Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

3351. Timm wins the lottery

by Chaplin on November 8, 2005
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)

Timm wins the lottery by Chaplin 11-08-05
John!! John!! I won the lottery!! I'm Freakin' Rich!! Nothing can ruin this day!! Your dad recently died, His baby is a orphan, your wife still hates you,and your mom killed herself when she had you.	.....	When I said "Nothing can Ruin this day" I diddn't mean it as a challenge... And yet I feel like a winner.

3352. Vaudeville is Dead. Civilization: Teetering.

by Zaster on August 7, 2005
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)

Vaudeville is Dead. Civilization: Teetering. by Zaster 8-07-05
My family and I are here to ask for your representation. What is it you do?	We degrade ourselves in the grossest, most apalling ways, and yet... get this.. we call ourselves the aristocrats! Vaudeville is dead, Ma'am.	No, you fool -- we're the Hilton family! We need someone to produce our reality series. Oh yeah. *Snif*. I'm so coked out of my mind I forgot where I was.

3353. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!"

by Ranger77 on June 27, 2005
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)

Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!" by Ranger77 6-27-05
Without warning....your life is turned upside down with an amorous attack by Tom Cruise! I love you....almost as much as I love myself. Penelope, Nicole....those other women meant NOTHING to me. You're young and vibrant. I'm older and freaky. There's synergy here!	But first you'll have to embrace my religion, renounce psychiatry, and sign this non disclosure and pre-marital combo agreement in blood. You also must call my penis "Butch".	So what do YOU do?? So what do I do?? I'd say kick him in the groin, but that may cause brain damage.

3354. Dolph Lundgren Party Robots That Vomit On You -- 3

by biped on December 28, 2004
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)

Dolph Lundgren Party Robots That Vomit On You -- 3 by biped 12-28-04
WELL, Arthur -- I BLEW a ROBOT! And now I'm gettin' my DOLPH LUNDGREN PARTY ROBOTS! Well...happy vomiting, dear...	You are...unsatisfied with the-- DAMN RIGHT I am! The TITTIES aren't BIG enough! My GOD, do you even KNOW who Dolph Lundgren IS?	"ME VILL BEAT...DA VEAK AMERICAN...ROCKY BALBOA... HA, HA...HA..." Run it again, Klick-Klack. I must calculate these measurements precisely.

3355. Untitled

by batFucker on June 19, 2004
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)

Untitled by batFucker 6-19-04
i hate phones.	i mean, they always interrupt you during the worst possible times... you know what i'm talking about...	by "phones", i mean "pepper spray".

3356. STDs are Really Love Bugs

by four_legged_tripod on September 3, 2015
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

STDs are Really Love Bugs by four_legged_tripod 9-03-15
You okay, Mick? I just can't believe that Dean Jones is dead.	I know. Tigger is upset as well. Where is Tigger, anyway?	He's christening the grave. Fresh dug dirt makes great kitty litter. That darn cat!

3357. Teo! Teo! Daylight Come an' We Wanna Go Home

by four_legged_tripod on January 17, 2013
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Teo! Teo! Daylight Come an' We Wanna Go Home by four_legged_tripod 1-17-13
What's the difference between Manti Teo's girlfriend and Bill Clinton's girlfriend? I don't know.	Clinton's girlfriend really was fucked! Ha!	Hey! Enough of these Manti Teo jokes! Has everyone forgotten that a girl who never existed is dead?

3358. Bowl Game (1)

by choadwarrior on December 30, 2012
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Bowl Game (1) by choadwarrior 12-30-12
Not much action on the field, but do we hope you stick around for the Doritos® Half-Time Report.	The score so far is: Humboldt State Roaches with, "Heh, what?" and the Vaporizers of Santa Cruz Junior College with, "Like..no way."	We'll be right back, here at the inaugural Colorado Travel and Tourism Commission Smoke-a-Bowl.

3359. Shooting From the Hipster

by four_legged_tripod on December 4, 2012
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Shooting From the Hipster by four_legged_tripod 12-04-12
Well, looks like all the Christmas decorations are up. Thanks for your help, Jesus-man.	I'll be back to help you decorate for Easter. Don't bother man. Hipsters don't celebrate Easter.	Why not? We preferred it when you were underground.

