go to your church and piss in the holy water.
Also the wine.

2990. desert island disc(ard) - ((based on an umfumdisi comic))

by mandingo on August 1, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

did you seriously discard 3 aces to try to make a flush?if ONLY you weren't my girlfriend!
or if only i WAS your girlfriend and we weren't playing for coconuts
by mandingo, 8-01-05

2991. Ranger's World presents: "Yep It's True!"

by Ranger77 on July 27, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
7-27-05
Hey, come here! I heard this interesting thing about how humans developed cosmetics. Evidently the redness of blush is supposed to give females that "after sex" look.
Can you repeat that for me? I was busy.
Never mind.
Envy doesn't suit you, y'know....

2992. irony thy name is schoolbus

by mandingo on June 15, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by mandingo
6-15-05
What are you doing to that little asian girl?
I'm taping her eyelids to her forehead.
Why?
She isn't fitting in with her white classmates and I thought this would help.
Later
How'd your whitening work out?
We'll never know. Her eyes dried out and she wandered in front of the schoolbus.

2993. rent

by kola on June 11, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by kola
6-11-05
Dragon, where's the Trent?
Don't you mean... the rent?
Much to his dismay. Dex had slipped up again.
Er...no. I meant Trent. The-Trent Man. Yeah. Where is he?
Trent doesn't live in this complex anymore. Don't you remember that?
But Dex didn't remember.
...but incidentally, this is about rent.

2994. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!"

by Ranger77 on March 16, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
3-16-05
Well, that was fun. We created, ran and sold a successful pseudo religion in a few short weeks.
I'm glad we ditched it. LA was so fake and plastic. It's good to get back here to our roots and our REAL beliefs.
Wanna go to the Booby Trap?
Good call. I've got like $100 worth of one dollar bills I need to get rid of.

2995. Ranger's World presents: "Yep, It's True!"

by Ranger77 on November 10, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
11-10-04
Hey guys its me again. Just wanted to express my sympathies about the recent election. You guys didn't fare too well.
Yeah. We're doing some rethinking. We need to connect to the people a bit more and maybe tone down the Hollywood and fringe elements of our party.
Really?
Well, maybe....we have to clear it with Babs first.

2996. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!"

by Ranger77 on November 6, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
11-06-04
But....
Young one....you must go on. Learn from your mistakes and use the lesson to be more wise in the future.
Another "Rock the Vote" refugee?
Yep. Tenth one today. Grief counseling is a pretty good racket but it gets a bit depressing after awhile.

2997. Ranger's World presents: "Yep, It's True!"

by Ranger77 on November 4, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
11-04-04
Okay people, with the election behind us we have to redouble our efforts on the War on Terror.
YESSIR!!
I know we've had our share of foul ups. Abu Ghraib, Iraq, the inability to catch Bin Laden. We have to have results people, no more embarrassments.
Umm....sir....?
AP - Nov 4, 2004
So can you tell me why that F-16 attacked a school house in New Jersey?
Come on dude....you ever BEEN to New Jersey?!

2998. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on October 12, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
10-12-04
Finally....I managed to get inside the Defender's League ground based headquaters. I really used my infiltration skills this time....
Excuse me your front door was open so I decided to stop in. Can I have a tour of your facilities?
Yeah. I guess.
Umm....can I also see your orbital headquarters as well?
Sure, whatever. I'll have to get someone to take you up.
Obviously this was some sort of trick to get me to reveal my true intentions.....
Er....How come you can't take me there? You're some kind of "space hero" right?
I'm not allowed to. Now can we just drop it, ok? Follow me. No flash photography and if you break it you buy it.

2999. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on September 21, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
9-21-04
Fo'Shizzle Starport....
***What are you doing here? The Overmind has denied your request to leave the planet.***
***Yeah, I know. Aside from getting back the key to our vacation home I was kind of looking forward to going back to Earth.***
***I have never been there. I hear it is a strange place.***
***It is. There is alot you can learn from Earthlings. Take your spaceship over there. They would call that your "ride."***
***My "ride." How quaint. Where did you stay on Earth to obtain all this knowledge of their customs?***
***A place called East LA. Now...(ahem)..."Time to park it, G. You betta recognize or I'll bust a cap in yo green ass."***

3000. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on August 8, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (6 votes)

by Ranger77
8-08-04
Ok, Larry left this morning. He apologized for being so insensitive and hopes you'll one day like him as a friend. So I guess the problem is solved right?
You're not going to let me off that easy, are you?
I don't understand how anyone can spend FOUR hours in a Pier 1 store.
B, I stopped asking questions like that about many years ago.