Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

2151. No One Likes Dave #5

by fraod on August 30, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by fraod
8-30-07
...but I'd have to say my favorite movie of hers would be The Crossing Guard with Jack Nicholson...
...and as I was watching Letterman last night, I got this strange feeling of Deja Vu...
...it's the darnest thing really, but he trained the cat to wash the dishes, using liquid detergent and all! I tell you...

2152. love letters

by mandingo on August 28, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
8-28-07
what the hell is all this, pop
these are all my love letters to your dead mother, son
really? i didn't know you and mom were romantic. all you did was fight
i know. this is my way of finally getting the last word. i wrote all of these after she died
all they say is "I FUCKED YOUR SISTER" over and over again
which is what we fought about mostly. though since your mom died, your old dad's been kind of lonely, so about fifty of those apply to you now too

2153. Hospital Visit

by fraod on August 27, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by fraod
8-27-07
I'm the best. Your husband is gonna be just fine.
Thank you, Doctor.
Where to begin...

2154. A Tear in Space

by choadwarrior on August 16, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by choadwarrior
8-16-07
Captain, there's a gash on the space shuttle.
I know, but NASA insists on having female astronauts.

2155. People Like Me.

by attitudechicka on August 9, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by attitudechicka
8-09-07
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday
Sorry guys, I appriciate the millions of invites, but I can't go out until Wednesday, I'm busy with work.
Wednesday
Ring?
Thursday
I just remembered why I hate you guys.

2156. Stanley Recalls His Troubled Childhood

by biped on July 27, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by biped
7-27-07
(sniff) Waaa-haaa-haaaaa!!!
Mommy...(blubber) mommy... they teased me...about my name again... oh, they were so mean...(sob)
Well, I just don't understand it. "Stanley" is a very common name.
Hello, principal's office? This is Agnes Scroatmuncher, and I'd like to report--
(snicker!!!)

2157. Famous Last Words

by RedfeatheR on July 19, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

What's this?!
by RedfeatheR, 7-19-07

2158. Yes, all of these exist in Australia...

by DexX on July 18, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by DexX
7-18-07
I'm thinking I should do a tour of all the "big" roadside attractions some time... I haven't been to The Big Trout in Ages!
You mean you actually want to go to The Big Pineapple?
Sure! Do The Big Banana while I'm up there, then there's The Big Earthworm, The Big Merino, The Big Rocking Horse...
You forgot the most important one.
Oh?
The Big Waste of Time and Money.

2159. cc361: a different shade of sheep... ya ya ya ya

by mandingo on July 8, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
7-08-07
sensei, i want to go to my school's dance but i'm afraid it'll turn me into one of those stupid popular automatons
you are just as much a sheep for NOT DOING something simply because the herd is as you are for DOING something simply because the herd is
really?
that's why those who eschew something solely because they don't want to be sheep have just unwittingly become one
then why don't you ever wear that Pantera shirt i got you that you like so much?
well, the other monks... there's a certain standard of... IT'S DIFFERENT!

2160. don't be throwing up that garbage in my haunted house

by mandingo on July 3, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
7-03-07
you about finished?
you're not even playing right
you just keep running him into the ghosts
punk's gotta learn

2161. New Copmic Pt. 7

by Humpenstein on June 7, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

Utterly amazing... You passed every test.
That's the same exact thing the nurse said at the STD clinic.
by Humpenstein, 6-07-07

2162. New Copmic Pt. 5

by Humpenstein on June 7, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

If you can't pass the sobriety test you're going to have to come with me down to the station.
Ten bucks says I could shoot you with my gun before you could draw yours.
by Humpenstein, 6-07-07

2163. Jarod is a bastard!

by GuyInBoxers on April 26, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by GuyInBoxers
4-26-07
I think the no-carb diet fad has finally died out.
Good thing too! We need to keep the fat people fat.
Right, thats how we know who the fatties really are.
Nothing more deceitful than a skinny fat person.
Thats what I'm sayin!

2164. cc373

by mandingo on November 11, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
11-11-07
doctor, this one's still alive!
it can't be!
dear god, man! you were clinically dead for 37 minutes! what did you see?? WHAT DID YOU SEE!!

2165. CC 373: Arabian Knights

by umfumdisi on November 10, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by umfumdisi
11-10-07
You civilians thought it was a pushover, but Desert Storm was rough.
Can you talk about it now?
Not yet...