3360. cc

by four_legged_tripod on August 22, 2012
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

cc by four_legged_tripod 8-22-12
Dad, brycekain wants to come over and play. Again? He's played like four times already! Just don't break any rules. He can't play again unless you break a rule. I hate him but I'd do anything for you.		Anything? Would you jam a nail into your head? Sure but.. aw crap! Now that rule was just broken. Wait! It was already broken by that damn brycekain! So I'm doing this for nothing!

3361. Batty Betty Part VII

by four_legged_tripod on February 15, 2012
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Batty Betty Part VII by four_legged_tripod 2-15-12
Betty Donaldson, turn around and put your hands on your head. You are under arrest for the murders of Kevin Reed, Sara Meyer, and Chef Edmonds. I'll turn around as soon as you take off your sunglasses.	You're not going to tell me what to do. I'll keep my sunglasses on if I feel like it. "Feel" like it or have to because you're allergic to the sun Officer Vlad?	I'm here live at the West School gym where "Bat-Shit Betty" was gunned down by police after she came after them with a wooden stake.

3362. Real Life: Choice Words

by four_legged_tripod on January 24, 2012
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Real Life: Choice Words by four_legged_tripod 1-24-12
I can't believe that you just called me a "Lazy Fat Ass" after all I do for you and the children! Look, I said I'm sorry. It just came out in the heat of the moment. We all have said things that we regret later.	Well, I suppose I have said a few things in an emotional state that I wish I could take back. See? So what was it that you said?	"I do".

3363. The Toga Bar - Benefactor Part 1 of 2.

by up4abeer on November 1, 2011
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

The Toga Bar - Benefactor Part 1 of 2. by up4abeer 11-01-11
Is my ex-wife here? No. She usually doesn't come in until much later. Want me to call you when she comes in?	No no. I am trying to avoid the cheap whore. I remember when she used to hang out here giving it up for cheap wine and Jello shooters.	You mean before she married me, had sex with my broker, and took half my assets. Which from what I can gather were quite substantial. You changed her life.

3364. Pull My Tentacle

by four_legged_tripod on June 15, 2011
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Pull My Tentacle by four_legged_tripod 6-15-11
This has been such a wonderful vacation to Earth, Xandar. We should do it again real soon. As long as you don't eat anymore of those refried beans, Malgon. Your gas is awful. You should light a match.		Oh well. It's not like they were using their planet properly anyway. Say, what's that you're eating? Royal with cheese.

3365. Can We Name Her Harry?

by four_legged_tripod on May 17, 2011
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Can We Name Her Harry? by four_legged_tripod 5-17-11
Dione, the birth of our daughter is very important and I want to get her name right. I will travel through time to find a name that represents our love for each other. Be careful Zeus and return safe to me.	1973 Damn girl! You gots the biggest bush I ever did see. It's like you gots an afro in yo pants. A dyno-mite afro! Ima gonna call it an afro-dytie!	Honey, I'm back. I've picked up our daughter's new name, and something called chlamydia.

3366. That's No Urologist!

by travisweird on May 3, 2011
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

That's No Urologist! by travisweird 5-03-11
God, my urologist gave me the strangest test! It didn't even seem like a test, it seemed more like a handjob!	And he wasn't even dressed like a doctor, he was dressed like a cowboy!	And he didn't even use a cup to collect the sample, he- AAHHH that's enough!

3367. Father O'Mallard's Malady 5

by biped on April 5, 2011
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Father O'Mallard's Malady 5 by biped 4-05-11
meow meow I love you, Fluffy. You're the bestest kitty cat in the whole wide--	...and another ten spot on Baby Loves To Run in the fifth. Oh, hello, Sally. Hi, Father O'Mallard.	Mommy, Fluffy's in an alley on 49th Street with Pete the Bookie.

3368. CC 472: Romans are great babysitters!

by bigworm on March 24, 2011
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

CC 472: Romans are great babysitters! by bigworm 3-24-11
What do you say to a vacation? I say YAAY... where are we going?	I'm goin' to Chinatown... and you're goin' up on the cross for 3 days. WTF's this all about?!!	This way you can't nag me about firecrackers!

3369. Must Have Been A Door There In The Wall

by boloboffin on February 23, 2011
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Must Have Been A Door There In The Wall by boloboffin 2-23-11
HEY! You may not ever have heard of me, but I created all of this plus you, you're breaking all my rules, and I'm PISSED about it! Oh... kay....	Boy, are you in luck. I'm his son, and I bled out to stop him from smacking you around, so it's all good. Oh. Well, thanks, I guess...	No worries, he got better. Now, about giving me a healthy portion of all your available cash from here on out... The only way this deal could be better is if I wind up spending eternity praising the psycho in the first panel.

