Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

3401. This playgrounds too diverse.

by seanator on July 1, 2009
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

This playgrounds too diverse. by seanator 7-01-09
One fine day... God damn it. Does every country share a border with this fucking park? It's disgusting. I am stunned at your immaturity and unwillingness to just embrace other cultures.	You think my logic is flawed? I think it's wrong.	How can you tell me I'm wrong? You would think with all these goddamn mexicans here the lawns would at least be nice.

3402. This playgrounds too diverse.

by seanator on July 1, 2009
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

This playgrounds too diverse. by seanator 7-01-09
One fine day... See? I told you, wall to wall with diversity. It fucking sucks. I still fail to see why.	Well I cant make any black jokes when they are all around! All I have left are dumb animal jokes.	So black jokes.

3403. Simian Says: The End of the Road

by four_legged_tripod on June 24, 2009
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Simian Says: The End of the Road by four_legged_tripod 6-24-09
So you're sending me back to Earth with a horse face so I won't have sex to teach me a lesson. And just for extra measure, I'm taking away your penis. Now go!	A snail? What the hell God? I thought we were talking about Sarah Jessica Parker!	Editor's Note: Apologies to Sarah Jessica Parker. I would do you. From behind. In the dark. A note to all you loyal readers, thanks for following Monkey's journey. Hope you enjoyed it. Oh shut the hell up and say "The End" already!

3404. CC428: The Continuing Adventures of Captain Oblivious

by Hari_Nezumi on June 17, 2009
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

CC428: The Continuing Adventures of Captain Oblivious by Hari_Nezumi 6-17-09
About 87% of all statistics are made up on the spot.		That is very interesting.

3405. Texts in My Phone at 1 AM + new comic

by LuckyGuess on May 31, 2009
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Texts in My Phone at 1 AM + new comic by LuckyGuess 5-31-09
I saw your brother just now. He said he missed you.	Dawwww thats sweet He was drunk. His hugs were uncomfortable.	GIVE ME A HUG Happy thoughts, happy thoughts

3406. Sally in "Attacked" (part one)

by biped on May 2, 2009
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Sally in "Attacked" (part one) by biped 5-02-09
"People get attacked. They get attacked and attacked and attacked."	"And then one day they get attacked and they decide they just aren't going to take it anymore. So the next time they get attacked, they call the police."	That was Barry "Attacked" Manilow, discussing his new album, "Attacked and Attacked and Attacked."

3407. FTC 141: BA DUM PSH

by Hari_Nezumi on April 24, 2009
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

FTC 141: BA DUM PSH by Hari_Nezumi 4-24-09
Welcome aboard the Ministry of Defence mister, er, Zorg. Turn up at the security desk monday and we'll get you your uniform.	Any questions? Gleek org makka ung.	So I tell him, "Look pal, if you're gonna be coming into a country and stealing jobs away from hard-working citizens, then at least learn the fucking language!" Damn right! Fucking aliens...

3408. Valedictorian

by muffindance on April 18, 2009
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Valedictorian by muffindance 4-18-09
THANK YOU FOR SELECTING ME TO BE THIS YEAR'S VALEDICTORIAN! THESE PAST FEW YEARS HAVE BEEN A HIGHLY EDUCATIONAL AND ENRICHING EXPERIENCE FOR ME	MY FAVORITE PART HAS BEEN POSING AS A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT AND SQUEEZING UNDERAGED GIRLS' TITS	NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I NEED TO GO JERK MY ENORMOUS THROBBING BONER

3409. Winner winner

by mandingo on March 26, 2009
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Winner winner by mandingo 3-26-09
what do we have? well, we have hamburgers, fries, shakes, onion rings, ch... uh... chicken nuggets what was that last one?	christ, what am i doing? i'm a vegetarian selling meat to the masses. i can't go on like this. i have to be true to who i am. i'm sorry, Frank, but i quit.	I JUST WANT SOME FUCKING CHICKEN!

3410. Why Family Circus Is Only One Panel: 11/26/87

by biped on March 19, 2009
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Why Family Circus Is Only One Panel: 11/26/87 by biped 3-19-09
I wish we could have GRUEL for breakfast. Oliver Twist even wanted seconds.	Just as I thought--the little bastard's been into our fucking weed again.