2166. Surge-ery

by choadwarrior on March 28, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by choadwarrior
3-28-07
Mr. Snow, I have your test results. Your cancer has returned, but it can be treated.
We're going to stay the course. You can't micromanage this disease.
I recommend immediate surgery to remove the growth and prevent the spread of any further damage.
That sounds like "cut and run" and run to me.
I suppose that's a good analogy.
Look, the Administration and my colon know the way you fight and win this thing is to increase the cancer until the rest of the body is under its control.

2167. True Conversations

by JamesSchlong on February 26, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by JamesSchlong
2-26-07
But all the boys really love Abby.
I don't. She's a bleached-blonde, overly tanned Barbie doll who probably has a navel ring and a "kewl" tribal lower back tattoo...
...and probably loves being fucked from behind by strangers in backwards baseball caps she meets in trendy bars.
You know she's my friend, right?
Another thing I don't understand.

2168. Cold-Hearted Santa

by boloboffin on December 25, 2008
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by boloboffin
12-25-08
Maybe we should consider a union...
NEVER!!!

2169. fed ex driver? 10

by mandingo on January 10, 2007
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
1-10-07
*creeeeeeeek*
is... is someone there?
*CLICK*
showtime

2170. The Dark Side of the Pole

by ObiJo on December 26, 2006
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by ObiJo
12-26-06
Hi, I'm here to interview for the Santa's Helper job.
I'm sorry, but that position is now obsolete. We're no longer Santa's Helpers, we're Santa's Minions.
When did this happen?
About a month ago, when Mrs. Claus left Santa for that guy Santa couldn't think of a comeback to.
A month earlier...
Is your cock an innie yet, you tubby fuck?
HoHoHo?

2171. Fulcan Varts

by christopher7murphy on November 3, 2006
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)
Nope. Still smells. Beam me back!
Captain. You are abusing the transporter.

2172. Baby Farm Wonders

by biped on October 1, 2006
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by biped
10-01-06
Mommy!!! Moo-goat!!! Moo-goat, Mommy!!!
Baaaa--huh? Hey kid, goats don't moo. Cows moo. Goats say "baaaaa." Okay?
Mommy!!! Mommy!!! Goat was talking, Mommy!!! Goat was talking!!! Mo--
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT NOW?!? GOATS DON'T TALK, YOU FRUITY LITTLE BASTARD!!! NOW SHUT...THE FUCK...UP!!!
"Oh, de Camptown ladies sing dis song, doo-daaa, doo-daaaaa..." And then I do a little "soft shoe", heheh, like so...
MOMMY!!! WAAAAAA-HA-HAAAAAAAA!!!

2173. hellberry crunch

by mandingo on August 25, 2006
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
8-25-06
my arm's getting tired pitchforking sinners
tell me about it, i've impaled so many on my horns the muscles in the back of my neck are throbbing!
you know what they should make?
some sort of RoboTorture device to make our lives easier?
no, Honey Ice Cream
you're obsessed, Gene

2174. united we stand down

by mandingo on August 14, 2006
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
8-14-06
omg! we r totally gonna fuck u guys up LOL!
oma! wtj r u talkin about u can't even find our leader ji-hahaha!-d
>JOINS: France has joined #UnitedNations
cheers, France
we surrender!

2175. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on July 24, 2006
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
7-24-06
Thousands of refugees found themselves fleeing the carnage of MySpace over the weekend. LiveJournal opened its borders to take the desperate and weary.
The MySpace outage, reportedly due to a datacenter power failure, also caused angst ridden teenagers to use primitive alternative methods of communications like the telephone and text messaging.
Meanwhile in the Middle East, some Jews and Arabs threw missiles at each other. But first, our annual Fall Fashion preview ....

2176. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on June 17, 2006
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
6-17-06
That's some son, you have there.
Todd has always been a bright boy, so full of light....such a good kid. And popular too!
Really?
Yes, but I guess anytime you get a varsity letter in swimming, football AND basketball it's only to be expected.
I see. You're pretty much totally trashed and delusional aren't you?
Yep, and I'm staying this way until the piece of shit finds a FUCKING job. So how are things with you?

2177. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on June 11, 2006
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
6-11-06
Every year....around this time it happens. You can almost feel it coming. A force not to be reckoned with....not to be denied.
When it happens you cannot run. You cannot hide. The reason: you cannot escape time. It will come. You will feel its wrath. There is no escaping....
....the early summer high school graduation parties!
Come on. You have to go. It's my cousin's sister's nephew. They gave us $20 bucks for our wedding!
No escape. There is truly no escape.

2178. Ode to biped: Sally's Christmas Songs

by four_legged_tripod on December 11, 2018
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

What's your favorite Christmas song, mommy?
"I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus".
Do you know all the words?
Of course! ♫ Oh, what a laugh it would have been, if daddy had only seen, mommy kissing Santa Claus last night! ♫
So the little boy's dad was a cuck?
Well, he-- OH MY GOD!!!