3370. Stair Master

by four_legged_tripod on January 21, 2011
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Stair Master by four_legged_tripod 1-21-11
Are you okay mister?	My son threw his ball over this wall and I've spent three hours trying to climb over it. Ah, you wouldn't understand. You're just a dumb Asian chick. Oh...	________________________________________________ Well, have you tried using the stairs you Caucasian dipshit?

3371. RCD 44

by lukket on December 5, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

RCD 44 by lukket 12-05-10
Long distance dating doesn't work.		You really have to be close to the trees to see those tree-rings.

3372. Mextinction

by mandingo on November 10, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Mextinction by mandingo 11-10-10
odelay, Ramon, is that an asteroid coming our way?!	ju just want me to look up so ju can el pantso me again JESUS, MARIA, AND JOSE, IT'S INMENSO!! IF IT HIT US, IT'LL THROW UP SO MUCH VOLCANIC ASH, WE'LL BE EXTINCTO WITHIN EL AÑO!!!!	EL AÑO?? *el pantso*

3373. Cramp My Style

by choadwarrior on October 18, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Cramp My Style by choadwarrior 10-18-10
This is my hotel room in Paris. It's very small.		Sorry, had to go out into the hallway for a moment to jerk off.

3374. Team Player Interface

by PennyDreadful on August 18, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Team Player Interface by PennyDreadful 8-18-10
Hey Gary, I need you to make sure we're on the same page with sales on any future collaborations. Let's touch base about strategies later--the buzz word is "synergy". Shoot me an email.		I'm sure that he goes home after a long day and just rapes kittens.

3375. St Peter says FML

by RetardedHistory on August 14, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

St Peter says FML by RetardedHistory 8-14-10
So, right...you had sex in a darkened room. You then CONTINUED asking "who's there?" when your boyfriend went missing and saying "come on guys, this isn't funny". Yep.	But it was only after you went upstairs that the deranged killer hacked you to pieces. That's it. Can I have eternal peace now?	HELL no, I just spent the last half an hour screaming "DON'T GO UP THERE, HE'S HIDING IN THE BATHROOM!" at the TV.

3376. no refunds

by FactoryRejects on July 5, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

no refunds by FactoryRejects 7-05-10
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... JEFF DUNHAM!!!	STRIP CANCELED DUE TO LACK OF ACTUAL COMEDY

3377. Schtick Figures

by ladyjdotnet on June 13, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Schtick Figures

[Insert observation of others' stupidity] [Insert acceptance of others' stupidity]

by ladyjdotnet, 6-13-10

3378. Strip Class - Humorous Pause

by TheAshesOfTheJoker on June 5, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Strip Class - Humorous Pause by TheAshesOfTheJoker 6-05-10
Today we're going to talk about humorous pauses. A humorous pause is a middle panel without any dialogues, that prepares you for the punch line. Got it?		No.

3379. Money Doesn't Talk, It Swears

by UnknownEric on May 10, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Money Doesn't Talk, It Swears by UnknownEric 5-10-10
FUCKSHITPISS	Ah, it's just a penny. CUNTCOCKASS	TITTYFUCKING!

3380. I'm Positive That's What I Heard

by four_legged_tripod on April 14, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

I'm Positive That's What I Heard by four_legged_tripod 4-14-10
How'd it go at the doctor's? That damn doctor's trying to give me AIDS!	What!? I knew there was something fishy going on as he would always have me pull down my pants and make me bend over his table while he stuck his you-know-what in my you-know-where.	I think he was talking about your hearing. You bet your sweet ass there will be a hearing!

3381. CC 449

by lukket on April 7, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

CC 449 by lukket 4-07-10
It will be very expensive to operate on you, so I suggest we just give you this injection and you will pass away gently.	Now wait! I didn't fight in 'nam for this country just to be treated like some damn animal.	And you call yourself a vet doctor!

3382. Looney Poon

by four_legged_tripod on March 9, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Looney Poon by four_legged_tripod 3-09-10
What's up doc? My ewection.	Uhhhh... duck season?	That rabbit's despicable!