3411. WW72: Tempting Fate, or Dr. Manhattan proposes

by fpd on March 14, 2009
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

WW72: Tempting Fate, or Dr. Manhattan proposes by fpd 3-14-09
Janey, I'm going to ask you to marry me. Sure, John, I would love to marry you and become Mrs. Manhattan.	We'll stay together until the mid-70's, when I will leave you for Sally Jupiter's little girl Laurie, because you'll be getting old but I won't. What?	Then you'll hate and resent me for the rest of your life, which will be cut short by cancer. I know you will say yes. Will you marry me, Janey? Aaaaah!!!!

3412. The lukket standup show - catching up with not-so-new-news

by lukket on November 11, 2008
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

The lukket standup show - catching up with not-so-new-news by lukket 11-11-08
You know, it's a shame Studio 60 has been taken off the air after only one season.	But the network will return with a new series that will describe the intricate relationship between networks and sponsors.	It will be called "Studio 69"

3413. Fuck You x 5,387,939

by AccentuateNegative on November 6, 2008
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Fuck You x 5,387,939 by AccentuateNegative 11-06-08
California, we need to talk.	For the third time in a row, you affirmed the right of teenage girls to get abortions without parental consent. Hooray for choice!	But by the same margin, you said two adults of the same sex can't choose to get married because marriage is for families and kids.

3414. What should happen at the VP debate.

by UnknownEric on October 1, 2008
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

What should happen at the VP debate. by UnknownEric 10-01-08
The liberal media keep referring to Senator Biden as an "attack dog."	I know attack dogs... in fact I shot an attack dog last week just so my husband could get an erection...	And you, Senator, are no attack dog. Wait... what?

3415. In her car

by seanator on September 4, 2008
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

In her car by seanator 9-04-08
One fine day... Mrs. Johnson is at a yoga class 30 miles from home, If she leaves at 5:30PM Going 30mph where should she be at 6:00PM?	In the kitchen

3416. The Consultant

by Aykis16 on April 17, 2008
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

The Consultant by Aykis16 4-17-08
So I heard Wachowki hired a new consultant. Maybe that's why he's been such a hard ass lately.	So as I was saying, you really should look into whips as a motivational tool...

3417. Memo

by mandingo on December 18, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Memo by mandingo 12-18-07
take a memo, Beth	this isn't another personal memo, is it? i've been finding those kinda creepy no, no, this is strictly work related	okay, go ahead then DEAR FRED SAVAGE,

3418. cc376

by mandingo on December 17, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

cc376 by mandingo 12-17-07
what the hell i'm doing a historical reenactment so i kidnapped Katherine Harris, stripped her naked, and hired a crane to lower a randy horse down onto her	you're thinking of Catherine the Great nah, i'm doing the 2000 election	you wouldn't BELIEVE what elephant rental goes for these days

3419. Women's prison

by mandingo on November 30, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Women's prison by mandingo 11-30-07
if she's gonna die anyways, why not spare her the lesbian gangrape? i would, but it's the gangrape that kills her	gangrape and cancer

3420. RCD #6: We Nearly Escaped

by Scyess on September 13, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

RCD #6: We Nearly Escaped by Scyess 9-13-07
Let's blast this pathetic planet and everyone on it into nothingness! Destroy them!	I said DESTROY THEM!!!!!	**sigh** Destroy them, please. Counting down from ten...

3421. The postman always shoots twice.

by ViralOne on September 1, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

The postman always shoots twice. by ViralOne 9-01-07
Ok Mother Fuckers.......	Who the hell put the doggie pheromones on the seat of my pants!

3422. Sally's Day of Discovery

by biped on August 30, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Sally's Day of Discovery by biped 8-30-07
Mommy, where do babies come from? Err...storks bring them. I'll give you the rest of the details in, oh... about fifteen years.	Mister, where do storks get babies? Where do storks get babies? (hic) Why, by fuckin', of course. Then one of 'em shits out a kid.	Mommy, I sure wish some fuckin' storks would shit me a baby brother. Aww, isn't that--OH, MY GOD!!!

3423. Keepaway

by boorite on August 23, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Keepaway by boorite 8-23-07
God damn it!	Shit!	C'mon, guys, gimme Dad's head back!