2179. Ranger's World presents: "The Ranger Years"

by Ranger77 on April 6, 2006
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
4-06-06
3/24/06 7:45pm
Mr. Ranger you did a rolling stop at that sign back there. Says here you're on file for having a concealed weapons permit. Do you have a weapon in the car?
Oops....sorry officer. Uhh, yes. Under the seat here...its kinda loaded.
So what's in the shopping bag in the passenger seat?
Beer. Unopened, actually. I was just coming from the store and....um...yeah.
(Actually, I got off with a warning....)
You know contrary to the way this conversation is going, I can say I'm absolutely positive there isn't a dead hooker in the trunk.

2180. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on March 7, 2006
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
3-07-06
Did you hear what they did to EnergyGrrl's movie?
Lesbian shower scenes, tight suits with cleavage....high heel boots? It's just terrible.
Once again Hollywood is taking a strong female character and making her a sex symbol.
They'll probably have her on the cover of Maxim next flaunting her body to the adoration of men between 18-30. How pathetic.
Lucky bitch.
Obviously natural breast size wasn't a factor in her being chosen. I mean, hel-lo....look at me here!

2181. Vikings 3

by AngryAmerican on March 1, 2006
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by AngryAmerican
3-01-06
Lovely little village, don't you think?
Eh. Its lacking a base authentic feel, you know? They're just trying too hard for "quaint", like they built it last year or something.
I don't know about that. My Father and Grandfather both raided this town, sometimes twice in one season.
Well i stand corrected. But the charm still comes off as forced to me.
Still, be a shame when we burn it to the ground and butcher its inhabitants.
I guess.

2182. a world without multiple expressions 2

by mandingo on November 23, 2005
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
11-23-05
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha, ha!
What the fuck are we looking at?

2183. omg random layout

by boorite on November 10, 2005
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by boorite
11-10-05
Hey, kid, ever broke into an abandoned house like this one and had unprotected sex with a strange older woman?
Ever had her ride you hard on the mouldering carpet and afterward painted pentagrams on the wall in her menstrual blood?
C'mon, kid, live a little.
Cut it out, Mom!

2184. Joe, the duck that says interstitial 4

by mandingo on September 5, 2005
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
9-05-05
i have abducted you and will be performing various oral and anal probes on you, which, when combined, will cause your painful death
interstitial
actually, i did come from a fatherless household, yes
interstitial
today our worlds attain peace, Joe
interstitial

2185. Assembly Malfunction

by FMLB2K5 on August 16, 2005
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by FMLB2K5
8-16-05
So where we goin'?

2186. OPC 7 and OPC 10: the guy who can't afford binoculars

by mandingo on August 11, 2005
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

i see booooooooobies!
by mandingo, 8-11-05

2187. Sam the Satanist (5)

by evil_d on August 2, 2005
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by evil_d
8-02-05
So, Sam, I was wondering if you were still getting any other job offers... you know, just trying to plan--
You're not trying to get rid of me because of my religion, are you? Because that's discrimination, you know. Separation of church and state, and all that. You should read up on your democracy.
Oh, no, I support the separation of church and state very much.
Almost as much as I support the separation of me and you.

2188. stealth ninja

by mandingo on July 30, 2005
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
7-30-05
around every corner the stealth ninja glides
he could walk on glass and never make a sound
his steps are like kitten breaths, heard by no one
his deadly mission will be completed quieter than a blowing wind
SURPRISE!
you guys! how'd you know it was my birthday?
we didn't. this is your retirement party, you noisy narrating fuck

2189. CC 291: at the restaurant

by mandingo on July 28, 2005
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
7-28-05
what up, my nigger
Raj, i know you're new to our culture, but black people don't like hearing non-blacks call them nigger
porch monkey?
what?
mud people?
table for one

2190. Ranger's World presents "Yep, It's True!"

by Ranger77 on July 27, 2005
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
7-27-05
"Yep, It's True!" presents "Wild Internet Kingdom!"
Today we examine a truly fascinating creature of the Internet: The AOL Volunteer.
Ask me anything you want....except about our software, our rates and our customer service! AOL RULES! We invented the Internet!
These curious people are unpaid (unlike the paid folks who work in India) and function like a cross between those 'elite' safety patrol kids back in grade school and adult film fluffers.
I'm running a Gateway Pentium III 600mhz with 128MB of RAM and a 10GB hardrive. VAH-ROOM! If you forget the specs don't worry, they're in my email signature!
Always remember they are most dangerous when they are being "helpful."
I WANT to have Steve Case's baby....and I'm a guy!!

2191. 3 cups of sugar

by mandingo on July 26, 2005
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by mandingo
7-26-05
half a cup?

2192. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on November 6, 2004
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

by Ranger77
11-06-04
So that's it. I'm just here for the keys I left in the ship. I'm not part of some alien invasion.
Pretty strange story. We'll have to check it out.
Doesn't matter now. The astral transferrence is becoming permanent. Looks like I'm stuck being a human.
Sucks to be you, I suppose. So what did you do with your alien body anyway?
These Putt Putt courses are getting weirder all the time. How the hell am I suppose to get a ball in there?

2193. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on October 9, 2004
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
10-09-04
Day 2: I'm spending a few days assimiliating into society before I make my move on the Defender's League. Again, seeming normal in this human body is key to my success.
Excuse me. Is your cab for hire? I need to go to Orchard Lake Road.
Uh...ok.
Is something wrong?
Well no....it's just that I don't see any distrust or suspicion in your eyes.
It's a bit tougher than I thought.
Uh....why should you see that? We're all Americans right and....
ALIEN! HE'S AN ALIEN! WE'VE BEEN INVADED BY POD PEOPLE!!!

2194. Ranger's World presents: "Yep, It's True!"

by Ranger77 on September 20, 2004
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
9-20-04
AP 9/18/04
Hey Kerry-guys, its me again. I hear that CBS thing kinda blew up over the weekend.
Listen young dude, the docs might have been fake but the content was true. You can't deny that. You may not like the tactics but we have to do what we can to win.
That's curious, because if I'm not mistaken the same logic was used to justify the Patriot Act and the War in Iraq.
Hello?
Kid, are you always this intense?

2195. A Guide To British Etiquette: The Catch-All Condolence

by Chi_The_Cynic on August 24, 2004
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-24-04
She walked out on me, there and then! I turn up to work the next day and get given my cards, and before I know it I'm on the dole!
Then my mother passed away on the same day that the dog got run over, and I broke my arm trying to change a light bulb!
And if that wasn't bad enough, the bank told me I've gone beyond my overdraft limit and they'll be sending the bailiffs round!
Still, not to worry, eh?

2196. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on August 10, 2004
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
8-10-04
Meanwhile at DEMONient (an E.V.I.L organization)....
So, Orgo went over to the Defender's League.
He got tired of the corporate attitude and demeanor that our organization has embraced.
I felt a bit like that as well until I got my profit sharing check.
I concurr. I mean why rob a bank, or threaten the world with destruction when you can simply acquire a few companies and raid the pension funds.
I hear the poor bastard doesn't even have his own desk.
Being GOOD does indeed SUCK, my friend.

2197. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on June 25, 2004
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
6-25-04
Now let those villians at DEMONient top this. A state of the art Orbital Outpost!
Isn't this that Alien Mothership with the busted cloaking device from a few months ago?
We didn't even bother trying to fix it. Everything else works. Think of the publicity....when people look into the sky, they'll see this symbol of justice!
How will they see the outpost if you can't make it visible.
Can't you at least pretend to be positive sometimes.
Sure. I'm positive that you won't be able to use the toilets on this ship either.

2198. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!"

by Ranger77 on June 19, 2004
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
6-19-04
Ok, I'm back. And THIS time, no matter what you say, I will not fall to pieces like last time.
Fair enough. But, consider this: How can one be pro-life and in favor of the death penalty?
Ummm...
Conversely how can one think euthanasia regulated by the state would be somehow less prone to abuse and mistakes than capital punishment.
OOF!
I wasn't even trying that time. The real question is, who the hell would actually buy a Resse's Peanut Butter Cup made with White Chocolate.

2199. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life."

by Ranger77 on May 30, 2004
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
5-30-04
Mailbag time!
Our latest letter is from a reader in Coldwater, MI. She asks a typical but very engaging question: "What is the Meaning of Life."
Ah, that one.
We monks spend many years studying that question.
And there are many ways to answer it.
But basically we prefer this: "The Meaning of Life" was a Python film released in 1983.
And it was better than Grail. Deal with it.

2200. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on May 7, 2004
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

by Ranger77
5-07-04
A new crime fighting team composed of the ultraviolent CatLass and a new being known as "The Incredible M.O.U.S.E" apprehended kidnapper Earl Beck today.
Beck's brusied, broken body was found in front of a police precinct bound and gagged. It was also revealed that many glowing round pellets were found around Beck and in his mouth.
Glowing round pellets......please tell me you didn't.
So sue me....I had Taco Bell for lunch. What was I supposed to do, hold it?