3424. Inspired by My Previous Comic

by umfumdisi on August 22, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Inspired by My Previous Comic

Next on 20/20, John Stossel answers the intriguing question, "Does watching too much television make your eyes bigger?"

by umfumdisi, 8-22-07

3425. Whew

by ivytheplant on August 6, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Whew by ivytheplant 8-06-07
So I jumped out the window and drove away before the police arrived. Everything work out? Yeah, we discovered the woman was scamming us.	Oh good, I'm not fired for leaving the scene of a crime. There was no crime committed, so you're cool.	You know I'll do it again in a heartbeat. As would we all.

3426. VH1's Behind the Theme Song: Soundwave

by HCRoyall on July 17, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

VH1's Behind the Theme Song: Soundwave by HCRoyall 7-17-07
After the show ended, Soundwave used his earnings to fund his career as a stand up comedian. Repeated failures, however, led him down a path of depression and severe substance abuse How many Autobots does it take to reroute a power supply for an interstellar vehicle? 7!! Ah HA!	This eventually had him out on the street begging for scraps.His last hope was for a spot in the movie. But when he was replaced by a younger model with CD-R/MP3 compatibility, his hopes were gone. WILL PLAY OLD AC/DC CASSETTES FOR ENERGON	Two days later he was found dead, having plugged himself into an outlet during a storm without a surge protector.

3427. Sans-Vocal-Chords Steve

by RedfeatheR on June 27, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Sans-Vocal-Chords Steve by RedfeatheR 6-27-07
I love you... always have Your lips are moving involuntarily Steve	Hw abt *huh* kss? I'm only hearing consonants Steve	Plicks ks mmh ffh fffcks sk!

3428. New Carmic

by Humpenstein on April 30, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

New Carmic by Humpenstein 4-30-07
So where's the party at? Lemme check the directions...	All they say is "All roads lead to Oz."	I bet Oz has an immigration problem.

3429. 12 days to go...

by Injokester on February 5, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

12 days to go... by Injokester 2-05-07
Only 12 days 'til you get married, eh? I guess you'll have women throwing themselves at you now you're off the market.		That's the only reason you're doing this, isn't it? Also because I want to get freaky on the wedding night using the little bride and groom from the cake.

3430. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on February 2, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Ranger's World by Ranger77 2-02-07
I'm proud of you! No Coca-Cola in three days. Impressive! Thanks! I was thinking that it would help me ALOT, if you were to give up something too. You know just to show your support for my effort.	Like... Those fried foods you love. Chicken, fish and chips, shrimp....not really good for you at all. We can be healthy together!	Yeah. Great. So....can I get you a Coke? Classic. No ice, please.

3431. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on January 16, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Ranger's World by Ranger77 1-16-07
*sigh* Ok when will it happen? Everytime we slam some media figure, it's part of a convoluted plot involving missiles or time travel, etc. What's up this time for these "Opie and Anthony" guys. Nothing really. The whole story arc apparently was just a bunch of thinly diguised insults about how unfunny they are and their obesession with Howard Stern.	That's it? Yep, that's it.	I assume our lack of effort this time is related to us calling them, quote, "moronic fucktards?" After I disregarded some of the more emotional, slanderous comments, that was a factor, yes.

3432. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on January 11, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Ranger's World by Ranger77 1-11-07
And so.... Mr. Trump, I understand you're having a problem with Rosie O'Donnell and I believe if we join forces we can take her down. Rosie is a slob. Plain and simple. YOU on the other hand are blonde and cute. I like blonde chicks. Let me nail you and then we can talk.	You SON OF A BITCH! How dare you!! I should just sue your ass you pompous..... Honey, I didn't say anything wrong. Actually I was just seeing how you would react. If you want to work with me, you gotta be tough.	Um, look I don't think this.... So what are you wearing chickie-poo?

3433. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on January 11, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Ranger's World by Ranger77 1-11-07
This is insane. I have to do something. Rosie must pay! Helena, everyday Rosie gets out of bed and looks at that rather ugly face in the mirror. In essence she starts the day with tragedy.	Then she goes on TV and thinks that people actually admire her, when actually most people can't stand her. Even her co-hosts. She's living a lie. What a sad person she is.	I never thought of it that way. She's living in her own hell. I guess payback isn't the answer after all, huh? What are you talking about? I was just stating some facts. Hell yeah, Rosie must PAY!!